How much should he spend

[Diamond Confused]

My soon to be fiance said he'd spend 20,000 on the ring. Now I'm starting to feel guilty for wanting him to spend that much. How much is too much? 20,000 will not put him in any financial strain whatsoever. However I feel like that's his hard earned money and he could save it. The thing is though I wouln't be very happy with a different ring?

How much should a man spend on the ring?

 

[Sparkalicious]

Personally, I don''t think that there is a prescribed amt that anyone should spend. Given that you want a ring around the $20k mark and he is able to afford it, then that''s what he should spend. If he wasn''t able to afford that then a budget more sensitive to his financial status would be in order ... but since it''s not ... You are going love that ring ... lucky girl ... I''m sure he wouldn''t want to part from his hard earned money if you did not deserve it. Enjoy when you get it!

 

[ringabling]

Date: 1/27/2008 9:51:20 PM
Author:Diamond Confused

How much should a man spend on the ring?

I''m cheesy I guess, but I think it''s a gift from him, a token of his love and offer for a future together. . .
the amount is different for everyone, it should be whatever he''s most comfortable with.

 

[bem3231]

Date: 1/27/2008 9:51:20 PM
Author:Diamond Confused

How much should a man spend on the ring?

I think that this is an extremely subjective question that depends on so very many variables. That said, I''ll share some insight from my recent experience...

I had some of these issues when my fiance and I began to ''shop''. I had no idea what he had in mind - although he could easily afford quite a lot, I was working under the impression that he would want to spend the least amount possible to get me a ring that I''d be happy with. To my surprise, it was a purchase that he placed more significance on than I''d expected him to. I''d ask him about budget and he would not give me one, which sort of made me feel even weirder about choosing something. As we began to consider stones together, to my surprise he ended up being drawn towards specs that were more than I had ever considered in my independent searches (I was looking at G-I SI1''s and SI2''s; his preference was FVS2 or higher). He is a dentist and so he was quite color sensitive - I guess this makes sense being as he spends a lot of time comparing vagaries of white for veneers and such. Anyway, as it turned out, I ended up with a diamond that way exceeded my expectations. While I had some weird feelings about it and dealt with some latent guilt issues, what I did not initially take into consideration was that it was a very meaningful and symbolic purchase for him. I think that if your fiance has offered to spend $20k then you should not feel guilty about it - that''s a decision that he''s made and you might be surprised by how important a symbol he considers it to be. If he had to go into debt to afford your dream ring that might be different, but under the circumstances I think that you should make the best of your very generous budget for the ring of your dreams! Good luck!

 

[strmrdr]

29.95 ... think about my answer.....

 

[ydiamonds]

I think your ring is also what you should be comfortable wearing and what you believe looks good on you. $20k is a lot of money to me and I wouldn''t be comfortable wearing jewelry that expensive, even insured. I chose a ring that was much lower than my BF''s budget. I could have chosen a larger stone but I love the size I have. However, I''m sure your social environment is different and if $20k is not a hardship and he''s willing to spend that much, then enjoy yourself. If you believe the money is better spent elsewhere, maybe on something you can enjoy together, and you have a say in selecting your ring, then you can always choose something less expensive.

 

[Cocosgirl]

Hmmmm, well. This is really a matter of personal choice on two parts: 1) what you had in mind as an engagement ring and 2) what your fiance does. It''s possible that he is "bucketing" a budget that would be able to accomodate whatever it is you want (lower or higher) and if that is the case then you have a wonderful fabulou FF!!!

Now, here''s my two cents -- I had thought (originally) that I would have a budget closer to 10K to work with for an engagment ring only to find out this last couple of weeks that our ACTUAL budget is $4K max. (and I do mean MAX). Does this mean I am sorely disappointed? NOPE. It just means that I am now considering alternatives to what I had originally thought would be my "musts". For my FF and I, we have many other expenses to consider and though we both do very well, weddings, houses, babies and a new car (sorely needed) are items that ultimately need to fit into the finances as well.

All of that said -- if $20K is what he WANTS to spend, then go for it! Unless YOU don''t feel it''s reasonable or if, as ydiamonds says perhaps wearing $20K on your finger is not your style. But maybe it is!!!

Find a happy medium and you''ll have gorgeous ring and a happy fiance!

 

[zhuzhu]

In my case, he CAN and WILL purchase a ~10K ring that I really liked if that''s the only ring what will make me happy. However after taken into consideration the US economy going into recession, and that we are planning to buy a home in one of the most expensive city in the country, we decided together to use a family diamond and design around it into a 3-stone engagement ring. We did a lot of homework to shop for the best workmanship jeweler and design the ring together. This process turns out to be a lot more fun and rewarding emotionally than simply "buy a ring", as it is both of our effort. The project will cost us less than half of the ~10K ring I had initially wanted and as a result, I am happier than ever!

So it is really a personal discussion two partners should have. Sounds like your man is totally with you and wants to make you happy, so don''t feel bad about it!

 

[CrookedRock]

This all such a personal thing for each couple. For me, when we originally started looking I was aware of our budget. Although recently he has asked me to personally pick out the ring and have it made by whomever I want, and when he told me that, he informed me that he had almost doubled the original budget. I''m kinda in the same situation as Bem. He can certainly afford what the new budget is, and for me I thiink it is the max I would ever want to wear espicially bc of my age. I truly hope DSS doesn''t ever hit! LOL... I tend to be one of those people who like to want, but hate to receive... If that makes any sense. I am terified of feeling guilty once I have my ring, but like bem said, I will have to look at it as a symbol not a price tag.

There are all those rules about 3 months salary, etc... they are all kinda silly bc to each their own! My only stipulation is NO Financing!

 

[bee*]

I agree with the others in that it should be whatever you both feel comfortable with. D set a budget of 10000 euro and we went a tiny bit over that but he said that he had a feeling that we''d probably go anything up to 1000 over. He was comfortable with that and while at the time I was worried about the amount of money he spent, every time I look at my ring I''m delighted that he wanted to spend that much as it really is my dream ring.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

If he can and wants to spend $20,000 that is what he should spend.

 

[isis~goddess]

i spent about 10K less than i was told i could, 9 yrs ago when we were engaged. like you, i just thought my husbands money was hard earned and i didn''t want to spend it on a diamond. i did get a bigger diamond later, after i turned 30 i just felt as if it was in order after all that time, but its still not commensurate with my husbands salary. you should just pick your comfort level. i know more people that do not wear diamonds comenserate with salary than i know that do. if you feel you will be missing something without that bigger size stone, then by all means, spend it if he is offering, but if you dont think you''d miss it, why spend it?

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I can relate to this post. I think you should spend what you are comfortable spending. If you''re going to feel guilty wearing a $20k ring, then don''t. When we started ring shopping, DH''s budget was a bit over $20k and when he shared that with me, I was not okay with it. Could he afford it? Yes, but I didn''t care. In fact, I wanted to pay for a portion of my own ring since I hated the fact that he was expected to pay. The bottom line is that DH would never spend $20k on himself and I was not going to have him spend on me. We compromised, the budget was cut in half and I found a ring I loved for quite a bit under $10k, so he took me to Paris, which I loved.

The other half was left in savings where I''m content to keep it.

Really, the engagement ring process is about compromise and you have to be happy and comfortable wearing a ring you love. If it''s a $20k ring and he''s happy to spend it, then great. If it''s a $15k or $10k ring and you want to do something else with the money, then that''s great too. So long as you''re both happy.

 

[joflier]

I think you kind of answered your own question.....1. 20k is affordable for him 2. you wouldn't be very happy with a different ring. 3. he's the one that gave you the 20k dollar budget. It was his idea to spend 20,000, not yours. I could see your point if you were the one that was begging him for a 20k stone and iif he said the budget was only 10k.....

So go get the ring of your dreams, darn it!

 

[JandJ]

i relate to this post as well! since i am now shopping for a replacement of my original ring, and am upgrading at the same time. i was in love with my original ring (a little over $5k) but my FF was adamant about upgrading when it was lost, and since we felt comfortable enough to shop online... it is funny, he wants to show off my ring more than me! hehe...

my ff makes good money and i know he had been squirrelling it away for awhile. first time around, he never ever gave me a budget we just went into a b&m store and picked out the one i liked the most, and at that time it was a 1.03 ct (but dss does creep up on you!

) . first time around i think he was actually a little disappointed that i didnt want anything bigger, but he just wanted me happy. (don''t i have a great guy!

) i am now looking to spend around $8-9000, (although he is pushing for at least $10k... and would happily pay $20k)... bottom line is i never wear jewelry, and i really like simple and clean lines. spending that much for a ring just doesn''t make sense for me. but that''s me...

my sister''s fiance on the other hand spent around $30k on her ring, and she tells me all the time how guilty it makes her feel, and that it''s a bit of a strain as they financed it. but i think as long as he has the cash for something that problem takes care of itself.

bottom line: if he wants to pay it, and you want the ring, then there you go! everything is personal preference when it comes to jewelry and this is arguably the most important piece you''ll ever own!

 

[Diamond Confused]

Date: 1/28/2008 6:06:08 PM
Author: bee*
I agree with the others in that it should be whatever you both feel comfortable with. D set a budget of 10000 euro and we went a tiny bit over that but he said that he had a feeling that we''d probably go anything up to 1000 over. He was comfortable with that and while at the time I was worried about the amount of money he spent, every time I look at my ring I''m delighted that he wanted to spend that much as it really is my dream ring.

The ring is exactly what I want, carat size and everything. The first time I saw it I jokingly said "i want that big one" Turns out it falls within the budget.

 

[Diamond Confused]

Date: 1/27/2008 10:50:12 PM
Author: bem3231

Date: 1/27/2008 9:51:20 PM
Author:Diamond Confused

How much should a man spend on the ring?

I think that this is an extremely subjective question that depends on so very many variables. That said, I''ll share some insight from my recent experience...

I had some of these issues when my fiance and I began to ''shop''. I had no idea what he had in mind - although he could easily afford quite a lot, I was working under the impression that he would want to spend the least amount possible to get me a ring that I''d be happy with. To my surprise, it was a purchase that he placed more significance on than I''d expected him to. I''d ask him about budget and he would not give me one, which sort of made me feel even weirder about choosing something. As we began to consider stones together, to my surprise he ended up being drawn towards specs that were more than I had ever considered in my independent searches (I was looking at G-I SI1''s and SI2''s; his preference was FVS2 or higher). He is a dentist and so he was quite color sensitive - I guess this makes sense being as he spends a lot of time comparing vagaries of white for veneers and such. Anyway, as it turned out, I ended up with a diamond that way exceeded my expectations. While I had some weird feelings about it and dealt with some latent guilt issues, what I did not initially take into consideration was that it was a very meaningful and symbolic purchase for him. I think that if your fiance has offered to spend $20k then you should not feel guilty about it - that''s a decision that he''s made and you might be surprised by how important a symbol he considers it to be. If he had to go into debt to afford your dream ring that might be different, but under the circumstances I think that you should make the best of your very generous budget for the ring of your dreams! Good luck!

He sat me down last night and said it''s his decision to spend the amount he''s chosen and that he won''t buy anything else but the ring I chose. I think he knows me well enough to know that I won''t be happy with another ring.

I guess since regardless of the size or ring, it''s a big investment it might as well be somthing I LOVE. I honestly don''t think that at this point I''d be happy with anything else.

I guess I just need to learn to live with the guilt.

 

[kcoursolle]

Don''t feel guilty, just enjoy it!!! If that''s what he wants to spend and the two of you can comfortably afford it, then just enjoy your future ring!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 1/28/2008 10:02:04 PM
Author: Diamond Confused

He sat me down last night and said it''s his decision to spend the amount he''s chosen and that he won''t buy anything else but the ring I chose. I think he knows me well enough to know that I won''t be happy with another ring.

I guess since regardless of the size or ring, it''s a big investment it might as well be somthing I LOVE. I honestly don''t think that at this point I''d be happy with anything else.

I guess I just need to learn to live with the guilt.

No, I think you need to be delighted that you are marrying a man who truly wants to please you! Get rid of the guilt!!! There is more money to be made in the future, and this is a one time expense (unless you get addicted to PS!

)

 

[kcoursolle]

Date: 1/28/2008 10:05:52 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006

Date: 1/28/2008 10:02:04 PM
Author: Diamond Confused

He sat me down last night and said it''s his decision to spend the amount he''s chosen and that he won''t buy anything else but the ring I chose. I think he knows me well enough to know that I won''t be happy with another ring.

I guess since regardless of the size or ring, it''s a big investment it might as well be somthing I LOVE. I honestly don''t think that at this point I''d be happy with anything else.

I guess I just need to learn to live with the guilt.

No, I think you need to be delighted that you are marrying a man who truly wants to please you! Get rid of the guilt!!! There is more money to be made in the future, and this is a one time expense (unless you get addicted to PS!

)

ditto, so many women would die to have that type of budget, but can''t afford it. Just be grateful for your budget and never make him feel guilty for it.

 

[Diamond Confused]

Date: 1/28/2008 5:51:46 PM
Author: CrookedRock
This all such a personal thing for each couple. For me, when we originally started looking I was aware of our budget. Although recently he has asked me to personally pick out the ring and have it made by whomever I want, and when he told me that, he informed me that he had almost doubled the original budget. I''m kinda in the same situation as Bem. He can certainly afford what the new budget is, and for me I thiink it is the max I would ever want to wear espicially bc of my age. I truly hope DSS doesn''t ever hit! LOL... I tend to be one of those people who like to want, but hate to receive... If that makes any sense. I am terified of feeling guilty once I have my ring, but like bem said, I will have to look at it as a symbol not a price tag.

There are all those rules about 3 months salary, etc... they are all kinda silly bc to each their own! My only stipulation is NO Financing!

He''s definitly not financing it. I wouldn''t let him do that. We''re also quite a few years away from having an actual weeding ceremony (I''m in graduate school) so we are in no need of saving for a wedding, wedding bands or honeymoons just yet.

I''m worried that he set the amount at what he did because of the 2 months salary "rule" I know he knows that I want something expensive and I don''t want him to stress out just to please me. The ring is actually less than 2 months salary though...

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 1/28/2008 10:09:38 PM
Author: Diamond Confused

He''s definitly not financing it. I wouldn''t let him do that. We''re also quite a few years away from having an actual weeding ceremony (I''m in graduate school) so we are in no need of saving for a wedding, wedding bands or honeymoons just yet.

I''m worried that he set the amount at what he did because of the 2 months salary ''rule'' I know he knows that I want something expensive and I don''t want him to stress out just to please me. The ring is actually less than 2 months salary though...

Then you definitely need to stop worrying! That is totally reasonable especially if he can do it without getting into debt!

 

[CrookedRock]

Date: 1/28/2008 10:09:38 PM
Author: Diamond Confused

Date: 1/28/2008 5:51:46 PM
Author: CrookedRock
This all such a personal thing for each couple. For me, when we originally started looking I was aware of our budget. Although recently he has asked me to personally pick out the ring and have it made by whomever I want, and when he told me that, he informed me that he had almost doubled the original budget. I''m kinda in the same situation as Bem. He can certainly afford what the new budget is, and for me I thiink it is the max I would ever want to wear espicially bc of my age. I truly hope DSS doesn''t ever hit! LOL... I tend to be one of those people who like to want, but hate to receive... If that makes any sense. I am terified of feeling guilty once I have my ring, but like bem said, I will have to look at it as a symbol not a price tag.

There are all those rules about 3 months salary, etc... they are all kinda silly bc to each their own! My only stipulation is NO Financing!

He''s definitly not financing it. I wouldn''t let him do that. We''re also quite a few years away from having an actual weeding ceremony (I''m in graduate school) so we are in no need of saving for a wedding, wedding bands or honeymoons just yet.

I''m worried that he set the amount at what he did because of the 2 months salary ''rule'' I know he knows that I want something expensive and I don''t want him to stress out just to please me. The ring is actually less than 2 months salary though...

Then go for it! Enjoy it! You will have it for the rest of your life, so get what you really want. And being that 20k is not even two months salary, then in the future the price will probably not bother you, and if I had to guess you might even be up for an upgrade someday...lol!
I''m in the same spot really... But I used to tease my bf that for every year that we are together before he pops the question the ring would have to have the same amount of carats!! (We''re coming up on 8 yrs! LOL) So now I tease him that he''s getting off easy (we are looking right now in the 4 ct range...lol). So I guess we comprimised on half a carat for each year... HAHA

Get what you want! You''ll be glad you did!