How many kids do you have?

[Rosebloom]

We have two kids, an 8 yo son and a 6 yo daughter. For a while when DD was about 2, I really wanted a third, but after a lot of soul searching, I realized that we could do a lot more for two kids than we could do for three. It was definitely the right decision for us.

Thank you for sharing this, Yenny. That's exactly the soul searching I'm currently doing. It's quite a tricky thing to figure out, isn't it?

 

[zoebartlett]

We don't have kids. I've kind of always thought it would be great to have them but I'd be okay without kids if that's how things ended up. I met my husband at 30 and we got married just a few months before I turned 35 (he was 37). We talked about it many times and thought we might but we kept putting it off. Now, I'm 39, he's 40, and we both feel like the time has passed. I do get sad about it once in a while, but I'm okay with our "decision." I think I'd feel more strongly about it if I was in a different field. I'm around kids all day, and I LOVE it, but I'm not going to lie, sometimes it's nice to go home to a quiet house.

 

[Skippy123]

We have two kids, an 8 yo son and a 6 yo daughter. For a while when DD was about 2, I really wanted a third, but after a lot of soul searching, I realized that we could do a lot more for two kids than we could do for three. It was definitely the right decision for us.

Thank you for sharing this, Yenny. That's exactly the soul searching I'm currently doing. It's quite a tricky thing to figure out, isn't it?

here too! We have 20 month old twin boys and hubby and I sat down and talked. It just would be easier to have 2 for us. If we had them younger, I am sure we would have 3 kids. For travel which we like to do, 2 works for us. My sister is going to have a 3rd and it made me feel good about our decision to have 2, sometimes when you see someone close pregnant you wish for another and that didn't happen. So it is a 2 kiddos for us!

I adore these boys and I am glad we have 2, best little pals!!!

 

[woofmama]

I have two sons, one from my 1st marriage & one with DH. They are 7 years and five days apart. Both had the same due date which is quite unreal. Son number one will be 21 on Jan 22nd & son number two will be 14 on Jan 27th. They are very close even with the 7 yr age gap. I was 27 when I had my 1st & 34 with the 2nd. My DH & I strongly considered having another child, we both wanted to try for a girl but there was no more at the inn We live in a three bedroom house and all are occupied, that helped us make a decision. We also both have worked long, and at some intervals, unconventional hours which made juggling child care a real issue.
I hope that one of my sons has a daughter someday that I can spoil with all things girly. I have absolutely loved having boys, they are both great kids

 

[KaeKae]

We have two daughters, 17 and 14. I always envisioned having kids. The amount varied, from 1 to 4 at any given time.

Pregnancy #2 was a tough one. DD2 decided she wanted to arrive much earlier than planned or safe, at 28 weeks. By the grace of God, and the skill and knowledge of our doctors/hospital, and a friend, who recognized the early labor signs before I did, they were able to halt the preterm labor before it went too far, and she was born full term and healthy. Still, I spent many weeks laying in bed, with a three year old running around. Not easy on a family, and we decided that two healthy kids was just right.

 

[JaneSmith]

One, by choice. Love it.

 

[m-2-b]

Two lovely boys, ages 5 1/2 and 3 1/2! We did all of our traveling way before the kids came and I'm glad we did so! Two is definitely enough for us b/c sleep deprivation and colic are no fun!

 

[yennyfire]

We have two kids, an 8 yo son and a 6 yo daughter. For a while when DD was about 2, I really wanted a third, but after a lot of soul searching, I realized that we could do a lot more for two kids than we could do for three. It was definitely the right decision for us.

Thank you for sharing this, Yenny. That's exactly the soul searching I'm currently doing. It's quite a tricky thing to figure out, isn't it?

Yes, it was a very difficult decision, especially since DH is 9 years older than me and wanted to be able to retire and travel while he could still enjoy it, lol! Honestly, had he been younger, we might have gone for it. Our first two are 19 months apart and it was a rough first couple of years and I would have wanted at least 2.5 years between #2 and #3 and with DH's age, we didn't have the luxury of time.

Seriously though, for us it was about being able to get our kids thru college debt free and get them off to a good start in life, having exposed them to many diverse experiences. Paying for private school (should we choose to go that route) and summer camp is very different for two than for three. Had DH been younger, we might have made a different choice?? I just don't know. The other thing is that I had to accept that a third child was something *I* wanted and you can't twist your spouses arm on something like this. For a while after I realized this, it was hard to be around families with 3 kids...it made me second guess my decision, but now I know it was the right thing and I know that our family is complete.

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

Thank you so much everyone. I never knew there were so many people out there... I've felt alone since the incident but just seeing you guys post about how it's happened to you... It makes me feel so much better.

 

[rosetta]

Three kids, one *completely unexpected* miscarriage. Three's perfect. If you're having kids that is.
No kids is also perfect.
Not all of us should aspire to wiping bums and running school runs. *omg boring and wider-world-opportunity sapping*

YayTacori, I'm with you on this one! I lost a baby in tragic/dramatic circumstances at the beginning of December, after a whole series of tests and medical appointments.

It's all very

But the thing I find, is that if you are open about all this...it's extremely common! I feel I've had a fairly dramatic experience, and yet I know several women whose stories are actually much more than mine.....

That's the external circumstances. Internally, we primarily have our own experiences to deal with, don't we.

So be strong, and realise that Nature wants us to be strong.

And draw strength from a few key supportive people in your life, if you can.

That's just how I feel. If I never wipe bums or do school runs I will be a-okay.

But I'm really happy that other women are ready to take this on! Clever, patient, warm hearted, talented women who will do this: yay!

 

[Tuckins1]

I have a son, age 20 months. I always knew that I wanted kids, but never really thought about how many. I had a difficult pregnancy, and have many risk factors, which has helped me to make the decision to not have any more. Besides, one wild man is enough for me!!

 

[Tuckins1]

I don't had any kids yet. Before I got married I had a plan. I wanted to get marred before I was 23 wait two years and have a kid by 25. I'm 27 now and still no kid... We went through a year, I think I was 25...where we tried and tried but we never got pregnant. We stopped trying and just decided to be whatever. Then this past year during the summer, we took a trip to Vegas and came back and I was pregnant... I hate talking about this and I haven't told anyone except SIL and of course DH knows but we lost the baby... I type this now because no one knows who I really am here and I don't want people I know to feel sorry for me. DH and I have since stopped trying. I still want a little baby boy of my own... But I'm scared now.

I would love twin baby boys

I'm sorry to hear this! I know it doesn't really make it better, but I know a lot of women who have had similar experiences and have been able to conceive and give birth with no trouble after having had a miscarriage (or more than one!). I hope that you get what you want, and have a happy and healthy life with your family!

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

I don't had any kids yet. Before I got married I had a plan. I wanted to get marred before I was 23 wait two years and have a kid by 25. I'm 27 now and still no kid... We went through a year, I think I was 25...where we tried and tried but we never got pregnant. We stopped trying and just decided to be whatever. Then this past year during the summer, we took a trip to Vegas and came back and I was pregnant... I hate talking about this and I haven't told anyone except SIL and of course DH knows but we lost the baby... I type this now because no one knows who I really am here and I don't want people I know to feel sorry for me. DH and I have since stopped trying. I still want a little baby boy of my own... But I'm scared now.

I would love twin baby boys

I'm sorry to hear this! I know it doesn't really make it better, but I know a lot of women who have had similar experiences and have been able to conceive and give birth with no trouble after having had a miscarriage (or more than one!). I hope that you get what you want, and have a happy and healthy life with your family!

I'm just worried that it might be hereditary. My mom had no trouble conceiving and her labor was only an hour for me and 30 minutes for my brother. My aunt on the other hand, had many many miscarriages until she had my cousin. My cousin is 21 and my aunt is 60... She tried for 10 years to get pregnant and had miscarriages over and over... I'm scared of the emotional toll that'll take upon me. One is painful enough but countless miscarriages over and over...

 

[donnabrsd]

I have 4. 2 boys, ages 20 & 21, from first marriage. 2 girls from current marriage (10 year old twins). I always wanted kids and thought I would have 2. I love having 4 and love the age gap.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

How many children do you have, if any? When you envisioned your life growing up, did you always see yourself having the number of kids you currently have?

I have two boys. Before getting married, DH and I talked and had decided we were going to have two kids, two years apart. My best friend had two boys (she had them at a young age) and I kept having the feeling that I also would have boys, and did and they're just under two years apart.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Thank you so much everyone. I never knew there were so many people out there... I've felt alone since the incident but just seeing you guys post about how it's happened to you... It makes me feel so much better.

YT - sorry for your loss. And, yeah, unfortunetly it is really common. I lost two. First was before I became preg with my older son, then second was when both my kids were in/near elementary school age...

 

[Cozystitches]

I have three kids: 10g, 8g, 6b. We talked about how many we wanted before we were married, dh only wanted 2, I wanted 3-4. We agreed if we had two of the same (2 girls or 2 boys) we'd try for a third and be done. I'm the oldest of six girls, and didn't want to keep trying for "one more" as my parents did. I love the spacing now, but when they were smaller it was more challenging. I knew as a kid I wanted to have kids young and met most of my goals. I figured I'd get married at 20 (check), and then have all my kids by 25 (not quite!). I was 28 when I had my youngest.

I'm happy with our three, sometimes I think that things would have been easier with just two, but I wouldn't give up any of them.

 

[madelise]

I always wanted to get married by 23, and have at least one full year dedicated to just "us", and have my first child by 25.
I'm turning 25 in 3 months, and I'm not pregnant or married.

 

[ponder]

I don't had any kids yet. Before I got married I had a plan. I wanted to get marred before I was 23 wait two years and have a kid by 25. I'm 27 now and still no kid... We went through a year, I think I was 25...where we tried and tried but we never got pregnant. We stopped trying and just decided to be whatever. Then this past year during the summer, we took a trip to Vegas and came back and I was pregnant... I hate talking about this and I haven't told anyone except SIL and of course DH knows but we lost the baby... I type this now because no one knows who I really am here and I don't want people I know to feel sorry for me. DH and I have since stopped trying. I still want a little baby boy of my own... But I'm scared now.

I would love twin baby boys

I'm sorry to hear this! I know it doesn't really make it better, but I know a lot of women who have had similar experiences and have been able to conceive and give birth with no trouble after having had a miscarriage (or more than one!). I hope that you get what you want, and have a happy and healthy life with your family!

I'm just worried that it might be hereditary. My mom had no trouble conceiving and her labor was only an hour for me and 30 minutes for my brother. My aunt on the other hand, had many many miscarriages until she had my cousin. My cousin is 21 and my aunt is 60... She tried for 10 years to get pregnant and had miscarriages over and over... I'm scared of the emotional toll that'll take upon me. One is painful enough but countless miscarriages over and over...

YayTacori,

There are many genetic factors that can lead to m/c and trying again after m/c is scary, but medically there is a huge difference between fertility issues now and 20-30 years ago. I had 2 m/c back to back and after the first m/c we did not tell anyone about the 2nd or even tell anyone about DD#1 until we knew the gender. I inherited a gene from both my parents that causes m/c even if you only inherit it from one parent. I found a skilled reproductive endocrinologist that was able to help me sustain three successful pregnancies. I totally recommend starting a thread when you think about TTC, it is estimated that 20-25% of pregnancies end in m/c and you will find that alot of us have gone through it too and are a wonderful support system. And to quote my RE "It's a hell of a lot easier to keep you pregnant than it is to get you pregnant, and you have already proved you can do that on your own."

 

[ponder]

Oh, and to answer the OP question, 3. My oldest is 3 1/2, middle is 2, and youngest is 10 months. They are each 16 months apart, giver or take a week or so. And, yes, I am crazy.

 

[Laila619]

Oh, and to answer the OP question, 3. My oldest is 3 1/2, middle is 2, and youngest is 10 months. They are each 16 months apart, giver or take a week or so. And, yes, I am crazy.

Ponder

 

[Laila619]

Hugs (((YT)))

So sorry.

 

[JaneSmith]

Miscarriage is rather common, but talking about it isn't. One friend had the courage to tell me about hers only a year after it happened. I had just had my baby when she lost hers at four months. I felt terrible for her, and terrible that I was oblivious and unable to help her.
Suffering in silence is no way to deal with anything. Please YayTacori, choose one friend to confide in, or see a counsellor. And get a referral to a reproductive endocrinologist, like Ponder did.

I have a question for those with one child. Did you stop at one because you only wanted one, or because of a rough pregnancy or babyhood, or some other life circumstance? People always seem taken aback or almost offended when I say we are very happy with one.

 

[makemepretty]

I would have loved to have a bunch of kids but I realized what I could handle the best was two. We're lower income and there are two parents and I have two hands. I sometimes think peoples "wants" overrule what is best for them....and the children they have.

Now, right now in my house I have 9 teenage boys playing Dungeons and Dragons. So, my having two didn't limit the number of children that have been in my house. I'm frequently a babysitter for nieces and nephews so there hasn't been a time when I didn't have a baby to cuddle. Trying to feed 9 teenage boys is a arduous task, thank God I only have to do it now and then!

I know someone who has two boys and one girl all 5 and under. She's not working, she receives support and is separated from her husband. Granted, her support income is more than my household income because of where the support is coming from. She wants another girl. She's highly educated but in my opinion, stupid when it comes to common sense. I think being a good parent is a heck of a lot harder than just being a parent. Having more kids than you can handle just because you "want" them is beyond selfish.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I would have loved to have a bunch of kids but I realized what I could handle the best was two. We're lower income and there are two parents and I have two hands. I sometimes think peoples "wants" overrule what is best for them....and the children they have.

Now, right now in my house I have 9 teenage boys playing Dungeons and Dragons. So, my having two didn't limit the number of children that have been in my house. I'm frequently a babysitter for nieces and nephews so there hasn't been a time when I didn't have a baby to cuddle. Trying to feed 9 teenage boys is a arduous task, thank God I only have to do it now and then!

I know someone who has two boys and one girl all 5 and under. She's not working, she receives support and is separated from her husband. Granted, her support income is more than my household income because of where the support is coming from. She wants another girl. She's highly educated but in my opinion, stupid when it comes to common sense. I think being a good parent is a heck of a lot harder than just being a parent. Having more kids than you can handle just because you "want" them is beyond selfish.

hahaha!

Yeah, what we have to remember, that along with kids, comes the friends! My boys often each have a friend over and suddenly there are four pre-teen boys at my house. The good thing is they can take care of themselves, mostly now, so I can hide in my room while they run around the house.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

We have one child right now. Our son is 4 an is amazing. He joined our family through adoption in the summer of 2011.

Dh and I both want more children. We're not quite sure how they'll join our family--birth, adoption, fostercare, etc. We're discusisng that and seeing what doors open for us...

Ideally, DH would like 4 children and I want 4 or more.

 

[Sparklelu]

First YT, thank you for sharing. I know how painful it is. You feel conflicted too, if you weren't "trying" and oops now you are pregnant get used to the idea, now you are not.
Been there done that. Not trying to play one up, but I had 5 official miscarriages, have 3 living children. boy 31 girl 29 and then a boy19, guess where I had my 5 miscarriages?
We lost each baby after 9 weeks so they were all rough.
We even went so far as to have genetic testing done. No answers.
Then when we retired to Florida,enjoying our time with Pre teens.... surprise Christopher arrived!
To answer the original question. I never wanted kids, my mom was horrified, but once we got married DH is 10 years older than I and was joking about his biological clock, we talked a realized we did want kids. I came from 3 kids he from 4 so more than 2 was never out of the question.
I love my kids, not always their antics, but I would never trade an AVC or a trip to Europe for any of them!!! Ok maybe an AVC for # 3 cause he isn't independent yet

 

[vc10um]

Right now? Zero. DH and I just married 18 months ago, are 28 and 29, and are just not ready to start our family yet.

Seeing as I didn't think I would marry until at least 30, I'm perfectly happy still being childless at the moment. We know for sure we want at least one child. Whether or not our first has a sibling will depend on a lot of factors, I'm sure. But we don't plan to have more than two.

 

[AP1976]

Miscarriage is rather common, but talking about it isn't. One friend had the courage to tell me about hers only a year after it happened. I had just had my baby when she lost hers at four months. I felt terrible for her, and terrible that I was oblivious and unable to help her.
Suffering in silence is no way to deal with anything. Please YayTacori, choose one friend to confide in, or see a counsellor. And get a referral to a reproductive endocrinologist, like Ponder did.

I have a question for those with one child. Did you stop at one because you only wanted one, or because of a rough pregnancy or babyhood, or some other life circumstance? People always seem taken aback or almost offended when I say we are very happy with one.

JS - we initially wanted 2, but after struggling to conceive our 2nd we made the decision to stop trying. So we have one by circumstance at first, then choice. We are so sure in our choice that last week DH had a vasectomy!! Once we got through the emotions of being unable to have another, we realized we LOVED our life with one and now can't imagine it any other way. Yes, sometimes I hear rude comments about having one, but really - why is anyone's reproductive's choice up for public comment? So when people ask me about it (outside of a thread like this where I am obviously participating!), I ask them about their personal reproductive choices and it usually shuts people up, lol.

 

[LaraOnline]

I think being a good parent is a heck of a lot harder than just being a parent. Having more kids than you can handle just because you "want" them is beyond selfish.

Have to agree with this. The difference between 'parenting' and 'parenting well' can be huge...
although all parenting (even bad parenting lol) is hard/sometimes annoying work...it's hard to put others' needs ahead of your own 24/7!

Rosetta, I find your attitude to children honest and refreshing.


Mothering should be valued more than it is... and yet the costs of motherhood to mothers, in terms of wider-world experiences, should also be more clearly understood and explained to girls as well.

You may be thinking from these comments that I am not happy to be a mother. (don't stone me, please!)

YES I DO enjoy and deeply love my children....after all the effort it would be a shame not to have sense of achievement, wouldn't it?!