How are your parents different as grandparents?

[Puppmom]

Man it was hard to word that question so it fit in the subject line!

My mom was a screamer and we didn't really think she liked us. In hindsight, I can see that it must have been stressful raising four hooligans. Gosh, we were total pains in the a$$! She has 7 grandchildren and they can do no wrong. DD is the oldest grandchild and my mom is constantly telling us we're too hard on her and to loosen up. This feels so strange coming from a woman who grounded me for a week for being ONE minute late!

My dad is pretty much the same. He was laid back with us and is the same with the grandkids. They see him as a total softy.

Are your parents different with your kids than they were with you? If so, how?

 

[Haven]

My FIL was a screamer, too, and as a grandparent he is very calm and relaxed. He was hyper-critical of my husband and his brother when they were children, and he never expressed affection in words or physically. Now, his grandchildren can do no wrong, and he is liberal with his hugs and kisses.

I hear that he really changed when my husband's mother died suddenly seven years ago, though, so I'm not sure how much of it has to do with being a grandparent, or with losing his wife.

 

[TravelingGal]

My deals with Amelia as she dealt with me. Strict, but full of love and fun. She's a bit more of a softie when it comes to her granddaughter though (although I can't say for sure because I obviously don't remember everything from when I was Amelia's age).

Sometimes I hear my mom scolding Amelia when I'm in my office and it actually makes me practically snap right to attention. When I don't see the face and only hear the voice, boy, there's no change from the mom of my youth.

 

[fieryred33143]

Time will tell for us but I think the one major difference is that she can't talk the talk/walk the walk like she used to. If my mom said "stop it or I'll turn this car around" she meant it. If she said we would get grounded, she meant it. If she said I would get hit, she meant that too.

But now with my daughter, she talks a good game but doesn't follow through at all.

For example, when S was younger, she would tell me that I can't "baby" her. When it's bed time, it's bed time. Put her down and walk away. And if she woke up in the middle of the night, let her cry. One night we were visiting her and we left S with my mom for a date night. She was asleep but when we got there at midnight, she was wide awake on the bed with my mom playing. I asked what happened and she said "well, she woke up and was crying so I grabbed her and we've been playing."

Um, whatever happened to just let her cry?

She has also told me a lot of times to never place a hand on S. I don't plan to spank but I remember getting beat up when I was younger so it's a little shocking to hear her say that I should never, ever spank S.

 

[Puppmom]

Haven, I didn't think of that but my mom was not affectionate with us but is with the grandkids. She smothers them with hugs and kisses!

TGal, now that's funny. The scolding mom must take you back! I was definitely intimidated by my mom as a kid but we laugh now at how *mean* she was.

Fiery, sounds like things might be different with Sophia. It's so hard for grandparents to say no for some reason. DD will even ask my mom to ask me something on her behalf. For instance, after my nephew's birthday party, my mom approached me and said "Is it ok if goes to so and so's house? I can drive her on my way home." DD didn't bother to tell my mom she was on punishment! I said no of course and told DD it was not appropriate to have Mom-mom ask permission for her. My mom told me I was being too hard on her and she only asked for her because DD was scared. Puh-lease!

 

[somethingshiny]

I won't go into details about how my parents were to us as kids, but they've both changed for the better with their grandkids.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I don't think my parents are all that different, except they do love to spoil James, which they never really did with me. Because of this DH and I have limited the time that my parents spend with James and they are not allowed to be alone or have overnights with him. Too many differences in parenting philosophies and now my mom is having serious health issues and is taking opiate-based pain pills, and we do not feel comfortable leaving James in their care without our supervision. It is heart-breaking to have to make these decisions, but at the end of the day DH and are are responsible for James' care so we are doing what we feel is best for our family.

DH's parents are great as grand-parents. They have 5 grandchildren but James is the only one that lives nearby; the others live in Pennsylvania which is about 4 hours from us. They love him so much and show it in many ways. He spends the night at their house at least once a week at their insistence. At first it was weird because we didn't want them to think that we were pawning James off on them, but they firmly believe in having date nights and just enjoying being a married couple. Honestly, it's great now and it's something that DH and I look forward to

 

[Mara]

oh my gosh, my mom is a total pushover with J.

she was really strict with all of us. she also wasn't super affectionate and would hardly ever tell us she loved us (even though i know she did, she just wasn't verbal with it). with J she is crazy indulgent, affectionate, always kissing him. though when she does watch him long-term, aka over the summer, she did set some routines up and she was a litte more strict. BUT if he cries or whatever she scoops him up immediately and she carries him a lot. he can do no wrong.

i tell her 'but mom you let us cry and you were strict with us' etc. and she goes...'yeah but i'm the GRANDMA now. that's the mommy's job, i don't DO that stuff.'

my response... 'well when i'm not here then YOU'RE the mommy'. she didn't agree. it's ok, we all manage just fine.

eta...oh and fiery yep i got the same thing. over the phone 'you just have to let him cry it out, he's fine!'... but in person.. 'oh he's CRYING...what's wrong?! go get him!!'.

 

[anchor31]

I can't really tell yet with my parents as my son in only 9 months and there's not really any need for discipline, etc. and I don't know if they used to let us CIO. They don't with J though. They were pretty strict with us, but I bet they'll be softies with J! Now that I think of it, they are still strict with me (my mom scolded me the oher day because my area rug needed vaccuuming and J was getting covered in dog hair by crawling around ).

My FIL however, is very different as a grandfather than a dad. According to DH and MIL, he was never affectionate with his kids, even hit them, insulted them, etc. I can't say he's super affectionate with J and he has never held him or kissed him, but he plays with him and enjoys making him laugh. Not sure what kind of mom MIL was, but she loves J to pieces and spoils him rotten.

 

[TravelingGal]

Haven, I didn't think of that but my mom was not affectionate with us but is with the grandkids. She smothers them with hugs and kisses!

TGal, now that's funny. The scolding mom must take you back! I was definitely intimidated by my mom as a kid but we laugh now at how *mean* she was.

Fiery, sounds like things might be different with Sophia. It's so hard for grandparents to say no for some reason. DD will even ask my mom to ask me something on her behalf. For instance, after my nephew's birthday party, my mom approached me and said "Is it ok if goes to so and so's house? I can drive her on my way home." DD didn't bother to tell my mom she was on punishment! I said no of course and told DD it was not appropriate to have Mom-mom ask permission for her. My mom told me I was being too hard on her and she only asked for her because DD was scared. Puh-lease!

Yeah, now we all know the secret, don't we? That our parents were smiling behind our backs too when they were chastising us!