How much housework do/will your kids do?

[soocool]

DD is 18 and off to college in a few short months. We started her early on chores, first by making her put her toys away before she would get a bedtime story and then as she got older we added chores, like making her bed in the morning (it did not matter how well she did it as long as she made it), collecting the trash in the house for trash day, ironing, doing the laundry (only the sheets and the towels because I do the rest of the laundry during the week) and she is responsible for cleaning her own bathroom and bedroom, though in the past year she has become quite the slob, but has improved in the past month or so. (I blame the amount of schoolwork, etc. though she is not off the hook). I tell her that she is part of the family and she is responsible for helping out.


Now when she is off to college I guess I am the one who will collecting the trash (I hate that job!) .

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I do think there is harm in the "I can do everything or figure everything out" attitude. Of course I want my daughter to have confidence to try things but I also want her to have the confidence to ask for help when she needs it. People need other people. I have no idea what chores my child will do when she is larger but I do believe a family should be a team. The children should not do 100% of everything just like the parents shouldn't get 100% everything.

 

[ksinger]

My kids do SOME, but not a lot.

They both set the table for meals, and rinse the dishes after meals and load them into the dishwasher.
My son (9) lines the trash can with trash bags after we take out the trash, sometimes we ask him to take out trash too.
My daughter (7) helps me sort laundry for washing, and occasionally helps me fold and put away stuff.
Both are required to keep their rooms tidy, although I help them make their beds still. They put away toys and clothes etc.

I think my brother and I did about the same amount of housework as my kids.

Ask?
Not tell?

Yes. I ask. I try to teach my kids not to demand things of other people. I operate the same way at work. I always start my requests with: "Could you please do me a favor and.....". Some people may view this as weakness, but believe me I get a lot of things done using the sweet approach. The saying you catch more flies with honey totally applies to me.

I tend to agree with the "you get more flies with honey than vinegar approach", but I don't think that asking your kids to take the garbage out is doing you a favor....when I want my children to do something, I say "Nate, please take your pajamas upstairs and put them in the laundry". I am asking in a nice way, but I'm not giving him a choice. IMO, there's a big difference between being nice and telling you kids to do something versus asking them to do something as if they have a choice about it. I give my kids plenty of choices where they actually DO have a choice (do you want asparagus or cauliflower with dinner?), but when it comes to things that I think are their responsibility, I request it in a way where they know that it's something they need to do without question.

Yes to this. As a parent requiring chores, you aren't "demanding" things, you're the adult/director/manager and as such you have the responsibility and the right to direct the activities in your home - and you aren't required to EXPLAIN every reason or make constant justifications of why your require things to your child either. Having your child know which side of the relationship is the one with the power, no matter how gently wielded, is absolutely critical.

Courtesy is wonderful, but it truly is a completely separate issue from requirement. My boss at work may say, "Would you" or "Please do", but we both know that I don't really have a choice in the matter. A parent, like a boss, by nature of the job they do and the benefit received by the child, has the right to require that a child contribute to the upkeep of the household. Period. No discussion, no appeal and no whining. As my mother always said when I dared to complain, "hard work never killed anyone, now DO IT!". Besides, contributing to the household gives children a sense of contribution, accomplishment, and being an essential part of the family, complaints aside. As several here have pointed out, people who grew up without DOING anything, can be pretty darn helpless when life forces them to actually DO something.

 

[Upgradable]

When I was a child in the 1970's I was expected to unload the dishwasher and dust. Then there was the dreaded "closet clean." Twice a year my mother sat on my bed and I had to try on everything in my closet and decide if I wanted to keep the item or get rid of it. The reason I hated it so is because it wasn't my opinion that held the weight. If I told her I didn't want something because I wouldn't/didn't wear it, I can still remember her saying "But it's so cute on you!" I knew exactly what that meant! I have to admit it wasn't very much. When I got married I wished my mother had expected more of me, especially cooking because my poor husband had to be my guinea pig.

Now I have two children (17 and 19) of whom different things are expected. I'll start with my 17 year old daughter. She is responsible for loading and emptying the dishwasher, doing some of the cooking, vacuuming the floors, doing her own laundry (or any other laundry I ask of her), and clean the bathroom counters and tub. Since she has started driving she has also had to perform her own car maintenance. This includes filling her own gas tank, checking and filling her fluids, checking her tire pressure every month, and keeping the car clean. She also runs errands for me. She absolutely HATES doing all of this, and she often needs multiple reminders to get it done. I don't think that's unusual for a teenager. I should add that she has been expected to have a job the summer when she was 16 (last year), worked Saturdays this year from January on, and this summer is working 20 hours a week. She IS enjoying having her own paycheck!

My 19 year old son, who has Down syndrome, has a different list of chores. He brings in the garbage cans every Monday, cleans the study (which is where he spends most of his time), folds laundry, and puts away the groceries. Interestingly, he is much more eager to do his chores and often does them without reminders.

I don't think I ask them to do too much, but I think I could expect more. It is quite a balancing act, and I think people can project what they will expect of their children to do, but until you're there it is all rosy speculation!

 

[Jennifer W]

When I was a child in the 1970's I was expected to unload the dishwasher and dust. Then there was the dreaded "closet clean." Twice a year my mother sat on my bed and I had to try on everything in my closet and decide if I wanted to keep the item or get rid of it. The reason I hated it so is because it wasn't my opinion that held the weight. If I told her I didn't want something because I wouldn't/didn't wear it, I can still remember her saying "But it's so cute on you!" I knew exactly what that meant! I have to admit it wasn't very much. When I got married I wished my mother had expected more of me, especially cooking because my poor husband had to be my guinea pig.

Now I have two children (17 and 19) of whom different things are expected. I'll start with my 17 year old daughter. She is responsible for loading and emptying the dishwasher, doing some of the cooking, vacuuming the floors, doing her own laundry (or any other laundry I ask of her), and clean the bathroom counters and tub. Since she has started driving she has also had to perform her own car maintenance. This includes filling her own gas tank, checking and filling her fluids, checking her tire pressure every month, and keeping the car clean. She also runs errands for me. She absolutely HATES doing all of this, and she often needs multiple reminders to get it done. I don't think that's unusual for a teenager. I should add that she has been expected to have a job the summer when she was 16 (last year), worked Saturdays this year from January on, and this summer is working 20 hours a week. She IS enjoying having her own paycheck!

My 19 year old son, who has Down syndrome, has a different list of chores. He brings in the garbage cans every Monday, cleans the study (which is where he spends most of his time), folds laundry, and puts away the groceries. Interestingly, he is much more eager to do his chores and often does them without reminders.

I don't think I ask them to do too much, but I think I could expect more. It is quite a balancing act, and I think people can project what they will expect of their children to do, but until you're there it is all rosy speculation!

The bit in bold is pretty much my only thought on this one. My kid is a little bit too young to do chores (and let's face it, her mama doesn't do enough to be much of a role model...). My mother was big on me doing chores, and fine, she got her house vacuumed or her hideous sideboard dusted, but it's left me with a physical aversion to housework that means I'm forced (forced, I tell you) to have a maid service...

 

[jewelerman]

good question.
my parents both worked in our businesses when i was growing up so the kids helped both at the house and hotel. We were told by my mother that tasks didn't have a gender assigned to them and boys could do dishes and laundry and girls could mow the lawn and take out trash...as long as it got done.It was my father who taught me to iron.The big thing was that everyone was responsible to make the house hold run without expecting a reward for doing it.To many young people just expect their parents to do everything for them.I think that every teenager should have to work at a job that involves customer service(maid,server,busboy etc)to better appreciate what they may have.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Well, I'm guilty! Back in the states my daughter did the dishes (most days) and one son took out the garbage and the other picked up dog poopies, and sometimes they rotated cleaning bathrooms and a few other things... but here? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. In fact, the boys have gotten very lazy about even picking up after themselves. I've heard them say, "Mei will do it" and that sets me off and of course they do it lol I'm lazy too... I haven't done dishes in over a year. She does everything. We share cooking but she cleans up everything. She's lousy at "picking up" because she feels insecure about putting things away incorrectly and that's fine... I need SOMETHING to do other than eating bonbons My husband never looked so good... all of his clothes are ironed lol I would never do that haha

 

[Cehrabehra]

I just want to add on that they don't do ABSOLUTELY nothing... they throw their laundry down to be washed, they... crap, that's all I've got lol The ayi has two days off every week and they have to do more those days. I was thinking about having them start setting the table. I have noticed she calls us for dinner and the table is never set but I don't want to add to her list of things to do at that time. It's a simple thing they can contribute to. Boy is reality going to hit harsh when we get back next year lol