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How do you address your future in-laws?

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ephemery1

ephemery1

Brilliant_Rock
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Mar 20, 2006
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This was mentioned in another topic, so now I''m curious...

What do you plan on calling your future in-laws when you''re married? What do you call them now?

I''ve always planned on Mom and Dad, and my boyfriend says he assumes the same thing with my parents... but right now it''s Dr. and Mrs., just because when I first met them (3 years ago, when I was 23) that felt most respectful. Still, now that we''ve gotten so much closer, it feels kind of silly to be so formal... yet another reason I''ll be happy to be all married and official someday!
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(I''d make this into a poll if I had any idea how to do polls...)
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I still call them Mr. and Mrs. Lastname, but I''m not really sure if I''m going to continue doing that indefinitely or when I''d make a switch. I feel like using their first names is almost too informal (for me at least). I''d be interested in what other people are doing as well.

BF called my dad "Daddy" over the weekend.
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Regarding polls, when you start a thread, at the top of the screen there will be an option to make it a poll or a post. Click on poll, and type whatever you want to appear before the poll. Reasoning behind it, story, etc. Click submit, and then follow the directions. Pay attention to if it''s asking for a title or for an option. People often seem to mess up on that their first time.
 
By first name....

I could never call them mom/dad!...but that''s just me!...and my BF (thankfully) feels the same way...I think it would freak my parents out!
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I''m with Mandarine, there is only one Mom and Dad for me...and that''s not his parents or vice versa.

I call them by their first names and Greg calls my parents by their first names too. It''s respectful but seems like addressing an ''equal''.
 
I use their first names now, and I''ll still do that. I only have one set of parents and they are the only ones that get "Mom" and "Dad". As for my bf, he uses first names now and I assume he will continue to do that. We haven''t really discussed it though.

My siblings all work with my parents so they actually call them by their first names most of the time! But saying "JULIE" gets attention a lot better than "MOM"... especially in the work place!
 
Blenheim, thanks for the poll-making info! Now I''ll have to come up with another interesting topic to test out my new knowledge
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I''ve always just assumed I''d eventually switch to the Mom/Dad thing... my BF is an only child so there is no precedent set with other siblings, but I know in his extended family that''s been pretty common practice with in-laws. His parents (especially his mom) are pretty non-traditional though... I''m wondering now if maybe I should just ask what they prefer? Hmmmm....
 
you can''t go wrong with asking them what they prefer
 
My in laws don''t speak english, so I just call them mom and dad in their language. Nobody can understand what I''m calling the other, so it''s all good!
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When I call them by name, it''s their first names. But actually I noticed that I rarely call them by name! I just start talking to them
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Sunkist I''m with you... I usually avoid any name-calling altogether unless writing a birthday card or something! And referring to them in conversation, I usually just stick with C''s mom or C''s dad. Interesting that some people think their parents would be offended by alluding to another "mom" and "dad"... my parents actually called their in-laws mom and dad, so I''m assuming they''re okay with it!
 
As I've said in another thread, J and I are French Canadian and we don't call our in-laws "mom and dad" here. I don't think I would anyway, because I unfortunately dislike J's father very much and don't exactly like his mother either, while I love both my parents dearly and am very close to them. Not only do I feel like my mom and dad are my only parents, but I also feel like I'd be insulting them by calling people like J's parents "mom and dad". I'm not sure if my parents would actually be offended, but I personally would feel like I am insulting them.

I called them "Mr and Mrs" at first and I've been calling them by their first names since his mother told me to. J has been doing the same, and chances are it'll stay that way.

Other interesting facts for those who are interested... Here, most people actually consider the boyfriend/girlfriend "family" even before they are married, and the boyfriend's/girlfriend's parents are often referred to as the "in-laws". However, my mother being from Ontario has raised us in a more traditional mindset, and we don't do this is my family. J has sort of adapted to that since he's with me!

Also, we unfortunately don't usually refer to fiancé(e)s as fiancé(e)s, but still as boyfriend/girlfriend. (By the way, I met some of his mother's family during Easter weekend, and I had to stop myself from cringing every time he introduced me as his girlfriend... It sounds so... not serious and not what we are...
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). Nevertheless, I do intend to introduce him to people as my fiancé and to specify that I am his fiancée if/when he'll introduce me as his grilfriend once we're engaged. I certainly don't intend to refer to him as my boyfriend anymore once we're engaged... it'll either be "my fiancé" or "HisFirstName".
 
Hi all,

I call my b/f parents by their first names. Thats how they introduced themselves to me. After we get married i will still call them by their 1st name especially FMIL (cant stand her). so the less we talk the better.
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now: echo, kmom, or mom for her -- hey you for him mostly or Mr. lastname once to him and kpops when talking bout him.

future: pretty much the same I think.
 
Ditto Sunkist and Ephemery: I might be in a different situation because I never really liked my father in law (deceased now) nor do I care for my mother in law. No way was I calling them mom and dad, and Mr. and Mrs. felt silly. So I mostly just talk or avoid calling her anything, and if I need to I say her first name. My 4 year old said something like "Who is your mother in law?" and I said it is Nana (my mom is grandma) and he said Oh, ....and said her first name in an annoyed tone, which is what I usually sound like. I hope none of you are in the position of really disliking your mil, though I am sure throughout these forums there are nice daughter in laws to be or current dil''s who are not treated well. Oh well, at least I have learned not to be the type opf mil that mine is to me!
 
My parents always called their parents in law by first name so I imagine thats what I will do to. But now that I imagine my BF calling my mom by her first name it sounds a little funny. Hmmmmmm......
 
I''ll probably call them by first name unless they say that it''s ok for me to call them Mom and Dad. I hadn''t really thought about it, lol. I don''t know if they have...but C is telling them we''re going to get engaged in a couple of weeks, so I guess they will then, lol.
 
I call my MIL by her first name and my husband calls my parents Mr. and Mrs. Last Name. They''re pretty traditional that way. My parents signed their bday card to my husband Mr. Dad and Mrs. Mom, which he got a big kick out of. Neither of us would call each other''s parents Mom and Dad, though.
 
Vivian and Dr. F... I know my parents, and they ain't it...

I did get an email from Vivian the other day signed "love, mom" though...yipes. Sweet of her, but we just got past "Dr. F" for her too after about 7 years..I'm still adjusting to Vivian.
 
Date: 4/17/2006 9:39:24 PM
Author: sunkist
When I call them by name, it's their first names. But actually I noticed that Irarely call them by name! I just start talking to them
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Whatever you decide to call them, figure it out and DO IT!

This thread reminds me that my mother never figured out what to call her MIL.

I can remember my mom waiting at the Thanksgiving dinner table for my grandmother to look her way before she could ask her to pass the gravy!!
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And this was after they'd been married at least 20 years!!!

You can bet that the FIRST thing my mom did after I got engaged was to establish what she wanted to be called by her future SIL!
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This past weekend the bf was too wrapped up in work prepare for his mother''s birthday on Easter so I did all the running around and shopping for the get together we had Saturday night. It was me and my bf, his mom, and his older sister. I got one of those ice cream birthday cakes from Dairy Queen. When it was time for dessert my bf points to the cake and whispers "I think they misspelled her name." I''m looking at it, M-A-R-Y. Happy Birthday Mary. I reply, "no they didn''t" and he insists, "yes I think they misspelled it. I probably would have wanted it to read Happy Birthday M-O-M.

My heart sank. Of course this was a birthday party with her son and daughter and me. WHY would they put Mary on her birthday cake. I didn''t even think of it when ordering and obviously it didn''t occur to me even when bf was trying to suggest it was misspelled.
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Moral of the story: I probably won''t be calling her mom.
 
Date: 4/18/2006 9:32:26 AM
Author: Starset
This past weekend the bf was too wrapped up in work prepare for his mother''s birthday on Easter so I did all the running around and shopping for the get together we had Saturday night. It was me and my bf, his mom, and his older sister. I got one of those ice cream birthday cakes from Dairy Queen. When it was time for dessert my bf points to the cake and whispers ''I think they misspelled her name.'' I''m looking at it, M-A-R-Y. Happy Birthday Mary. I reply, ''no they didn''t'' and he insists, ''yes I think they misspelled it. I probably would have wanted it to read Happy Birthday M-O-M.

My heart sank. Of course this was a birthday party with her son and daughter and me. WHY would they put Mary on her birthday cake. I didn''t even think of it when ordering and obviously it didn''t occur to me even when bf was trying to suggest it was misspelled.
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Moral of the story: I probably won''t be calling her mom.
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Ha, well that will teach him to have you run the errands!
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My fmil never likes ANYTHING she gets for Christmas so I make sure my BF does his own shopping for her... she won''t get upset if she knows he picked it, but if I picked it I might never hear the end of "I just don''t like purple."
 
By their first names, I too, only have one mom and dad...
 
Sumbride...I have been married 15 years and refuse to buy mother in law ANYTHING. We have given her tons of things lately, and she asks for them out right (her 70th birthday? We get TOLD she wants a 50 inch plasma or flat screen tv and wants it installed NOW). Years ago, I would go out and buy lovely things for her, in her favorite colors etc, things that were nice, but I made sure to go to Saks or Bloomies so she could return since she was NEVER satisfied...problem was, she was rude when opening it and even though she had a gift receipt and box with the store''s name she would ask me 50 times where it came from cause she hated it and wanted to take it back...she was just doing it to be nasty. Not too long after that, I decided I was DONE in the shopping and giving area where she was concerned....I do not think I even gave her gift certs I was so pissed...and I know she noticed. Served her right, I was taught NO MATTER WHAT you say thank you for a gift...I mean, return it if you want but do not torture me or go on and on like it is that big a deal...get a life!
 
Date: 4/18/2006 9:53:03 AM
Author: diamondfan
Sumbride...I have been married 15 years and refuse to buy mother in law ANYTHING. We have given her tons of things lately, and she asks for them out right (her 70th birthday? We get TOLD she wants a 50 inch plasma or flat screen tv and wants it installed NOW). Years ago, I would go out and buy lovely things for her, in her favorite colors etc, things that were nice, but I made sure to go to Saks or Bloomies so she could return since she was NEVER satisfied...problem was, she was rude when opening it and even though she had a gift receipt and box with the store''s name she would ask me 50 times where it came from cause she hated it and wanted to take it back...she was just doing it to be nasty. Not too long after that, I decided I was DONE in the shopping and giving area where she was concerned....I do not think I even gave her gift certs I was so pissed...and I know she noticed. Served her right, I was taught NO MATTER WHAT you say thank you for a gift...I mean, return it if you want but do not torture me or go on and on like it is that big a deal...get a life!
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Ugh, I don''t blame you in the slightest. My family never returned anything, so the concept of "just return it" is new to me. I pride myself in picking out good gifts, but fortunately I realize she can never be pleased already so it keeps me from getting my heart broken. I had a fantastic photo of her son blown up to 5x7 and framed it in a great, and expensive, frame that matched her house. What did she say? "Oh, I need a wallet size." Oh, I bet you do. When''s the last time you showed somebody a pic of your 30 year old son that was wallet size? Ugh. I just sort of laughed it off, but at least I''m happy to know she has a current picture of him.

and hey, how do you get in on announcing the 50" plasma tv, because I would so go for that.
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I call the MIL Darth or Darthy. Very informal
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I currently call my boyfriend''s parents by their first names because that is how they asked me to call them even though i think id be more comfortable w/ Mr and Mrs because that''s how ive been "brought up" to call older people, so then i rarly even call them by first names just do the speak to them when they look at me thing, haha. probably after we''re engaged ill be more ok with the first names thing.

my boyfriend''s brother got engaged a while ago and his fiance calls their parents "mom" and "dad" since the day they were engaged, they''ve said they think its weird (although I dont think they''ve actually said that to her).

my dad still calls my mom''s parents "mr" and "mrs", i just realized this last weekend, it seems weird but id guess thats what you do in russia, where my family is all from.
 
Sumbride...she is NOT subtle though my dh is a tad clueless. A couple months before her 70th we were all on vacation together and she suddenly has an intense interest in plasma tv''s...asking questions etc. She also keeps mentioning her 70th coming up...like we could forget. Now, it was going to be my 40th, my 15th anniversary and my oldest son''s bar mitzvah BUT she could only talk about this tv. I tell my dh that she is maneuvering for one, and he says, oh no, she is just asking a couple quiestions. Nothing is that simple with her! So, I say, you watch you will be given your marching orders. Sure enough, he call s me a couple weeks later from his office to say I was right and that she just called and basically told him she wants this and she is 70 and entitled to it. No fun, no getting to chose. I also think I chose great gifts with the recipient in mind, but she never even gives you a chance. PS, it then became a huge issue for us, finding specs and such cause she is a bit of a dimwit, so of course my dh spent hours on it with her...and when she makes remarks about stuff I say, hey you are lucky you have two kids who are so able to help you (we gave her our old car which was only 18 months old in great shape and when she moved we bought her all her appliances etc...she is doing rather well!!) Just know NOW that she will never be appeased, will always find a way to diminish things and accept it...it will save YOU tons of grief. Detach and do your best, but do not get sucked in when she makes her comments...Just shrug and change the subject!
 
Date: 4/18/2006 10:49:00 AM
Author: bex891
I call the MIL Darth or Darthy. Very informal
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hehehe, nice!!!

I try to avoid calling my Future ILs anything too. Nothing sounds right! Come to think of it, I don''t think my fiance calls my parents by anything either.
 
Well, i''ve sent them something addressed to Mr. and Mrs.... I''ve only actually been in person w/them once (they live out of state) and I think I just didn''t use names then. When I refer to them to my bf, I just say "your mom" or "your dad". Next time I see them, i''ll probably refer by 1st name. I don''t see that changing after marriage. I don''t think i''d feel comf. w/mom and dad. My step-brother calls my dad "dad" and that still seems a bit weird to me. He''ll say "i''m going to mom (his mom) and dad''s (my dad) house..." I can''t really do that. I don''t even call my step-mother "mom" and i''ve known her practically my whole life. I also don''t see my bf saying mom or dad. I think he''d stick w/first names, which is what he uses now.

How confusing!!
 
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