How do you tell him what you want?

[StaceyLee8]

My boyfriend has told me that I get to pick out the ring. I have found a setting I love but when it comes to telling him how big of a rock to put in the middle I just can't figure out how to do it! I would really like 1.5ct-2ct but he hasn't given me a set budget and obviously quality of stone makes a huge difference in price. I don't want to be super greedy or superficial sounding and be like "you have to get me this!" He is very giving and not cheap so I know even if it is a stretch for him he would buy what I wanted. However if I found out it was way more than he intended on spending I will feel guilty.... but if it's smaller than I want I'm afraid of feeling disappointed. I have asked him for a budget but he tells me not to worry about that...but obviously I am

Any insight?

How did you tell your SO, if you did?

 

[JulieN]

if he told you that you get to pick it out, you should feel comfortable asking him what the budget is. You know, to make sure that the setting you pick out still leaves enough for the diamond.

 

[SMC]

if he told you that you get to pick it out, you should feel comfortable asking him what the budget is. You know, to make sure that the setting you pick out still leaves enough for the diamond.

I agree. You really need to find out what his budget is! You really need to be comfortable talking finances with your guy if you're at the engagement stage. It all comes out of the same pool later on so the money that you're spending now, is theoretically, your money in the future.

 

[sonnyjane]

Even if he told you "not to worry about it", you need to come back and say "No, it affects us both, please give me the figure you're comfortable spending." You should feel ok asking, and he should feel ok telling you.

 

[wakingdreams53]

When I asked my guy for a budget the first time, he said "IDK, 3 months salary?" I 'd at him and then he changed it to 10k...
But when time came around to actually buy a stone, that number drastically changed.
It sounds like your SO doesn't know the cost of these things and he needs to. It's fine and dandy if you're swimming in pools of money, then get the biggest honker you desire... but if that's not the case, education is in order.

Plus as sortmom said, this is mutual-future-money, I justify it as a one-time-lifetime purchase that can be splurged upon, but other's may disagree. Majority of women on here would be happy even without it since it's just a symbol, but seeing as this is a diamond education site, he should know. If he wants to hit the 2ct mark but it'll be a K I3, it'll have to decrease in ct weight but will be a cleaner, whiter stone.

My SO wanted to hit the 2ct mark, but we ended up with a 1.5 that faces up HUGE, like a 2ct, but men like big..... numbers

You're stepping into a LIFETIME with this man. Start discussing ASAP!

 

[chel180]

If you know what you like and think your BF can easily afford what you have your heart set on, e.g a 1.5-2ct stone, then I see nothing wrong with asking for that. By giving the range you have done above it allows for an awful lot of difference. It might also be worth stating whats important to you. E.g I would love the biggest stone for the budget and I'd be happy with a very simple setting to afford it. Or, I would prefer a higher color diamond in a halo setting and after that the sparkiest we can afford. You need to be open, honest and frank with your SO otherwise you will not end up with what you both want. Providing you discuss it in a 'nice' way, all will be fine.

 

[madelise]

Stacey: forget about size.

Tell him your order of preference.


1) What shape you would like. RB? Princess? Cushion: which type? Antique cuts? Narrow this down FIRST.
2) Order your priorities of which is most important to least: carat(size), color, clarity, cut (light performance)
3) Then make a list of your upper and lower boundaries for each of those C's. what's the highest color you would want, and the lowest? What is the highest clarity you would want and lowest? etc.

Then he can balance his budget around.



I hope this makes sense. For example, my priority is cut, clarity, then color.. with size being just as important as cut. I was willing to not get an ideal performing stone so long as I got to maximize size (I know, Pricescope blasphemy!). Then clarity had to be eye clean. But the highest I would go is VS2 since I don't like paying for inclusions I can't see anyway, and the lowest being I1 but had to be structurally safe for daily wear in a ring. Color range I would accept HIGHEST was F because I don't believe in paying extra for the D-E's, and lowest being M/N. KWIM? From this, he knew I valued cut and size more than color and clarity. You have to find a balance between all these things to get it in budget.. and figure out just how big you can go. Telling him you want an X carat stone isn't going to tell him squat. He can always buy you a frozen spit boulder from Kay jeweler!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Stacey: forget about size.

Tell him your order of preference.


1) What shape you would like. RB? Princess? Cushion: which type? Antique cuts? Narrow this down FIRST.
2) Order your priorities of which is most important to least: carat(size), color, clarity, cut (light performance)
3) Then make a list of your upper and lower boundaries for each of those C's. what's the highest color you would want, and the lowest? What is the highest clarity you would want and lowest? etc.

Then he can balance his budget around.



I hope this makes sense. For example, my priority is cut, clarity, then color.. with size being just as important as cut. I was willing to not get an ideal performing stone so long as I got to maximize size (I know, Pricescope blasphemy!). Then clarity had to be eye clean. But the highest I would go is VS2 since I don't like paying for inclusions I can't see anyway, and the lowest being I1 but had to be structurally safe for daily wear in a ring. Color range I would accept HIGHEST was F because I don't believe in paying extra for the D-E's, and lowest being M/N. KWIM? From this, he knew I valued cut and size more than color and clarity. You have to find a balance between all these things to get it in budget.. and figure out just how big you can go. Telling him you want an X carat stone isn't going to tell him squat. He can always buy you a frozen spit boulder from Kay jeweler!

This is perfect! Take the size completely out of the equation and tell him to get the largest option within his budget and your list of other preferences. Don't be that girl who says she needs a 1.5-2ct in order to be happy. Hopefully you can get the size you want and he can spend what he feels most comfortable with. If he can't meet your size request and you press for that, you'll come off as not so great in the end. Also, if you're considering marrying the guy, no topic should be off limits. Sit him down and express your list of wants and get his comfortable budget

 

[maple2012]

My boyfriend has told me that I get to pick out the ring. I have found a setting I love but when it comes to telling him how big of a rock to put in the middle I just can't figure out how to do it! I would really like 1.5ct-2ct but he hasn't given me a set budget and obviously quality of stone makes a huge difference in price. I don't want to be super greedy or superficial sounding and be like "you have to get me this!" He is very giving and not cheap so I know even if it is a stretch for him he would buy what I wanted. However if I found out it was way more than he intended on spending I will feel guilty.... but if it's smaller than I want I'm afraid of feeling disappointed. I have asked him for a budget but he tells me not to worry about that...but obviously I am

Any insight?

How did you tell your SO, if you did?

I had a friend who's boyfriend said something similar. She got super excited and started searching at Tiffanys and other high end shops. She then took her clueless boyfriend to go look at what she liked, and then he finally saw the price tags. He was so clueless about diamond prices that he left it open thinking it would average price would be much lower. In the end, she ended up feeling really bad once she realized that his budget actually was much lower than what she *thought* and both parties were hurt. It caused more confusion than anything else!

From my perspective, you can't pick out a ring without knowing a budget. Take him online to a few different pricescope vendor websites and let him see what diamond prices and settings really cost... see what he likes... show him what you like... and then ask him what he thinks the budget should be based on both your likes and dislikes? Based on that, you can start narrowing down your choices.

Good luck!!! Regardless, exciting time! Congrats!!

 

[StaceyLee8]

We went together and picked out a gorgeous 1.7ct round brilliant stone I love it its absolutely perfect! We went with a higher ct. and lower color grade- J - to keep the cost down and i could only tell the that it wasnt super white when the jewelry put it right next to a D.

 

[maple2012]

We went together and picked out a gorgeous 1.7ct round brilliant stone I love it its absolutely perfect! We went with a higher ct. and lower color grade- J - to keep the cost down and i could only tell the that it wasnt super white when the jewelry put it right next to a D.

Yay! How exciting!!! Pictures!!!

 

[SMC]

We went together and picked out a gorgeous 1.7ct round brilliant stone I love it its absolutely perfect! We went with a higher ct. and lower color grade- J - to keep the cost down and i could only tell the that it wasnt super white when the jewelry put it right next to a D.

That's super exciting! I'm glad you found the perfect stone for you. I have a J as well and I love it!

 

[pandabee]

We went together and picked out a gorgeous 1.7ct round brilliant stone I love it its absolutely perfect! We went with a higher ct. and lower color grade- J - to keep the cost down and i could only tell the that it wasnt super white when the jewelry put it right next to a D.

Congrats!! Glad you guys were able to come to a compromise! J is still super white, I think you'll be very happy with it! What setting are you going to put it in?

 

[marcy]

Staceylee8, it sounds like you a beautiful diamond. Congratulations.

 

[Chewbacca]

I second madelise's post, but it seems to have all worked out very quickly/easily with no long lists required (I think even the very concise list SO asked of me scared him!). Great! You'll have to tell us what settings you are eyeing.

 

[meredeth11]

Since you have asked him for a budget but he told you not to worry about it,this have showed how much he love you.You can choose one that match his economic ability

 

[OHoward]

Well first off CONGRATS!!!!
I feel if you are planning to spend the rest of your lives together...there should be no bashfulness! With that said, we have been very open since day one with each other. I know how much he has in the bank and how much he makes. So my advice would be to sort of do the math in your head based on what you already know about your future fiancé.
Like others said, his original number was not exactly what I had in mind. It was about 5,000 off. So I will now contribute money to my diamond fund. My mother thinks this is a crazy idea (shes VERY old fashioned) but this is a very important decision. I hate the idea of upgrading a diamond in the future. This is going to be the most important thing he gives to me since we don't want children ... So we need to get this right the first time! Either way, start doing your homework and have fun!!!!

 

[hearts-arrows_girl]

Congrats Staceylee! 1.7 is a substantial size. There are MANY gorgeous J color stones on PS, you will love it. Can't wait to see it set.

 

[Roxy]

We went together and picked out a gorgeous 1.7ct round brilliant stone I love it its absolutely perfect! We went with a higher ct. and lower color grade- J - to keep the cost down and i could only tell the that it wasnt super white when the jewelry put it right next to a D.

YAY!! I'm glad you guys were able to do that together! Now for settings .... what are you thinking about wrt the e-ring and w-band (I'm sorry, I don't mean to be pushy but I'm just SO EXCITED for you)!?!