How far to go in ''hinting''

[ringisthething]

A little background:
My boy and I have been together for almost 5 years! We''ve had our ups and downs, but there is not doubt in my mind that he is ''the one.'' He has always told me that a proposal will come ''when I least expect it'' and he wants everything to be a suprise. However I have pretty strong opinions on what I want as far as a ring goes. My mom was a jewler while I was growing up so I know a little about diamonds and am a total control freak.

This last weekend as we passed by a jewlry store in the mall, usually I jokingly pull him towards one just to see the look of panic on his face. This time I was good, and didn''t even tug on his hand, as soon as we passed by he said "You don''t want to go in there?" I replied that I didn''t think he did since he had never gone in before but if he wanted to go, of course I did too. We ended up going to 2 different jewlry stores and I tried on several rings. He knows the basics of what I like now after looking with me but I get afraid he won''t do his research and will just go off and buy the first ring that kind of fits what I want....

I will admit I''m a control freak but it''s driving me crazy to not launch into ''diamond tutorial. I think it may put him off...

Wow this is a really nice place to ''vent''

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I was not able to give my fiance any "criteria" other than cushion cut because he was sneaky and bought the ring a few months before I thought he would. I thought he would put it off until after football season and planned on slowly giving information about what was important to look for, etc. I had the same fears as you - that he would be completely uneducated about diamonds and either pay too much for what he bought or not really know what to look for in terms of quality. Well he bought a 1.2 H VS1 which is actually a better quality than what would have been my minimum, so kudos to him. I think he may have spent his money a little differently than I would have - I think I would have gone up one step in carat or color and lowered my standards a little on clarity, but really it is such a beautiful diamond and was zero decision making stress for me, so I couldn't be happier. Besides, who knows what I would have actually chosen had I been the one to see the diamonds in person. He said it was the sparkliest one, and I believe him!

Also, I heard him tell a friend (who asked him about engagement rings at a party), "dude, pricescope.com." I looked at him in shock and said, "you read pricescope?" He said, "yes, the diamond tutorials were really helpful. Round brilliants return the most light and sparkle, but you said you wanted a cushion, so I found a cushion. I like that it's different." That made me laugh: my guy, the diamond expert.

HA! I knew he had seen me reading the site a lot, but I didn't think he would actually go to it himself for help.

Maybe you can nonchalantly show your guy the site and tell him it's really helpful for knowledge and such so that you know that he has the resources. That will eliminate your stress and provide him with a good place to start. Just read it in front of him and point out a funny article or a crazy ring... but make sure not to tell him your username or anything

 

[ringisthething]

I had to stop myself from using my ''standard'' user name when I signed up. He would have picked up on it right away! I''m on his computer right now and am just considering leaving it open to some of the ''education'' pages or bookmarking it I just hope he doesn''t go to his mom for help much, she is a wonderful person but we have VASTLY differnt tast in jewlry (I have never worn any of the pieces she has gotten me over the past years as gifts. I know that is horrible but they just aren''t me)

 

[gwendolyn]

Send him here! Seriously. Tell him something along the lines of, "I''m really happy we looked at rings together. When it''s time, please visit this site--there are diamond experts there who will make sure you won''t get ripped off and will get the best for your money."

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/29/2008 4:33:42 AM
Author: gwendolyn
Send him here! Seriously. Tell him something along the lines of, ''I''m really happy we looked at rings together. When it''s time, please visit this site--there are diamond experts there who will make sure you won''t get ripped off and will get the best for your money.''

Ditto. This is as far as I would go unless he asks for more input...

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 11/29/2008 4:33:42 AM
Author: gwendolyn
Send him here! Seriously. Tell him something along the lines of, ''I''m really happy we looked at rings together. When it''s time, please visit this site--there are diamond experts there who will make sure you won''t get ripped off and will get the best for your money.''

That''s what I have been TRYING to do! stubborn boys!

good luck!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 11/29/2008 10:13:22 AM
Author: ckrickett

Date: 11/29/2008 4:33:42 AM

Author: gwendolyn

Send him here! Seriously. Tell him something along the lines of, ''I''m really happy we looked at rings together. When it''s time, please visit this site--there are diamond experts there who will make sure you won''t get ripped off and will get the best for your money.''

That''s what I have been TRYING to do! stubborn boys!

good luck!

No offense to your guy, ckrickett, but I just don''t get why anyone would turn down free, professional advice on such a major purchase if it''s out there and reliable (which this place is, all anyone has to do is take 2 minutes to look at the reviews of happy customers who relied on PS to help them and didn''t let them down!). I could understand if he didn''t want to purchase a stone online because some people do have reservations about that, but even if he buys in a store, he can get the stone specs and everything before he buys to make sure he doesn''t pay twice as much as he should!

Why wouldn''t he trust a consumer-driven board where the professionals have to identify themselves in their signatures and who aren''t allowed to endorse their own products?

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 11/29/2008 11:33:08 AM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 11/29/2008 10:13:22 AM
Author: ckrickett

Date: 11/29/2008 4:33:42 AM

Author: gwendolyn

Send him here! Seriously. Tell him something along the lines of, 'I'm really happy we looked at rings together. When it's time, please visit this site--there are diamond experts there who will make sure you won't get ripped off and will get the best for your money.'

That's what I have been TRYING to do! stubborn boys!

good luck!

No offense to your guy, ckrickett, but I just don't get why anyone would turn down free, professional advice on such a major purchase if it's out there and reliable (which this place is, all anyone has to do is take 2 minutes to look at the reviews of happy customers who relied on PS to help them and didn't let them down!). I could understand if he didn't want to purchase a stone online because some people do have reservations about that, but even if he buys in a store, he can get the stone specs and everything before he buys to make sure he doesn't pay twice as much as he should!

Why wouldn't he trust a consumer-driven board where the professionals have to identify themselves in their signatures and who aren't allowed to endorse their own products?

No offense taken!

It's more matter of he doesnt like to research things until he is 100% ready to buy. Which I understand but at the same time he thinks picking out a ring and a stone will take a few hours not weeks/months. Which I'm sure he could but I feel he will get ripped off. When he is more ready to buy I'm sure he will come here and look, but he is stubborn and doesn't even want to think about it till he is 100% ready. I've told him about several vendors on here, as he is wary of online shops, especially for diamonds. I told him some vendors will send pictures, certificates and sometimes even send the gem to an appraiser of his choice, he still seems wary.

I still hint here and there for him to come here because I don't want him to get ripped off and also I'm very picky. I just hope he doesn't go to a mall jewelry store and do everything last minute. I mean I will love anything he gets me (well almost anything) but I'd feel bad if he paid a huge markup on it.

That ooooor he already has the ring, which I doubt!

 

[tabu]

Welcome RingsTheThing!!!!! Love your name by the way

I was actually against this web site in the beginning too, my FF would always come on here and then one day I was like "fine, I''ll check it out" and have been on ever since every day!!! It is very addicting but also very informative. So enjoy your stay here! Hopefully you won''t be a LIW for too long

 

[gwendolyn]

ckrickett, I can sort of understand not wanting to start the research until it''s time to do the buying except that, as you say, it can take aaaaages (I''ve been researching my engagement diamond for years now and am still learning new things every day!). But, maybe instead of doing it a bit at a time as I have, he''ll throw himself totally and completely into it? Dunno, but I hope so!

tabu, what?! You mean you didn''t like us before?

 

[LoveRoundBrillants]

Welcome to PS! Yes this place is awesome...its a great place to learn and ask great questions and of course talk about things with women who completely understand what you''re going through.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 11/29/2008 1:09:08 PM
Author: gwendolyn
ckrickett, I can sort of understand not wanting to start the research until it''s time to do the buying except that, as you say, it can take aaaaages (I''ve been researching my engagement diamond for years now and am still learning new things every day!). But, maybe instead of doing it a bit at a time as I have, he''ll throw himself totally and completely into it? Dunno, but I hope so!

tabu, what?! You mean you didn''t like us before?

Oh I hope so. I do try to throw him little hints tho. He will be all like ''what do you want for christmas" I''ll just smile and say Van Craeynest, or point to my ring finger.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 11/29/2008 2:40:13 PM
Author: ckrickett
Oh I hope so. I do try to throw him little hints tho. He will be all like ''what do you want for christmas'' I''ll just smile and say Van Craeynest, or point to my ring finger.

Haha, not sure those count as ''little'' hints.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 11/29/2008 2:45:23 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 11/29/2008 2:40:13 PM
Author: ckrickett
Oh I hope so. I do try to throw him little hints tho. He will be all like ''what do you want for christmas'' I''ll just smile and say Van Craeynest, or point to my ring finger.

Haha, not sure those count as ''little'' hints.

it was alot more subtle them me dragging him to a jewelry store as part of my birthday present.

 

[sammyj]

welcome to PS ringisthething!!

I think it''s totally ok to hint...heck, it''s more than ok! You WILL be the one wearing the ring!

In terms of how to get a guy to check out PS, from personal experience, my BF was/is totally overwhelmed by the crazy amount of info on here. He''s the type that loves to do research so that he''s making the most informed decision, but it took him awhile to warm up to PS because he''d come on the site and he wouldn''t even know where to start!

So, what we''ve started doing is whenever he has specific questions or concerns, I''ll search for threads with the answers and I''ll just send him those threads. You''ll hear from many guys how stressful buying an e-ring can be and while PS is an amazing resource, having to sort through all of the threads can add even more stress. I''ll do what I can to make the process easier for him!!! I''ve mentioned that he can just start his own thread to answer his questions but I guess some guys just don''t like having to put all of their business out there for the public to read!

Welcome again!

 

[mayachel]

I was very nervous about my bf doing the shopping thing on his own, so after I gave up the idea of us shopping together, (he REALLY Wanted to feel like I had input, but that he did it himself at the end of the day) I made a folder on my desktop of pics and snippets of relevant information on cushions as well as giving him the top most recm''d places here to get them and the pricescope website and told him to do his thing with the information inside.

I feel reasonably comfortable that he would never have done the amount of research I did, but that with a strong outline of "just the basics" he''ll be able to handle it "on his own." or at least think that he did

 

[ringisthething]

Great advice everyone. It''s pretty hard to not throw everything at him at once and obsess over rocks now that it looks like he is getting a lot closer. Luckily he already knows I''m an obsessive control freak and loves me anyways

 

[babygirl]

Haha, I love your dilemma, ringisthething. I''ve sent my boyfriend a link to this site and told him to do his homework when he starts ring shopping. He realllly doesn''t like it when couples shop for rings together (something about it taking away the surprise- who knows!)- and I don''t know how much I trust him when left to his own devices. He told me that he''d definitely talk to my girlfriends about a ring for me- so naturally I emailed them all a picture of the exact ring I want. I''m hoping that between a PS education and my girlfriends, he''ll be OK on his own. Remains to be seen, I guess... haha

 

[lala2332]

I got my Bf to look on here b/c I thought all I wanted was an asscher or maybe emerald....then I went and tried things on and changed my mind. Bf and I looked a little bit together, but I was always worried about overwhelming him or liking something way out of his budget and then he would feel bad. So we did some basic...ok I''m not a princess, I like round, I really like emerald, I''m not sure about knife-edge...kind-of general stuff.

I think you''ve done that with your BF, so now I would go "shopping" with your mom/friend/sister and get a feel for what you like on your hand and that way you can try on as much as you want and ask as many questions as you want without overwhelming your BF. THen you can point him in the right direction of what you liked and he can always go to the person you went shopping with for help.

THis is what I did and I think it worked wonderfully. I got the "control" i needed without knowing exactly what is going on. And of course I emailed him the link to PS!