How does your ring affect you?

[MudMan]

Ladies,

I''d like to hear how your diamond ring affects you. For example, does it remind you of your vows when times are really tough? Does the ring tell you something about your Fiancés character or style? Does it take you back in time? How does your ring make you feel, months or years after the proposal? Do you want to know the value of the ring for insurance purposes or does that take away the romance?

Also, do some of you wish that you had picked out the setting and diamond? Perhaps for a proper fit or style? I understand that some settings are better suited for different lifestyles...what would you do if the setting was not to your liking, while preserving the feelings of your fiané?

I''d love to know your thoughts on this!

 

[klavigne]

Woo Dude, your on Price Scope you do know.

99% of these ladies would want to pick it out themselves and 99% of them have no sentimental feelings towards their pet rocks, thats why there are so many upgrade threads. Some of these girls get new stones on a yearly basis. Some of these girls even change stones and settings days after receiving the ring. I''d say unless you have a very very very very good idea of what your lady is looking for it''s time to start probing. I kept my girl completely out of the loop, I''m of the old school style of thinking that things are a tradition for a reason. But I did ask her about what styles she likes and what type of cut she would want, how big etc..... At the time it was easy because it seems like all of our friends were getting engaged at the same time that I was looking for a stone. She ended up with a D color VVS1 RB in a platinum cathedral solitaire that she told me later was exactly what she would have picked if I took her shopping with me. She was completely shocked when I gave her the ring and I wouldn''t trade the look on her face for anything, you just don''t get that wow factor if they pick it out themselves.
So if you want to keep it a complete surprise you really need to be sneaky about it and find out what she likes. Just remember that at the end of the day it isn''t really about the ring at all, so don''t lose any sleep over. Best of luck to you my friend!!!

 

[sunkist]

Hmmm, KPL, I think the 99% thing is a little exagerated... I think it's true that a majority of women on here would love to pick out their own stone and setting. But still others want a surprise. And I would say more girls in the "real world" expect a surprise? And I think lots of girls have sentimentality towards their stones! I do!

And I'm not planning on upgrading.

ETA: Also, MudMan if you search around on PS, perhaps one topic at a time, you'll find lots of threads and discussions about it!

 

[dani13]

Great question MudMan (love that name!)

My ring reminds me of my DF's love for me, and how he is so willing to go to great lengths to make me happy. When I look at my ring, it reflects pure beauty and elegance, and I love it more and more each day, just like my fiance....Sappy, but true....

Oh, and my FI and I picked out the diamond and setting together....I knew the proposal was coming, and he wanted me to be completely 100% satisfied...

See, I am sentimental about my stone (but never said I wouldnt consider upgrading to that 3ct in the future!!!

 

[decodelighted]

How my E-ring affects me, by Me

Does it remind you of your vows when times are really tough? N/A - not married yet

Does the ring tell you something about your Fiance''s character or style? -- it speaks volumes that he cared enough about me & my feelings to let me pick out the e-ring I wanted, because he knew how important it was to me, how little jewelry I wear, and how excited I was to be getting engaged to him! He wanted it to "be nice" & something I''d always love. I had a lot more specific thoughts on the matter.

How does your ring make you feel, months or years after the proposal? Engaged since November ... had to have the ring "fixed" from March-last weekend due to "wearability issues" ...but it still takes my breath away! When I saw the completed ring the first time I thought it was the most beautiful thing ever. It''s kind of our first big "joint project". (I bought the house before he came along ... pets, ditto ... cars, ditto). The wedding? 2nd "joint project"

Maybe I''m less traditional ... maybe its because I''m a little older bride (3 .. but the "doing it together" thing meant a lot more to me than a "suprise" would have -- taking into consideration our personalities (read: my exceptionally picky taste!)

Do you want to know the value of the ring for insurance purposes or does that take away the romance? I don''t thing there''s any way to hide it really, unless she is going to be VERY hands off when it comes to the family''s finances. I mean, she''ll SEE the insurence statements, maybe even re-quote insurence policies at some point.

What would you do if the setting was not to your liking, while preserving the feelings of your fiance? I tried to head this one off at the pass - but speaking honestly about my ring phobias/desires as SOON as the topic of engagement even came up!

 

[FireGoddess]

My ring puts me in a better mood every single time I look at it. It is probably one of the most treasured things I own at this point in my life.

Am I sentimental about it? Somewhat, but not to the point that I wouldn''t ever upgrade, because he knows nothing about diamonds and I picked everything from the stone to the setting. But it does remind me of our commitment and our relationship and that the man wants only for me to be happy, no matter what. And that is reflected in the process of how I got the ring. We joke about how much I stare at it, or how sparkly it is at a particular venue or certain lighting, even how much he notices it sparkling on any given day. Is it more important to me than him? Absolutely not. But it sure is a piece of sunshine on my finger.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

My ring is an upgrade, but after ten years of marriage, every time I look at my ring, I think of what it took for us to get to where we are today...how much we''ve changed together, grown together, fought together and laughted and cried together....and I wouldn''t want to do it with anyone else!

 

[kenny]

Myself, I think physics, mathematics, geology, status, optical properties and index of refraction.
I think of beauty, and the balance of nature and human engineering and artistic expression,

But that's just me.

 

[aljdewey]

I'd like to hear how your diamond ring affects you. I guess I could only say that it makes me feel really happy.

Does it remind you of your vows when times are really tough? I'd say my wedding ring does that more than my engagement ring.

Does the ring tell you something about your Fiancés character or style? Yep! He proposed without the ring and let me pick the stone and setting that I'd love for a lifetime. That just reinforced what I already knew about his character......that he was secure enough to realize that he didn't have to prove anything in selecting the ring himself. It reinforced that my happiness is a primary concern to him, and how unselfish he is.

Does it take you back in time? Absolutely! I remember how excited we were to finally receive it after nearly 3 weeks of angsting over the choices, and how elated I was to announce our engagement.

How does your ring make you feel, months or years after the proposal? It makes me feel lucky to have the man and the ring. It makes me think how far we've come together in the three years since we first became engaged. It reminds me that our collaborative efforts always produce beautiful results, and that we are a great team.

Do you want to know the value of the ring for insurance purposes or does that take away the romance? Since we shopped together, I knew the value, but that doesn't diminish the romance of it at all to me.

 

[squawks]

Actually, my woman at the time always wanted a princess-cut but I never liked them. I didn''t think anything could top the brilliance of the ideal-cut round brilliant (hence the ''brilliant'' in the name!). She kept whining and whining as I set my mind solidly on a RB.

So I got her a RB and she thinks it''s gorgeous. It''s also funny to know that one of her best friends was engaged and she was given a 1 ct princess cut stone. My girlfriend was not pleased!

Moral of the day: sometimes the ladies are wrong (you heard right, ladies!

) while 99.9% of the time we, the men, are wrong (according to them, at least).

As a side note - we got ourselves a pair of Tiffany & Co. platinum wedding bands as promise rings (I promised her I''d make her mashed potatoes one day) a couple years back. It''s quite sentimental to her and now she wants to wear it in conjunction with the engagement ring despite it being much thicker and nonmatching...but hey, it is indeed sentimental!

Tip: engraving something in the band of the engagement ring will make it much more sentimental especially if the engraving is something peculiar to the couple.

 

[diamondfan]

I love my ring, which is an upgrade. Since it was pretty hefty in size and price and DH felt my first upgrade should have sufficed (it was lovely, no real complaints) I know that the fact that I HAVE this one represents his wanting to please me even though to him it was a bit sillly. I look down at it and sometimes I am amazed it is mine, both to have the size and the quality is something I never even considered having in my life...just never entered the realm to me. Sometimes I feel guilty and a bit embarrassed, but overall I love it. So, I guess it means many things to me, and I am happy it is mine, and hope to have a wonderful daughter in law or grand daughter to give it to someday!

 

[glitterata]

Date: 6/1/2006 5:37:59 PM
Author: kenny
Myself, I think physics, mathematics, geology, status, beauty, balance of nature and human engineering and artistic expression, optical properties and index of refraction.


But that''s just me.

It''s not just you, Kenny--that''s what I think too when I look at diamonds! Very well put.

My engagment ring isn''t a diamond, I didn''t get it until 3 years after we were married, we found it together, and I even paid for it because I happened to have my checkbook with me at the time and he didn''t (he paid me back later). But it''s a perfect expression of our mutual taste and love. I smile whenever I look at it.

I''m SO GLAD my husband didn''t surprise me with a ring I don''t particularly like the look of. That happens pretty often, if you believe the threads around here. And I''m even more glad that my husband didn''t go buy something I had explicitly told him I didn''t want.

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 6/1/2006 5:45:52 PM
Author: aljdewey

Does the ring tell you something about your Fiancés character or style? Yep! He proposed without the ring and let me pick the stone and setting that I'd love for a lifetime. That just reinforced what I already knew about his character......that he was secure enough to realize that he didn't have to prove anything in selecting the ring himself. It reinforced that my happiness is a primary concern to him, and how unselfish he is.

I'm with the other girls on this one... my BF originally wanted to do it all himself for that element of "surprise". But after 3+ years together, we both knew we would be getting engaged/married... so the only surprise would have been the ring itself (well, and the proposal... but that still can be!), and unless you've got tons of money to throw around, that's not a decision to make lightly! Fortunately he realized how happy it would make me to participate in the process of choosing my perfect ring... so we are now working on that together.

Nowadays, with so many choices and styles, it makes sense to have a REALLY good idea of what your GF might prefer. If it is something more traditional like a RB solitaire, you may be able to do the whole thing yourself. If it's something more complex, she may like to have some input. I know far too many girls that have had rings given to them that are nice, but not what they would have chosen themselves. However they certainly don't tell their fiances that... most just keep their true feelings hidden.

And despite KPL's not-so-hidden resentment toward us "unsentimental" PSers and our "pet rocks"... keep in mind his final comment... it's really not about the ring. It is about starting your new life together being open and respectful of each other and what makes you each happiest... and that includes the ring process too!

 

[galeteia]

I have extremely strong opinions about everything under the sun. I''ve told my boyfriend the carat range (0.60 0.80) the setting (tapered tiffany) and the stone (round brillant, H&A). He gets to pick the exact size and the colour of the gold band.

I never wear jewellery, so I am very, very picky about what I want in an e-ring. If he got me something that wasn''t ''me'', I would have trouble wearing it, because it wouldn''t suit me.

That being said, I have a promise ring to tide me over until the official engagement and the e-ring. We''re at a distance, and when I look at my promise ring, I will be reminded that I don''t have an "Invisible Boyfriend" and that it is a symbol of the devotion, commitment, and love we have for one another.

Besides, I don''t agree with the ''surprise her at all costs'' mentality-- if you don''t already know she''ll say yes, you have no business proposing. There are tons of things that need to be addressed before you decide to build a life together.

I don''t know about you ladies out there, but I see jewellery as an advertisment of your style. You can tell a lot about someone by their hair, clothes, and sparklies.

 

[ladykemma]

does it remind you of your vows when times are really tough? yes

Does the ring tell you something about your Fiancés character or style? yes, he's a meat and potatoes man, very midwest plain. i have a plain modest tiffany style solitaire.

Does it take you back in time? yes, it takes me back in time in the jewelers office selecting the BEST small stone we could afford. I can't remember now but this one is DEF white (and used to be terrific clarity until i hit it with the shovel).

How does your ring make you feel, months or years after the proposal? very married

Do you want to know the value of the ring for insurance purposes or does that take away the romance? i helped pick it out.

Also, do some of you wish that you had picked out the setting and diamond? wimmen do NOT like surprises. please read about the heartbreak threads on here if you are thinking about a surprise. I am very glad he insisted in the plain tiffany style, because at the time a trendy marquise swirly clustery style was all the rage. I am SOOOO glad I didn't get that one.

Perhaps for a proper fit or style? I understand that some settings are better suited for different lifestyles...what would you do if the setting was not to your liking, while preserving the feelings of your fiancé? well my setting wore out, due to sewing and other activities, have had it changed for a fresh identical setting two times in 11 years. (on my third setting)

 

[glitterata]

A few more thoughts, MudMan. I read on your other thread that your gal is from a less wealthy country and you''re concerned that she might feel weird wearing a ring that costs more than people back home make in several years, but at the same time she lives here now and you don''t want her to feel like her ring doesn''t measure up to the ones she sees around her. Is that right?

Have you had an explicit discussion with her about all this? Does she know you''re planning to propose? Does she know there will be a ring involved in the proposal?

Maybe you should ask her what her thoughts are about being surprised, wearing a diamond ring, wearing a wedding band, and so on. Or even delegate a girlfriend of hers, a mutual friend, your sister, or someone like that to feel her out on the topic. If she says the surprise is important to her, then you could refrain from talking about it further and just make the choice on your own. But it sounds as if there are even more issues involved than usual in your case, so that''s an added incentive to talk to her and find out how she feels.

From your other thread, it sounds as if you have a good sense of her taste and are thinking hard about what would please her. You''re considering her feelings, not just your own, so I bet whatever you come up with will delight her.

About finger size: you''re considering fairly simple settings that should be easy to resize if you don''t get it quite right the first time, so don''t worry about that too much. It would be more of a problem if you wanted to get her a complicated, pave-encrusted ring, or an eternity band or tension set ring. Those are harder to resize if they dont'' fit the first time.

By the way, although I would hate to be surprised with a ring I dislike, I would never expect my husband to give me a ring he didn''t like himself. Yes, the woman has to wear it, but the man has to see it on her finger. Ideally it should be something they both find beautiful.

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 6/1/2006 7:26:14 PM
Author: glitterata
A few more thoughts, MudMan. I read on your other thread that your gal is from a less wealthy country and you're concerned that she might feel weird wearing a ring that costs more than people back home make in several years, but at the same time she lives here now and you don't want her to feel like her ring doesn't measure up to the ones she sees around her. Is that right?

Have you had an explicit discussion with her about all this? Does she know you're planning to propose? Does she know there will be a ring involved in the proposal?

Maybe you should ask her what her thoughts are about being surprised, wearing a diamond ring, wearing a wedding band, and so on. Or even delegate a girlfriend of hers, a mutual friend, your sister, or someone like that to feel her out on the topic. If she says the surprise is important to her, then you could refrain from talking about it further and just make the choice on your own. But it sounds as if there are even more issues involved than usual in your case, so that's an added incentive to talk to her and find out how she feels.

From your other thread, it sounds as if you have a good sense of her taste and are thinking hard about what would please her. You're considering her feelings, not just your own, so I bet whatever you come up with will delight her.

About finger size: you're considering fairly simple settings that should be easy to resize if you don't get it quite right the first time, so don't worry about that too much. It would be more of a problem if you wanted to get her a complicated, pave-encrusted ring, or an eternity band or tension set ring. Those are harder to resize if they dont' fit the first time.

By the way, although I would hate to be surprised with a ring I dislike, I would never expect my husband to give me a ring he didn't like himself. Yes, the woman has to wear it, but the man has to see it on her finger. Ideally it should be something they both find beautiful.

when i lived in england i took off my jewelry, except plain wedding band. My texas sized rocks felt weird, felt unsafe. she may do the same?

a spectacular perfect whiteflash quality 1/3 carat in a plain tiffany setting would be a good compromise. and for anniversary a huge 1 carat right hand ring? rings on both hands.

if she is from south america she probably will want 18k yellow gold. anyone disagree?

 

[littlelysser]

Hey there mudman. Those are some good questions...

I love my engagement ring more than any thing else I own. I''ve been engaged for 6 months and I still look at my ring every day an marvel at how beautiful it is. I LOVE it that much. I don''t think that will change. Nor can I envision myself wanting to upgrade it.

That having been said, my FI and I are both in our 30s and could afford a nice sized diamond that I think is just lovely.

I chose my stone and my setting (asscher with a halo in platinum). In my opinion, the surprise factor is greatly overrated. I am planning on wearing this ring for the rest of my life...I am glad that it is something that I absolutely LOVE. I am so glad that my FI knew me well enough to know that I have very specific tastes and that it would be better to let me pick!

I know the value. My FI and I live together and share our finances...I know exactly how much my ring cost and I know the insurance value for it. Again, my FI and I have been together forever and knowing the cost of the ring doesn''t impact the romance factor at all.

Good questions!

 

[lizz]

Even though the e-ring I wear isn''t my original e-ring, I still think of the love I have for my husband when I see it. I also think of how pretty it is and how we picked it out together almost 4 years after we were married. I think of how exciting that day was.

Would I want to be surprised? No, I was surprised with my first e-ring, which wasn''t my taste, which is why I don''t wear it anymore.

 

[MudMan]

Wow...what a great response.

I agree that there are some rather different factors to consider when choosing my ring. The fact that my GF comes from a different culture does influence my decision making but no worries

.

I too am a meat and pototoes kind of guy. I used to think that diamonds were only worth their industrial capacity to do work. I always said that it was better to spend a little on a ring and to put the rest on a downpayment for a home. That was then this is now...love will do that to a man!

I think I have a good feeling for what we both want in a ring. A RB, 0.7 to 0.9 ct stone in a Tiffany white gold or platinum setting. Classic elegance that will not go out of style or break the bank. And...it will look great and suit her character.

Now to plan the proposal!

 

[diamondfan]

Mudman, I am sure it will be great and lovely! Many a man has scratched his head at the fact that his wife covets this sparkly thing that started out as a lump of coal...Good luck!

 

[monarch64]

Date: 6/1/2006 3:05:46 PM
Author:MudMan
Ladies,

I''d like to hear how your diamond ring affects you. For example, does it remind you of your vows when times are really tough? Does the ring tell you something about your Fiancés character or style? Does it take you back in time? How does your ring make you feel, months or years after the proposal? Do you want to know the value of the ring for insurance purposes or does that take away the romance?

Also, do some of you wish that you had picked out the setting and diamond? Perhaps for a proper fit or style? I understand that some settings are better suited for different lifestyles...what would you do if the setting was not to your liking, while preserving the feelings of your fiané?

I''d love to know your thoughts on this!

I don''t have the hang of how to insert answers into your original post, so I''ll just quote it and reply, hee hee. First, my rings absolutely remind me of the good times when things aren''t going so well between us. Many times when I''ve been upset with him I''ve looked at my ring and immediately was reminded of his proposal and lots of other good times we''ve shared, and remembered why I loved him so much.

My diamond is set in a simple, tiffany style platinum setting...very traditional, classic, and definitely speaks of his character. He''s a very "nothing but the best will do" guy. He''s also conservative, but has a tendency towards extravagance.

I''ve been wearing my e-ring now for three years, WB for two...and yes, many times when I look at them (which is A LOT) I think back to when we got engaged, and how excited and happy we were.

Shortly after we were engaged (maybe 2 weeks?) he gave me the GIA cert. papers. Prior to that, he had just told me the carat weight, and I wouldn''t have known much about the other 3 C''s at that point anyway (hadn''t found PS!). The value really didn''t shock me; I knew he was going to be a two months'' salary plus kind of guy. Did it take the romance out of the deal? No way. Before he proposed, he only asked me what shape diamond I would like to have, and that was it. Sometimes after reading PS, I think it would''ve been nice to have been able to choose my stone and setting, but I don''t have any regrets. Right before I got engaged, I had stronger opinions and didn''t want to know anything about the ring because I did think then that it took away some romance and mystery, but that was mainly because my friends were all getting engaged and choosing their rings, and basically I was just envious. If we ever choose to upgrade, I would still like him to choose the new stone, because I think he did a fabulous job on the first one!

 

[Kaleigh]

I love my ring, yes an upgrade, but a total surprise by my husband. We were out to dinner recently and the ring was sparkling like crazy. He took my hand and said how beautiful it was. I said I love that you gave this to me. I adore him more than the ring. But yeah love the ring too. We were married very young, I was 24, and will be married 20 years this September. I look at it and think of all that we have been through TOGETHER and how lucky I am to have him as my husband.

 

[Mara]

my rings represent two things to me: beautiful visuals that i love to look at; and the fact that i was engaged and now married to my husband. i don't think it tells me anything really about him or what our relationship means, or anything like that. but it definitely makes me happy to catch a glimpse of it sparkling in the sun...it definitely brightens a dreary or stressful day.

i do like that we chose the ring setting together and had it built for us specifically, and i am sentimentally attached to it probably more than i like to think, but it doesn't mean i won't get a new e-ring setting at some point in the future or similar. since i was involved with building the ring with him and have since upgraded the stone a few times, i know all the values for purchase, insurance etc and manage my own upgrades/modifications etc. my darling husband just likes to see the end result and how happy it makes me. because we no longer have the original stone, any sentimentality is really only left for the rings themselves...and i do like to think about when we were going through the process of choosing what we wanted, and thinking back to when we first got engaged. but in the end it's just a material item. i have cards he gave to me on past christmases or birthdays that make me tear up more than thinking about my rings.

i think everyone is different too. you have people who want to be involved, people who don't..and want the man to surprise them. you have those who don't really attach much sentimentality to a possession that is supposed to mean committment, and those who love that the ring means something other than being any old ring. you have all types of people....i think the most important thing is what type of people are you and your future fiance?? you could get 1000 answers here but what would she like and what is important to you?

 

[chickflick]

My fiancee gave me a budget and told me to pick out whatever I wanted. I love my ring, and when I look at it I think of how hard he worked to make the money to buy it for me, but I wish we had picked it out together. When it arrived he was disappointed that it wasn''t more "bling-y"- it has a thin (2 mm) shank and a halo of pave diamonds and he expected a wider band and larger side diamonds. He understands now that it''s about the quality of the diamonds and the workmanship, but I really wish he''d had some input into what I got, even though he was adamant that he didn''t want to do that. It makes me have some mixed feelings about the ring overall, though.

 

[eleguin]

I have had my ring for almost 3 weeks now. Aside from it being a beautiful sparkly distraction when I am in class (and in the elevator, under the sun, or just about anywhere), it also makes me feel like my fiance is always there with me. It is more than just that I think of him when I see my ring, it's also that whenever someone sees or meets me now, they see my ring and immediately recognizes that I have a fiance. I used to be the kind of person who didn't really talk about my relationship to people I just met until we are well enough acquainted that I actually want to share that information. Last summer at my summer job, my co-workers were shocked to discover that I had a boyfriend of 4 years and hadn't mentioned a word about him for the first month that I was working there. But now, people instantly know that I am engaged. Just the other day, I met a girl at school who said after a few minutes of meeting me: "So I notice you're engaged. What does your fiance do?" It is quite a strange feeling for such an intimate relationship to be so visible on the outside. But I am getting used to it and am even starting to like the fact that he is "always there with me."

 

[dbgaap]

does it remind you of your vows when times are really tough? My wedding band reminds me of our vows- that''s the ring he placed on my finger when he gave his vows to me.

Does the ring tell you something about your Fiancés character or style? Yes! His character is FLEXIBLE! And his style is MASCULINE! We shopped together. Every single ring he liked was big and bulky and modern and masculine. Every ring I liked was frilly and dainty and feminine. I picked out a "compromise ring". After a while I told him I still preferred something more feminine. I wear a solitaire now because I insisted on it. If he wants a man-looking ring, I tell him to get his own and wear it on his own hand!! He just laughs about it. I do not think his feelings are hurt (or maybe he is a really good actor?)

Does it take you back in time? How does your ring make you feel, months or years after the proposal? LOVED

Do you want to know the value of the ring for insurance purposes or does that take away the romance? I know the value and it still amazes me that he has no problem with spending that much to make me happy
Also, do some of you wish that you had picked out the setting and diamond? Perhaps for a proper fit or style? I understand that some settings are better suited for different lifestyles...what would you do if the setting was not to your liking, while preserving the feelings of your fiané?
I did it. I told him my engagement ring is really a bit bulky for my taste and I''d rather wear it on my right hand with a different stone in it. Now i have a solitaire that looks beautiful with my wedding band. I told him it''s really the wedding band that matters to me, the rest is delicious jewelry that I am SO GRATEFUL to have!!