how much $$$ did you get as gifts on your wedding day?

[lovehersomuch]

just wanted to get a feel for what i should expect approxiamately and what others have received for their wedding. how many people were at the wedding and about how much money did you receive and what type of wedding (culture/background) as this may have to do a lot with how much ppl get.

i know people dont get married to get money but i wanted to know so that my gf can i can plan a honeymoon and pay for other expenses that we will have post wedding.

thanks!

 

[sumbride]

It TOTALLY depends on culture and traditions, so I''m glad you mentioned that!


We had 400 people attend the wedding, in the south, and we got a grand total of $1695. Plus gift cards. For the south, it''s all about the GIFTS. I''m a WASP, for lack of a better term.

Instead of cash, I got waterford stemware, china, serving platters galore, fondue pots, tea pots, glassware, vases, crystal bowls, decorative plates, candleholders, linens, pots and pans, pitchers like I can''t believe, a singing clock(UGH!), one of a kind pottery, mass produced pottery, some more glassware, cutting boards, and even some wine. Very little cash.

It all depends on the culture.

 

[surfgirl]

I would not plan on "planning on" anything that involves wedding gift money. You have no idea and it''s uncouth to ask for money instead of gifts so you just have to wait it out. I think most people get gifts. I would plan on getting no money, and be happily surprised if you do. But I wouldn''t plan something like a honeymoon on potential wedding money.

 

[Pandora II]

I will be very surprised if I get money as a present - it is very frowned upon and considered bad taste in the UK.

I have had friends who have set up a ''honeymoon registry'' where you could buy them an experience, like a spa treatment or a trip rafting etc while they were on their honeymoon. It worked very well as people were buying them memories and not just handing over $$.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

We didn''t want any gifts or money, told our guests as much and were told "too bad" so we registered for a few inexpensive items. We received a few things off of our registry, some gift cards, some non-registry gifts (which we loved) and a few checks. Our monetary gifts totaled less than $200 and we had around 35 guests. We used the money to take a bike ride down a volcano on our honeymoon, which we loved. It wasn''t much, but it was more than we ever wanted.

You can''t really count on getting money for the reception (unless it''s a cultural preference)--I think people are much more likely to get a gift card or a personalized gift.

 

[cdt1101]

Do you live in the northeast? If so, I get why you''d ask the questions I guess. We''re in NJ and of my friends/family I don''t know anyone who would give anything BUT money as a gift. However, my fiance and I are not evening thinking about what we may ''make back'' from our wedding. We just want everyone we love to show up and have good time!

With that said, I''m not married yet, but our friends/sibling who have married within the last 5 years have received in the $10,000-$20,000 range. These were all weddings w/ at least 150 people in attendence.

 

[NovemberBride]

While I agree that you should not be expecting to "make money back" on your wedding", I do understand the idea of trying to plan ahead (i.e. deciding if you can take a more expensive honeymoon, etc.) To answer the original poster''s question, I do believe that it is a very regional issue. I am from the South and DH is from the North East. He didn''t want to register because where he is from everyone gives cash, but I insisted, because like Sumbride, I knew all my family and friends would give gifts. We had just over 200 people at the wedding and we received about $20,000 in cash/checks and every single thing off of our 3 very extensive registries (china, crystal, silver etc). I have no idea if this is normal or not, but I would say it is in the range for what our friends have received. For comparison, we are both in our late twenties. My family is very well-off, DH''s is not. Overall, we were amazed with the generosity of our family and friends. Also, DH and I usually give a gift of $200 cash for a wedding, unless we are very close to the couple, in which case we give $250-300.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/12/2008 1:44:28 PM
Author: surfgirl
I would not plan on ''planning on'' anything that involves wedding gift money. You have no idea and it''s uncouth to ask for money instead of gifts so you just have to wait it out. I think most people get gifts. I would plan on getting no money, and be happily surprised if you do. But I wouldn''t plan something like a honeymoon on potential wedding money.

American culture wise, probably. Our generation, probably. In other cultures, not true. Korean culture gives money...it''s nearly as "uncouth" to ask for gifts from a registry from our older guests.

I didn''t expect money, and certainly didn''t plan on "doing" anything with it. What we got we put into a savings account. I was actually surprised that many of our friends (i.e., not the older guests) gave us money. We had 50 guests and got about $5000, the bulk of it coming from the Korean/Asian contingency. The Australian/American contingency all gave gifts, so it was definitely cultural. Oh, I am not counting TGuy''s parent''s (unexpected) generous gift, where they paid $5000 right there and then towards the wedding bill (we had it at a restaurant so they just gave us a bill at the end). So about 10K total, I guess.

 

[lovehersomuch]

so my gf (soon be be fiancee) and i will be having 2 weddings - 1 westernized wedding for her part italian family and one middle eastern wedding.. my family i know doesnt follow wedding/bridal registeries and for the most part just give money.. hers i think will give us gifts as well.

for the traditional american wedding we''ll have 60 or so guests and for the middle eastern day we''ll have approx 150 guests (i have a big family

)

 

[gtn]

I haven''t gotten married yet so I can''t answer your questions, however, I can tell you that money/gift giving is definitely a cultural/regional thing. I expect my family (older members) to give money and maybe a small gift. I can''t tell you how embarrassed I was I was 10 years old going to my cousin''s wedding and my parents gave him a 50lb bag of rice and and red envelope. Later I found out that my parents also gave him a check of $1001 in the envelope. Boy was a relieved. I expect FI''s family and my younger more american cousin''s to give gifts. I can tell you that when I go to Asian weddings, we try to cover the cost of our portion of the reception.

Also, I would not depend on that money. My cousin did that and they were expecting to use some of that money to cover the cost of the reception (amount owed at the end of event) and they came up short. My parents ended up paying for the difference in addition to the money they already gave.

I will just be happy if I don''t end up miserably in debt at the end of this experience.

 

[Independent Gal]

FI's culture considers gifts of money rude, in my culture it is the usual gift. We roughly estimate that we'll get around $3500-4000 from the 50-60 guests who are from my culture. I think it depends on how close the person is, how wealthy they are, etc. We have only got one cheque so far. It was from a my grandmother's best friend who is quite wealthy and was for the equivalent of $200 (don't get me started on the hellacious multiple currency / multiple country bank account issues we're about to face! But 4K would make that oh, so worthwhile!).

I wouldn't count on anything, but if yours is a $$ giving culture, you can see what you get and go from there.

 

[Delster]

Date: 2/12/2008 2:11:59 PM
Author: TravelingGal

American culture wise, probably. Our generation, probably. In other cultures, not true. Korean culture gives money...it''s nearly as ''uncouth'' to ask for gifts from a registry from our older guests.

Ditto in Ireland. There are even radio show slots every year coming up to ''wedding season'' where people debate the appropriate amount to give.

 

[MustangGal]

We had about 150 guests 6 years ago in southern CA. We received about $400 in cash that we took as spending money for the honeymoon, and about $2,000 in checks. Lots of gifts too.

It also depends on how wealthy your guests are. We probably averaged less then $50 per invited group in gifts, but almost everyone invited was middle class or lower.

 

[qtiekiki]

It''s definitely a cultural thing. We are Chinese and it''s traditional to give cash, so most of our guests gave cash (even American guests who knew about the culture). We certainly didn''t expect to make out with extra cash when we were planning for our wedding. We had 2 wedding banquets - 1 in L.A. where DH is from and where we live now (250 guests), 1 in Bay Area where I am from (200 guests). The money we got was enough to cover for the 2 banquets, which was ~30K. I think we got only 15 gifts.

 

[partyjewels]

It all depends on your family and friends that you are inviting to the wedding. Because FI's immediate family and my immediate family all pretty much grew up in the same area, but we have such different views on the whole money as a wedding gift thing.

For my family, the older generations of my family always give checks because it's the traditional thing to do, actual gifts are meant to be given at showers. I do whatever seems appropriate for each wedding/event where I'd like to give a gift.

In any case, please don't plan your honeymoon based on what you expect to get from wedding gifts! If you aren't able to afford a more expensive honeymoon without getting money as gifts from the wedding, then you should either plan something romantic but less expensive, or wait! Of course thats my personal opinion, but it just makes the most sense. I certainly wouldn't want to plan my honeymoon all out, get excited about it, only to find out we didn't get enough money to actually go on it or enjoy the things that we'd want to do while on it.....

 

[bee*]

Date: 2/12/2008 4:19:47 PM
Author: Delster

Date: 2/12/2008 2:11:59 PM

Author: TravelingGal


American culture wise, probably. Our generation, probably. In other cultures, not true. Korean culture gives money...it''s nearly as ''uncouth'' to ask for gifts from a registry from our older guests.

Ditto in Ireland. There are even radio show slots every year coming up to ''wedding season'' where people debate the appropriate amount to give.

yeah for all the weddings that I''ve been to, we always give money. Normally €150 between D and I if it''s a colleague or €250 for close friends/family.

 

[Delster]

Date: 2/12/2008 5:38:59 PM
Author: bee*

yeah for all the weddings that I've been to, we always give money. Normally €150 between D and I if it's a colleague or €250 for close friends/family.

That's about the same as what we'd do bee.

Two years ago we were at a wedding in the States and the day after the wedding they had a gift opening 'party' where they opened all their gifts and kept record of who gave what (and that's another note - I think opening your gifts in front of a crowd and showing them off before cataloguing them would be considered very rude over here?). Cards were left until the end and some of those cards had money in them. The first one opened had $50 in it and the whole room gasped. Thing is, while the Americans were gasping in surprise, we were gasping in horror!

At that wedding, one card had $5 in it - and it was a joint gift from a group of FIVE people who had been to the entire wedding. They didn't give any other gift. That would be considered supremely rude in Ireland but if it was rude to our friends they hid it very well. They were so happy and gracious for every gift, no matter its shape size or 'value'. It was lovely to watch how touched they were by each and every gift.

 

[TravelingGal]

I didn''t know it was tradition in Ireland, interesting!

I always am amazed at how people are just HORRIFIED at the thought of money as gifts (and the expectation of the bride and groom that they will get some). I sometimes wonder if some folks have ever been to anything but a traditional American wedding (not that that''s wrong if you don''t have multi-cultural friends). But I think sometimes people live in their own world and expect that other customs must operate the same way.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I'm from Long Island, I can tell you that 99% of the people coming to my wedding will give money, the other 1% will give money and a small gift. It's the way it is here for the most part. All the gifts come at the shower and the money comes at the wedding. I will also mention that it is totally cultural even though we all live on LI. I have been to plenty of Indian and Caribbean weddings where the gift has reigned supreme, I also try to find out what the preference of the couple's culture is beforehand and honor that no matter what I may think or want. Whatever floats their boat!

In any case, we anticipate anywhere from 10 to 13k in gifts at the weddings, based on 125 guests and what the average gift is around here.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

The culture of weddings is rapidly changing...

Years ago, it could be assumed that you would most likely recieve per guest approximately what you paid per plate to host them. However, that assumption is no longer correct!

I would advise against "planning" on receiving anything. My husband and I had approximately 500 guests at our wedding, at approximately 150 per plate and we ended up receiving no where near that in cash! If you''re looking to take a honeymoon, or help contribute to your wedding...start working and start saving! You can always suppliment after the wedding, but to assume anything makes me think of the age old saying....

It''s also important to remember that, while you may not consider this to be a factor, people are becoming tighter with money due to the state of the economy. Little things like that actually do play a big factor in how generous people are. It''s not that they aren''t $200 dollars worth of happy for you...but, they might not be able to afford $200.00!

 

[CJ2008]

I''m originally from Long Island too (now in Florida), and I agree with Asscherhalo_lover that about $150 per couple is the norm over there...we''re not counting on it, but my guess is that we''ll receive money from our guests.

 

[monarch64]

We live in the Chicago area and when we got married in 2003 I think we received about $2k in cash. We invited 120 people and about 100 showed up...I also had two bridal showers and received most of registry gifts during those occasions.

My in-laws gave us $500 in cash and mentioned that we could use it for spending money on our honeymoon, which we did. Some of the other cash we received went into a savings account for a down payment on our house, and a bit honestly went into paying bills post-wedding. It''s totally customary in our circles to give cash as a wedding gift and it seems to be the norm, truthfully. I''m from southern IN and before I moved to Chicago I had no idea that it was acceptable to just give money as a wedding gift but that just happens to be the norm here.

Italia makes a valid point that right now the economy is not so good so don''t expect a ton of cash to come your way. We are invited to a few weddings this spring, and if the economy doesn''t improve by then we will be giving probably half of what we typically do ($100 instead of $200).

If you can''t fit the honeymoon of your dreams into your potential budget, and you''re counting on cash gifts to afford it, I think you need to re-evaluate your plans at this point. Maybe cut your trip down a few nights, or think about delaying the honeymoon until a few months after your wedding. Lots of people do that, there''s no law that says you HAVE to go on a honeymoon immediately after your wedding. You will have the rest of your married lives to travel together, not to mention that sometimes a couple is so tired and stressed from the whole wedding ordeal that the honeymoon isn''t as enjoyable anyway.

 

[lovehersomuch]

sorry let me clarify a few things.. i dont need the money that i receive as gifts for a honeymoon even tho i had that in my original post... it would def come in handy for expenses that we have after we are married like gettin furniture for the home etc...

my gf and i have already saved up over 6 figures for a down payment on our future home and other misc. expenses we will have... emergency fund, savings, wedding... etc

 

[gtn]

Wow, 6-figures is pretty impressive. I hope you guys are putting some of that money into a retirement fund and your money is working for you and not the bank.

 

[bee*]

Date: 2/12/2008 5:50:17 PM
Author: Delster

Date: 2/12/2008 5:38:59 PM

Author: bee*


yeah for all the weddings that I''ve been to, we always give money. Normally €150 between D and I if it''s a colleague or €250 for close friends/family.

That''s about the same as what we''d do bee.


Two years ago we were at a wedding in the States and the day after the wedding they had a gift opening ''party'' where they opened all their gifts and kept record of who gave what (and that''s another note - I think opening your gifts in front of a crowd and showing them off before cataloguing them would be considered very rude over here?). Cards were left until the end and some of those cards had money in them. The first one opened had $50 in it and the whole room gasped. Thing is, while the Americans were gasping in surprise, we were gasping in horror!

At that wedding, one card had $5 in it - and it was a joint gift from a group of FIVE people who had been to the entire wedding. They didn''t give any other gift. That would be considered supremely rude in Ireland but if it was rude to our friends they hid it very well. They were so happy and gracious for every gift, no matter its shape size or ''value''. It was lovely to watch how touched they were by each and every gift.

Yeah you definitely couldn''t open gifts in front of the crowd over here. Could you imagine the faces on people if you got $5 between five people

. I think that Eddie Hobbs has a lot to answer for!

 

[dec2410]

Date: 2/12/2008 2:11:59 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/12/2008 1:44:28 PM
Author: surfgirl
I would not plan on ''planning on'' anything that involves wedding gift money. You have no idea and it''s uncouth to ask for money instead of gifts so you just have to wait it out. I think most people get gifts. I would plan on getting no money, and be happily surprised if you do. But I wouldn''t plan something like a honeymoon on potential wedding money.

American culture wise, probably. Our generation, probably. In other cultures, not true. Korean culture gives money...it''s nearly as ''uncouth'' to ask for gifts from a registry from our older guests.

I didn''t expect money, and certainly didn''t plan on ''doing'' anything with it. What we got we put into a savings account. I was actually surprised that many of our friends (i.e., not the older guests) gave us money. We had 50 guests and got about $5000, the bulk of it coming from the Korean/Asian contingency. The Australian/American contingency all gave gifts, so it was definitely cultural. Oh, I am not counting TGuy''s parent''s (unexpected) generous gift, where they paid $5000 right there and then towards the wedding bill (we had it at a restaurant so they just gave us a bill at the end). So about 10K total, I guess.

This is totally true. I''m Korean and its customary to give cash as a gift. My brother''s friend got married this past summer, had about 400 guests and made upwards of $35000, but got almost no ACTUAL gifts. All the weddings I went to growing up, my family always gave $100 per person that was attending the wedding - that''s just the way things "are". Haha.

 

[Pandora II]

I think not having showers may make a big difference over here.

We get the registry stuff like towels, linen, china etc as the wedding gifts.

I can see why you might get $$ if people have already given gifts at a shower.

To be honest - I''d really like ebay vouchers!

 

[lucy love]

I''m getting married in 6 weeks and I live in Hawaii. Both my fiance and my family are japanese, and the tradition in japan is to give money. We''ve already received $1,400 in cash and we haven''t even gotten married yet! Things are being bought from my registry - we purposely made it a short one because we''re moving to DC soon for him to go to law school, and also in hopes that people will just give us money because we''re not financially wealthy at all. =P I don''t want to rely on the monetary gifts, but we sort''ve are. The culture here in Hawaii is very giving and generous! we''re inviting 360 to our wedding - still not sure how many of them will be attending though. we''ll see!!!

 

[sna77]

Date: 2/12/2008 1:54:06 PM
Author: cdt1101
Do you live in the northeast? If so, I get why you''d ask the questions I guess. We''re in NJ and of my friends/family I don''t know anyone who would give anything BUT money as a gift. However, my fiance and I are not evening thinking about what we may ''make back'' from our wedding. We just want everyone we love to show up and have good time!

With that said, I''m not married yet, but our friends/sibling who have married within the last 5 years have received in the $10,000-$20,000 range. These were all weddings w/ at least 150 people in attendence.

Hey, my FI is from NJ, and I''m from Boston... Most of my friends have got about $20-$30k for their weddings... Generally 150 - 250 people.... Granted, these weddings cost about $50-$60k...

my idea of eloping was quickly shot down...

 

[Haven]

We aren''t married yet (just over three months to go) but I''m in Chicago and in our circle the younger crowd (twenties, thirties, forties) generally gives cash or checks at the wedding, and the older crowd generally gives gifts. Having showers before the wedding also seems to affect the way people give--you NEVER give cash for a shower, but it''s definitely okay for the wedding over here.

We''ve given a range of $150 to $300 or sometimes more as a couple. It depends on how close we are to the couple marrying, and I hate to say it but when people require that we travel and spend a lot of money to GET to the wedding, we''ll give closer to $150 because we''ve already spent so much.

My friends who have married in the last few years have gotten a range of 5K to 18K in monetary gifts, and they''ve all been 150ish guest formal weddings in Chicago, so it must really depend on the family.