How Do You Ladies Handle Waiting?

[LilyOfTheValley]

Now that I know an engagement is looming over the horizon, I've been seriously obsessively thinking about it! I hope that you don't find this sad or anything.

A zillion thoughts would run through my head a second, at any given time:

"When exactly is he going to propose?"
"Is it going to be a surprise?"
"Oh my gawd, what if it won't happen for another year?"
"...What if two years?!"
"What if we'll still be dating 5 years from now?"
"What if he takes too long and then we grow tired of each other?"
"God, I hope the dress that I want to wear won't be out of style by the time we get married!"
"WHAT IF HE CHANGES HIS MIND?"

I'm seriously driving myself crazy.

How do you handle it?

 

[PrincessLily2009]

Well, when my LIWitis was at an all-time high, there really wasn''t much I could do. When I''m worked up about anything, I try to take a nap. When I wake up, I feel so calm and relaxed. (Same kind of results can be achieved through guided meditation, if you''re into that kind of thing.)

Cleaning and shopping are good distractions, and I''m a total Sims addict, so if I''m feeling really antsy, I''ll play the Sims for an hour or so, and I''ve forgotten all about getting engaged.

For me, visiting PS amplified my anxiety, but writing in an online public journal helped me achieve a feeling of release.

I''m not sure how close you are to getting engaged, so this may not apply to you, but when I gave myself permission to leave the relationship, when I stopped mentally giving him complete control over my life, I felt much better.

 

[hazel29]

How do I handle it?

Poorly

I think about it all the time too. I just have to remind myself that it will happen when it happens (and it''s a little easier for me because I know it won''t happen for at least five to six months)

 

[IrishEyes08]

Hi Lily,

I actually just posted about this yesterday, I think it''s still on the first page. For me, I have been trying really hard to focus on other things. Work, excercising, cleaning our apt and most importantly, enjoying where we are in the relationship right now.

I know once we''re engaged it''s going to be a flurry of activity, so I am seeing this as the calm before the storm if you will.

I know it''s hard (trust me, I know). I''d work to surround yourself with things and people that you really enjoy - it will be here soon enough!

 

[nail_polish]

Hehehe.. I can just visualize someone pulling her hair out asking herself these questions...

As for how I handle it..

1) I bug my boyfriend.. I ask for hints (even though I don''t want them) or my new favorite - rejected proposal ideas he has had!

2) We talk about getting married/the wedding/our future.. And, I go into fantasy land.

3) I take myself into fantasy land - look at venues, etc. online. This also brings me back to reality ''cause I start to remember how expensive it''ll be

 

[Treasure43]

What a great way to look at it Irish Eyes! The calm before the storm. Because once you get engaged there''s all this wedding planning to be done!

Personally I handle it in many different ways. I come on here and it reassures me that I am not alone. I also talk with my boyfriend about it so he knows how I feel. I find it makes me feel better if we take little steps towards it. For example: we talk about the wedding itself, he''s told his parents he''s saving up for a ring, he''s told me he''s saving up for a ring and thinking up proposal ideas, and we keep going ring shopping. He''s also said it will most likely happen within six months, but who knows! Basically I try to focus on the relationship, not the engagement and just enjoy the moment and try not to get too stressed out!

 

[jcarlylew]

with a bottle of wine

contrary to belief, this forum helps me calm down. while it makes so that the pending engagement is on always on my mind, it helps me come back down and realize that no, i am not the only one going through this, and yes, it will happen. eventually.

plus the ring is on layaway, and it takes 10 months to pay it off. so... at least 4 more months to go.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I think this form has calmed me down as well.

But also think about prospective. I have so many friends who got engaged, and made me wish I was engaged. Then they went though the whole process, and now it is over and life goes on. When they are going through it, I sometimes wish it was me, but when it is over, I am glad I still have all that to look forward to.

 

[Still_Waiting]

Well, I try my best to pour myself into our relationship rather than focusing on the actual engagement. Most of the time it really helps because it forces me to center my attention on him and how much I love him no matter if it takes a few months or a few years ("Months, months, months! Please be months!"

).

I go back and forth on whether PS helps or makes my LIW-itis worse. For the most part, I think it''s a place where I can come and not feel alone. All of my friends have been married for several years (most for five years or more!). So I don''t have anyone else who really understands where I''m at right now. Plus, I come here to indulge all my ring fantasies! Really, the ring is not important. He could give me a plastic egg ring and I''d say yes. But, it''s still fun to dream about what could be on my finger. For some reason, the ring is important to him. That''s not to say he''s going to spend the average amount of $$$ for PSers, but $2500 is still $2500 or whatever he plans to spend. That''s house taxes for a year, you know? Oops, sorry, guess I needed to get that off my chest!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Gotta try to live for today with no worries of tomorrow and when the time comes, then it will happen!

 

[princessplease]

OMG! NP! I do ALL OF THE SAME STUFF except ask about rejected proposal ideas.

I've even gone so far as to order sample wedding invites!!!!!!

I also try to keep in mind that it will happen relatively soon. I've waited for this long, so a few more weeks isn't going to kill me, only drive me mad

 

[miss_flo]

I agree with all the other ladies, this forum has really helped me calm down and enjoy the ride. 2009 thus far has been my best LIW-itis free period in our three years of dating, and I think a lot of that has to do with the empathy and camaraderie I share here at Pricescope

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

PrincessLily I LOVE THE SIMS! heh. For all you gamers out there its a really cool game and it will take your mind off whatevers bothering you temporarily. (Its also a great time waster and procrastination tool)

The hardest part for me about waiting is the effect others have had on me. Whether they make me feel silly for wanting marriage at a younger age than some - whether I''m jealous over others engagements - or whether I''m put off by comments closer friends and family may make about how it shouldve happened by now. Pricescope definitely helps and staying off other sites like facebook and such where people like to lay out their whole lives for other to view has helped me with the jealousy. I try to keep in mind that 5 years down the road this time period will feel like a blink of the eye.

 

[sammyj]

Date: 3/12/2009 10:49:39 AM
Author: jcarlylew
with a bottle of wine

contrary to belief, this forum helps me calm down. while it makes so that the pending engagement is on always on my mind, it helps me come back down and realize that no, i am not the only one going through this, and yes, it will happen. eventually.

I couldn''t agree more...I always drink my sorrows away...JK

But really, being on PS helped a TON! Honestly, my friends IRL did not understand what I was going through because they''ve been with the boyfriends/fiances/husbands for a shorter period of time than us. They couldn''t fathom the idea that I was anxious, a little jealous of others, and kinda crazy over a proposal. All of the LIWs could empathize.

I never once thought that he had changed his mind or that our timeline would double in years, I just wanted to know WHEN WHEN WHEN!!!

 

[adak]

Date: 3/12/2009 11:30:29 AM
Author: princessplease
OMG! NP! I do ALL OF THE SAME STUFF except ask about rejected proposal ideas.

I''ve even gone so far as to order sample wedding invites!!!!!!

I also try to keep in mind that it will happen relatively soon. I''ve waited for this long, so a few more weeks isn''t going to kill me, only drive me mad

I almost did the same thing myself! If you don''t mind me asking, where did you order your''s from?

I''ve been looking at a lot of wedding stuff lately. I do not think it helps, though! Like nail_polish, the expense usually overwhelms me. I told my mom last night that I no longer want a "real" wedding dress. She, of course, insisted that I have one.

 

[Treasure43]

I have to agree with the fact that it makes me jealous over other''s proposals (something I DO NOT like being). I am co-teaching with a woman who has just gotten pregnant with a guy she''s been dating for a few months and I have a feeling they''re going to get engaged/married before us because of the baby. Though I know it''s petty, I feel frustrated because I''ve been with my boyfriend longer and she''ll get engaged first. It also bothers me that she even said to me awhile back "we''ll probably beat you to the alter). Though she''s 40 and I''m only 24, I still can''t help feeling...irritated I guess is the word?

 

[iheartbora]

I think sometimes you just need to take a step back and ask yourself WHY you let yourself get so anxious. I was like that for awhile and it started bugging me a lot, so I asked myself why (why put myself through this?), and I found no answer... there is really no point for me to go crazy about it, because it really doesn''t change anything. Don''t get me wrong, I still do my research on PS, wedding sites etc, but I do it thinking it''s a fun and relaxing thing to do. I also try to focus on other things in life, like planning a vacation, learning how to cook, or working out so that I have other things to look forward to in the short and long term.

I think once you get comfort that your SO and you are on the same page, things get a bit easier because there is less to worry about. Maybe try being honest and talk to your SO about it? One good answer from him might just be enough

 

[trillionaire]

If I am in a bad mood about it, I might be snarky. Then he gets the ''you don''t deserve me''s" and "I''mma find a new man''s"... very passive aggressive, and I hate when I act that way.

Mostly, I come to PS, blather on a bit, and then I am fine.

Occasionally, I consider just proposing to him and solving my own problems.

Sometimes, I get myself in a tizzy that it is never going to happen. Then I will look at him and say things like "Don''t ever lead me on, okay?"

... so basically, I am schizophrenic.

it''s not wonder he doesn''t want to marry me...

 

[princessplease]

Adak-
I've gone to rexcraft.com, theamericanwedding.com, invitationsbydawn.com, & now-and-forever.com.
Theamericanwedding.com has amazing!!!! invites, btw.

 

[lovindiamonds]

I have to tell you....I''m not handling it well at all!! I feel like I come on here every day to get my fill of stories just so I can at least be happy for someone else and also, get my fill of eye candy!

 

[Ashley21]

yeah I definitely look at a bunch of wedding stuff: dresses, venues, musicians ... that usually only makes it worse. But BF and I both want to be engaged so it''s easier that we''re going through it together (if that makes sense) ... i guess just talking to your SO to let him know how you feel helps; focus on other things, like all the great times you are having together NOW and I focus on my classes alot and get myself involved in any little project or event I can find

 

[chocolatefudge]

At the moment I'm going through a calm stage where I am not consumed wih the desire to get engaged, however, it comes and goes in waves, sometimes I am crazy!!

- Two summers ago (yes, I have been waiting that long) I made folders on my computer or EVERY aspect of my wedding, venues, dresses, photographers, rings, flowers, cars.... Need I go on?

- I've also had wedding brochures sent to our house (we live together)
- I've left engagement ring catalogues everywhere
- I've left Wedding TV on fullblast so he can hear it from the other room
- I've come home in tears telling him about someone I know getting engaged and being distraight that we aren't yet!
- I made wedding folders on HIS computer
- I go through stages of answering everything he asks me with, "Well I would, be we aren't engaged so I can't." (That's in repsonse to simple things like, 'Will you feed the cat?')
- I find myself looking at my ring finger every few minutes and thinking, "Why hasn't he asked me??"
- I read proposal stories on the internet and say, "Ahhhhhh," Louder and louder about each one until he asks what I'm reading

So to answer your question, I don't handle it too well!

 

[waitingonmyprince]

I''ve talked to my SO about my LIWitis and he said I should just start planning our wedding. So, I talked to a wedding planner and looked at and received information from a couple of venues online. Its helped a little, but I feel silly when I think about actually settling on any of details before I get my ring. Before that I would just bug him about the timeline. That didn''t help either. i think the thing that helps the most is going for a jog....clears my mind and gives me perspective.

I know we are "near the finish line" as my SO likes to say, but the waiting is driving me insane!

 

[LilyOfTheValley]

Ah, so I am not alone in this! LOL.

Do you buy bridal magazines and stuff, too? I ended up buying 2 issues. One of the issues came with a voucher for free admittance for 2 at a bridal expo. I might go.

 

[Ashley21]

Date: 3/13/2009 5:54:19 PM
Author: LilyOfTheValley
Ah, so I am not alone in this! LOL.

Do you buy bridal magazines and stuff, too? I ended up buying 2 issues. One of the issues came with a voucher for free admittance for 2 at a bridal expo. I might go.

BF buys me The Knot cuz he''s a sweety and it keeps me out of his hair for a while

or until I finish reading it a few times ... I went with his sister to a bridal show (since she is getting married soon), but it was more depressing than exciting because it wasn''t for me and I couldn''t plan anything if I wanted to anyway. So to me a bridal expo might be more torture than pleasure, getting to look at the candy but not eat it

 

[LilyOfTheValley]

Date: 3/14/2009 1:58:06 AM
Author: Ashley21

Date: 3/13/2009 5:54:19 PM
Author: LilyOfTheValley
Ah, so I am not alone in this! LOL.

Do you buy bridal magazines and stuff, too? I ended up buying 2 issues. One of the issues came with a voucher for free admittance for 2 at a bridal expo. I might go.

BF buys me The Knot cuz he''s a sweety and it keeps me out of his hair for a while

or until I finish reading it a few times ... I went with his sister to a bridal show (since she is getting married soon), but it was more depressing than exciting because it wasn''t for me and I couldn''t plan anything if I wanted to anyway. So to me a bridal expo might be more torture than pleasure, getting to look at the candy but not eat it

You do have a point about bridal expos there, since it is very likely that we''re going to elope when the time comes!

Lol...all of you ladies are so funny. I''m not handling it very well either, although I am trying to exercise great self-restraint in order to prevent myself from driving the BF insane.