How much are you asking BM''s to Spend?

[Jas12]

Hi all

I am in the early stages of considering BM dresses. So far, I am thinking I may let my ''maids'' pick any one of the Jcrew BM dresses in the espresso color.

Dresses

However, these dresses run from about $160-$295, and I am wondering if this is a little high, esp. with shipping and taxes, etc. added to that? 2 of my maids are in school and the others are recent grads with pretty good jobs. What do you think?

As some added considerations, i really do think these dresses could be worn again, particularily if they choose their own style, I would let them chose all their own shoes and accessories to reduce cost, and I think I would pay for their hair.


What are others expecting their BM''s to pay?

 

[poptart]

I had my bridesmaids pay half of what the dress cost. The ones they wanted were 160, and the ones that I wanted were about 100 or so, but since they had to wear it and both were nice, I told them to go ahead with the more expensive ones. They had to pay 80 bucks, and we payed the difference and the alteration costs, which were maybe 20 bucks or so. It worked out well because everyone got what they wanted.

*M*

ETA: My BM's were in school except one, but they all have jobs, so 80 wasn't REAL steep for them, and they got their shoes for real cheap. They wouldn't let us pay for them, don't know why.

 

[Mara]

the dresses i chose were $210...all my friends are in the middle of their careers and 30+ in age....no one was in school or anything like that. but keeping in mind they had to pay their own travel expenses to the wedding in Hawaii, i got their shoes for them and gave them all Adina necklaces as their gift. they were supposed to pay for their earrings, but since i bought them all and handed them out in Hawaii, i think only one person actually paid me but whatever, it was not a big deal in the end so i just left it like that.

it''s funny because when i have been in weddings i always end up coming out about $1k poorer in the end between the dress, and any travel, and the bridal shower and the bachelorette party etc. i think my bm''s probably paid about the same even with travel expenses so i think it was pretty ''average'' when all was said and done. stuff just keeps racking up!!

in terms of what is appropriate, i think that$250+ was kind of over my limit mentally...actually i was hoping to stay at $200 so i just went a bit over.i didn''t want the girls to have to pay for a $300 dress they might never wear again. and it''s very hard to get a dress that people will wear again. i have a mental block against wearing any of my bm dresses again just because in MY mind it''s a bm dress! my dresses were super cute, and the girls could wear them again, but just figured none of them really would.

 

[ephemery1]

I don''t think the JCrew dresses are outrageously priced... and another thing to consider... buying "off the rack" usually means no extra costs for alterations... which is definitely a good thing!

My BM dresses are $150 from White House/Black Market... and very non-bridesmaid-y, so they''re all thrilled about rewearing them! One actually mentioned that she might wear it to an event coming up... my MOH had to kindly suggest she wait until AFTER the wedding.

And they''re all choosing basic black peep-toe heels, so also easily rewearable.

In contrast, my MOH was just in a wedding where each of the BMs spent $300 + alterations on a long shimmery dress they''ll never rewear. Plus a bachelorette party across the country in LA, which cost at least $1000 per BM... seemed like a lot to ask overall.

 

[Scooba]

I think $150 to $200 is a good amount, I was going to buy my BM dresses (since I am having a DW and a D bach party) they were goign to be $160, then I changed my mind and fell in love with $280 dresses. I told the BMs we could have them made and I would pay for them or if they want the designer original I would split the cost. They thought the original was a better bet.

If I were you I would pick out your favorite dress that you would like them to buy and then pick out one that you like alot too in the $150-$200 range and let them decide if they want the cuter more expensive one or not. If you can swing it, offer to pay the difference between the one you love and the cheaper one.

 

[Fancy605]

I let my maid of honor pick out the dresses. They cost a little under $200, but none of the other bridesmaids seem to mind the cost. I am probably buying them their jewlery, and the dresses are long and black, so they can basically wear any black sandals that they want.

 

[tanyak]

My girls'' dresses were between $86 and $126. They ordered Alfred Angelo dresses in different styles, hence the price difference.

I think this is a hard question because every situation is different. For example, my friends are journalists, school teachers and state workers. Good jobs, but when you factor in student loan repayments, rent, etc. there isn''t tons left over and I couldn''t imagine asking them to pay more than $150.

Honestly, I would just ask your maids. I would have no problem telling a bride that I couldn''t afford a $300 dress because I honestly can''t. If that meant I had to step aside, I would simply step aside.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

I'm in my mid-30's and make decent money. However, I cannot fathom spending more than $300 for a typical BM ensemble (dress and shoes). I'm just practical that way!

I'll be the MOH in a friend's wedding next year, and she's very chic with expensive taste. I'm kinda dreading having to go thru the whole dress thing with her, but at least I'm not alone in this- the other 3 gals in the wedding party are also a bit "scared!"

In contrast, I didn't require that my gals purchase a specific dress for my wedding. I just told them what color I wanted and left it at that. They spent an average of $150 and are able to wear their dresses again.

I personally LOVE the JCrew wedding collection and wouldn't bat an eye at their prices as I know that I could wear the dress again, and they're not very "bridesmaidy"

 

[upgrading mama]

I know that having been a bridesmaid in many weddings, when saying "yes", I am preparing to spend up to $300 on what they choose. I think it kinda goes with the territory, but of course it needs considering where in life the girls are.
I would say up to 200 is very reasonable, as unfortunately, these dresses are sooo expensive!

 

[Mannequin]

The very first BM dress I saw and loved is what my girls just ordered this weekend. Their Jasmine B2 line dresses are going to be about $170 before alterations. I had wanted to stick to anything between $150 and $175, so this was a good price. They all really seemed to like the dress a lot! It''s 3308 from B2''s Spring 2006 collection, and they''ll sport this in periwinkle.

 

[Jas12]

Thanks for the input.

I talked it over with one of my maids on the weekend and she was prepared to spend up to $400, my sister as well, so i just have a few more girls to ask and then we can start proceeding. It would be great to keep it under $200 US. I am always so uncomfortable having people spend money on my behalf...

Another, somewhat related question. Is anyone else having their maids in different style dresses? Where did you get them?

 

[tanyak]

As I mentioned, we ordered from Alfred Angelo. I went with different styles for a bunch of reasons including a.) I didn''t think my early-30s friends would all want to dress alike; and b.) one of my maids is very conservative. She ended up picking a satin button-up shirt with 3/4 sleeves from the AA separates collection.

 

[kcoursolle]

I am asking them to spend about $110 on the dress, and I am providing the shoes and the jewelry. A couple of my bridesmaids are students, the others are teachers.

 

[labbielove]

I am trying to keep under 200 for the dress since i know they''ll have to pay for alterations and shoes, etc.

My situation is different as my 3 ''maids'' are my big sisters (i.e. 40''s and up) but I still want to keep costs down since they are traveling to come here, taking vacation time, hotel, etc. etc. etc.

Luckily the separates we have picked out should be around 160 or so, which is ok with me.

 

[TravelingGal]

I didn''t have an BMs...only a dude of honor and I bought him his shirt for $120 and also bought my sister in law (as she was the best woman) her dress for about $80 on sale.

When I was in my 20s, I was a BM twice. One set me back about $1000 when all was said and done (dress was $180) and the other wasn''t too bad...probably about $500 when all was said and done. It was tough being a bridesmaid when I was in my 20s because I certainly didn''t make the money I did now, and a lot of my friends who got married early never were BMs themselves, so they really didn''t seem to understand the financial burden.

I was a bridesmaid once in my 30''s to a 33 year old bride. Not sure if her age made her more sensitive to the fact that lots of women don''t like being bridesmaids. She paid for our dresses, and said no bridal shower or bachelorette. We did insist on taking her to the Ritz in Dana Point, but my cousin worked there so we got a room for $50. We hardly spent anything at all. I ended up giving her a big wad of cash for her wedding (it was what she wanted - cash instead of gifts).

 

[Tacori E-ring]

My BM dresses were just under $200 (with tax). Since it was black they could wear whatever shoes they wanted.

 

[jesterjigger]

I just went BM dress shopping with my sister and the three we liked the best were $150-180.

 

[Jas12]

Tanyak--you are right, I don''t think many ''older'' BM like to dress identical. My maids are b/w 24-28, not ''old'' by any stretch, but they are pretty self-assured, mature and stylish gals, so for these reasons I think it is important to let their individuality shine through a bit (as much as possible being a BM

I would like to see what other''s have chosen for dresses, I may start a thread...

 

[radiantgirl]

I didn''t ask my BM to spend anything. I bought their dresses and shoes. It''s a Vietnamese tradition that if you ask someone to be in your wedding, you have to take care of everything for them. I am having custom Vietnamese dresses made for them as well.

Their regular dress was $200 in the bridal salons, but I purchased them on Netbride.com for $122. Such a great deal!

 

[dtnyc]

Date: 11/24/2006 1:39:50 PM
Author:Jas12
Hi all


I am in the early stages of considering BM dresses. So far, I am thinking I may let my ''maids'' pick any one of the Jcrew BM dresses in the espresso color.


Dresses


However, these dresses run from about $160-$295, and I am wondering if this is a little high, esp. with shipping and taxes, etc. added to that? 2 of my maids are in school and the others are recent grads with pretty good jobs. What do you think?

As some added considerations, i really do think these dresses could be worn again, particularily if they choose their own style, I would let them chose all their own shoes and accessories to reduce cost, and I think I would pay for their hair.

What are others expecting their BM''s to pay?

I think that by letting them choose their own style, the dresses are very wearable again, and if you let them choose their own shoes you are doing them a favor! If money is really an issue then they can just choose the $160 dress. Also by going J. Crew they could order more than one dress and try on different styles/sizes and return what''s not their first choice and most likely be able to avoid alterations in the process.

Granted I am biased because I let my girls choose from one of 6 styles of J. Crew dresses in beet and just told them to wear silver strappy or open toe shoes. Even if they didn''t like the color of the dress they could always wear silver shoes and some of the girls already had the shoes anyway.