How many of you have finances together without yet engaged?

[Patchee]

This is a spin off of a post in a thread entirely different and so, I was wondering.

 

[princesss]

Oh HECK no!

 

[Patchee]

Neither do I. I've been married 5 days now and he said this morning, let's open a joint account... I almost threw up

even tho we are now married. Takes some getting use to I guess

 

[Dreamgirl]

I guess I don''t understand the question.

 

[Still_Waiting]

We do not have a joint bank account. He pays his bills. I pay mine. We''ve just continued using our own accounts even after we moved in together. We''ll likely always keep our money separate. However, I have suggested we open a joint savings account so that we can both contribute to our "future"-whether it''s for our wedding or vacations or whatever. This will hopefully get us on the path to saving!!!

 

[Erinleigh]

FF and I live together (and have for 2 years now), and we have a joint bank account. We don''t have our paychecks sent there though, just use it to each deposit some money into each month to manage bills and rent payments. It makes it easier to keep track of everything! Though once we get engaged we''ll probably just combine all of our finances...

 

[annadragon]

DH (been married 6 days!!) and I have lived together for 3 years and been together nearly 4 years. He makes a significant amount more than I. I''m back in school earning my masters but have decided to go ahead and start my doctorate next year. I don''t want to combine our finances until I can contribute but that will be another 4 years and may not be feasible.

My mom and her boyfriend have been together for 10 years and combined their finances when they bought a house together.

I have friends who are married with their first kid on the way, they have not and will not combine their finances.

Its a personal thing but quite frankly I wouldn''t put them together unless you own equitable property together or are close to being married.

 

[purselover]

Yes, we combined when we moved in together which was before we were engaged. For us it was a great decision.

 

[lucyandroger]

We have been together 3 1/2 years, lived together a little over 2 years.

- We own a car together - bought it cash 2 years ago.
- We have signed 3 leases together.
- We have been under a family cell phone plan for 1 year.
- We have two joint accounts - one savings and one checking. The savings account currently holds the downpayment for our house and the checking account is basically just a conduit account to pay rent/ utilities through.
- We are in the process of buying a house together.

Just because a couple is not "officially engaged" does not mean they are not committed. Every couple is different and should do what works for them.

ETA - Our paychecks still go into seperate checking accounts and we each have our own 401K plans for retirement savings.

 

[HappyCat]

FF and I have lived together for nearly 3 years. We each have our own separate accounts, and a joint account that we each put money into to pay our monthly bills. It seems to work well for us!

 

[Prana]

My FI and I have been together for 7 years, lived together for 1.5 years. Engaged for 3 months. We have one joint bank account at this time, it is only a joint account because he has 1/2 his paycheck direct deposited to the account for bills and whatnot. We own a house together, but only my name is on the mortgage. Once married, his will be put on the mortgage. We had a joint savings account years ago, and we closed it about 3 years ago because it was sort of pointless at that time. We are currently discussing how we will go about combining our finances in the future after marriage.

 

[jcarlylew]

we''ve been living together for 2 years, so we opened up a joint account for bills. We both have access to it, and check it regulary. however, that account does not grant access to our seperate accounts (both of us have seperate bank accounts.) where our payroll is deposited.

i think its help brought up the "money" talk alot easier becuase at the time it was a need, where as now (getting married) it will be a fact. however, we will continue to always have seperate accounts.

 

[Lauren8211]

This thread reminds me that we need to figure out what our plans are for post-wedding finances.

Add another thing to the list...

I do know that we both want community money for bill paying, and personal money for us to spend, where we don''t need approval from the other person.

Larger purchases will always need to be discussed (Likely anything over 200)

Our money is not currently combined, as we both have our own accounts. We are engaged, and getting married in 3 months.

 

[Patchee]

Lucy&roger wrote:

Just because a couple is not "officially engaged" does not mean they are not committed. Every couple is different and should do what works for them.

_________________________________________



I never thought sharing $$ meant committment. Committment and Money are two totally different things IMHO

I've been committed to my newly DH from the minute we hooked up (5.5 ago). But that did not mean I was going to go out and co-sign for a Lexus SUV or anything.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 7/17/2009 2:31:24 PM
Author: Patchee
Lucy&roger wrote:

Just because a couple is not 'officially engaged' does not mean they are not committed. Every couple is different and should do what works for them.

_________________________________________



I never thought sharing $$ meant committment. Committment and Money are two totally different things IMHO

I've been committed to my newly DH from the minute we hooked up (5.5 ago). But that did not mean I was going to go out and co-sign for a Lexus SUV or anything.

huh?

I'm genuinely confused. When did I say that sharing money meant committment?

Your question asked about sharing money without yet being engaged. What I was saying is being officially engaged is not a milestone I would use to determine when it is or is not appropriate to combine some of our finances, for us.

ETA - You seem to have read my post to somehow have questioned your committment to your DH. I'm not really sure how that happened since I didn't even mention you but that was certainly not my intention.

 

[Rock_of_Love]

Date: 7/17/2009 2:31:24 PM
Author: Patchee
Lucy&roger wrote:

Just because a couple is not ''officially engaged'' does not mean they are not committed. Every couple is different and should do what works for them.

_________________________________________



I never thought sharing $$ meant committment. Committment and Money are two totally different things IMHO

I''ve been committed to my newly DH from the minute we hooked up (5.5 ago). But that did not mean I was going to go out and co-sign for a Lexus SUV or anything.

I think for a lot of couples, combining finances (or the decision not to) is a big part of committment. Money is always a huge issue in relationships. But, just because a couple hasn''t combined finances doesn''t mean they aren''t committed, and vice versa!! There can be so many reasons to combine or not to combine finances...necessity, culture, ease of use, a form of committment, hiding assets, sharing assets, big purchases (a house), and on and on.

I hope no one here is thinking either way..."you are not committed because you haven''t combined" or "you are crazy for combining without being married"...just sharing different perspectives, right?

 

[Rock_of_Love]

We combined when we bought a house together...then most of the main bills became *our* bills. We each still have our own bills that we pay with our own money, but the main ones have been combined.

And, when I say combined, well, we don''t have a joint bank account, but I literally manage all the bills and finances online...logging into our various accounts, transferring money here and there as needed, paying bills online from whichever account is appropriate at the time, etc. I think it is just because I am kind of neurotic about it. He''s not much of a "paperwork" guy. He also owns his own business, but I actually do alot of the accounting and paperwork for it.

I think when we first moved in together and started doing this, my parents were a little nervous/confused and my Dad actually had "the talk" with him..."what are your intentions and all." But, after that, I think everyone was pretty clear what *our* intentions were and are.

Money is such a funny thing, and believe me, we have had our issues about it along the way, but it is so personal and so different for every person and every couple. Our attitudes about money are shaped by so many different aspects of life that I think it shapes how/when/why we choose to combine, not to combine, or something in between!!

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 7/17/2009 3:07:49 PM
Author: Rock_of_Love


Money is such a funny thing, and believe me, we have had our issues about it along the way, but it is so personal and so different for every person and every couple. Our attitudes about money are shaped by so many different aspects of life that I think it shapes how/when/why we choose to combine, not to combine, or something in between!!

i agree! we talked about moving into a 2 bedroom, and E would have a game room. he then told me that the big TV would move into that room too. OH HELL NO was my response, since i didnt drop 500 on a tv-size/type(we split the cost of it) i didnt really want, to be a tv i never used. he called be back the next day and thought it over, saying he would either buy a new tv for the front or back room.

You are so right how is changes the whats mine, yours and ours. and, in a positive way, even if it stirs up an argument (like ours *almost* did!)

 

[Blackpaw]

My SO and i have been together almost five years, and combined finances about 2 or 2 and a half years ago.

Everything is combined we have nothing separate (i tend to do most of the paperwork stuff, like Rock of Love, but he complains that he cant buy me nice presents without me realising it!!). We were going to buy a house together but that fell through, but its still easiest for us to be ''joined'' in bank accounts as we live together etc.

Plus, while i am mindful that i need to protect myself financially especially being a woman, i think that whats mine is his, and whats his is mine; so it makes sense to just have joint everything!

 

[Magpie09]

I don''t think i will get a joint account until i am married. If i do buy a house before getting married i think i''ll continue to have a separate account where my paychecks will go and have a joint account where we will transfer money to pay for the bills and mortgage etc.

 

[katomm]

No, we do not share finances. I don''t think we ever will honestly. BF is not good with money and has admitted he''s afraid he''d spend more if he sees more in a joint account. I like to save money and think of the future, he lives in the here and now with no savings. We may get a joint account for house bills but that''s about it. Fine with me.

 

[gwendolyn]

Engaged and no finances are together. Even when we''re married, we''ll probably (at most) only have one joint account where we put money for bills...but even the thought of that makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 7/18/2009 3:41:51 AM
Author: gwendolyn
Engaged and no finances are together. Even when we''re married, we''ll probably (at most) only have one joint account where we put money for bills...but even the thought of that makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

Ditto - as my dear mother always says "never put all your eggs in one basket". I do believe that finances within a couple are very important and I''d be uncomfortable if I knew my SO was bad with money and we only had a joint account. Thankfully he''s great with $$ so I don''t have to worry about coming home one night to find that all of our money has been spent on an expensive sports car

 

[bee*]

DH and I are married a month now and we''ll probably open a joint account in the next few weeks. There was no way I would have opened one before we were married and even once we open our joint account, that will just be for bills and stuff. Each of us will still have our own accounts too.

 

[FrekeChild]

We will be combining our finances around November or so. Apparently I''m not allowed to have any credit cards of my own though.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I am a third party on his equity manager account and both of our pays go into this, we also have a joint credit card as well and we both have our own personal accounts for our ''own'' money.

 

[Bjedifish]

We will propbably open something up together now that we are engaged, but I still want to keep my own checking account. I think it will be more for savings and stuff like that.

 

[Sharon101]

Have been married 17 years. House not in my name

. Have never had a joint bank account or cc. But, the positives are that dh has never seen or looked at what I spend....ever. My money is mine from my work and from what he gives me for food, kids etc. I have never seen or paid a house bill, school fees etc. Just lately we bought an investment property together which is our first joint venture together.

Btw, I* think its `nicer` to share things more than my dh did because it gives a better vibe. eg my rights to the house are more than 50% if I were to leave him. So it would have saved him years of me arguing about this point and for no extra cost to him to have given me that respect from the beginning. I cant believe that Ive been with him the same amount of years as my age when we started going out! Answer = approx. 20 years!

 

[megumic]

Great thread!

We are not engaged, but have lived together for about 9 months. We have one joint account, and each a separate account. I think it has worked to our benefit to learn each other's financial habits. After all, living a whole life together involves lots of financial decisions and transactions - might as well get started early! We're of the opinion that everything that's mine is yours and vice versa.

I think having joint finances and accounts is a sign of commitment in a totally different sense from being engaged. It's a sign that you REALLY trust someone else with your money. A joint account can be closed in its entirety by any party to a joint account WITHOUT any other joint holder's permission! For us, it has been a game of trial and error to figure out just how we're going to budget and work as a team, as opposed to each of us living off of our separate pay checks.

I may be missing something, but it strikes me as odd that two people can join their hearts and lives, but not finances.

I can't imagine trusting someone with my heart but not my money - I'd be much quicker to protect my heart than my cash. In no way am I judging, but if someone can share why they are uncomfortable combining finances with the person they have committed the rest of their lives to, I'd love to hear it.

 

[pinkstars]

We''ve been together almost 5 years and living together for 2 years.
We split rent.
We have a family plan.
He pays electric, I pay for internet.
We alternate buying food and meals out.

We''re buying a car using my credit score and using his money for the down payment. I''ll be paying insurance because I''ll be driving more.

We''re going on a road trip for over month soon and I''ve contributed money, but not as much as BF. It''s something we both want to do and it just wouldn''t be possible for us to do it if we didn''t put our money together.