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How affectionate is your SO?

kenny

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
34,339
Does he kiss you at bedtime, when you leave home and arrive?
Are there lots of hugs and touching?

I wish mine was more affectionate, but he's latino with all that machismo baggage.
I try to make a point of being affectionate, but it's hard to keep up when it's one way.
Ironically he's 10 times as sensitive as I am.

How affectionate are you?
 
My husband is definitely affectionate. We hug several times a day and hug and kiss hello and good bye most of the time. He initiates the affection as often as I do, if not more. It''s nothing over the top, thankfully. I''m not into public displays of affection AT ALL.
 
Date: 6/23/2010 12:49:32 AM
Author: thing2of2
My husband is definitely affectionate. We hug several times a day and hug and kiss hello and good bye most of the time. He initiates the affection as often as I do, if not more. It's nothing over the top, thankfully. I'm not into public displays of affection AT ALL.
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I'm happy for you.
Do you call him thing1of2?
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Date: 6/23/2010 12:52:59 AM
Author: kenny
Date: 6/23/2010 12:49:32 AM

Author: thing2of2

My husband is definitely affectionate. We hug several times a day and hug and kiss hello and good bye most of the time. He initiates the affection as often as I do, if not more. It''s nothing over the top, thankfully. I''m not into public displays of affection AT ALL.
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I''m happy for you.

Do you call him thing1of2?
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Ha, nope, that''s my twin sister! He''s basically thing3of3, though. He and my sister are good friends and totally act like siblings. They love to bicker with each other and get me in the middle!
 
Fi is extremely affectionate. He kisses me every time he sees me. We hold hands in the car. No PDA of course, maybe just a peck now and then. I HATE PDA. My favorite thing though is ever Sunday he picks a spot on my body to kiss and he won''t tell me... I have to guess, then for the rest of the week he''ll yell "spot!" and kiss it. This week it''s my eyelids.
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I think we''re about equally affectionate, I tend to want to snuggle a lot more when we''re just hanging out at home. The only time that I don''t like how affectionate he is, is when we''re out and he wants to always have his arm around me or hold my hand. A lot of the time it''s fine, but sometimes it bugs the crap out of me!
 
Date: 6/23/2010 12:46:25 AM
Author:kenny
Does he kiss you at bedtime, when you leave home and arrive?

Are there lots of hugs and touching?


I wish mine was more affectionate, but he''s latino with all that machismo baggage.

I try to make a point of being affectionate, but it''s hard to keep up when it''s one way.

Ironically he''s 10 times as sensitive as I am.


How affectionate are you?
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My husband is latino and has a considerable amount of machismo baggage - but he is super affectionate. He is ALWAYS ready to drop anything for physical contact of any sort... he''ll take whatever he can get. He always wants more than I feel prepared to give.

once upon a time I would have thought I was the same but I''m not... between him and the kids I feel touched out a lot of the time which is the opposite of my single girlfriend who yearns to be touched just hugged or held or have skin contact of any sort. I can''t imagine, though I''m more interested in it now that i''m not nursing - while I was nursing I got enough skin contact AND some.

Ironically he is 10x LESS sensitive than I am lol
 
Date: 6/23/2010 12:46:25 AM
Author:kenny
Does he kiss you at bedtime, when you leave home and arrive?
Are there lots of hugs and touching?
Click to expand...
no,no and no.
 
BF is pretty affectionate with me. Which is important to me. I come from a really affectionate family, so I can''t handle it if I''m not getting hugs and kisses.
He''s pretty good about giving me kisses and hugs, it''s nice. We actually have this thing where everyday he comes home and wants to give me hugs. But he just rode on his bike and is super sweaty and stinky, so I implemented a 20 minute rule, which he tries to get around everyday. It''s pretty silly.

It''s interesting to me though, his family is not affectionate at all - he hugs his mom maybe 3 or 4 times a year, if that. Where as when I''m able to be around my mom, I hug her two to three times that amount per day. Needless to say, I''m really into snuggles.

We''ve talked about how we want our kids to be affectionate, I think I would just be heart broken if my children wouldn''t want hugs and kisses.
 
My FI and I are both very physically affectionate, I''d say. We both initiate tons of hugs and kisses, though he tends to initiate them when we''re saying hello/goodbye. We also hold hands all the time. Affection is very important to me!

Ironically, I''m very sensitive/picky about other people touching me. I love that contact with my SO, but I am super uncomfortable with most people touching me - I''m not touchy-feely with my friends, and I''m particularly uncomfortable with people I don''t know touching me.
 
We''ve don''t have a lot of physical contact/affection on a daily basis. There''s just a quick peck before one of us leaves and occasionally before bed. His shift has nixed our affections big time. Half the time, I''m gone by the time he leaves for work and I''m asleep when he gets home. The affectionate touching we have more of is random butt grabbing and the like.

When we were "young and in love" as I refer to it, we were very affectionate although never any PDA.


Oh, and a strict rule in our house is no touching while sleeping. The THOUGHT of spooning would keep me up at night!
 
BF is very affectionate. He leaves for work before I get up in the morning and always hops back into bed with me for a snuggle, to kiss me goodbye and tell me he loves me. I get a big hug and kiss when he gets home from work and we always kiss goodbye and say I love you when we are going our seperate ways. Then there are alot of random hugs and kisses when we are alone or out and about because he feels like it.

This is ALL his influence, not mine. He is a very touchy, affectionate person and it took me a long time to get used to it, go along with it and then eventually like it, because I'm not a very affectonate person.

There is a down side to all this affection, in that he thinks it's perfectly fine to exhibit the same behavour he does at home in public; long hugs, sloppy kisses, randomly firemans lifting me, tickling me, groping...places. In public I accept hand holding and maybe a quick peck when appropriate. I have to tell him off a lot because he dosn't understand why I hate the PDA.
 
My dh is very affectionate. We always kiss good morning and when he leaves/I leave for work and when we come home from work.

We are always holding hands or sitting very close when we are watching tv. We are not afraid of PDA when we are out but we keep it clean. Better than when we were dating
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When we go to sleep we start out spooning/snuggling but usually during the course of the night we migrate away though when he gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night (or I do) my dh always snuggles me again.

I would say we are equally affectionate. Always saying we love each other and hugging and kissing and holding hands. We have been together 11 years and married for 6 but I still feel like a newlywed much of the time. It's a nice feeling.
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My husband is very physically affectionate: the funny thing is, I''m not. I grew up in a very restrained family (seriously, I can''t remember getting a hug between 6 and 16). Possibly as a result, I used to tend to read most physical contact as sexual - I had more physical contact in the first month that I started dating a serious boyfriend than I''d had for the entire decade prior! I''ve gotten more comfortable with it, I think, but I will never be one of those people who likes to cuddle in a giant puppy-pile of friends. Too Much!

That said, of course - I am totally 10X more sensitive emotionally. Maybe even 100X!
 
Date: 6/23/2010 5:20:04 AM
Author: Circe
My husband is very physically affectionate: the funny thing is, I''m not. I grew up in a very restrained family (seriously, I can''t remember getting a hug between 6 and 16). Possibly as a result, I used to tend to read most physical contact as sexual - I had more physical contact in the first month that I started dating a serious boyfriend than I''d had for the entire decade prior! I''ve gotten more comfortable with it, I think, but I will never be one of those people who likes to cuddle in a giant puppy-pile of friends. Too Much!
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I really relate to this, my family wasn''t affectionate at all. They are more so now that I am older and no longer live at home but I remember being really shocked when my parents said that they loved me and when they started hugging me or giving me a kiss hello. I always knew they loved me and they kind of demonstrated it in their actions and what they would do for me. I really have had to learn to be affectionate and whilst I am with my BF (we have been together for 10 years) it did take a long time and caused a little bit of friction! It is still something I struggle with!
 
He's more affectionate than I am. My family is also big on hugging and kissing and what not, but unfortunately I'm not at all like them. Every family gathering we attend, DH is immediately amidst a crowd of my relatives, kissing cheeks and patting backs and allowing an army of grandmothers and aunts and cousins to kiss him. I just stand aside with my best "No freaking way" expression on my face. They all know me though, so they don't feel hurt. They're just happy DH is not like me.
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To be honest, I found out that I could be affectionate at all when I met my husband. I started searching for his hand when we're out for a walk or even instigating some mild PDA. He definitely brings out a side of me that I didn't even know existed. Still, there's a big disparity between our levels of affection displays, but I wouldn't say this is a major problem for us. I never refuse when he feels like snuggling or holding hands, it's just that I more rarely start it.
 
Yes, DH is very physically (and verbally) affectionate. We hug and kiss a few times during day. Hugs when I get home, makeout sessions while making dinner, etc.

He loves to snuggle so in the mornings after I run and shower I jump back into bed to snuggle longer and he does same on the couple days he gets up before me (we do not have same days off and I get up earlier other days).if I go to bed before him he will snuggle me even if I am sleeping.

He will take my hand in public, in the car, in movies, while walking... or we will just touch one another somehow (such as on lower back). He finds touch (he touching me or me touching him) very important. Sometimes we just grope one another..ha. At home we will cuddle lots or give impromptu massages and the like. Or launch sneak attack kisses.

We do not suck face in public, but we still hold hands, and touch in non sexual ways.

He is also sensitive and very emotionally aware and open.

I would still say he can be macho - the man can diffuse bombs or survive in woods for days with just a knife or navigate huge military planes (of course so can many women, but just to say he has some traditionally *macho* experiences)...but neither of us define ourselves by limited "roles" to think that means one cannot be affectionate too or have more sides to us than that and be open about them! And while we both enjoy touch, we also make the effort and take the time knowing the other finds it important.

My ex common law partner was not very physically affectionate - not cold but not very expressive (or emotionally open) and it was very difficult for me!
 
Dh is very affectionate to me. Every night he comes to lay in bed with me and talks and then kisses me goodnight. (he stays up later) We always kiss each other when we get up in the morning. We always kiss each other hello or goodbye. Random hugs and kisses are always happening during the day if we are home together.
I am not affectionate with my family though, I was not raised that way.
 
Date: 6/23/2010 12:49:32 AM
Author: thing2of2
My husband is definitely affectionate. We hug several times a day and hug and kiss hello and good bye most of the time. He initiates the affection as often as I do, if not more. It's nothing over the top, thankfully. I'm not into public displays of affection AT ALL.
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I would say my husband is on the same affection level as thing2of2's.

When we were doing a pre-marital exercise, one of the questions was something like "List one way your partner makes you feel loved", and he said when I give him a kiss and say "I love you" in the morning before leaving for work. So now I make sure to do it every single morning. He won't leave for work without giving me a kiss either, on the weekends when I'm sleeping in and he has to work - even though I'm not a nice person to wake up
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.

I would say 9 times out of 10, we're touching each other in some way - holding hands, his hand on my thigh, my arm around his arm, etc. But definitely not over the top, not tonguing each other down in public or anything like that!

ETA: I also usually go to sleep earlier than him, though we get in bed at the same time, and he'll hold my hand until I fall asleep
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ETA2: My family is not affectionate in the least. I don't ever remember hugging any family member. We don't even touch each other
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Date: 6/23/2010 5:20:04 AM
Author: Circe
My husband is very physically affectionate: the funny thing is, I'm not. I grew up in a very restrained family (seriously, I can't remember getting a hug between 6 and 16). Possibly as a result, I used to tend to read most physical contact as sexual - I had more physical contact in the first month that I started dating a serious boyfriend than I'd had for the entire decade prior! I've gotten more comfortable with it, I think, but I will never be one of those people who likes to cuddle in a giant puppy-pile of friends. Too Much!


That said, of course - I am totally 10X more sensitive emotionally. Maybe even 100X!
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Circe I could have written your post word for word, except for the fact that it has only recently occurred to me that my family was physically restrained. Honestly I still tend to think that not hugging everyone you share a nodding relationship with should not be the norm, but I'm willing to concede that I am perhaps outside the norm. Interestingly, while I shun physical contact from my parents and peers, I am very physically affectionate with my kids. I imagine as adults they will be speaking of the horror of their overly affectionate mother wanting to cuddle them in public.
 
Date: 6/23/2010 12:49:32 AM
Author: thing2of2
My husband is definitely affectionate. We hug several times a day and hug and kiss hello and good bye most of the time. He initiates the affection as often as I do, if not more. It''s nothing over the top, thankfully. I''m not into public displays of affection AT ALL.
Click to expand...


Ditto T2
 
My hub and I are both super affectionate, verbally and physically. We say "I love you" all the time, and hold hands every time we go out. We're big mush balls.
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SO is very affectionate all the time with me. I''m the lesser affectionate of the two of us for sure, but I don''t mind showing him affection at all, unlike other relationships I''ve been in. I''m not big on PDA''s, but yesterday after work we ran to the grocery and were kissing making a nuisance of ourselves (dancing to the Musak) all over the store. In the parking lot we sang a duet of "Shakedown" (Eddie Murphy, anyone?) and were applauded by the people in the bus stop. We''re foolishly in love, what can I say? It''s the kind of crap I normally roll my eyes about and gag over.
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I''m pretty affectionate, but I think DH is even more so. I sometimes feel bad that I''m not quite as affectionate as he is, but I think I still do OK!
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My SO is very affectionate. He''s actually more affectionate than me! I didn''t really grow up seeing that much affection, it''s one of those things that we just knew we were loved period without hugs and kisses every day. So when I''m affectionate, it''s more subtle, like having my hand on his arm or his lap. He would love to hold hands all the time, but I prefer arm in arm. We do both equally.
 
DH is extremely affectionate at home. He''s always touching me, kissing me, and "being in my business" (as he jokes).

Neither of us are into PDA though. We were friends for a long time before dating, so we''re used to being our at parties and in public without being affectionate. We will hug in public, but that''s about it.
 
Date: 6/23/2010 12:46:25 AM
Author:kenny
Does he kiss you at bedtime, when you leave home and arrive?
Are there lots of hugs and touching?

I wish mine was more affectionate, but he''s latino with all that machismo baggage.
I try to make a point of being affectionate, but it''s hard to keep up when it''s one way.
Ironically he''s 10 times as sensitive as I am.

How affectionate are you?
Click to expand...
Upon arrival, not really. We both don''t really do that. Leaving, yeah. Going to bed, totally.
We are pretty touchy..not HUGE pda people but when it is just us we touch or snuggle. Hand holding, you know the norm. We are not overly affectionate people to begin with so it is just enough for me.
 
If grabbing my butt is considered affection, then I have a VERY affectionate hubby.

Seriously, my husband is the cuddly kind. He likes to cuddle on the couch, he likes to cuddle in bed, he likes to lean on me on the train ride into work. He likes touching. I am not a touchy kind of gal, it comes off as needy to me, so I''m a bit less affectionate. I do like to give him sporadic back rubs, though, so he knows I''m at least somewhat nurturing.

As cuddly as D is at home, he''s not in public (hence why he only leans on me on the train). Neither of us are into PDAs.
 
We always kiss before bed, and when either one of us leaves the house. Besides that, I wish he was more affectionate
 
I'm more affectionate than my husband. He has become much more affectionate over the years, though. His lack of affection bothered me for a while, but since we talked about it he's made an effort to be more affectionate and now he even likes it!

We kiss before we go to sleep, we often hold hands while we're out, he'll reach out and rub my back or I'll rub his. Every now and then he'll suddenly look at me and give me a particular smile that he has, and he'll squeeze my hand or arm, and that just makes my stomach all flippy.

My family was always very affectionate. We end each phone call with "Love you, bye. Mwah." HOWEVER, while my parents were constantly saying that they loved me, they didn't always behave as if they did. I'd much prefer someone who acts like they love me (and not with affection, I mean in actions and choices) over someone who just says they love me.
 
DH came from a totally un-affectionate family- no hugs, no verbal affection... he loves that my mom hugs him all the time. When he started dating me he changed completely and is very physically affectionate. We hold hands all the time when we''re walking together.

When we''re at friends houses or whatever we usually snuggle a bit on couches and stuff. Of all the couples we know we''re definitely the most affectionate in that way- most of the other couples we are friends with act like roommates in public at least.

At home when we''re alone he chases me around like Pepe le Pew (er, TMI?) I''m afraid if we have kids they''ll think smacking people''s butts is perfectly reasonable!

I am not sure what you could do to convince your SO to snuggle more kenny... I know some guys just aren''t terribly demonstrative. I''d miss that for sure!
 
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