How did you convince hubby for an upgrade

[Lorelei]

Date: 4/17/2006 11:59:49 AM
Author: bex891
This is quite an interesting thread!

Are folk around here upgrading for just size or is it for a better cut, colour, etc?

From what I have read, clarity and colour tend to get compromised when going up in size??

Bex

Bex welcome to PS

You tend to find that many PS ladies do upgrade for size and we will compromise on clarity and colour but never cut.

Cut is always our most important C and we tend to go for a lower clarity as we can save cash towards the size etc rather than paying for what the eye can''t see in the VS and VVS grades etc as long as the diamond is eyeclean, also with colour, well cut diamonds face up whiter than poorer cuts so we can go a lot lower here. You will see many stunning J''s and K''s etc on the forums. It is a matter of sheer preference as to what the individual values in a diamond, for many of us size plays a part.

 

[Small]

Date: 4/17/2006 8:06:54 AM
Author: marriahlyn
If you have a sentimental traditional husband like me, good luck. I''ll be wearing my rings for a long time. That''s why I buy sim rings and trade out sometimes. We could afford a much much bigger diamond but dh isn''t flashy. I think he got me a 1ct because that''s what his mom has and they have lots of money. Only thing is her fingers are size 3 and mine are 7 LOL Good luck.

Mine is this way too. The way I get around it is agreeing that we only do really expensive gifts on the major anniversaries...5,10, 15, etc. We had our 5 year in 2005 so since I really didn''t get anything significant I was able to get my RB this year. At 10 years we''ll see. But that''s our agreement. My dh isn''t flashy but he likes me to have things (jewelry) that makes me happy. So I don''t break the bank with my purchases and he''s agreeable!

 

[XChick03]

I agree with everyone else, you have just plant some seeds and wait for them to grow. My FI knew from the start I wanted something bigger, but he couldn''t afford it at the time and I was fine with that, but he also said I could upgrade to a bigger stone later. Which might happen sooner than later now, because he catches me looking at other stones and he''s like "wow, those are huge!" and he''s already talking about getting me a bigger one "one day." Though, I can never say anything like "that one is much bigger than mine" or "isn''t that pretty?" because he''d think I don''t like mine, which is not the case at all. So, you have to be very subtle. It''ll probably take another couple of years to get one, but at least he''s already opening up to the idea.

 

[diamondfan]

i think the upgrade itself depends on many things...my original stone was round, which I like but do not love, and was not of a great caliber (as we found out later). I hated the contemporary yellow gold setting too but lived with it a long time before bringing it up. I thought, the male ego is complex, he might take it the right way and be very agreeable or he might be hurt at the thought of changing...I tested the waters...then we moved to another state and I was noticing people''s tastes out here...mentioned it a few times, he seemed okay with the idea in general...Once the door was open to upgrade, I thought, do I want just a bigger, nicer round or do I want to think of my all time favorite and get that? Once I was over that hurdle, I knew I wanted a linear shape. I did not love princess cuts, but loved asschers and e/c''s...things fell into place from there...

 

[Mara]

for me too after the first one the sentimentality was gone for the stone so he was amenable to changes, the 2nd upgrade was soooo cost-effective he couldn't say no and it kept him from having to fork out more $$ last year as it was only like $500 more. but this upgrade this year took ALOT of convincing...it's costing us a pretty penny for the big jump but what kind of clinched it was the fact that diamond prices have done nothing but go up in the last 2 years or so. this same diamond then would be probably 1/2 of what i am paying for it now (in upgrade)! it's just amazing to compare...and i told him, what if we wait til next year and it's $2k more. it would be REALLY hard for me to stomach paying $2k more just because we waited. and since 'spending more money' is not something either of us wants to do, he agreed. i even had a few bouts of doubt on the whole thing and he was great about encouraging me...he loves to say 'hey i think you should do it if makes you happy, but it better make you SOOOOOO happy!!'.

but after this one i am cut off for AT LEAST a few years...i maybe can change out my setting in another 2 years or so...but other than that unless something large happens, aka birth of a child or we win the lotto or something, then i doubt my diamond will grow any larger. however, that does not mean i won't be getting bigger earrings or a new pendant in the meantime.

oh and one more thing, if your hubby has his own hobbies that he spends money on, that is a great way to compare things. greg LOVES his trucks and cars that he is always working on and so when he wants to buy things for it or goes to the hardware store and comes home with new tools or this or that, i don't say a thing, personally i think it's important for him to be able to do what he wants with money as long as it doesn't break the band. so when the time comes around for me to want something, he is typically the same way. even if he doesn't understand my obsession with all things sparkly, i don't understand his obsession with all things automotive but we both respect that each one has their fun thing that makes them happy and we are in a position to be able to do those things which is great.

 

[windowshopper]

Date: 4/17/2006 8:44:22 AM
Author: Lorelei
Windowshopper regrettably I won''t be getting a Patek Phillipe watch!

My boyfriend Dancing Fire loves teasing me with this watch Here but unless he buys it for me I am out of luck

He pops it up in any thread he can just to torment me ever since he heard I wanted a new watch - stinker he is!

oh sorry lorelei! hate those pesky men!

 

[dbgaap]

I was trying to remember how this came up ... I am currently looking into an upgrade and it happened gradually.

One time, we were in a lazy mood and decided to go over to the mall and window shop. We live near Tysons in Va. and the stores are really fabulous.

When we walked by a high-end jewelry store, I said, "let''s go in .... act like we''re loaded".

He went along with it. I casually guided him over to the mens'' watches and said, "here, honey is this what you were showing me in the magazine?"
We both started acting like we were totally in the market for a $10k watch.

We really got into it.

Then, as we left the store, he said, "wait honey, did you want to look at anything?"
I said, "Yeah, let''s look at 3-stone rings".
I looked at the salesman and said (with a straight face) we have big anniversary coming up.

Then we proceeded to debate the merits of rings with total carat weights of 3.5, 4 etc.
Later on he asked me, Do you REALLY want a 3 stone ring?
I said, Oh No I LOVE solitaires! I might like a bigger stone, but i LOVE my solitairre i have NOW!!!

It was pretty vague in the beginning. It was just for fun.

By the way, we have been together for 3 years, married for 1 year and 3 months.
Our BIG anniversary was our FIRST!!

 

[moon river]

Date: 4/16/2006 10:27:43 PM
Author: kenny
Cut him off.

That would work too.

 

[justjulia]

My computer''s been on the blitz and I haven''t been able to get on....frustration!....
Okay, I''ve upgraded quite a bit as some of you know.... here''s the thing: you have to find the diamond yourself and then make it his desktop background, lol. I actually fell in love with a 2.5 K emerald shaped princess-which is for all practical purposes colorless (a stunning cut). I would take my laptop to bed and troll for what I wanted and dh couldn''t help but notice what I was doing. (How could he not notice the blinding light as he was trying to sleep??! lol lol) Soon, I had him educated and actually commenting about what we saw out in public. I started with a great upgrade policy and used and used it. Upgrades don''t have to be in big steps--that''s the key.

 

[gailrmv]

My hubby is very much against upgrades of the center stone. Fortunately, I really like what I have, but I wouldn''t mind a 2 carat honker in the future We were out yesterday at a coffee shop and I saw a woman with a HUGE sparkler, probably 3 carat if not more, in a lovely Tiffany style setting. I discreetly pointed it out to my husband. Turns out he knows the woman''s husband - he is more senior where my husband works! I was joking with him later, hey, do I have a ring like that in my future? And he said, nope! But we''ll see. It is not in our budget for a few years but I''ll start working on him again when it is! Our next luxury purchase (also not for a few years) will probably be the Omega speedmaster watch he has been coveting for a decade. I guess it''s only fair that he should have a turn for an "upgrade"!

 

[Miranda]

I''ve been waiting to strike, too. DH thinks I''m insane and that 1.2 ct is big enough...Silly man...Today I totalled up the down on his car and all of his car payments for his "precious" and reminded him that I could buy the stone I want with all of that money. I also offered to sign a contract...No center stone upgrade for 9 years. I think 2 ct will last until then...I hope! He did soften a bit when I reminded him how much we spend on his car annually.

 

[windowshopper]

what do most people do in increments?

 

[KristyDarling]

Exactly what Lorelei said! Subtly weave in casual mentions of the eventual upgrade in a "when not if" manner. Do it over time, and always use an undemanding and light-hearted tone. Pretty much what I did and it worked wonders.

 

[windowshopper]

i know but are people going up in $5000 incrments of price? $2000, $10,000?

 

[diamondfan]

I think it is just increment by size, or what your budget will allow...Mara, what did you get? I am on my second and unless hell freezes over I am DONE because I begged and pleaded and my stone is substantial enough that I had to swear I would be happy always (but I left room for HIM to decide, which is bs cause he won''t!)

 

[windowshopper]

may i ask your diamond shape and size?

 

[diamondfan]

It is an e/c with baguettes...as I said, I had a rb 1.53 carats (but not a good quality stone) and went to a three stone from Tiffany''s...one e/c int he middle 3.06 carats and then one carat emeralds on each side. For my 40th, I saw a gorgeous ring on someone and told my husband I wanted a ten carat stone, and wasn''t it nice that Tiffany''s has an upgrade policy (which he had told me about in the first place!!!) So after almost choking and the passage of a couple months he said I could look around (this is like asking Dracula to just watch the blood bank for a little while) and I ended up trading up to a 9.22 carat e/c with tapered baguettes. It looks a lot like Madrock''s new ring, actually.

 

[Mara]

well my last one was only $500 but i knew this one would hurt so i figured lets make it count...suffice to say it's a large amount to me...and it ended up being more than i thought because of price increases. this same stone last year would probably have been about $2k cheaper. to jump up to 3c+ from this new upgrade would be a huge amount so that's why greg said no more til year 10!

i don't think there is a set increment to increase, for me it was about inventory and size.

 

[windowshopper]

my god............is it completely classless to ask what that costs................like $200,000?????????

 

[diamondfan]

I am not sure to be honest because I removed myself from THAT aspect of the transaction. I know that diamonds were on the increase price wise, my cousin who is an LA jeweler was telling me time and again that I should move fast, because stuff she was getting in for her clients was increasing by the second. I did not want to know the price, figured we were trading in my other stone (which was actually really pretty) and that once I found something I liked, I would let my husband finish up. He teased me for days about the stone being sold already and telling me they had no other stones for me. I saw it loose and then just asked them what they would do with it, and they said shared prongs with tapered baguettes. (I have no idea of the weight of the side stones, not much I would think...) the funny thing is, I have good sized hands and a 6 1/4 ring size and I have gotten used to the look of it on my hand. I wear it most places and enjoy it, since that is why I have it!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 4/18/2006 1:25:43 AM
Author: diamondfan
It is an e/c with baguettes...as I said, I had a rb 1.53 carats (but not a good quality stone) and went to a three stone from Tiffany''s...one e/c int he middle 3.06 carats and then one carat emeralds on each side. For my 40th, I saw a gorgeous ring on someone and told my husband I wanted a ten carat stone, and wasn''t it nice that Tiffany''s has an upgrade policy (which he had told me about in the first place!!!) So after almost choking and the passage of a couple months he said I could look around (this is like asking Dracula to just watch the blood bank for a little while) and I ended up trading up to a 9.22 carat e/c with tapered baguettes. It looks a lot like Madrock''s new ring, actually.

diamondfan

stop yapping...

PICTURES,PICTURES!!! what is the color and clarity? i want to see this BOULDER !!!.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 4/18/2006 1:14:38 AM
Author: KristyDarling
Exactly what Lorelei said! Subtly weave in casual mentions of the eventual upgrade in a ''when not if'' manner. Do it over time, and always use an undemanding and light-hearted tone. Pretty much what I did and it worked wonders.

ha ha ha!! That''s the way Kristy! Subtly weaving is right - you have to always be on the alert to see a window of opportunity in any conversation where DH''s ears may be flapping and receptive, to mention THE UPGRADE! This method does work!

Diamondfan I love your Dracula watching the bloodbank description - most apt!

 

[anika]

Wow, great advice; the dirt is finally coming out

. Okay.. so when not if and admire everyone else''s rocks. I did joke last night that I had bought a lottery ticket and that if I won I''d definitely be after a honker. However not even an eyebrow twitch. However I don''t have 2X chromosomes for nothing- I can be craftier. I am asking him everday when hes going to buy the car

. Plant the seed and water it! I''ll have a degree in horticuture by the time this project is finished.
My jeweller has not rung me with quotes; idiot. He actually doesn''t realise for a diamond nut like me how annoying this is. Where I come from people don''t even know what an upgrade is. I''m probably the only pricescoper from here. In fact, I think the jeweller finds me too intense and all his clients now walk in once for a 3 ct. NOne of the incremental stuff and "find me an SI2" etc. I don''t care however I thought I would just ask the jeweller if they trade in and he said yes if the stone is not more than around 2 years old; which means I should strike now. I only want 0.45 mm more. I think that would be gorgeous.

Oh I hope the quotes are good!
Thanks
Anika

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 4/18/2006 2:31:44 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 4/18/2006 1:14:38 AM
Author: KristyDarling
Exactly what Lorelei said! Subtly weave in casual mentions of the eventual upgrade in a ''when not if'' manner. Do it over time, and always use an undemanding and light-hearted tone. Pretty much what I did and it worked wonders.

ha ha ha!! That''s the way Kristy! Subtly weaving is right - you have to always be on the alert to see a window of opportunity in any conversation where DH''s ears may be flapping and receptive, to mention THE UPGRADE! This method does work!

my brit GF is so sneaky.

 

[laila]

Hehehe...this thread has been most useful

Hoping very much the techniques you ladies describe will work on my dh. I can totally relate to those who say that they are obsessed with this. It just feels like it isn''t important to my dh, or that I''ll never get the size diamond that I really want (around 2ct or so). Is it awful that I get depressed thinking about the upgrade that I may never get?

Also - do you think it would be a better idea to start out asking for a smaller stone (and hope that upgrades will come rather quickly, but risk that dh would think the smaller stone is more than enough and make me wait 10, 20, or more years, etc), OR should I push to get as close to the 2ct mark as I can right off the bat? (DH makes good money and I think we could spend the money for a larger stone, but it is NOT a priority for him)

Anyways, it''s so nice to be able to discuss this with people who actually understand this obsession! My friends would think I was crazy to even consider spending so much money on a diamond.

oh - small p.s. - changed my screenname - old one was too obvious (to people who know me) and I would rather be more anonymous

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 4/18/2006 2:49:38 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 4/18/2006 2:31:44 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 4/18/2006 1:14:38 AM
Author: KristyDarling
Exactly what Lorelei said! Subtly weave in casual mentions of the eventual upgrade in a ''when not if'' manner. Do it over time, and always use an undemanding and light-hearted tone. Pretty much what I did and it worked wonders.

my brit GF is so sneaky.

And proud of it! Watch out DF!

 

[Lorelei]

Marta Ana I think push for the 2ct, that way Hubby can get it all over with in one go, it just depends on what would work best for him really as long as you get what you want! Don''t feel bad, you are in understanding company here who know how important upgrades are and how they can consume every spare minute!

 

[bex891]

I can understand wanting to upgrade your ring, if you didn''t have a lot of money when you first got engaged and later down the road found that you had a bit more free cash to spend.

HOWEVER, if your partner buys you an upgrade and you''re absolutely thrilled with it.....then it must be a bit annoying when a few years down the line, you are again looking around for something bigger and better. It''s like never being satisfied with what you have, and always looking around for what''s next.

Of course, it is personal choice what folk spend their money on.....but from a guys point of view, I would be thinking ....

when will you ever be content with what you have

 

[Lorelei]

Sure Bex, I totally hear you about a guy thinking we are not ever totally satisfied, but most of us PS upgrade nuts are just that and not representative of the real world! Most ladies probably wouldn''t ever consider upgrading or even have heard of it, but we are diehard diamond obsessives here! Like guys can be with cars etc and their hobbies, many of us will sacrifice to get the diamond we want and are lucky enough to have Husbands who understand this and indulge our passions just as we try to with theirs. I never have a vacation or a newish car, go out much or spend money on anything else, my diamond is my one luxury and my joy. My Hubby knows how happy my diamond makes me and considers it money well spent. Are you looking for an e-ring for your GF?

 

[bex891]

Hi Lorelei,

Think you might have hit a nerve. I love cars.....I go looking at them, even when I am not in a position to buy one. I flick through car magazines.....dreaming of what my ideal motor would be!

Diamonds and cars....both very expensive. But I guess diamonds hold their value sooo much better!

bex