How many opinions is too many opinions?

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

When someone asks you for your opinion, how unfiltered are you?

- does it differ whether it’s professional or personal?

- does it differ if the matter is emotionally charged? Eg if someone asks you to come along to pick out a wedding dress, are you more toned down than if you’re helping them pick out clothes for an ordinary dinner?

- does it differ based on how close you are to the person?

- do you sometimes just smile and lie, instead of giving your real opinion? E.g. I went wedding jewelry shopping with a friend recently. She was deciding between two sets (the Indian word for jewelry suite). One was more trendy but didn’t sit nicely on her neck; the other was simpler but beautifully made and a classic. The second one looked like it had been made for her and it had better bang for the buck. However she really loved the first; and so I just swallowed back my opinion, told her she looked lovely, and she bought the first.

- do you prefer people be honest with you even if they disagree with you?

 

[Calliecake]

With wedding dress shopping it is written all over the future brides when she finds her dress. ANY dress that makes a woman feel beautiful is the right dress for her.

With other dresses when a friend walks out of the dressing room looking THRILLED I tell her I love it regardless If I do or not. When someone isn’t sure I always suggest we keep looking until she finds a dress SHE loves. I think feeling confident and happy in a dress is key for every woman.

 

[dk168]

Those who know me well enough know that when I am asked for an opinion and/or advice, I would only be honest and truthful, which can be interpreted as being blunt by the uninitiated.

I would try and be as diplomatic as I could, however, I would always be honest and truthful.

DK

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

With wedding dress shopping it is written all over the future brides when she finds her dress. ANY dress that makes a woman feel beautiful is the right dress for her.

With other dresses when a friend walks out of the dressing room looking THRILLED I tell her I love it regardless If I do or not. When someone isn’t sure I always suggest we keep looking until she finds a dress SHE loves. I think feeling confident and happy in a dress is key for every woman.

Last time I took a friend wedding dress shopping I did just this… I gave my opinion while things were being picked out, but once she was trying them I let her take the lead. Even if she picked one I didn’t like.. it’s okay, it’s her wedding after all.

I think I feel like I should be more honest when it comes to expensive things, like jewelry, but I still end up smiling and lying if it seems like she has her heart set on something. I just feel bad about it when I do that though (like I’m doing them a disservice).

Those who know me well enough know that when I am asked for an opinion and/or advice, I would only be honest and truthful, which can be interpreted as being blunt by the uninitiated.

I would try and be as diplomatic as I could, however, I would always be honest and truthful.

DK

So in a situation like what I alluded to - let’s say a friend takes you shopping; and she is wearing something that you think (and others in the group privately agree) doesn’t suit the person paying, but she seems to really like it. How do you voice your opinion in a nice but honest way? I agree with you that I would also appreciate and want honesty, but I tend to only expect it and return it to certain close people in my life. If it’s someone who is a friend/good friend but not super close friend, I give my opinion towards the beginning, and if it seems like they want me to be more yes-man like, I do that. I just occasionally feel bad about it afterwards.

 

[missy]

It completely depends on my relationship with the person asking.
A true friend will always get 100% from me. My thoughts as they are unfiltered.
I am always honest and truthful but also sensitive and kind with my friends.
With people I am not friends with I try not to share my opinions on sensitive matters.

I take my cues from others. Many ask not really wanting to hear the truth. But for those who do want to hear it I share freely. For those who want the watered down version I give that. And for those who just want lip service I tend to not answer. I don't like wasting my energy.

Last time I took a friend wedding dress shopping I did just this… I gave my opinion while things were being picked out, but once she was trying them I let her take the lead. Even if she picked one I didn’t like.. it’s okay, it’s her wedding after all.

I think I feel like I should be more honest when it comes to expensive things, like jewelry, but I still end up smiling and lying if it seems like she has her heart set on something. I just feel bad about it when I do that though (like I’m doing them a disservice).



So in a situation like what I alluded to - let’s say a friend takes you shopping; and she is wearing something that you think (and others in the group privately agree) doesn’t suit the person paying, but she seems to really like it. How do you voice your opinion in a nice but honest way? I agree with you that I would also appreciate and want honesty, but I tend to only expect it and return it to certain close people in my life. If it’s someone who is a friend/good friend but not super close friend, I give my opinion towards the beginning, and if it seems like they want me to be more yes-man like, I do that. I just occasionally feel bad about it afterwards.

Do you mean she is about to buy an expensive outfit that doesn't flatter her? If you think she really wants the truth I would gently say I think you can do better and then provide an example. So and so outfit doesn't bring out the best in your features but something like this...will.

If you are acutely aware of others and their feelings you can take the cues from them providing what you know they would be receptive to and keeping one's mouth shut when you know there is no point. Sometimes ignorance is bliss and at other times, with other people, not so much.

I generally prefer the unvarnished truth but there might be a few exceptions to that.
None of us want 100% honesty 100% of the time.

JMO.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

It completely depends on my relationship with the person asking.
A true friend will always get 100% from me. My thoughts as they are unfiltered.
I am always honest and truthful but also sensitive and kind with my friends.
With people I am not friends with I try not to share my opinions on sensitive matters.

I take my cues from others. Many ask not really wanting to hear the truth. But for those who do want to hear it I share freely. For those who want the watered down version I give that. And for those who just want lip service I tend to not answer. I don't like wasting my energy.





Do you mean she is about to buy an expensive outfit that doesn't flatter her? If you think she really wants the truth I would gently say I think you can do better and then provide an example. So and so outfit doesn't bring out the best in your features but something like this...will.

If you are acutely aware of others and their feelings you can take the cues from them providing what you know they would be receptive to and keeping one's mouth shut when you know there is no point. Sometimes ignorance is bliss and at other times, with other people, not so much.

I generally prefer the unvarnished truth but there might be a few exceptions to that.
None of us want 100% honesty 100% of the time.

JMO.

I'm not sure she wants my honest opinion, to be frank, that's why I held back from giving it. Ultimately, its her day, and she should get what she thinks is best, imo. I know her husband will cry when he sees her and I know she'll be glowing and that's what's most important.

I actually did try to gently steer her but it didn’t work, and once I saw her falling in love with the dress I elected to keep my mouth shut.

On the flip side, I have used harsh opinions to back up the bride before (against other members of the ‘entourage’) and they tend to appreciate that. I guess I take on the role of a cheerleader/wingwoman and not really give my own true opinions.

But then I feel sort of hypocritical about it, because honestly I would prefer blunt honesty than someone just coddling my feelings. I’d rather someone tell me “you look bad in this” or “this is an ugly dress” than everyone just tell me I look perfect in everything - what’s the point of asking for opinions then if you don’t want them?

 

[qubitasaurus]

Without reading all the previous responses, I don't really think echo chambers are super helpful for people. I've noticed it is easy to get lost in them these days. But it almost never helps in the long run, as simply discounting a bunch of opinions doesn't make these (usually extremely valid) points of view go away. It simply makes sure you temporarily don't have to confront them. Later typically these unheard points of view tend to become things which blind side you. I do agree though that if its something like wedding jewelery or a dress then it's possible to present it sensitively as 'I personally prefer.... but both make you look beautiful' (unless there's really a problem with one or them).

 

[dk168]

So in a situation like what I alluded to - let’s say a friend takes you shopping; and she is wearing something that you think (and others in the group privately agree) doesn’t suit the person paying, but she seems to really like it. How do you voice your opinion in a nice but honest way?

My polite/diplomatic way would be in the line of: sorry, however, personally I do not believe it suits you; however I could be in the minority. At the end of the day, I am not the person buying or wearing it.

I would only provide my reason(s) why I do not believe it is suitable when specifically asked, as it would probably involve commenting on the person's physical attributes.

With people who are very close, my response would be: no it does not suit you, don't buy it. And provide the reasons why I do not believe it is suitable right away as I don't need to pussy-foot around people with whom I am close.

DK

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Without reading all the previous responses, I don't really think echo chambers are super helpful for people. I've noticed it is easy to get lost in them these days. But it almost never helps in the long run, as simply discounting a bunch of opinions doesn't make these (usually extremely valid) points of view go away. It simply makes sure you temporarily don't have to confront them. Later typically these unheard points of view tend to become things which blind side you. I do agree though that if its something like wedding jewelery or a dress then it's possible to present it sensitively as 'I personally prefer.... but both make you look beautiful' (unless there's really a problem with one or them).

Well said!

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

My polite/diplomatic way would be in the line of: sorry, however, personally I do not believe it suits you; however I could be in the minority. At the end of the day, I am not the person buying or wearing it.

I would only provide my reason(s) why I do not believe it is suitable when specifically asked, as it would probably involve commenting on the person's physical attributes.

With people who are very close, my response would be: no it does not suit you, don't buy it. And provide the reasons why I do not believe it is suitable right away as I don't need to pussy-foot around people with whom I am close.

DK

I appreciate this response. It’s the sort of thing I would personally prefer to hear if I go shopping with someone. I have had this happen before where I fell in love with an outfit on a hanger (for an event where there would be a lot of people looking at me) and when I came out going “omg I love it” my friends were super supportive like “wow it’s lovely you look great”. I could see one or two people were saying it to be nice to be honest but I got swept away by the outfit and I purchased it. Later when I saw the pics of the outfit I was super upset at how I looked - it was very unflattering on my body. After that I vowed to explicitly demand total honesty… but I still find myself uncomfortable delivering it unless I see someone being receptive. Eg with my friend I did say something about considering xyz instead and gushing about how that looked while being very lukewarm in a “it’s nice but I think it doesn’t suit you as well” kind of way but she seemed set on the one she wanted so I didn’t give any more pushback!

 

[Lookinagain]

I would be honest, but depending on the relationship, I might be more or less diplomatic. For a very close friend, I would probably be brutally honest, for someone less close, I'd probably be more diplomatic. If I didn't really know the person I'd probably say that I didn't know them well enough to know what their style was so would defer giving an opinion.

If I ask someone their opinion, I'd want honesty. I don't generally ask opinions of people that I'm not very close with. And of course, I'm free to disregard the opinion anyway, just like someone can always disregard mine.

 

[dk168]

Yup, I am well-known for being brutally honest!

I don't go shopping with anyone except for people I know very well.

DK

 

[seaurchin]

My guess is that you "read the room" correctly at the time and responded appropriately. It sounds like this bride was not after impartial, objective opinions but really just wanted support for the decision she made.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I think it depends on what the item is ? what's it for ? And how much does it cost ?
If it doesn't cost and arm and a leg (like a wedding dress does) id put in down to individual tastes vary