How is this fair???

[Porridge]

Italia we moved at a similar speed. Plus there was a 9 year age gap! Ooh boy did that make people uncomfortable

The only people who didn''t give us the crazy eyes were my parents and our closest friends. Neither of us were anywhere near thought of marriage before we started dating. But we met, we knew, and nearly two years later we still know. We have a very strong relationship that''s survived and strengthened further through the ups and downs and rough parts.

On another note - I had dinner with an Indian colleague a few weeks ago. His parents at home are arranging a marriage for him. I won''t go into the details, just to say that none of it is being forced onto anyone. But I really see a lot of benefit to it. To me, it''s like an online dating service. Except instead of writing a slightly puffed up profile, the people closest to you do a ton of research to ensure you''ll both be very compatible and happy together. It is a very long and complicated process.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 7/5/2009 5:28:18 AM
Author: Porridge
Italia we moved at a similar speed. Plus there was a 9 year age gap! Ooh boy did that make people uncomfortable

The only people who didn''t give us the crazy eyes were my parents and our closest friends. Neither of us were anywhere near thought of marriage before we started dating. But we met, we knew, and nearly two years later we still know. We have a very strong relationship that''s survived and strengthened further through the ups and downs and rough parts.

On another note - I had dinner with an Indian colleague a few weeks ago. His parents at home are arranging a marriage for him. I won''t go into the details, just to say that none of it is being forced onto anyone. But I really see a lot of benefit to it. To me, it''s like an online dating service. Except instead of writing a slightly puffed up profile, the people closest to you do a ton of research to ensure you''ll both be very compatible and happy together. It is a very long and complicated process.

Wow, we''re like mirrors of each other! When I started seeing my DH neither of us were looking for the big M. I certainly wasn''t husband-hunting...I was enjoying my single life...living in my first condo, working a job I enjoyed. But we met, it was like "bam" and the rest is history.

For our engagement, my IL''s gave us a gift...and it was very fitting for us. They bought a picture of Mark and me dancing at a friends wedding that had been put up on the photog''s site...had it matted and framed...and on the matting, they had a calligrapher write "when you know, you know" all around the picture....which is a quote from Mark--that''s what he told his parents when he announced our engagement.

In the end, I think Mark said it best...when you know, you know.

 

[LadyBlue]

Italian, I really like your posts. I think marriaged is a very different situation for every couple. Some couples need weeks to realized they are meant to each other, and some other couples need more time.

I know couples that date for few weeks and now are happly together for decades, and some others that date for years and ended up in a divorce or a broken heart because he did not want to get married ever. As well, I have some friends that are just very immatures and want to get married after one month all the time, that cases I said wait, it''s too soon

.

I think you can not judge if you don''t know the couple. The only think I can said, is that every couple should have the support of family and friends.

 

[jaylex]

I know how you're feeling.... Bf's cousin started dating her now-fiance in April and they're getting married this September. 5 Months.

Also, i have a friend who met a guy last July, he got her name or something tattooed on his wrist a week later, proposed a week after that (so yeah, 2 weeks after meeting) and they were married in November. That's 4 months from acquaintance to Spouse.
Mind you, this was a girl who had been in nothing but long term relationships before this guy. (her shortest before this was about a year, longest was about 3).
AND she had just turned 18 a month before they met.. so it's not like she had any kind of biological clock ticking or anything...Let me just first say that I am happy for these girls and wish them nothing but the best in their relationships.



BF and I have been dating for almost 4 years and I know he's planning a proposal that will probably (hopefully!) come within the next 3 to 6 months. Yeah, it's weird to talk to these people who act like they know more about their SO's then I do about mine JUST because they are "already" married or engaged... but I know that bf and I have a 4 year history/foundation together that will make our marriage that much stronger and our engagement that much more exciting because we have taken more time to build and prepare for it! and I'd like to believe that our hard work won't be in vain or go unnoticed.

We'll be going into marriage with the ability to solve problems and work together. We know what makes each other uncomfortable, happy, sad, scared, tense and everything in between. I think that We have four years of love, growth and maturing behind us and there is NO WAY I'd trade that for a quick engagement/marriage.

Just hang in there! I'm sure it'll be worth it!

 

[Porridge]

Date: 7/5/2009 10:23:21 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor

Date: 7/5/2009 5:28:18 AM

Author: Porridge

Italia we moved at a similar speed. Plus there was a 9 year age gap! Ooh boy did that make people uncomfortable

The only people who didn't give us the crazy eyes were my parents and our closest friends. Neither of us were anywhere near thought of marriage before we started dating. But we met, we knew, and nearly two years later we still know. We have a very strong relationship that's survived and strengthened further through the ups and downs and rough parts.


On another note - I had dinner with an Indian colleague a few weeks ago. His parents at home are arranging a marriage for him. I won't go into the details, just to say that none of it is being forced onto anyone. But I really see a lot of benefit to it. To me, it's like an online dating service. Except instead of writing a slightly puffed up profile, the people closest to you do a ton of research to ensure you'll both be very compatible and happy together. It is a very long and complicated process.

Wow, we're like mirrors of each other! When I started seeing my DH neither of us were looking for the big M. I certainly wasn't husband-hunting...I was enjoying my single life...living in my first condo, working a job I enjoyed. But we met, it was like 'bam' and the rest is history.


For our engagement, my IL's gave us a gift...and it was very fitting for us. They bought a picture of Mark and me dancing at a friends wedding that had been put up on the photog's site...had it matted and framed...and on the matting, they had a calligrapher write 'when you know, you know' all around the picture....which is a quote from Mark--that's what he told his parents when he announced our engagement.


In the end, I think Mark said it best...when you know, you know.

When you know, you know, is exactly what my dad said to me! Weeeird...howdy there, relationship twin!

And what a beautiful present.

Jaylex, interesting post. There's no need to defend 4 years of a solid relationship to anyone. The most important thing is the point you made yourself, when you said there's no way you'd trade what you have. I am sure that those of us here in strong, stable, loving relationships would all say the same thing, whether it was a "bam, you're the one" or a "building up the relationship and waiting for a right time". Also, maybe they do know more about their spouses after a year than some couples might after 3, or even 10. Every couple is totally different, whatever works for them, we can't possibly judge.

 

[cellentani]

pluck15 - my best wishes to your cousin. My DH proposed after only 7 weeks, and we had a 7month engagement. Not only that, but our entire courtship was long distance - not just a couple hours away, but he was in Chicago, and I was in FL. We just celebrated our 17yr anniversary, and we have 4 kids. Life is weird - you never know how it''ll work out, and believe me, I never, ever dreamed it would happen like that for me. Sorry to go Hallmark on you, but yes, I think our relationship is better now than it''s ever been.

I''m sure your cousin already has her share of naysayers - put your love for her into action by being supportive, and genuinely rejoice at her good fortune.