How do you deal with change?

[GoingCrazy29]

I''m just a little overwhelmed right now. I am not a person who enjoys a lot of change. I''ve lived in the same state my entire life (besides a random summer in Colorado) and really enjoy living near lots of my friends and family.

I was layed off along with half my company at the beginning of January. My fiance got a wonderful job (which I am so excited and proud of him for) that requires us to move to Central Pennsylvania for the next 15 months and then Kentucky for a year after that. I''m so excited to be with him and know its not like I''m moving by myself, but I feel so overwhelmed. I''ve had a steady job since I graduated college and have always lived with lots of friends. Now I''m unemployed and moving to a state where we know no one. All of his coworkers are significantly older than us.

Basically, how do you deal with change? Do you try and focus on certain things? I''m not complaing, I''m a little excited to move and really excited to live with my fiance for the first time (we get married in August)- I''m just overwhelmed with how fast things have changed!

 

[cbs102]

goingcrazy,
I too have a really hard time with change. it makes me feel anxious and upset.

a little over a year ago i moved form NJ to Central PA. its culture shock for sure and STILL makes me really uncomfortable...BUT i love being with FI and we are excited to walk through life together now where as we were a state apart. change sucks but at least you are both in the same boat... i am sure he is feeling every bit as anxious as you are.

good luck in pennsyltucky! at least you have each other!!!!!!!!!

 

[decodelighted]

This is going to sound incredibly trite but, honestly, it helped me during one of my first "big" change times. This book.

It also helps to think of things as "temporary" ... this is only for now. Taking one thing at a time (researching, packing, moving, adjusting). Thinking of the exciting parts: finding new spots, new stores, new sights, new pals.

Think of all the people who spend their whole lives in one place. This is an adventure. You''ll always have this to look back on ... "the time you moved to Kentucky & xxxx". AND ... most importantly of all -- once you do it ... once you move to a new place & SURVIVE ... you''ll always know that you CAN do it. It won''t seem sooooo weird. You''ll have new skills & confidence to rely on in the future.

You can do it!

 

[musey]

It's hard. I try to throw myself in head-first! Get involved in anything and everything, try to meet people and network, etc. Do you have anything like volunteering, sports or performing? That's the kind of stuff that helps me build roots... community theatre/choirs, volunteering at animal shelters and with political groups, joining hiking clubs, taking dance classes, etc. etc.

It's really hard, but it can be very liberating and exciting at the same time. You're starting from scratch with no prior obligations - take the opportunity to get involved in things that have always interested you, but you perhaps didn't have the time for before.

 

[geckodani]

Change + Dani = FREAK OUT!

I panic. And spaz out. And throw socks at DH. And then I calm down, take things one step at a time and try to focus on the awesomeness of new things/places/people/experiences. Musey hit it right on the head with all of her suggestions. Just take it one step at a time! And it''s okay to freak out a little - you''re human.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Hi,
Are you planning to work or take time off? If the latter, as Musey suggested, get involved with as much as you can! Classes and volunteering are a great way to meet and make friends. Once you get moved and settled in, you''re going to crave human interaction and possibly try a community college for a pottery class or something else that you like to do. As crazy as this sounds, I volunteer four days a week! It gets me out during the day when all my other friends are either tending to their kids or working. (I''m starting a job in May - aahhh, a long time from now, and am bored and restless. I would go insane if the only human interaction I had was with the grocery clerks

Oh, also another way to keep your spirit up is joining a gym and get your adrenaline flowing. If you''re not into the gym-type setting, often the Park''s department will have aerobic or yoga classes.

Best of luck.

 

[Steel]

Hi there GoingCrazy29,

Just concentrate on what you do have right here and now. Then on what you want for the future.

I moved more times than I can remember in the last 2 years: living out of boxes, dealing with crazy landlords....

. On more than one occasion I forgot the way home and had to stop at junctions to work out which way to go.

Bottom line is that everything passes. Don''t worry about where you are or what you have/want. Just try to enjoy the present as best you can.

 

[Kelli]

Thank you for starting this thread! I''m not going through any PERSONAL changes, but I''m freaking out a bit due to the possibilty of some close family members moving away and losing our childhood home. Good luck in your move, and I love Musey''s advice. Sounds like it could be a really exciting time for you

 

[sba771]

I was in a very similar situation but it involved moving to another country. To be honest, I spent a lot of time being angry and sad and feeling sorry for myself. This isn''t good, but it is natural. Then every day (when we finally had internet) I slowly started to branch out and look at ways for me to either get a job or get involved in the community. You are entitled to be a little down for a while, but take my advice when I say don''t waste too much energy on that part because I look back and realize I wasted so much time. So I guess I am trying to say (but not doing it well) that at first I dealt with the change horribly, but I would suggest to you is that you make yourself busy in some ways right away so you don''t feel like you are just there feeling lost. In advance look into maybe some volunteering or getting involved in your religious organization so you can jump right in when you get there.

BTW- I am from PA- where will you be? There might be some cool fun stuff for you to see.

 

[GoingCrazy29]

Date: 2/12/2009 3:17:30 PM
Author: sba771
I was in a very similar situation but it involved moving to another country. To be honest, I spent a lot of time being angry and sad and feeling sorry for myself. This isn''t good, but it is natural. Then every day (when we finally had internet) I slowly started to branch out and look at ways for me to either get a job or get involved in the community. You are entitled to be a little down for a while, but take my advice when I say don''t waste too much energy on that part because I look back and realize I wasted so much time. So I guess I am trying to say (but not doing it well) that at first I dealt with the change horribly, but I would suggest to you is that you make yourself busy in some ways right away so you don''t feel like you are just there feeling lost. In advance look into maybe some volunteering or getting involved in your religious organization so you can jump right in when you get there.

BTW- I am from PA- where will you be? There might be some cool fun stuff for you to see.

Thanks so much everyone- you are just reaffirming everything I keep telling myself: its temporary, its an adventure, throw myself into things and meet new people, etc.

Deco- Thanks so much for the book rec. I''ll definitely look into it, and its not trite

sba- We will be in a town near Altoona, PA.

 

[AmberGretchen]

I totally agree with what the others said. My DH and I are in a similar position, but the job offer is mine, but we are moving away from family, friends, etc...to a place we know very little about, and have only visited once for about 24 hours.

We are looking at it as temporary, and that helps a lot - to know that we can always change our minds and switch to another place, and that this job is amazing because its my dream job and we''ll have tons of options because of the experience it will give me.

The other thing that helps us is to remind each other that we will still be together, and we will still be able to do many of the things we love. It will be a great opportunity to meet new people and see and experience new things/people.

I''d just try to focus on the positive aspects of the experience - it sounds like you are starting to do that, and I think it will really help