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How many of you picked out every single detail of your e-ring? Am I lucky or silly?

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courtneyclv

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
125
My BF is VERY laid back. He wants the easy way out of everything. He told me I could get whatever I wanted and so..I am building my dream ring. I have my setting picked out, I have been researching princess center stones, and am picking that out too. He basically said, "Spend somewhere around this, go over if you want by a little, do everything, pick up the center stone, bring it to the place with the setting, pay (not with my money though) , etc..let me know when it is done to pick it up". He is then going to surprise me and propose.

We have also been living together for two years, talking marriage for over a year and are even looking at wedding spots..so I guess this doesn''t have to be ''traditional'' either.

Now, I am the kind of person that does like to have control over some things. I like to research things, plan, organize, etc. He doesn''t..If he went to pick out a ring for me, it would be the first he saw just to get out of the store!
(and it isn''t that I wouldn''t love it..but he knows he isn''t as educated as me about diamonds AND he wants me to get what I want)

I think this is ok and truthfully I am having FUN (LOOVVEE this site!), but one of my guy friends thought it was weird that I am doing EVERYTHING. Now, his GF got a gorgeous e-ring from her ex..and she doesnt like the setting and sidestones at all. So..you would think he would understand why, now adays, women have a lot, or ALL the imput.

What do you think?
 

therighttime

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 20, 2006
Messages
224
I think I''m in the minority at PS, but I am not involved in the ring process at all. My bf and I both just agree that he''ll pick a ring out when he decides to propose. I have no idea how much effort he will put into learning about stones, setting, etc, but I honestly could care less. I told him I didn''t want/need a ring at all. I''d maybe like a sparkly band when we got married, but didnt'' need an e-ring. (I''ve been married before... took first ring to pawn shop after the divorce. I think that''s just an eye opener how unimportant the ring really is to me.) But, bf hasn''t been married before and HE want to give his fiance a ring. So of course that will be just fine with me and I know I''ll love anything he picks out!

I think that you will find that most ladies are involved in the ring process at PS. They may not be totally in charge like you are, but most of them have had a lot of input from the start. I think it''s great that you get to design your ring and make sure to get exactly what you want! If it bugs you that he is not more involved, then invite him along to look, or include him in the decisions by showing him pics online.

Have fun making your ring!
 

Mandarine

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 20, 2006
Messages
3,786
It really is just whatever works for each couple. So don''t let anybody tell you it''s weird...if you and him are happy with how you''re doing things then that is the only thing that matters.

My situation is like righttime''s....I''m not involved at all. All he knows is I like "simple and elegant"...and that the ring is the least important thing to ME. He says it is important for him though..haha, go figure. I know I will love whatever he chooses...and if for reasons I completely hated it (I doubt it) then I''m sure he would be fine with me changing the setting.

Anyway, don''t feel bad or weird...you''re not! and I''m sure many PS ladies here (most of them anyway) were involved in the ring process too and can relate.

M~
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
I asked to be involved, and we picked it out together. I definitely made the final stone and setting choices. It''s gorgeous and we both adore it, so everyone wins!
 

janinegirly

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2006
Messages
3,689
i am like the others and am not involved at all (my bf seems to want it that way and I don''t mind). It will be a COMPLETE surprise. I guess I''m lucky in that my bf knows quite a few things about diamonds. But, it''s totally up to the couple and what works for you. For me, I like the tradition, and actually most guys are kinda lazy and want the easy way out--so that''s why it''s so much more special that they DO the research and pick the perfect ring for that special girl. I love that aspect of it! I really don''t see how I could hate any diamond ring, especially given what it symbolizes. But that''s just me and I have friends who are the opposite and will accept nothing less than a certain cut/carat (I live in NYC, so you can imagine!). Out of curiousity, you said your friend''s gf got a ring from her ex...did she keep it?
 

Butterflies

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 20, 2006
Messages
61
It all depends on the dynamics of your relationship. If you are both comfortable with the roles you play, that''s all that matters.

In my case my fi asked me a while back if I wanted him to pick it out or if I wanted to go with him to look at rings. I told him that I wanted him to pick it out himself (the only reason I said that is because he has great taste otherwise I would have gone with him
.) I also wanted him to do it himself because I wanted to be surprised. I am glad I let him do it because he gave me the most beautiful ring, way beyond my expectations, as a matter of fact if I would have gone with him I would have picked a much more modest ring
. In the end what I was really waiting for was the proposal itself, he asking me to be his wife, the ring was just a perk
.
 

Butterflies

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 20, 2006
Messages
61
Date: 11/29/2006 9:20:32 AM
Author: janinegirly
we still want pictures butterflies!
That''s what my sister keeps telling me!
I know, I know, it''s just that I am not the computer savvy kind of girl and I don''t know how to post here. Where do I go to find out?
 

belle

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2004
Messages
10,285

fasinateme

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 20, 2006
Messages
13
I am the same way, I picked out the center stone and my setting. Although I am not actually sure my bf will go with my choice. I too feel like I''ve done almost everything in regards to the engagement ring. I love this site, done my homework. My bf is also laid back, and is very unstressed about the whole thing. Meanwhile we only looked at one stone and he seems to think it is a done deal. I like to take control of situations and research/compare all avenues before making such an important investment.

I''m looking at a 2.4 carat princess cut, in an 2 carat eternity band setting. I keep having doubts about the ring, but I also like michael b, so he has two choices.

I don''t like to wear a lot of jewelry, and don''t want any more diamonds (i know I shouldn''t say that on this site), so this ring is very important to me.

You will be thrilled when the time comes and surprised at the way it comes. So don''t beat yourself up about picking out what you want. Just enjoy the moment.
 

KimberlyH

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 15, 2006
Messages
7,485
My husband and I picked out my ring together.

I don''t think there''s anything wrong with you taking charge of the ring, you''re the one who is going to wear it and needs to love it.
 

AmberWaves

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 19, 2005
Messages
3,672
Courtney, I am exactly the same as you. I researched online, sent some ideal stones via email to BF, who was like, yeah, looks good.
We bought the setting in January, and I spent January through March looking for my stone. When I found it, BF transferred the money into my account and I went to the bank and wired it myself.
I like it that way, no bad surprises, especially when he told me that if he was to pick out the ring, it would have been completely different!!
 

SoonIHope

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 11, 2005
Messages
2,152
My fiance cared about the "surprise" element...a little...but I also wanted to be sure I loved my ring as A RING not just as a symbol. Of course you''re going to love your engagement ring because of what it represents, but why not love how it looks too??
So our compromise was ring shopping together and discussing what I liked and didn''t liked about several top picks, and then he chose the actual diamond and setting based on preferences which had been made very clear to him already. So, was I surprised? Yes! Was I also 100% sure it would be something I loved? Yes!
So that worked for us. I would not have had aaaaaany problem being more involved though, if he''d let me, and I agree that there is noooothing weird or wrong about you choosing it all yourself!! I understand that the guy choosing it is the tradition, and that''s nice and all, but realistically, if the woman is going to be wearing it the rest of her life (& is remotely picky
) then why not let her choose?? So, to summarize, do whatever you & your boyfriend feel comfortable with and know that you''ll end up with exactly what you want (+ a surprise proposal!) and everyone wins!
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 17, 2005
Messages
11,016
I think it is about what works for YOU and your fiance. You will always find others who don''t agree or would do things differently. That is why Baskin Robbins has 31 flavors, so I would not worry about opinions other than yours and his. Who is wearing and paying for this? The two of you. So, in the end that is what matters. You will be the one looking at it and no offense to any well meaning friends, at the end of the day it is on YOUR finger so you should be happy.

I got engaged at 24. I HATED my ring but had never really discussed shapes or settings, as much of a bling lover as I have always been. I did say I did not love marquise shapes and I think that is about all I said. He went to a family friend in the jewelry business, had stones sent in to her (her father was a diamond dealer) and spent weeks choosing. She then designed a setting, VERY modern, not my taste at all, with yellow gold and 6 big prongs and just generally not my taste. I lived with it for TEN years. It never occured to me to change it. It was a round brilliant, 1.53 carats, and fine, but the setting and shape were not my favorite at all. We then moved from California to the East coast and I saw more platinum and fancy shapes, which I guess were not as popular when I had gotten engaged. Trends change. I decided I wanted to remount my stone. While starting the process I discovered some things and decided I wanted an upgrade. My husband went to Tiffany''s and got me a stunner emerald cut three stone ring. He chose the whole thing, it was gorgeous, with a 3 carat center E/VVS1 and a carat on each side, same grade. He did it with minimal input from me, but knowing I wanted an emerald cut and platinum and a classic look. I made my original ring into a pendant. I wore and love my ring for 5 years, and when I was turning 40 and our 15th anniversary was approaching I decided I wanted to get something really WOW. Tiffany''s allows you to trade up so I did all the work this time, with hubby''s approval. I did all the searching and he saw the final stone, and the setting they drew up, which was a classic with the tapered baguettes.

I know people mean well, but everyone had their own approach so just focus on the two of you and what makes you both happy in this process.
 

Bunnifer

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 26, 2006
Messages
227
I am the same way too...I like what I like, and I want what I want!
I don''t want to be surprised with something I will be wearing for the rest of my life...but that''s just me.

Last night, I just watched a rerun of the Sex and the City episode where Aidan proposes to Carrie. She hated the first ring (yellow gold, pear shaped diamond, "it''s just not ME!"). At least in the end Aidan had Samantha''s help to pick out that gorgeous asscher! We can''t all assume that our SO''s will have a Samantha on their side to help them out.


But speaking of being surprised, has anyone felt that their proposal lacked that "surprise element" after they''ve pretty much picked out the ring?
 

ImpatientOne

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 19, 2006
Messages
1,394
I''m like you too! I spent a few months researching different settings. Finally found one that I just adored and took my bf to look at it. Bought it on the spot. The following week the jeweler brought 4 stones in to view. Since my bf and I do not live together, I went to view them alone first, narrowed it down to two, then he came back with me a few days later to put his two cents in.

Jeweler brought out several stones that were I1-2 I-J clor and BF couldn''t tell the difference between them nd the quality stones that were brought in. I told him, "See honey, this is why you were not allowed to go ring shopping by yourself" He admitted he probably would not have done very well on his own!!!

Center stone is being set now and I can''t wait to see the finished product
 

Scooba

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 10, 2006
Messages
431
I picked out every detail of my ring but we always went to together and one the stone and setting were picked I wasn''t allowed to know anything else, actually he did tell me when it was done the day he went to pay for it, but then it was sent to his parents. I feel like he should atleast go pay for it and stuff! But whatever works for you... I wouldn''t have it any other way than picking out everything though!
 

AmberWaves

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 19, 2005
Messages
3,672
Bunnifer, while I picked the ring, and everything about it, and picked UP the ring, he hid it and I knew I''d get a proposal when we went to Disneyland, and while that day was not a surprise, how and WHEN he did it was. The boy waited 10 hours to pop the question. In the rain. He had that soo visible square box in his front pocket the whole day. I couldn''t take it. So yeah, I was surprised.
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
31,003
I don't think it's weird at all. I did most of the research and my now-hubby and I just kind of did the final steps together (cuz he paid!!). My other girlfriend did the same thing with her ring...she did all the research and they just finalized the details together.

I think nowadays many girls have a firm idea of what they do want vs not and most people I know are eschewing the element of surprise to have more of a hand in what they are choosing. The men are involved of course but the gals are more involved as well.

For us there wasn't a real element of surprise because I knew when he picked the ring up and we were going to dinner that night. Other people I know have done that or they have worked together up until the point of the purchase then the gal doesn't know anything til he pops the Q.

I like to think that it's about teamwork as well!! You are teammates in life so why not have the ring be part of that too. I did most of the research, we discussed findings, what we thought, what I wanted, what he wanted, then we did it together. We did the same thing with his wedding ring, collaboration. It's fun!!
 

KristyDarling

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
3,694
Don''t worry about what other people think. Each couple has their own expectations of how a proposal should unfold. In my opinion, you have the BEST of all possible scenarios: he wants you to have exactly what you want and doesn''t mind that you''re taking the reins. You want to have the reins. It''s all good.
I say just thank your lucky stars that you and your BF are on the same page regarding this and that unlike your girlfriend who doesn''t like her ring, you are SURE to love yours!
 

jackieomy

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 25, 2006
Messages
36
I''m picking out my engagement ring''s setting, too. It does feel a little weird doing all the research, but I know I''ll be getting exactly what I want. I have been showing him different styles and seeing what he likes, too -- so it''s not a ring that I love and he absolutely hates.

I think there''s a difference between letting you pick so you get what you want versus him letting you pick because he''s indifferent or doesn''t care. One suggests wanting to meet your needs and desires while the other suggests lack of interest in something that''s important to you. To me, it seems like he just wants you to get what you desire!
 

tdiddy

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 29, 2006
Messages
227
my story is the same as yours. he told me he was ready, took a quick look online at prices and shapes, told me he like the princess best of the options i told him i liked, named a price, and had me run with it.

i literally had an excel spreadsheet of various princesses i found online that was color coded to show positives vs. negatives and when i was ready we called james allen about the one that had the most +''s and no -''s and the rest is history for the stone.

similarly, i found the setting i liked and visited the local jewlers who carried tacori until i found someone i liked to work with. he called and bought the stone and went in and ordered the setting. he also picked up the ring. i saw the stone and the setting before they were put together and the pics from the appraisal when it was finished to make sure i was happy with it.

now i am just waiting for the surprise proposal. i''m a control freak about certain things, too. and this was one of them. he is also super laid back and was more than happy to just pay for it. since we''re both happy, that''s all that matters. and the same goes for you
 

decodelighted

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
11,534
Oh yes ... I know it well! It''s funny to think about it in retrospect! And hear DH tell the story ... or hear ABOUT him having TOLD the story
.

I am a picky m.f. ... and the MINUTE we started talking about engagement I leveled with him and said "I know it''s CRAZY ... but the RING is really important to me". He was cool with it .. because he knows I''m not materialstic generally & wasn''t a "golddigger" - HA! ... and because he KNEW I wear very little jewelry - almost NONE .. so whatever "it" was ...was gonna be "it" yanno?

And I researched and I researched and I printed pictures & I tried to describe stuff to him and I made a whole folder which he was expecting ... but then ... I found "the ring" and "the stone" by accident and HEE HEE HEE ... put down a DEPOSIT! He gets this call ... "Um, babe, I have good news & bad news ... good news: I found it ... bad news: you''re committed". Thank goodness he has a sense of humor!
Also - I was prepared to lose the nominal deposit amount if he hadn''t wanted to proceed thataway. Soon after that ... he took over babysitting the project & wouldn''t let me see the completed product until he proposed. HOWEVER - control freak that I am ... I negotiated for my friend to check out the finished ring & give her "a-ok" BEFORE he picked it up/paid etc ... because it was a re-construction in a new metal & I trusted her girl/fashion designer eye to give it the kind of "go-over" necessary!


But even with all that control ... I couldn''t anticipate a functional problem with my finished e-ring! We had to do a minor "fix" about six months later ... and he was fabulous & understanding about that too ... and super patient about how hard it was to fit a w-band with this little sucker ALSO!

Today ... I look at my e-ring & see my own taste but a WHOLE WORLD OF HIM INDULGING ME .. which, honestly, is priceless to me! When it counted ... when something was irrationally important to me ... he stepped back and said "go for it". I think he''s happy with how the whole thing worked out though ... he gets a lot of "credit" for a gorgeous ering from those who don''t hear the "whole story"
.
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
Date: 11/29/2006 6:47:51 AM
Author:courtneyclv
Now, I am the kind of person that does like to have control over some things. I like to research things, plan, organize, etc. He doesn''t..If he went to pick out a ring for me, it would be the first he saw just to get out of the store!

(and it isn''t that I wouldn''t love it..but he knows he isn''t as educated as me about diamonds AND he wants me to get what I want)


I think this is ok and truthfully I am having FUN (LOOVVEE this site!), but one of my guy friends thought it was weird that I am doing EVERYTHING.
I secretly like having total say in what my ring looks like, although sometimes I wonder, will the ring (and the proposal, for that matter), be less special without that element of surprise? I don''t know
BF is so laid back, if I dropped all my ring research now he''d probably forget about it for a year or so and then realize "oops... I forgot to propose..."
even though we''ve already had our stone for a month!

Gotta love him.

So, I guess for me, I could wait for him to choose it all (and he has wonderful taste so I''m sure that it would be beautiful) but it would take a LOT longer to get it on my finger than if I do the planning!
 

courtneyclv

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
125
Sunset Cliffs in San Diego a couple of weeks ago!

sunset11.jpg
 

CrownJewel

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 26, 2006
Messages
1,895
I''m a control freak too. I wouldn''t let my fiance pick out my clothes, so I also wouldn''t want him to pick out my ring. I''m lucky my fiance thought the same thing! He knew better than to attempt to design a ring FOR a designer (there is a reason why engineers don''t have control over the aesthetics of a building). However, he knew that if he didn''t want my input, then a simple solitaire ring would have been a beautiful surprise. But he didn''t want to just give me a simple solitaire. So, we picked out the stone and the setting together.

After I told one of my best friends that I helped pick out the setting, she told me that she wanted to be 100% surprised. She ended up getting engaged 3 weeks after me, and the surprise was wonderful for me too!!! Her fiance was an architecture student with me in college, so he''s a designer and I LOVE the ring he picked out for her. Even if he weren''t a designer though, she still wouldn''t care what her ring turned out like. Some girls care and some don''t care what their e-rings look like. Some girls would upgrade and some would never imagine doing such a thing. Life would be so boring if men were the only people buying diamonds.

There are some ladies on PS that were not involved in their e-ring choice, and didn''t like the style after the proposal, so they went about resetting the ring with their husbands'' permission. It all depends on the dynamics between each couple. In the end, everything turns out well as long as both people agree.
 

courtneyclv

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
125
WOW! 25 replies overnight! I feel better ladies!

My bf did take part in some of the fun activities. He came to the jeweler two times (which is in a mall and he has only stepped foot in a mall 2 times within 2 years!! haha) and saw the setting I loved which I now put on hold. I also put my notebook computer on his lap so he can look at this site with me (he thinks I am OBSESSED! LOL) and looks at center stones photos with me.

He doesn''t quite understand why this engagement ring is such a big deal to me and I know he sometimes gets annoyed when I am at work. WHY? Well, at our casino, he is my bartender and I am his cocktail waitress! So in the bar, the girls always hear me chit chat about all of this. I know that he smiles though, seeing how excited I really am.

Do I think the element of surprise will be ruined? Nope. I already know we are getting engaged, I already know when he may do it (I have a feeling it will be in San Diego on our next trip on the beach..hmmmm) and I think that I will be so excited that I won''t even care that I know what my ring looks like because i know I will LOVE IT!!!! I just want to show the whole world, and EVERYONE at my work, that we are engaged!

cutepicinmex.jpg
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 17, 2005
Messages
11,016
You guys are too cute!

I am sure you will get what you want. And I just do not worry about what others would do, or how they would handle it, because they have the opportunity to do so when it is their turn.

Just worry about your guy and how he is feeling throughout this process, and as long as you are both okay with it all, I would not worry!
 

ChargerGrrl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 17, 2005
Messages
2,865
Girl, you''re not silly! Lucky is definitely it.

I''ve followed your posts over in RT, and I''m putting my money on the princess from GOG. The cut-cornered stone is fab, but I''m partial to princesses. And, I don''t blame you for wanting to meet the broker guy tomorrow. Just go in there armed with the knowledge you''ve learned here on PS and you''ll be fine!

As far as my story goes, I was VERY involved in the process. DH and I went ring shopping together as I orginally didn''t know if I wanted a RB or a princess. The princess won hands down. I then did some research to learn more about stats and what makes an ideal princess. I happened to be traveling to Houston for biz in Sept''05, so I made contact with WF and had them bring in a princess stone that had potential. I saw it in person, and fell in love! I also spent something like 2 hours with "Brian the cutter" (he''s legendary around here!) That kind of service won me over, and it wasn''t too hard to convince DH that we should go with them. I then left the ball in his court and gave him a couple of setting selections to choose from. He ended up purchasing the stone, and my #1 setting choice! So although I knew I was going to get the stone I picked out, the finished product was a complete surprise (as was the proposal).

Count yourself lucky that your guy cares about what you want. And yes, people will think it''s wierd that you had so much input. I was told that it was "wrong!" Well, if it''s wrong, then i don''t want to be right!

GOOD LUCK!
 
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