How do you address your future in-laws?

[Caribou]

I call my future in laws ''D'' and ''V'' and will continue to do so after we are married. I have a mom and a dad already I don''t need to confuse that with two more mom''s and dad''s.

 

[sumbride]

Date: 4/18/2006 3:17:56 PM
Author: diamondfan
Sumbride... Just know NOW that she will never be appeased, will always find a way to diminish things and accept it...it will save YOU tons of grief. Detach and do your best, but do not get sucked in when she makes her comments...Just shrug and change the subject!

Thanks Diamondfan! I''m definitely taking your advice!!!

 

[jaysonsmom]

I call FIL "dad" because we see him every weekend, and I feel close enough emotionally to call him that. He definitely treats me like a daughter (actually even better than some of his own daughters). MIL passed away before we were married. It is a Asian thing to call your in-laws mom and dad. My husband is Korean, and I''m Chinese.

My parents live in Taiwan, and we only see them once or twice a year, so my husband calls them by their first names. At first they were a little shocked and saddened by the fact that he didn''t call them mom and dad, but I explained that he was raised here, and that''s what all Americans do

. That''s a little white lie to make them feel better.

 

[ephemery1]

Jaysonsmom, I had never considered the cultural aspect of all of this... very interesting. Some people feel that their parents would be offended if their child began calling somebody else "mom and dad" also, but interesting to think that other parents might be offended NOT to be called that!

My BF and I are both a hodge-podge of WASP-y backgrounds, so there is no real cultural element factoring in... I guess it''s just that we both get along so well with each other''s families, and spend so much time with them, that it feels natural to me to refer to each other''s parents as Mom and Dad. Cause honestly, they ARE a second set of parents to me, when we''re traveling with them or talking about them with other family members or whatever, and I appreciate that... and feel pretty lucky about it too, knowing how rare it can be to score quality in-laws these days!

Our two sets of parents get along abnormally well with each other, too... they actually just made plans today to go down to the shore this weekend together

... it''s weird, I know... I''ve accepted it!

 

[Scooba]

ephemery- I think that is so nice that your parents are good friends, it''s not weird, it makes you all one big happy family!

 

[ephemery1]

Thanks, Diamonds!

It definitely makes it easier for holidays and things. This is where it can be tricky marrying an only child... if, for example, he plans to spend a holiday with my family, his parents end up all alone. So hopefully down the road we can start combining holidays with everyone (preferably at the beach, where both our parents have houses now

) and not have to worry about it at all!

 

[Patches]

ephemery - i can''t believe they get along so well! you''re incredibly lucky. as far as what to call the future ILs goes, it sounds like mom and dad would not only be comfortable for you, but completely appropriate. if you''re that close with them, i''m sure they think of you as a daughter already.

~patches

 

[Starset]

This past weekend, bf accompanied me to my grandfather''s funeral. He''s had alzheimers for some time now so it''s like he''s been gone for years.

Anyway, on the way home he commented, that''s so weird that you call your Aunt "Trisha" and your Uncle "Frank." I looked at him kind of confused. He said his own mother would have laid into him for not properly addressing them "Aunt Trisha" and "Uncle Frank." It''s even more strange considering she prefers to be called by her first name. I guess adding to that she and her husband are divorced so there is probably less sentimentality addressing her properly as Mrs. Lastname.

 

[Skylah]

I have called them Mom and Dad ever since we were engaged and he does the same thing. It doesn''t make me feel like my Mom and Dad are less important to me or anything but this is pretty much the norm in Armenian faimilies. Also, in the Armenian language, if you are related to someone or not, if they are older than you, you use a specific verb tense.

I have grown up with everyone calling their inlaws Mom and Dad so I don''t really think twice about it. It feels really comfortable to me. I guess that''s my drawn out point. If it didn''t make me comfortable, I wouldn''t do it.

 

[elepri]

I call my MIL by her first name. My husband calls my parents by their first names. It''d never occur to me to call someone Mom or Dad other than my parents. Luckily, it wouldn''t occur to my husband either.

 

[hlmr]

I call my MIL by her first name and my husband calls my father by his first name as well.

 

[AGBF]

At first I do not think I felt comfortable enough to call my husband''s parents by anything other than their names and, since we were speaking French, at the beginning I used the formal (vous) form of address. Later I called them, "maman" and "papa" and used the infomal (tu) form of address. Since I called my own parents , "mom" and "dad", using , "maman" and "papa" created no confusion!

 

[XChick03]

I don''t think I''ll ever call them "mom" and "dad." They''re great people, but I already have parents I adore. Pete calls my mom "mom" every once and a while, but most of them time we just avoid addressing them with anything specific.

 

[drk]

I call my parents Mum and Dad, my DH''s Mama and Papa (they''re German). Unfortunately my MIL passed away last month, so I''ll only be able to refer to her as Mama in the third person now. She was a real sweetheart.
I''m not sure if they think it''s weird that I call them that, but I''d feel stranger calling them Frau and Herr X, and wouldn''t call them by their first names because they''re nearly 50 years older than I am.

I think my DH sort of avoids calling my parents anything at this point. They''d probably be fine with Mum and Dad or with being called by their first names.

 

[fatafelice]

This has been quite the issue in my BF''s family!

Two of his siblings are married and their spouses were told (by his mom) to continue to call her Mrs. Last Name. BF''s brother-in-law joked around about it and frequently actually called her "MIL" (rhymes with pill). Now that he has helped provide two grandkids, I think he calls her by her first name.

Not sure about Mike''s sister-in-law, but I am pretty sure she tries to avoid calling her anything at all.

Mike''s future-sis-in-law (wedding next month) got drunk and called her "Mom" a few weeks ago. FMIL apparently cried, but I''m not exactly sure whether it was out of joy or...?

I plan on calling her Mrs. Last Name until she tells me otherwise!

 

[bstraszheim]

Wow, I guess I never realised how it could be an issue.

When I met his parents I did not know what to call them. I can''t remember what I did call them. We had a bit of a weird relationship though. J and I met online and were friends for 8 months, then it got more serious and we dated for 7 months. I was in South Africa and he was in the us. At the end of the 7 months, I came here for vacation. I had talked online with them super briefly when he was at their house for Thanksgiving. Then I came here on vacation and we went to them (about 4 hours away) so that I could meet them in person. His Mom said "Bee!!" with a huge smile and gave me an enormous hug.

When we called them a few weeks later, to tell them we were engaged, and I asked his mom, "I don''t know what to call you, Connie or Mom?" and she said "MOM!" and she cried. It was so sweet. They have always treated me as though they gained a daughter, not lost a son. That has meant the world to me and they always say how happy they are that J met me and that we love each other.

He calls my parents Mom and Dad and my sister''s husband calls them by their first names, my Mom is a little offended by that and doesn''t understand why he won''t call them Mom and Dad.

I wish you well,

Bridget

 

[Mannequin]

I call BF''s mother by her first name and his step-dad by his first name. They have never really expressed a preference, but that was just how I have always addressed them. Maybe at some point I might use "Mom" for FMIL. I just use the Polish word Babcia (Grandma) for his grandmother though, as that is what she has always preferred.

My folks are a different story. My younger brother shortened "Mom" and "Dad" to "M" and "D" when he was really little, and that has stuck. Why he felt the need to shorten a three letter word to this brief, almost Prince-symbol-like thing I don''t know.

Both of us kids still use the one letter monikers now, and my parents have encouraged my BF to do the same.