How do you help a friend in need?

[KimberlyH]

A very good girlfriend of mine, who lives far away from me, is going through an extremely difficult time. She is a new mom and is having some marital difficulties that may result in divorce (but she has said this before and gone back to him). I feel a bit lost as to how to be helpful, beyond providing her with an ear that is willing to be bent anytime she needs to talk. I don''t want to do anything extravegant for her, she''s feeling self conscious enough as it is, but I do want to let her know I''m here and supportive. I sent her a thinking of you card a few days ago, when I was unaware of her troubles, so I don''t want to do that again (thank goodness I could only locate her mom''s address as that''s where she''s living!). What would you do as a small token of affection and support?

 

[KimberlyH]

The title sounds much more dramatic than intended...I wish I could reword..."How are you a supportive friend?"

 

[isaku5]

My cousin has been going through serious health problems with a lesion on her brain. She has had 4 MRI''s , 2CT scans and 2 biopsies but no definitive diagnosis. This has been over an 11 month period. I have phoned her countless times, e-mailed her and offered to go anywhere she would like to go for a second or third opinion. I have told her again and again that I will be there for her no matter what she decides. She is reluctant to talk to her DH about how she feels as his first wife died of cancer.

My advice to you would be to re-assure your friend that you will be there for her unconditionally.

I wish you both all the best.

 

[crown1]

maybe send the baby a book and include one for mom too. you could say hey i loved this book and thought you might also.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 8/15/2007 10:52:42 PM
Author: KimberlyH
The title sounds much more dramatic than intended...I wish I could reword...''How are you a supportive friend?''

Kimberly, sounds like you have already done that sending the card, even before the situation got to the point it has. I am a supportive friend by calling to check up on those that are having problems. If they are near by, I take them to dinner or to lunch. If they aren''t near by, I send supportive emails. I always tell them that if they need an ear, I am here. Not meaning to rhym, but yeah, that is me. I can''t stand to see one''s that I love go through hard times. As a matter of fact took my BFF out to dinner tonight, to cheer her up. Has just gotten divorced and my god son is having substance abuse issues. She is also taking care of her Mom, so I said, let me take care of your mom next week, and give yourself a break. I love her Mom, and grew up with her, so it''s a no brainer.

You are a very caring and giving person, so really you are doing all the right things already!!! I admire you!!

 

[UCLABelle]

I like Kaleigh''s idea of taking your friend out, but if it isn''t possible, I always like to send cookies from a local bakery I love (perhaps there is one you like too!). I always send them with a card that explains, "I tried one, and wanted to share...." or something of that nature...

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 8/15/2007 11:10:43 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 8/15/2007 10:52:42 PM
Author: KimberlyH
The title sounds much more dramatic than intended...I wish I could reword...''How are you a supportive friend?''

Kimberly, sounds like you have already done that sending the card, even before the situation got to the point it has. I am a supportive friend by calling to check up on those that are having problems. If they are near by, I take them to dinner or to lunch. If they aren''t near by, I send supportive emails. I always tell them that if they need an ear, I am here. Not meaning to rhym, but yeah, that is me. I can''t stand to see one''s that I love go through hard times. As a matter of fact took my BFF out to dinner tonight, to cheer her up. Has just gotten divorced and my god son is having substance abuse issues. She is also taking care of her Mom, so I said, let me take care of your mom next week, and give yourself a break. I love her Mom, and grew up with her, so it''s a no brainer.

You are a very caring and giving person, so really you are doing all the right things already!!! I admire you!!

Lisa, you are so sweet, the rhyme is cute, and I admire you as well! Taking care of ones'' own parents is hard enough, taking care of someone else''s would be quite tha challenge. What a troubling time, I''ll keep your friend in my thoughts.

I''ll definitely keep calling and emailing and just keep offering my ear.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 8/15/2007 11:01:36 PM
Author: isaku5
My cousin has been going through serious health problems with a lesion on her brain. She has had 4 MRI''s , 2CT scans and 2 biopsies but no definitive diagnosis. This has been over an 11 month period. I have phoned her countless times, e-mailed her and offered to go anywhere she would like to go for a second or third opinion. I have told her again and again that I will be there for her no matter what she decides. She is reluctant to talk to her DH about how she feels as his first wife died of cancer.

My advice to you would be to re-assure your friend that you will be there for her unconditionally.

I wish you both all the best.

Isabel,

My heart goes out to your cousin and her/your family as well. What a horrible position to be in to feel like you can''t talk to your own husband about your health issues. How sad for her.

Thanks for the advice. I wish both you and your cousin the best as well.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 8/15/2007 11:08:48 PM
Author: crown1
maybe send the baby a book and include one for mom too. you could say hey i loved this book and thought you might also.

I love this idea, crown! So sweet. I know she has no time to read right now (she works full time and goes to school full time) but a book for the baby would be great!

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 8/16/2007 12:04:17 AM
Author: UCLABelle
I like Kaleigh''s idea of taking your friend out, but if it isn''t possible, I always like to send cookies from a local bakery I love (perhaps there is one you like too!). I always send them with a card that explains, ''I tried one, and wanted to share....'' or something of that nature...

UCLA,

I wish I could spend some time with her, unfortunately she''s over 500 miles away. I had planned a visit for this month but postponed in until October when another friend announced her pregnancy/due date as I want to be able to visit the baby too (I visit once every six months or so).

The cookies are a fabulous idea, and I know the perfect bakery. So I''ll be sending the baby a book, thanks to crown1, and ordering her some cookies!

Thanks so much for being so helpful!

 

[Skippy123]

Kimberly, I know you sent her a card but I would write her a note telling her that you are there for her and let her know how much you appreciate her as a friend. Gosh, I am sorry; I hope things workout for her. You are a sweet friend. I would also call her to check on her and maybe send her a gift certificate for a massage.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 8/16/2007 10:31:46 AM
Author: Skippy123
Kimberly, I know you sent her a card but I would write her a note telling her that you are there for her and let her know how much you appreciate her as a friend. Gosh, I am sorry; I hope things workout for her. You are a sweet friend. I would also call her to check on her and maybe send her a gift certificate for a massage.

The note is a good idea, Skip. I like the idea of a massage but really don''t want to do anything extravegant as we''ve had some conflicts over $$ (who spends what on whom) in the past and I don''t want it to turn into a competition or make her uncomfortable, which has happened in the past.

 

[jas]

Kimberly -- sounds like you''ve got a great plan! I truly believe that you have already given her the best gift, which is yourself. What a wonderful friend you are...as you know, keeping her in your heart and mind will help as well. She is blessed with a person like you in her life! I think it''s so sweet of you to take care of her little one in this way, too.

And cookies! Yum!

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 8/16/2007 11:31:55 AM
Author: jas

Kimberly -- sounds like you''ve got a great plan! I truly believe that you have already given her the best gift, which is yourself. What a wonderful friend you are...as you know, keeping her in your heart and mind will help as well. She is blessed with a person like you in her life! I think it''s so sweet of you to take care of her little one in this way, too.

And cookies! Yum!

I agree w/Jas completely! You are an awesome friend

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 8/16/2007 11:33:14 AM
Author: Skippy123

Date: 8/16/2007 11:31:55 AM
Author: jas

Kimberly -- sounds like you''ve got a great plan! I truly believe that you have already given her the best gift, which is yourself. What a wonderful friend you are...as you know, keeping her in your heart and mind will help as well. She is blessed with a person like you in her life! I think it''s so sweet of you to take care of her little one in this way, too.

And cookies! Yum!

I agree w/Jas completely! You are an awesome friend

It definitely goes both ways, she''s been amazingly supportive and loving friend to me over the years.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Kimberly, you truly are a gem! Your friend is lucky to be able to lean on you during this tough time.

I''d say just staying in touch regularly is good. E-cards are always great. I know I love seeing them in my in-box!

 

[KimberlyH]

I was trying to keep costs down so I was going to create a homemade gift basket with cookies and such, but DH encouraged me to send her a nice gift basket (better than what I could put together, that''s for sure!). So I sent her a wine and treats basket (wine, crackers, cheese, chocolates) with a note saying that I wish I could be there to partake in some girl talk and the yummy treats with her, but since I can''t be she should call K (a mutual friend of ours) over, to relax and enjoy and know that I am there in spirit.

Thanks for all of your help, ladies, I knew I could count on you for great ideas!

 

[lumpkin]

What a nice idea, Kim. I''ll bet she was very touched!

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 8/17/2007 5:10:41 PM
Author: lumpkin
What a nice idea, Kim. I''ll bet she was very touched!

She recieved it this morning and emailed a sweet note of thanks. Things have gone from bad to worse in regards to her relationship with her hubby and it''s more likely than not that she''ll file for divorce at some point, I just feel so sad for her.