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How do you mentally/emotionally cope with the money you’ve “wasted” with this bling hobby/passion?

pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
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Jun 15, 2015
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3,046
I love the world of jewellery. It is such a delight and passion for me! But I definitely despair about the money I’ve wasted every time I’ve gotten it wrong: buying the wrong thing or custom projects that didn’t work out. Etc etc etc. I’ve resized two different rings 3+ times! Not because my finger has changed, but because my mind has ;-)

How do you deal with any missteps you’ve had? How do you deal with selling stuff a loss? Do you beat yourself up, or simply look at it as part of the process?

I try to look at it as my own personal jewellery education, as I get to know myself and all of these processes better... but sometimes I feel like a right fool for throwing money away! Curious to know how the rest of you feel about such things. Or maybe you avoid mistakes more easily than me!
 
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missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jun 8, 2008
Messages
40,548
It's a process. Life is a process. Experiences enrich our lives and allow us to grow. With each experience I learn something. I have gone through a number of engagement ring diamonds and engagement rings. I have bought jewelry that I thought I loved and then never (and I mean never) wore. If I added up all the money over the decades I spent on jewelry that ended up not being something I adored and wore, well. let's just say I don't do that. Add up the money I spent I mean.

I look at each step as a step closer to knowing and figuring out what pieces make my heart sing. So for that reason alone it wasn't a waste. I didn't know I loved old cuts until I went on the journey I did thanks to PS in part but also in part to buying and wearing and figuring it all out. I loved old cuts before PS but I didn't realize they were old cuts. So it was (for me) a learning process. A journey. And in that way it mirrors life. And along the way we should enjoy each experience because that is what life is made of...experiences.


If something is easy to obtain, to reach, perhaps we don't appreciate it quite as much. I look at life this way. Not mistakes along the way but a learning process that allows us to reach our goals. Goals which are ever changing because life is not static. And what "things" we love today we might not love the same as tomorrow. And that is OK. Material goods are replaceable. Life is a continuous learning process.

Enjoy the journey.


lifeisajourney.jpg
 

pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Jun 15, 2015
Messages
3,046
It's a process. Life is a process. Experiences enrich our lives and allow us to grow. With each experience I learn something. I have gone through a number of engagement ring diamonds and engagement rings. I have bought jewelry that I thought I loved and then never (and I mean never) wore. If I added up all the money over the decades I spent on jewelry that ended up not being something I adored and wore, well. let's just say I don't do that. Add up the money I spent I mean.

I look at each step as a step closer to knowing and figuring out what pieces make my heart sing. So for that reason alone it wasn't a waste. I didn't know I loved old cuts until I went on the journey I did thanks to PS in part but also in part to buying and wearing and figuring it all out. I loved old cuts before PS but I didn't realize they were old cuts. So it was (for me) a learning process. A journey. And in that way it mirrors life. And along the way we should enjoy each experience because that is what life is made of...experiences.


If something is easy to obtain, to reach, perhaps we don't appreciate it quite as much. I look at life this way. Not mistakes along the way but a learning process that allows us to reach our goals. Goals which are ever changing because life is not static. And what "things" we love today we might not love the same as tomorrow. And that is OK. Material goods are replaceable. Life is a continuous learning process.

Enjoy the journey.


lifeisajourney.jpg
I love this mindset, @missy! I think I am too hard on myself sometimes, always expecting perfection.

I am going to think a lot about what you’ve said. It means all the more considering what a beautiful collection you have. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
 

Bron357

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Jan 22, 2014
Messages
4,592
Learning is a life long process.
Have I made mistakes? Yes plenty.
Have I regretted purchases or purchases I didn’t make? Yes plenty.
Sometimes it makes me sad, moreso the “missed” purchases, but life is too short to dwell in the past.
I am confident that due to my experiences, both good and bad, I can make more appropriate decisions in future.
“Wasting” money is a personal experience and opinions differ.
Is “value” only attributed to that which can continue on into the future?
You buy a new car and thousands drop off its value as you exit the showroom. It doesn’t stop people from choosing to buy a new car. You go on an exotic holiday, dine at an exclusive restaurant and shortly thereafter only the memory remains and yet people still spend thousands on what are only transient experiences. You commission a special piece of jewellery and the cost far exceeds the sum of the parts yet people still chose customization over stock standard.
And yet none of these choices are wrong or right, they just “are” and they are personal.
Embrace your choices, welcome your decisions and experience the lessons learned whether good or bad and in my case next time I see a .47 carat Fancy Pink Argyle Diamond I’m buying it!
 

pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Jun 15, 2015
Messages
3,046
Learning is a life long process.
Have I made mistakes? Yes plenty.
Have I regretted purchases or purchases I didn’t make? Yes plenty.
Sometimes it makes me sad, moreso the “missed” purchases, but life is too short to dwell in the past.
I am confident that due to my experiences, both good and bad, I can make more appropriate decisions in future.
“Wasting” money is a personal experience and opinions differ.
Is “value” only attributed to that which can continue on into the future?
You buy a new car and thousands drop off its value as you exit the showroom. It doesn’t stop people from choosing to buy a new car. You go on an exotic holiday, dine at an exclusive restaurant and shortly thereafter only the memory remains and yet people still spend thousands on what are only transient experiences. You commission a special piece of jewellery and the cost far exceeds the sum of the parts yet people still chose customization over stock standard.
And yet none of these choices are wrong or right, they just “are” and they are personal.
Embrace your choices, welcome your decisions and experience the lessons learned whether good or bad and in my case next time I see a .47 carat Fancy Pink Argyle Diamond I’m buying it!
I love all of this excellent wisdom! Thank you, Bron!

And oof- that missed pink is following you eh? Is it the value or the beauty that you feel you missed out on most? Hugs!! Lucky for me I tend to completely forget about the ones that got away.
 

partgypsy

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Nov 7, 2004
Messages
6,484
The way I deal with it since no one irl understands it, is when I was married I had a budget of 1k a year to spend on jewelry. I know people who would spend that much on toys, clothes, haircuts/nails, cosmetics. Everyone is different what sparks "joy". I'm good on jewelry now, so now more likely to spend disposable income on my house. My brother spends his disposable income on used motorcycles and the occasional videogame and that's what makes him happy. Like you there have been times he's gotten a deal. Other times he buys one and pours time and money in it and regrets the purchase. I've had similar experiences. There's no way to make each purchase perfect; you win some you lose some. With time comes wisdom.
 
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MamaBee

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2018
Messages
8,130
I will be honest. This actually really bothers me...I have so many things that I purchased that I shouldn’t have. There‘s nothing wrong with them but I just don’t wear them. I could have put all the money in a few pieces with money to spare.... I made a big mistake that I can’t say here but let’s just say I should have sold Libby when I could have and gone a different direction. I try to rotate everything so I feel my purchases are justified. It’s only lately that I realized I’m a ORTRTA girl...
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Jun 8, 2008
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40,548
I will be honest. This actually really bothers me...I have so many things that I purchased that I shouldn’t have. There‘s nothing wrong with them but I just don’t wear them. I could have put all the money in a few pieces with money to spare.... I made a big mistake that I can’t say here but let’s just say I should have sold Libby when I could have and gone a different direction. I try to rotate everything so I feel my purchases are justified. It’s only lately that I realized I’m a ORTRTA girl... My life is so simple..I wear all my bling with nowhere to go..haha Sad..
I’ll happily wear them for you Joanne. Just saying. I’m happy to help a girlfiend out. :halo:
 

MamaBee

Ideal_Rock
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Mar 31, 2018
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I’ll happily wear them for you Joanne. Just saying. I’m happy to help a girlfiend out. :halo:
Hahahahaha @missy I went back in a second and erased the last line because it sounded so bad. I tried to hurry because I know you’re fast as lightening! I laughed out loud that it’s there in your quote! Thanks for the laugh this morning! :lol:
 

MamaBee

Ideal_Rock
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Mar 31, 2018
Messages
8,130
Get your money ready @Bron357! Someone here will find you your pink argyle diamond! :lol:
 

MakingTheGrade

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Mar 2, 2009
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11,398
Eh, I don’t spend money I don’t have. And I figure the money I do have for living, I wanna use to live a life I enjoy! So even if I sell things at a loss or even lose something entirely, as long as I enjoyed the process of making or acquiring it or wearing it, then it’s not wasted. The money was spent on something that made me happy. But it doesn’t need to make me happy forever to be worth it. Also the reason I’ll go out to eat even though it’s “wasting” money compared to just making something at home lol. And once I eat it, it’s gone entirely!
 

dk168

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Jul 7, 2013
Messages
7,010
I have "wasted" a lot more elsewhere!

At least I have jewellery pieces to show for what I had spent, compared with other wastages!

DK :))
 

Bayek

Ideal_Rock
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May 11, 2013
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7,315
I say 'oh well' basically, I have the same saying about ALL the jewelry i've lost too, can't worry about spilt milk they say.
 

MrsBlue

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 30, 2013
Messages
173
When I first learned to knit I made some truly ugly pieces. Poor color choices, cheap yarn, uneven tension. Just awful. But each of those pieces taught me so much. My knitting today isn't flawless. Nobody's is. But there's a maturity and flow to my pieces now that makes me super happy.

Same goes for my jewelry. I have fewer pieces now than I did in my 20s and 30s. Some items were far from beautiful, other things I sold when I really shouldn't have. But those experiences brought me to the few cherished pieces I now have. Plus my father was a bit of a peacock and liked flash. I think of him whenever I splurge on myself.
 

PreRaphaelite

Ideal_Rock
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Feb 2, 2015
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During a tv segment for a well-known magazine, interior designer Phoebe Howard suggested buying a few plants and tucking them inside white ironstone to decorate the table for a dinner party. The interviewer must have been a garden enthusiast because he commented, ‘sounds expensive, and that would be a lot of dead plants after a while.’ She quickly shrugged and offered ‘they cost about the same as a bottle of wine. When dinner’s over I put the plants in the garden, instead of a bunch of empty wine bottles in the trash.’

So I guess what I’m trying to convey is, spending discretionary money is about what you enjoy. When I think of the amount of money my other family members spend on their entertainment choices, my bling hobby doesn't seem expensive, and there’s less resale value to empty wine bottles! (Also I can gorge on bling and still drive sober...)
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jun 8, 2008
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40,548
So I guess what I’m trying to convey is, spending discretionary money is about what you enjoy. When I think of the amount of money my other family members spend on their entertainment choices, my bling hobby doesn't seem expensive, and there’s less resale value to empty wine bottles! (Also I can gorge on bling and still drive sober...)
Yes! I think of how many people drive expensive cars (whether leasing or owning) and to me that is a waste of money. Once you drive it the value goes way down. I mean it serves a function and that is what is important (to me). For others it is a luxury they enjoy and love. No right or wrong. Just what works for you and what brings you joy.

Compared to what many people spend on cars I am not spending as much as I think. Or at least that is what I tell myself. :lol:

ETA: this is timely because I am bracing myself as we are heading car shopping right now and I am so not in the mood for that. My DH has it in his head he wants us to get a newer model even though our older model works great. So I am keeping an open mind but my heart is not really in this. We shall see.
 

Cerulean

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 13, 2019
Messages
709
Jewelry is a want, not a need. Therefore it feels like money well-spent if it makes you happy, mistakes and all. A piece of jewelry that doesn't make you happy, isn't worth much of anything, at least to me. Yes, there are market rates, blah blah. But it can't nourish you, or serve any utilitarian function.

So, if you are trying to look at the problem of money lost as a total pragmatist, then anything spent on jewelry is a total waste. People buy jewelry because it is beautiful. It is a form of art. A lot of pragmatists don't understand why art is necessary to live a fulfilled life. But I think we, on Pricescope, certainly do.

So, this is an oversimplified view...but I think art (e.g. jewelry) can be looked at and appreciated in two ways, and there are some works that lean far in one direction over the other. This might sound more elitist than I mean it to, but...
  1. The end result is most important - ie. that the object is beautiful in itself, separate of any outside knowledge of the work of art - so that way, to the (potentially untrained) viewer, how you arrived at the end result is not important for appreciating the piece itself. You see a beautiful object, and you enjoy it purely aesthetically and it touches you!
  2. The process is most important - this might be art for artists. Artists who are speaking through their work to other artists or trained onlookers, who quietly share the untold hours of painstaking effort, labor, technique, their sense of wit, ingenuity, historical comments and theory...it is how they got there that is remarkable to the viewer. Sometimes, awareness of this effort enhances the visual representation of the art - a less remarkable piece (at first glance) is appreciated far more because you understand its legacy
Now what the heck is my point? Everyone else in the world may appreciate your jewelry for what is - beautiful. They may not understand or appreciate the hours of research, the mistakes, the skill and preference you evolved over project after project. But you do. And many PSers do too. It holds a special, untold value (the experience of arriving at the end result) that can't really be measured or bought.

You likely wouldn't have jewelry items that please you as much as they do, had you not made the mistakes it took to get them to their end state. You may not think of yourself as an artist, but I think you should, and I hope those pangs of regret fade.
 
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doberman

Brilliant_Rock
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Mar 2, 2012
Messages
1,979
I dealt with these feelings by selling a bunch of stuff. And these days the only things I'm buying are VCA or Cartier, things that can be turned into money. My 4 carat is probably the last diamond I'll ever buy. Probably....:lol:
 

YadaYadaYada

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 2, 2016
Messages
6,799
It's been a rough few years and I have spent way more than I should have as a result, when life is crappy shopping becomes and easy escape and lets face it, jewelry brings a lot of joy.

However despite that I'm not going to beat myself about it. If overspending is the worst coping mechanism I used to get through it then so be it. Now I just try to not impulse buy or emotionally shop. Guilt is a negative emotion that doesn't accomplish anything so no sense in holding on to it.
 

nala

Ideal_Rock
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Oct 23, 2011
Messages
4,732
Jewelry is a want, not a need. Therefore it feels like money well-spent if it makes you happy, mistakes and all. A piece of jewelry that doesn't make you happy, isn't worth much of anything, at least to me. Yes, there are market rates, blah blah. But it can't nourish you, or serve any utilitarian function.

So, if you are trying to look at the problem of money lost as a total pragmatist, then anything spent on jewelry is a total waste. People buy jewelry because it is beautiful. It is a form of art. A lot of pragmatists don't understand why art is necessary to live a fulfilled life. But I think we, on Pricescope, certainly do.

So, this is an oversimplified view...but I think art (e.g. jewelry) can be looked at and appreciated in two ways, and there are some works that lean far in one direction over the other. This might sound more elitist than I mean it to, but...
  1. The end result is most important - ie. that the object is beautiful in itself, separate of any outside knowledge of the work of art - so that way, to the (potentially untrained) viewer, how you arrived at the end result is not important for appreciating the piece itself. You see a beautiful object, and you enjoy it purely aesthetically and it touches you!
  2. The process is most important - this might be art for artists. Artists who are speaking through their work to other artists or trained onlookers, who quietly share the untold hours of painstaking effort, labor, technique, their sense of wit, ingenuity, historical comments and theory...it is how they got there that is remarkable to the viewer. Sometimes, awareness of this effort enhances the visual representation of the art - a less remarkable piece (at first glance) is appreciated far more because you understand its legacy
Now what the heck is my point? Everyone else in the world may appreciate your jewelry for what is - beautiful. They may not understand or appreciate the hours of research, the mistakes, the skill and preference you evolved over project after project. But you do. And many PSers do too. It holds a special, untold value (the experience of arriving at the end result) that can't really be measured or bought.

You likely wouldn't have jewelry items that please you as much as they do, had you not made the mistakes it took to get them to their end state. You may not think of yourself as an artist, but I think you should, and I hope those pangs of regret fade.
Love this!
 

Queenie60

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 15, 2014
Messages
4,666
It's a process. Since I do not purchase what I can't afford - no remorse. And yes, I've made some mistakes along the way.
 

nala

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Oct 23, 2011
Messages
4,732
Believe it or not, I have thought about this question more than once. My take-away is: shopping is retail therapy! I used to shop for designer purses and I have a closet full of those gathering dust and wasting space. My Impulse mistakes have either been sold at a modest loss bc I only buy preloved.

My Ering obsession has been a journey with settings and diamond upgrading. The settings are for sale and will one day sell. Lol. The stone journey to arrive at my holy grail worked out in the end—as in the price I paid for my holy grail stone Made up for the upgrades in the past bc they all added up to a great deal! See how I justify? Lol.
 

seaurchin

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2012
Messages
1,343
I think of my jewelry more like my clothes now (more temporary). I no longer wear most of the things I wore ten years ago, for example, so I try to spend accordingly.
 
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Girlfriday17

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 1, 2018
Messages
107
It's a process. Life is a process. Experiences enrich our lives and allow us to grow. With each experience I learn something. I have gone through a number of engagement ring diamonds and engagement rings. I have bought jewelry that I thought I loved and then never (and I mean never) wore. If I added up all the money over the decades I spent on jewelry that ended up not being something I adored and wore, well. let's just say I don't do that. Add up the money I spent I mean.

I look at each step as a step closer to knowing and figuring out what pieces make my heart sing. So for that reason alone it wasn't a waste. I didn't know I loved old cuts until I went on the journey I did thanks to PS in part but also in part to buying and wearing and figuring it all out. I loved old cuts before PS but I didn't realize they were old cuts. So it was (for me) a learning process. A journey. And in that way it mirrors life. And along the way we should enjoy each experience because that is what life is made of...experiences.


If something is easy to obtain, to reach, perhaps we don't appreciate it quite as much. I look at life this way. Not mistakes along the way but a learning process that allows us to reach our goals. Goals which are ever changing because life is not static. And what "things" we love today we might not love the same as tomorrow. And that is OK. Material goods are replaceable. Life is a continuous learning process.

Enjoy the journey.


lifeisajourney.jpg
Well said.
 

smitcompton

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 11, 2006
Messages
2,689
Hi,

I came to love stones and jewelry late in life. I also had the funds to buy some. After a few years I decided I should tally-up what I had spent. I went into shock. Around that time I also learned that my stone and jewelry education was lacking and my purchases weren't all that good. I stopped buying and tried to become better educated. I only bought a few new pieces when I was sure of three things.

1. I really wanted the piece--like stud earrings
2. It fell into a category of desirable stats vs, HI, 1 ct total
3 The price was right. In the end I have 2prs of studs one round, one princess. not a waste.

When I see something I like, that I think is more than I would spend, I go for a fake one. I love my fake rings, and have no more guilt buying any of them. I know most on here want real, but it keeps the budget in tact.

Annette
 

marymm

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 21, 2010
Messages
4,277
I don't think money (and time) spent on enjoying my hobby is wasted ... sure, I've taken some wrong turns and my tastes have changed over the years, but that can be said for any hobby/collection/interest. I have spent within my means however, and periodically pare down my collection by selling on LT and DB.

If you feel you have wasted money on jewelry, then perhaps it is time to take a time-out so you can gain perspective on whether this a hobby/collection on which you wish to spend time and money, or if it is a crutch / addiction / obsession / out of bounds, or if you have "been there, done that" when it comes to diamonds/jewelry and you're ready to move on to other interests.

Please know I'm in no way suggesting you have a problem with spending and/or with your jewelry projects ... but in my own experience when something like that gains traction in my head, it means I probably I need to reflect and maybe change/tweak my behaviour/thoughts/whatever, i.e., just because I can afford to buy something doesn't necessarily mean that's the best place to use my money or spend my time...
 

jaysonsmom

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 13, 2004
Messages
3,465
To “cope” with the guilt of buying jewelry, I try to give back as much as I spend on myself. It is especially easy to spend AND give during this pandemic. All food banks are drastically in need of donations, whether it be monetary, or non-perishable goods.

Editing to add, that I didn't read the original question thoroughly, so my response above did not fit the OP's question. I would resell, repurpose, trade in jewelry "mistakes" to recoup whatever I can from the mistakes, and use it towards new jewelry.
 
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KaeKae

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
May 27, 2009
Messages
2,227
I get the occasional piece of jewelry or a reset. Hubby has season tickets to college football and basketball. We have our interests. Considering the records of our university's teams, I think I'm getting more for the money
 
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