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How soon did ya know he was the one?

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Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
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5,471
Of my close pals, three are paired off for life (2 married) and another looks headed in that direction. All of them say that they had a strong inkling within a couple of weeks, and that they were feeling pretty sure within 3 or 4 months that this guy was The One. And my step-dad met my mom once and left his job and moved 1000 miles to be with her (they''ve been married well over 20 years now).

So, all you engaged and married ladies out there... was this your experience too? Did you know really fast?
 

sumbride

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2006
Messages
3,867
I knew he was special the minute I first saw him and he smiled at me, but it wasn't "love at first sight". I'd been burned before so I was very adamant about taking it slow emotionally with him. It was about 5 months before we said "I love you" and I don't think I really, for sure, absolutely, wanted to marry him until about 2 years together. Oh sure, I wanted to marry him, but I wasn't the "This is it... this is what I want my life to be" until about 2 years in. And even then I still didn't think we were ready. He's said much the same... that he knew he wanted to marry me a couple of years ago but he wasn't ready to ask yet.

ETA: I don't really believe in "The One"... I think there are a lot of "Ones" out there... if there was only one, how could we ever find them?
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
5,471
Sumbride: I agree, I think there are lots of ''The Ones''... So maybe I should have said ''A One''? haha. OK, how about ''when did you know you could spend your life with him?''
 

Hopes

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2006
Messages
97
I was very young when I first met him, but within a week I knew he was the the one, the true love that all the songs and poems and whatnot were talking about. He asked me to not marry anyone else until he got a shot a month or two after that... but here we are 8 years later, and I finally have a ring on my finger! :razz:
 

AmberWaves

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 19, 2005
Messages
3,672
Well, I met him in 1997, and we started dating. He bugged the crap out of me (damn nice bastard
), and we ended up breaking up three months later. I dated a bunch of morons and was fed up with the whole "sifting through the losers" thing, and hunted him down because I was finally ready for an actual nice guy. So it wasn''t love at first sight, but it was a gradual appreciation (very gradual) of what a great person he was, and what a valuable thing I was missing.
 

SoonIHope

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 11, 2005
Messages
2,152
I met him early freshman year of college (he was visiting a mutual friend, we didn''t go to the same school) and we dated long distance for a couple months, but then I TOTALLY FLIPPED OUT b/c how could he like me that much?? He must not know me! And all that jazz. So I broke up with him and we tried being friends for a little bit, but I kept hearing how he would ask after me and it creeped me out
so we stopped talking. Fast forward ~2 years after which I have dated a number of total jerks, and I just kind of find myself thinking how nice he was. Then when I got dumped and was really fully heartbroken for the first time, it just kind of hit me that that was what I had done to him before.
So I IMed him out of the blue, and we ended up talking all night, as if we hadn''t gone years without talking in the middle, and then just kind of...kept talking a lot.
He came down to visit "friends" (& his family) a couple times, and we hung out platonically, and he quickly became one of my closest friends.

BUT. Hehe. I explicitly told him AND repeated a zillion times to our best mutual friend that I DID NOT WANT TO DATE HIM because I still felt so guilty about treating him badly before, and I loved having him in my life so much that I didn''t want to risk doing that to him again, because then we would surely stop talking for good, if I''d broken his heart TWICE. He was good natured about it, and I even heard from our friend that he had a crush on some girl he knew & I was like THANK GOD and kept asking her if they''d gotten together yet because then the pressure would be fully off me. Buuut they didn''t end up getting together, and we kept hanging out more and more, and by the time we first kissed (again) it just seemed totally inevitable.

BUT, then I flipped out AGAIN (poor boy, I''m so lucky he put up with me!!!), and started talking about the whole "but what if I freak out again and break up with you, then I''m the bitch that broke your heart TWICE" thing again. But for whatever reason, he thought it was worth the risk and persuaded me to give it a shot!


Within about two weeks of officially "dating" this time around, we said I love you, and maybe a week after that I was sure he was The One (though I agree about there being multiple Ones), but we didn''t get around to discussing marriage for another year, maybe. Didn''t get engaged until ~ 3 years of dating though, since he''s one of those ducks-in-a-row guys, but we talked about it a ton for a looooong time leading up to it.

So to answer your question, I knew I wanted to marry him either 3 years after we started dating the first time, or 3 weeks after the second!
 

AmberWaves

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 19, 2005
Messages
3,672
Albi, I TOTALLY know the doubt that goes with being with a person you''ve broken up with before. I thought the same thing, "Is this really love? What if I''m just feeling guilty and I WANT it to be love? How horrible would it be if I did this TWICE?" And I hashed it out with friends and came to the conclusion about taking it verrrrry slow. I didn''t want to hurt him again, and I just really wanted to be sure. I TOTALLY know what you mean. Couldn''t have said it better myself.
 

robbie3982

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 28, 2006
Messages
3,960
I knew there was something really different about him a few weeks before we started dating. I can''t say that I really knew for sure at that point, but I could definitely see us getting married in the future.
 

Jas12

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 16, 2006
Messages
2,330
I am one of those "highschool sweethearts gals" I have been dating my FI for almost 11 straight years now! We both knew at around 3 months (we were 17 yrs old) that we would end up getting married-but we didn''t talk about it then of course hehe....

We did the long distance thing for 4 years while I attended uni, and I never had eyes for another guy.

I don''t believe in soul mates or one "the one" either, but he is truly my bestest friend!!!
 

Kit

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
501
I think I may be an outlier of the group. I had been friends with FI 2 years before we started dating. We dated long distance for 1.5 years, after which point I was pretty sure, but needed to be in the same city and/or live together for me to really feel sure I wanted to marry this person. So that''s what we did, and I really didn''t feel like I wanted to marry him until we had been together for about 4 years.

I''m a cautious person and I believe you can be in love with someone but you might not be the right person to marry them. I also have to say I didn''t know whether I ever wanted to marry anyone until right around that 4 year mark.

I think if I had had feelings of, Oh he''s the one, I would have dismissed them anyways as early-relationship excitement that is not real, IMHO. But that''s just me, I am a bit neurotic about these things.
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
FI told be I was The One about 4 months into our relationship, about one year after we first met. It freaked me out and I told him I wasn''t ready for that kind of thing! I think I started considering the possibility that we would get married someday about a year later.
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
We are high school sweethearts as well, and for me there were kind of different stages in figuring out he was the guy I wanted to be with. We first dated when we were 15... to young to know much about anything, broke up for two months but were too infatuated with each other to date anyone else. So here we are at 16 and dating... still too young to know anything about what real love is, and we dated all through the rest of high school and staying together afterward was this big question that neither of us wanted to ask because of fear of the outcome. But anyway, I think I figured it out for SURE when I was 18 and trying to figure out what I should do because I was going to college. Then I realized I really couldn''t picture growing up and growing old without him. I think he knew much sooner that he wanted to marry me (because we really were instantly taken with each other), and his mom AND my grandma have been saying since we were 16 you know the two of you are going to end up married right? I guess it really was just THAT obvious, haha.

*M*
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2005
Messages
2,216
It was love at first sight for me, although I was in denial because I had just given up on dating and had pledged to myself that I was going to be a happy bachelorette for the rest of my life. I kept saying: he''s just a friend, isn''t it nice to meet a guy I can be friends with... etc.. I sort of panicked when I finally realized that I had fallen for him the moment I saw him. Come to think of it, my sister and her husband, and my parents all fell in love at first sight!

Once we started dating I knew he was The One within a month. I think he felt the same way just as fast. I remember an early conversation about people moving in together before they were married or engaged. We both agreed that was for people who were unsure and had doubts, and if you shouldn''t ever marry someone if you''ve ever had doubts. We were both thinking: I don''t have any doubts, this is the wo/man I want to spend the rest of my life with.


But then we weren''t highschool age. I was 32 and he was 27 when we met.
 

Liquiddazi

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 25, 2006
Messages
159
I completely had no clue when I first met him my freshman year in high school. However, when we saw each other in college, after not seeing each other for three years, I knew within a couple of weeks, that I wanted to marry him one day.

Also... After breaking up with a guy, who I dated for two years in college, I made this list of about 20 things of characteristics I wanted in my "future" husband. Stupid, I know, but it helped me get over the ex. So after I knew my current boyfriend was the one, I wanted to make sure. I wanted to make something completely irrational into something I could make a "logistical" decision about and try not to get hurt. My current boyfriend meets all of those 20, plus tons more.
 

grapegravity

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 24, 2003
Messages
486
it took me 1 month to know that he''s the one... we are high school sweethearts too, and been tegether for 9 years now...
according to him, it was love at first sight, and he know in 10 second that I''m the one....
 

snlee

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 6, 2004
Messages
5,891
We were very young when we first started dating - 17 and 18. So I''d say somehwere around year 3 or 4 I knew FOR SURE.
 

gailrmv

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 8, 2005
Messages
3,136
We met during college. We were both dating (not exclusively) other people. We were friends for a few months before we decided to break up with the other people and start dating. I knew within a few weeks that he was the one!
 

kcoursolle

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 21, 2006
Messages
10,589
It didn''t take me long at all. Honestly, I knew after a few months that I wanted to marry him. I fell in love with him right away and I realized that he was someone who I would be very compatable in marriage with. I think it took him a little while longer to know that he wanted me, maybe after a couple of years.
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 17, 2005
Messages
11,016
Date: 12/13/2006 1:35:51 AM
Author: kcoursolle
It didn''t take me long at all. Honestly, I knew after a few months that I wanted to marry him. I fell in love with him right away and I realized that he was someone who I would be very compatable in marriage with. I think it took him a little while longer to know that he wanted me, maybe after a couple of years.

Men! (head slap)...can''t live with em...you know the rest!
 

njc

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 10, 2004
Messages
1,997
Great thread!!!

I knew within 2 weeks of us really officially dating (I remember stressing over Valentines Day that I wanted to do something REALLY nice, but what if he wasnt into me as much!). I was so head over heels it was ridiculous! He told me a couple months later he wanted to marry me and I felt the same way. Then I had a rough summer staying at school and decided to break up with the poor boy after he came back to school early to hang out with me (what a b*&ch!). I was so miserable I didn’t know what to do with myself and realized he truly was my best friend and within days we were back together. We had a rough patch after we graduated for a good year (long-distance relationship), but let each other establish ourselves career-wise, moved to the same city, got engaged almost 4 years later from the start and the rest is history!
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
17,744
I knew the first time he put his arm around me that I would end up marrying him. It was about 10 minutes after we met, lol. I just felt this sense of "I''m home" like walking in the door at night after a long hard day, to the comfort and familiarity and security of your own home and belongings. It was so overwhelming, I have never forgotten that feeling. He says he knew within a couple of weeks...
That was 5 years ago--my, how time flies!
 

robbie3982

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 28, 2006
Messages
3,960
Date: 12/13/2006 9:55:56 AM
Author: monarch64
I knew the first time he put his arm around me that I would end up marrying him. It was about 10 minutes after we met, lol. I just felt this sense of 'I'm home' like walking in the door at night after a long hard day, to the comfort and familiarity and security of your own home and belongings. It was so overwhelming, I have never forgotten that feeling. He says he knew within a couple of weeks...
That was 5 years ago--my, how time flies!
I felt the same way! I didn't know he was the one at that point, but I got that same feeling of comfort and "I'm Home" wash over me. It scared me! Lol. I'd just met him that day and was actually still sort of dating my college bf of 3.5 years.
 

biblobaggins23

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 25, 2006
Messages
227
my parents and his parents new before we even discussed it! i didn't know he was the one til my parents mentioned it to me. a few weeks after they said that, his parents told me in a private conversation that i'm the one for their son. then, like 2 months later, we realized we were meant to be. we are sooo happy now!
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Date: 12/13/2006 10:13:14 AM
Author: robbie3982

Date: 12/13/2006 9:55:56 AM
Author: monarch64
I knew the first time he put his arm around me that I would end up marrying him. It was about 10 minutes after we met, lol. I just felt this sense of ''I''m home'' like walking in the door at night after a long hard day, to the comfort and familiarity and security of your own home and belongings. It was so overwhelming, I have never forgotten that feeling. He says he knew within a couple of weeks...
That was 5 years ago--my, how time flies!
I felt the same way! I didn''t know he was the one at that point, but I got that same feeling of comfort and ''I''m Home'' wash over me. It scared me! Lol. I''d just met him that day and was actually still sort of dating my college bf of 3.5 years.
I know what that feeling is! I am the type of person that HATES to be touched... as in, if you try to touch me I will back away because I hate it that much. But the first time we went out together with some friends, he instantly had his arm around me and I was amazed, but didn''t move away or feel awkward at all. I felt very safe, and still do everytime he hugs me!

*M*
 

Hopes

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2006
Messages
97
Date: 12/13/2006 12:56:12 PM
Author: poptart


Date: 12/13/2006 10:13:14 AM
Author: robbie3982



Date: 12/13/2006 9:55:56 AM
Author: monarch64
I knew the first time he put his arm around me that I would end up marrying him. It was about 10 minutes after we met, lol. I just felt this sense of 'I'm home' like walking in the door at night after a long hard day, to the comfort and familiarity and security of your own home and belongings. It was so overwhelming, I have never forgotten that feeling. He says he knew within a couple of weeks...
That was 5 years ago--my, how time flies!
I felt the same way! I didn't know he was the one at that point, but I got that same feeling of comfort and 'I'm Home' wash over me. It scared me! Lol. I'd just met him that day and was actually still sort of dating my college bf of 3.5 years.
I know what that feeling is! I am the type of person that HATES to be touched... as in, if you try to touch me I will back away because I hate it that much. But the first time we went out together with some friends, he instantly had his arm around me and I was amazed, but didn't move away or feel awkward at all. I felt very safe, and still do everytime he hugs me!

*M*
Oh yes, exactly! I met my guy online, so I didn't get to touch him until two years after I had fallen completely and totally in love with him (long story there). The first time we physically met, we went to a grocery store right after I got off the plane. The whole time I was thinking to myself, wow this feels so natural, like we'd been doing this for years! I'd never gone grocery shopping with anyone except family before that. Then when we got to his place, I sat on his bed and held his ferret in my lap, and everything felt so right.

He has always felt so comforting and familiar, and so right -- it's like my body knows him from another life. I've never been with another guy that felt anything like that. I'm not religious, but in this regard I feel like there's something really spiritual about our love, like we were meant to be soulmates, like it's sealed in fate or something... yes I'm getting a little bit ridiculous, but that's how I felt from day 1. I told him "I love you" without him knowing it the very first night I talked to him... anyway I'd better stop before I turn into mush. ^^;
 

dtnyc

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
1,082
I am w/ sumbride- I think that there is more than just one person out there for everyone.

I knew that my DH was the marrying/settle down type on our 2nd date. So I guess I knew almost from the start that the potential was there.
 

biblobaggins23

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 25, 2006
Messages
227
Date: 12/13/2006 1:38:07 PM
Author: dtnyc
I am w/ sumbride- I think that there is more than just one person out there for everyone.

I knew that my DH was the marrying/settle down type on our 2nd date. So I guess I knew almost from the start that the potential was there.
i agree with you, but i believe everyone is with their partner for a reason....

i believe there are other people compatible with each other (thus marrying again after a spouse dies, etc or whatever) but these people come at different times in your life.

being engaged, i know there is only one person for me, my baby- my fiance.
 
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