How do I drop the hint I dont need expensive E-ring

[Melgirl]

My bf and I have discussed marriage and know we both want it asap. I heard that he was planning on proposing at Xmas but isn’t now as he cant afford to buy me a ring. I am not supposed to know this as he apparently he wanted it to be a surprise. Anyway the thing is I don’t need a ring that costs alot its what it symbolises that’s whats important to me. I wouldn’t care less if he only spent a tenner on it or got it out of a lucky bag. We are going to give eachother a figure that we cant go over for buying xmas presents this year so how do I suggest that he could get me a cheap ring and I would love it just as much if not more without him knowing I know that he wanted to get me a ring for Xmas. Im not sure how to drop the hint without giving the game away. I dont want to tell the person that told me this to tell him this on the QT as to be honest as she told me what he was planning she might tell him that I know and I dont want to ruin it for him.

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

Easy - become the worst cook in the world, start being rude to him, stand him up etc

Or, buy tell him a story about a friend who bought his lady a nice piece of costume jewellery and then when they could afford it in a few year - upgraded to the real thing.

Do not buy a cheap symbol. Please.

Have no symbol until you can have a real symbol.

 

[diamondfan]

Wait til the moment presents itself, and just be humorous about it, like, you know, I would be happy with the ring from a Cracker Jack box as long as we are together...something light and silly and he will absolutely get it!!! Good luck!

 

[oldminer]

Begin your long term relationship with oppenness and honesty. Tell him how you feel and that you want a token not a gem mine. Garry is right that to say that when it is time and it is affordable, that you will gladly accept a really big, expensive, and beautiful symbol. Another way to hold down the spending is to insist on a smaller sized stone. This wil help to control the spending.,

 

[hedarud]

Since he is a guy tell him somehting like " I dont need an expensive e-ring"

 

[musey]

Date: 10/3/2007 1:36:01 PM
Author: hedarud
Since he is a guy tell him somehting like '' I dont need an expensive e-ring''

This is some of the best advice I''ve ever seen on here

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 10/3/2007 1:46:31 PM
Author: musey

Date: 10/3/2007 1:36:01 PM
Author: hedarud
Since he is a guy tell him somehting like '' I dont need an expensive e-ring''

This is some of the best advice I''ve ever seen on here

Yup!!!

 

[Fly Girl]

Nothing wrong with getting married with matching (or not) wedding bands, and getting a nice diamond ring in a few years when you can afford it. If you guys are talking marriage, I would just tell him your feelings about this.

You truly have your priorities straight, IMHO.

Best wishes to you both!

 

[NewbieOne]

Date: 10/3/2007 1:58:52 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 10/3/2007 1:46:31 PM
Author: musey

Date: 10/3/2007 1:36:01 PM
Author: hedarud
Since he is a guy tell him somehting like '' I dont need an expensive e-ring''

This is some of the best advice I''ve ever seen on here

Yup!!!

As a guy, I agree 100%. Hints, stories and clues won’t work.

 

[surfgirl]

FYI, Tiffany''s has a lovely plain band with one tiny diamond in the middle of it - set into the band - and it comes in either platinum or 18k yellow gold. It''s a lovely ring, not really expensive ($850.).
http://www.tiffany.com/shopping/item.aspx?sku=GRP00166&cid=96684&mcat=148204&menu=1&page=42

They also have a nice selection of rings with small diamonds for $1650. and under if that''s doable for your guy. But the simple band I linked is lovely and would be something you could wear as a wedding band if you wanted to...

 

[somethingshiny]

I agree with telling him straight out. Also, I wouldn''t want a cheap symbol. It''s like a sham ring represents what? A sham marriage?

Just skip the ring for now. My BFF was married with just a band, she had no e-ring. 5 years later she got one heck of an upgrade! I have a cousin who got married with just an eternity band, no e-ring because she knew that she''d be inheriting her grandmother''s ring.

Good Luck!

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Just come right out and tell him, that is what I did. When my hubby and I were talking about getting engaged, I just came out and said "I don't need an expensive ring, it's what it stands for that matters most".

He actually did way better than I would ever have imagined, lol!

Honestly, he should get what he can afford, not something that will break the bank...it really is the thought that counts.

 

[diamondjim84]

Date: 10/3/2007 1:36:01 PM
Author: hedarud
Since he is a guy tell him somehting like '' I dont need an expensive e-ring''

Yup, so true

 

[Haven]

Date: 10/3/2007 3:46:32 PM
Author: NewbieOne

Date: 10/3/2007 1:58:52 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 10/3/2007 1:46:31 PM
Author: musey

Date: 10/3/2007 1:36:01 PM
Author: hedarud
Since he is a guy tell him somehting like '' I dont need an expensive e-ring''

This is some of the best advice I''ve ever seen on here

Yup!!!

As a guy, I agree 100%. Hints, stories and clues won’t work.

Absolutely the best advice--if your guy is like my guy, he''ll prefer upfront and honest. No need to dance around the issue, if you''re planning on getting married you''ve obviously discussed this before so it will not be at all out of line to bring this up.

And expensive or not, we expect pictures come Christmas!

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 10/3/2007 1:36:01 PM
Author: hedarud
Since he is a guy tell him somehting like '' I dont need an expensive e-ring''

or as wifey2b put it "dont you dare spend a fortune on a ring!"

 

[angeline]

Date: 10/3/2007 1:36:01 PM
Author: hedarud
Since he is a guy tell him somehting like '' I dont need an expensive e-ring''

Tha is so funny.

And so true. just tell him, I''m sure he will really appreciate the thought and the meaning behind what you are saying. i.e. it''s him you want and nothing else. Makes me teary

a

 

[Joolskie]

Date: 10/3/2007 1:36:01 PM
Author: hedarud
Since he is a guy tell him somehting like '' I dont need an expensive e-ring''

This response brought a huge smile to my face... because it is so true. If you guys have already had a discussion regarding marriage, you can discuss what you have in mind regarding an e-ring. There are so many lovely and beautiful "symbols" out there that do not have to break the bank. Perhaps a stunning band to wear now with the e-ring to come later.

My best friend often jokes about how she and her husband are doing everything backwards. They dated, got pregnant, and got married at which time he gave her a lovely diamond band. They will celebrate their 10th anniversary in two years at which time she will receive her e-ring. LOL!

Sometimes it is better to break tradition instead of the bank.

 

[wolftress]

If you don''t want your bf to know that you know he''s going to propose, can you tell him a story about a ''friend'' who got engaged with a huge ring and express your own desire NOT to have an expensive ring? That way, you can explain to him your true feelings about how it''s the significance that matters, not the ring itself.

I''m sure we can help your bf find a lovely ring on his budget - PS-ers are very resourceful There are beautiful coloured stone e-rings that are really affordable, and you can simply replace the stone with a diamond later on in your marriage.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 10/3/2007 1:36:01 PM
Author: hedarud
Since he is a guy tell him somehting like '' I dont need an expensive e-ring''

Hahaha! Exactly right!

If you guys are going to get married, you should be able to discuss things honestly. I wouldn''t tell him that your friend told you what he was planning, but I would tell him that you don''t really want a fancy/expensive ring-you just want to be engaged!

 

[cara]

Date: 10/3/2007 4:11:59 PM
Author: surfgirl
FYI, Tiffany''s has a lovely plain band with one tiny diamond in the middle of it - set into the band - and it comes in either platinum or 18k yellow gold. It''s a lovely ring, not really expensive ($850.).

http://www.tiffany.com/shopping/item.aspx?sku=GRP00166&cid=96684&mcat=148204&menu=1&page=42


They also have a nice selection of rings with small diamonds for $1650. and under if that''s doable for your guy. But the simple band I linked is lovely and would be something you could wear as a wedding band if you wanted to...

Ooooh... an aquaintance was proposed to with that ring and it was really awkward to show it off. Not that its not lovely, but many people had to swallow a bit when they saw it and the girl was clearly a bit self-conscious about it though trying her best. I decided right then and there that I would much rather have a non-diamond, non-tiffany, non-solitaire engagement ring if budget was an issue.

Don''t let me stop anyone from getting it if you love it, but you have to love it and not just the price to properly gush enough to stop the cruel wheels from turning in people''s heads when they ask to see it. (We definitely called it the diamond chip engagement ring, so so bad we were!)

In contrast, I''ve had people show me sapphires, silver rings, 5-or7-stone bands (with small stones), no ring, to much better effect. The key is that you have to really like what you are getting.

You should totally talk to your guy about the budget and about your preferences. My biggest regret about the engagement ring process is not talking more calmly about what I wanted with him. And though I was interested in less expensive options (a thin eternity being my choice), he really wanted to give a traditional diamond solitaire as an engagement ring. Your guy might have similar ideas. Talk to him.

 

[hlmr]

Melgirl, tell him that it is him that you want asap and that it only has to have thought put into it, not $$$.

My husband proposed to me with his engineering ring, and the proposal was what mattered the most.

 

[AggieTexan]

Date: 10/3/2007 3:46:32 PM
Author: NewbieOne

Date: 10/3/2007 1:58:52 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 10/3/2007 1:46:31 PM
Author: musey

Date: 10/3/2007 1:36:01 PM
Author: hedarud
Since he is a guy tell him somehting like ' I dont need an expensive e-ring'

This is some of the best advice I've ever seen on here

Yup!!!

As a guy, I agree 100%. Hints, stories and clues won’t work.

And after you are married, that still holds true. I just got a new ring for my upcoming 20th anniversary. I had hinted about it a few times, but finally just came out and told DH what I wanted. His response? "Why didn't you just tell me you wanted a new ring?"

 

[marcy]

If he''s like my husband, he won''t get hints so just tell him. My husband got me a .15 ering with diamond accents because that is all we could afford and I loved it. Good luck!

 

[stebbo]

We men have subconsciously evolved to ignore hints, from past consequences of interpreting them incorrectly.

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 10/3/2007 11:22:27 PM
Author: stebbo
We men have subconsciously evolved to ignore hints, from past consequences of interpreting them incorrectly.

yep yep

 

[WorkingHardforSmallRewards]

I say have a talk with him to "see if he is on the same page as you."

because you said you can't admit that you know or how you know, you would have to feign some ignorance or violate the the trust of your source (assuming someone ratted him out). plus he might feel a bit emasculated if you knew.

Have a talk with him and share with him "your concerns about future financial security--not directly mentioning the Ering. Make it very clear to him that even though you don't have much money now and it will be hard, you do NOT want wait several years for you/him to stabilize a career. Really reinforce how much you love him and then make him tell you and promise you that he is on the same page as you, and the he isn't going to make you keep waiting just so you can start careers and make more money. That way it isn't the same as you proposing to him, but it does make him promise to you that he won't wait just for financial issues--and if you play it right it will just come across as a girlfriend making sure that her relationship is headed where she needs it to be, instead of being about your Ering.

I think he should probably pick up on the cue and propose.

but for some added security, if you do have a source or a friend of his you can use, i say have that friend share with your boyfriend (about a week later) how much you want to get engaged, maybe how you have been talking about it alot and how excited you are and you are sure its coming soon. And then have your friend tell your boyfriend how future upgrades work, and that if he bought a ring now with plans to upgrade in the future, then that would let you get what you want now, and let him get you a more expensive ring in the future.

combined, I think it might work? what do you think?

 

[WorkingHardforSmallRewards]

oh, and an additional thought would be...maybe you could let him give you a price limit--

maybe he said "don't spend over 40 dollars"

and then you said..."you don't spend over...500 dollars" (or some number a few hundred less than what you think he can afford, so that he feels better about his budget) and then smile real big.

obviously you wlil have to play it from there depending on how he reacts, but kind of insinuate that he might buy a ring with that money and propose, and that he could even break his budget a little bit if he really had to, then laugh and tell him you are joking and kiss him or something, then leave without giving him a budget and talk about the real christmas budget later. That is how I would play it though, leave him confused

but certain that it better get done, and get done soon, with a promise already made that finances won't stop him

I can't think of much room for him to back out at that point