How long does it take to get over someone?

[Elizabeth35]

Aw Stephanie Lynn. You will find that you have learned a lot from this experience, no matter how painful it was. You now know so many things to look for and avoid in future friendships. You tried to have a direct convo and that didn't work. In a good relationship you will be able to resolve issues and it seems like you have that skill set and desire to resolve problems. All will be good!
You are kind to wish her well. Find someone who does the same for you!

 

[Indylady]

StephanieLynn, I’m sorry to hear about this. I think a lot of folks have given good advice. I encourage you to go back out there again when you’re ready to make new friends. You may have already done this/I may be mistaken, but I’d also urge you to think about whether or not the friendship and friend made you happy and if the friendship was working for you, and consider if you have a bit of a rose tint when thinking of her—I may be totally wrong and you may have been very satisfied in the friendship, but on the chance you weren’t, it’s cathartic to recognize that and realize that maybe a bit of it was mutual and maybe there is some relief letting go. What’s next may be better than the past—we never know till we get there. Very annoying to hear during a crisis or heartbreak, but, I’m sure you too have times that things felt very down and then got much much better, sometimes you just have to clear the path and make space for a new and better thing. It sucks that this wasn’t in your control, but, I’m very hopeful a new and better friendship is in your horizon and now you will have the bandwidth to be open to it.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Thanks @Elizabeth35, it has been an awakening for sure and it definitely has changed how I look friendships in general. Thank you for the well wishes!

@Indylady thank you so much and you are right about the rose-tinted glasses, she was not good at talking about her feelings or being direct which is in direct contrast to how I approach things, there were topics that were off limits with her so she didn't get upset, in the end we weren't friends as much as two people who called each other friends. I am hopeful about moving forward and seeing what's to come.

 

[LLJsmom]

Some I’ve never gotten over. The sadness just diminishes over time. But I made me very protective and taught me not to expect much from people. Unfortunately it also made me not build friendships except on very rare occasions. And it taught me, like many have said, that’s just life and people move on. (((Hugs))).

 

[missy]

Some I’ve never gotten over. The sadness just diminishes over time. But I made me very protective and taught me not to expect much from people. Unfortunately it also made me not build friendships except on very rare occasions. And it taught me, like many have said, that’s just life and people move on. (((Hugs))).

@LLJsmom sending you big (((hugs))). Sure some people stink but I am forever grateful for people like you. With warm and kind and loving hearts. For all the heart break that there is in the world I will never let it harden my heart because I know there are people in this world like you.

 

[Austina]

@StephanieLynn as you can see, a lot of us have been through it. It’s horrible when it happens to you, especially when you don’t know why. I had a very good friend who was in an unhappy marriage. She eventually decided to leave him, and it took 5 years for them to be divorced. During that time, I was always available to her, (even when it wasn’t really that convenient) she’d drop by, we stored things in our house for her, I’d go out to lunch/shopping with her because she was bored, go out with her in the evenings, etc, was literally a shoulder to cry on, then about a year after her divorce, nothing, no contact whatsoever. I assume she didn’t ‘need’ me any more. I rang and left a few messages, sent her a Christmas card saying I hoped she was ok, but got no response.

I personally don’t believe you can pick up where you left off, I wouldn’t feel the same if she got back in touch. You can only move forward, so get out there, test the water, see if there are like minded people who you’d feel comfortable doing things with. If not, we’re here to enjoy seeing your latest treasures and chat with.

 

[facetgirl]

Agree with so much of the advice here. The question is- do you miss having the specific person in your life or the type of friendship? I have a dear friend who is a sister to me. It started that way, and it is this way now, but there were years in between when we didn't talk or have a relationship. There was no conflict, no issue. Life got in the way and neither of us prioritized the relationship. It happens. One day I realized I missed HER. Not the friendship but her specifically. I took a risk and reached out and we have remained in contact since. We don't talk daily and sometimes months go by, but she is my soul sister and I am always there for her, and she is always there for me.

In contrast, I have another friendship that ended, and when I look at that relationship, its the type of friendship that I miss. I would not reconnect with the person again if you paid me a million bucks.

You have to separate the wheat from the chaff. Sounds harsh but trying to keep it real.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@LLJsmom, I'm so sorry you've been through this too. It really is amazing the effect being left behind by a friend can have on us, it also seems quite unfair, I think sometimes that I am wasting my energy in someone who probably never thinks of me when I could be spending it on people that I know think and care about me a great deal, that helps sometimes.

@Austina, that's just terrible to be tossed aside after you've served a purpose to someone, I guess that's how we learn to identify who are true friends are. Sorry you've had to experience that!

@facetgirl, I appreciate keeping it real. It is so great that you have such a close enduring friendship like that (despite the years you lost touch). That is something we should all strive for and strive to be to someone else.

Starting this thread was hard but well worth it, it helps to see things from a different perspective and to ask some hard questions. In the end I think we were friends by default. Like that old familiar blanket you keep around not because it keeps you warm any longer now that it's so thread barren, but because it's familiar and comfortable and easier than finding a new one.

 

[facetgirl]

@StephanieLynn, I'm so grateful you started this thread. Truth be told I've missed certain friendships as well and this thread really has helped me sort things out. That would not have happened unless you asked your initial question. Thank you