Home How can I help my girlfriend?

[otaku]

Now first off when I say girlfriend I mean friend we''re not intimate at least not sexually she refuses to get to close to anyone because of what she''s going through and I''ve respected that since the start. Anyway her father is dying of cancer they''re quite close. I''ve tried listening to her as that is the obvious thing to do though she doesn''t talk about it much really which is fine to. She came over to my place a week ago tried to show her a good time had dinner etc I think she enjoyed it but I haven''t heard from her since until tonight she started sending stuff out about being depressed sad hopeless etc to myself and her other friends naturally I and everyone else responded with encouragement etc I dunno I want to do as much as I can. My family runs a care facility for the elderly right now and she briefly hinted at us taking care of her father but I am not sure how this would work as we''re private pay with the exception of being able to take some state assitance (medicaid) please help!

 

[noelwr]

just let her know that you''re there for her if she wants to talk. then it''s up to her if she does or not. if she doesn''t, that doesn''t necessarily mean anything about the way she feels about you. everyone deals with grief differently. if she does mention the care facility again, tell her that it''s private pay, just like you told us. if you get her hopes up from the beginning and don''t tell it to her straight, it will cause a lot more hurt later.

 

[somethingshiny]

The word "hopeless" is a red flag for suicidal tendancies. Encourage her to go talk to her dr. A dr can recommend someone she can talk to or medicate her to get through this difficult time.

You''re a good friend for being there for her.

 

[Strawdermangrl]

Date: 2/23/2010 1:42:39 AM
Author:otaku
Now first off when I say girlfriend I mean friend we''re not intimate at least not sexually she refuses to get to close to anyone because of what she''s going through and I''ve respected that since the start. Anyway her father is dying of cancer they''re quite close. I''ve tried listening to her as that is the obvious thing to do though she doesn''t talk about it much really which is fine to. She came over to my place a week ago tried to show her a good time had dinner etc I think she enjoyed it but I haven''t heard from her since until tonight she started sending stuff out about being depressed sad hopeless etc to myself and her other friends naturally I and everyone else responded with encouragement etc I dunno I want to do as much as I can. My family runs a care facility for the elderly right now and she briefly hinted at us taking care of her father but I am not sure how this would work as we''re private pay with the exception of being able to take some state assitance (medicaid) please help!

Having just lost my mom, I can relate what she might be feeling at this point. Time kind of goes in a jumble. Your concept of those around you is not as clear as it would be in a more stable setting. My mom came home on hospice and was home for about a month, I was in a daze- complete caregiver mode. My best friend (guy) was like you, being completely sensitive to the fact that I was not at my most sane. I moved home to help out and it was24/7 with my dad and I taking care of my mom round the clock. He would come and get me out of the house, take me to dinner, a movie, ect. Just things to occupy my mind, briefly. Looking back, I can see now how I may have seemed completely out of it and how I might not have responded to peoples love and outreach. She is in a very odd place right now. This is this waiting period, if you will. It sounds horrible, but that is honestly what it was like. If she was anything like I was, I was also trying to deal with my family acting out with emotion. There is a point that you really want to lean on people but then in the next moment, you don''t want to talk about it- you don''t want to deal, it makes it too real at times to verbalize. It is kind of weird, esp. with cancer. You kind of wake up everyday (this is how it was for me, at least) and it hits you all over again. My mom was sick for 10 years and it was a constant up and down. Good one day, teetering between life and death the next. Keep doing what you are doing, be supportive, offer distractions when they are appropriate. Sometimes just being around and not saying anything is the best thing you can do. Laughter is the best medicine, honestly. I have to say that my best friends made me laugh even when I didn''t think that I could laugh anymore. You are a great friend to reach out and see what you can do to offer love and support to her in this very difficult time. Don''t feel like you need to offer something that you can''t, if she directly asks you about your family doing something, deal with it at that point. No need to stress about it now. Good luck, and she is lucky to have a caring friend like you.

 

[Erin]

Offer to take her out for quick get aways. Ice cream cone, coffee, walk through a pet store, rent a tandem bike, mini golf, walk outside on a nice day... Something that gets her out and away, but back somewhat quickly. Distractions are oh so nice and we never think to do them for ourselves because we are too busy worrying about everyone else.