How does one politely decline houseguests?

[kama_s]

I don''t know - if it were a good friend of mine, I''d be more than happy to see her and her family. I think it may have gotten too overwhelming for you the last time around, so it''s not too late to lay down ground rules. For instance, if they do come down and stay over with you, I wouldn''t take more than a day off. And then for breakfast I''d leave out english muffins, croissants, tea, coffee, juice and fruits and ask them to help themselves to whatever they feel like eating when they wake up (since you''ll be at work). For lunch, I''d suggest nice places to grab a meal around the area, give them a few maps to go around town and sight-see. The only thing I''d do is prepare dinner, and I''d probably do one meal out...leaving me with just 3 meals to make at home.

This way, the only thing that would inconvenience you would be your husband being out of his room for 4 nights and making extra food for dinner. Not too much of a price to pay to see a good friend, I don''t think.

 

[Cehrabehra]

What about just saying it like it is? it was a lot of fun seeing you and we really enjoy you but having 4 people as guests would be very taxing on our household. If it''s a good friend the that''s what I''d do... if it''s not a good friend, I''m not sure why they''re inviting themselves in the first place.

 

[Steel]

Exclaim:

Oh how wonderful! We don''t have houseguests since Jack died of rabies from the rat bites. You don''t mind sharing with the rats; do you?

 

[kenny]

Date: 9/21/2009 10:04:55 AM
Author: Steel
Exclaim:


Oh how wonderful! We don''t have houseguests since Jack died of rabies from the rat bites. You don''t mind sharing with the rats; do you?

Hahahahaha!

 

[pixley]

Date: 9/20/2009 10:54:31 PM
Author: kenny
The impolite person may be the one inviting themselves to be your houseguest if they can''t take a simple ''we''re busy that weekend'' for an answer.

If anyone assumes they can barge in and stay overnight I''d just say something like, ''I''m afraid that won''t work for us.'', and leave it at that.

If they are so rude as to not take that hint and insist on inviting themselves, you may take it to the next level, ''I''m sorry but we are not comfortable with houseguests.''

If they are so rude as to say, ''But Aunt Mary stayed here last week . . . '' you are free to return to bluntness and say, ''Yes but I like Aunt Mary, she has such good manners.''

Again why do people let others walk all over them in the name of being nice?

*chuckle* They''re not so rude as to impose a date on us and expect to just show up. They are trying to find dates that would work for us. It''s just that the addition of her hubby and son is too much for me. Last time around, her DH showed up with a spreadsheet of their activities (not their flight itinerary but a leisure itinerary

) and proceeded to map out every moment of their days, even down to the way we should walk across the parliament lawn - OY! At our house, he''d read Harry Potter and a book called the "5-Minute Manager" in the guest suite while she chased her infant son around the house and tried to help me cook dinner. When she lost track of her son for 2 minutes and found him with a Lincoln Log in his mouth, her DH reprimanded her and gave her the silent treatment for not watching him better!

It was very awkward and I''m still bewildered when I hear that he enjoyed that trip so much, ''cause we wanted to die. Manners-wise, he''s actually pretty polite, but my home is not the place for someone who''s an that much of a control nut.

 

[pixley]

Date: 9/20/2009 11:26:59 PM
Author: perry
In your situation I''d suggest several nearby hotels and offer to get together on evenings and weekends.

However, in general the subject covers several situations.

I have had a number of houseguest - for one night.

It is the rare situation for more than that. I would not allow anyone to invite themselves over for a multiday stay. I would however gladly provide someone in trouble a place to crash and stabilize until they can figure out something else.

I tend to visit freinds - for 1 night. Only rarely more than that.

Even then - I often book a hotel in the area up front - and there are only a couple situations where they want me to stay with them.

However - if someone want me to come over for a weekend (or longer) to work on their house or some other project. Then I do expect a place to crash and food. No one has complained about that.

Perry

Perry - Now that''s my kinda houseguest! A 1-nighter would be doable - and of course an emergency crash-pad would be doable! I am going to suggest a hotel or B&B and if they can''t reserve all 4 nights, I could absolutely take them for a night. And I always feed my guests - but never seem to have the type of houseguests who do home improvement projects! I wish!

 

[canuk-gal]

Date: 9/21/2009 12:58:21 PM
Author: pixley

Date: 9/20/2009 10:54:31 PM
Author: kenny

*chuckle* They''re not so rude as to impose a date on us and expect to just show up. They are trying to find dates that would work for us. It''s just that the addition of her hubby and son is too much for me. Last time around, her DH showed up with a spreadsheet of their activities (not their flight itinerary but a leisure itinerary

) and proceeded to map out every moment of their days, even down to the way we should walk across the parliament lawn - OY! At our house, he''d read Harry Potter and a book called the ''5-Minute Manager'' in the guest suite while she chased her infant son around the house and tried to help me cook dinner. When she lost track of her son for 2 minutes and found him with a Lincoln Log in his mouth, her DH reprimanded her and gave her the silent treatment for not watching him better!

It was very awkward and I''m still bewildered when I hear that he enjoyed that trip so much, ''cause we wanted to die. Manners-wise, he''s actually pretty polite, but my home is not the place for someone who''s an that much of a control nut.

HI:

Are you sure your friend wouldn''t rather come alone???

Sounds like your place was a holiday.....

cheers--Sharon

 

[pixley]

Date: 9/21/2009 1:07:08 AM
Author: kama_s
I don''t know - if it were a good friend of mine, I''d be more than happy to see her and her family. I think it may have gotten too overwhelming for you the last time around, so it''s not too late to lay down ground rules. For instance, if they do come down and stay over with you, I wouldn''t take more than a day off. And then for breakfast I''d leave out english muffins, croissants, tea, coffee, juice and fruits and ask them to help themselves to whatever they feel like eating when they wake up (since you''ll be at work). For lunch, I''d suggest nice places to grab a meal around the area, give them a few maps to go around town and sight-see. The only thing I''d do is prepare dinner, and I''d probably do one meal out...leaving me with just 3 meals to make at home.

This way, the only thing that would inconvenience you would be your husband being out of his room for 4 nights and making extra food for dinner. Not too much of a price to pay to see a good friend, I don''t think.

I do feel badly for the way I feel - mostly because she is such a good friend and has always made a point of inviting me to her house, or her mum''s house whenever I''m in town, but I never take her up on the offer, because she''s got her hands full already. I think I''m discovering that the underlying issue is more related to the stress of the "boy energy" that her hubby and son bring to the equation. It was pretty easy when it was just the two girls. The food thing could be easily resolved, but the personality mix - not so much.

 

[pixley]

Date: 9/21/2009 1:10:45 PM
Author: canuk-gal

Date: 9/21/2009 12:58:21 PM

Author: pixley

Date: 9/20/2009 10:54:31 PM

Author: kenny

*chuckle* They''re not so rude as to impose a date on us and expect to just show up. They are trying to find dates that would work for us. It''s just that the addition of her hubby and son is too much for me. Last time around, her DH showed up with a spreadsheet of their activities (not their flight itinerary but a leisure itinerary

) and proceeded to map out every moment of their days, even down to the way we should walk across the parliament lawn - OY! At our house, he''d read Harry Potter and a book called the ''5-Minute Manager'' in the guest suite while she chased her infant son around the house and tried to help me cook dinner. When she lost track of her son for 2 minutes and found him with a Lincoln Log in his mouth, her DH reprimanded her and gave her the silent treatment for not watching him better!

It was very awkward and I''m still bewildered when I hear that he enjoyed that trip so much, ''cause we wanted to die. Manners-wise, he''s actually pretty polite, but my home is not the place for someone who''s an that much of a control nut.

HI:


Are you sure your friend wouldn''t rather come alone???

Sounds like your place was a holiday.....

cheers--Sharon

Trust me, it WAS a holiday for her!!! I''m surprised she''d agree to bringing them with her, but Victoria''s pretty hard to resist during a good summer spell. Every time she''d call him to go over their adventures for the day, he''d say, "Oh, I should''ve just taken the time off and come with." And I was thinking, "Oh, thank God he didn''t - ''cause this would be a whole different ball game if he had."

 

[pixley]

Date: 9/21/2009 2:31:15 AM
Author: Cehrabehra
What about just saying it like it is? it was a lot of fun seeing you and we really enjoy you but having 4 people as guests would be very taxing on our household. If it''s a good friend the that''s what I''d do... if it''s not a good friend, I''m not sure why they''re inviting themselves in the first place.

My instinct is to be honest and direct too - it''s just a matter of finding the right words so that no one feels bad. She is a close friend, which is why I''m so careful not to hurt her feelings - and I don''t want to hurt hubby''s feelings either. They have ALWAYS extended an open invite for me to stay with them when I''m in the Bay Area. I actually think I''d have a pretty good chance of finding them a great house-sitting situation, so it may work out better for everyone once it''s all said and done.

 

[pixley]

Steel and Kenny - You two are so naughty!

But if I really need to go that route, I hear bed-bugs really creep people out.