How affectionate is your SO?

[Puppmom]

Date: 6/23/2010 5:20:04 AM
Author: Circe
My husband is very physically affectionate: the funny thing is, I''m not. I grew up in a very restrained family (seriously, I can''t remember getting a hug between 6 and 16). Possibly as a result, I used to tend to read most physical contact as sexual - I had more physical contact in the first month that I started dating a serious boyfriend than I''d had for the entire decade prior! I''ve gotten more comfortable with it, I think, but I will never be one of those people who likes to cuddle in a giant puppy-pile of friends. Too Much!

That said, of course - I am totally 10X more sensitive emotionally. Maybe even 100X!

Me too! Sometimes, my parents try to be affectionate now and it makes me REALLY uncomfortable. I have this weird thing that I hold my breath when anyone except DH hugs me. I can''t help it.

Back to the original question - DH is fairly affectionate but we can go a whole day with nothing.

 

[Puppmom]

Date: 6/23/2010 9:13:23 AM
Author: lilyfoot

Date: 6/23/2010 12:49:32 AM
Author: thing2of2
My husband is definitely affectionate. We hug several times a day and hug and kiss hello and good bye most of the time. He initiates the affection as often as I do, if not more. It''s nothing over the top, thankfully. I''m not into public displays of affection AT ALL.

I would say my husband is on the same affection level as thing2of2''s.

When we were doing a pre-marital exercise, one of the questions was something like ''List one way your partner makes you feel loved'', and he said when I give him a kiss and say ''I love you'' in the morning before leaving for work. So now I make sure to do it every single morning. He won''t leave for work without giving me a kiss either, on the weekends when I''m sleeping in and he has to work - even though I''m not a nice person to wake up

.

I would say 9 times out of 10, we''re touching each other in some way - holding hands, his hand on my thigh, my arm around his arm, etc. But definitely not over the top, not tonguing each other down in public or anything like that!

ETA: I also usually go to sleep earlier than him, though we get in bed at the same time, and he''ll hold my hand until I fall asleep

ETA2: My family is not affectionate in the least. I don''t ever remember hugging any family member. We don''t even touch each other

My DH does this too. It''s very sweet.

 

[trillionaire]

FI is very affectionate! I came from household where affection was demonstrated between parents and siblings, and sibling to siblings, but I saw very little affection between my parents. As a result, I am not very touchy-feely. I am with FI, but it is learned behavior that developed over time. I am more of a gifts and acts of service person (from 5 love languages). He is more affectionate than I am, which is good. I do lots of spontaneous initiation of hugs and kisses now, but he still does it way more. He ALWAYS kisses me goodbye and good night, whereas I leave the house or hop in bed without a second thought. He''s been known to chase me down, call me, or hop in bed to demand his kisses. It''s very cute, that it is so important to him. FI''s family say ''I love you'' a lot, which was cool for me to see. I still feel awkward saying it to my family members, especially my dad. It was demonstrated in a million ways in my house growing up, but rarely said. FI is my balance, and I am very thankful for that/him! We hold hands a lot, even just sitting around the house, while talking, or using the PC, whatever. Or I will read on the bed and he is on the PC, and we will have our feet touching. I really underestimated how much physical contact can replace conversation in terms of connecting people. It''s pretty cool. My only complaint is when he wants to be touchy when I am in the middle of work/housework (I work from home a couple days a week). I try to remember to be in the moment, but I don''t multi-task well, so it''s a bit frustrating.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 6/23/2010 1:01:31 AM
Author: redfaerythinker
Fi is extremely affectionate. He kisses me every time he sees me. We hold hands in the car. No PDA of course, maybe just a peck now and then. I HATE PDA. My favorite thing though is ever Sunday he picks a spot on my body to kiss and he won''t tell me... I have to guess, then for the rest of the week he''ll yell ''spot!'' and kiss it. This week it''s my eyelids.

I think we''re about equally affectionate, I tend to want to snuggle a lot more when we''re just hanging out at home. The only time that I don''t like how affectionate he is, is when we''re out and he wants to always have his arm around me or hold my hand. A lot of the time it''s fine, but sometimes it bugs the crap out of me!

THIS! Adorable!

 

[Sha]

DH is much more affectionate than I am. He loves to hug and kiss.

 

[bee*]

DH has always been affectionate but is even more affectionate since we got married. We always give each other a kiss hello and goodbye, say I love you a couple of times daily and hold hands etc. My parents weren''t like that at all so it is definitely a learnt behaviour for me. I love him being affectionate though and I would really miss it if he wasn''t like that.

 

[packrat]

We''re very affectionate w/each other. Not like handsy pawing out in public, but we hold hands constantly, and when we''re driving, we''re generally holding hands or if I sit w/my knee up, he''ll rest his hand on my leg. At home we kiss and "I love you" good bye, hug good morning, and throughout the day there are a lot of touches and rubs.

Of course, that sounds all sweetness and light, but there are plenty of days of wrestling and play fighting and him bringing out the Good Wife''s Guide to point out what I *should* be doing, and me retaliating by giving him tiny little pinches all over the under side of his arm.

We''re fun.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I don''t know if I''d call him affectionate, he''s more of the ass-grabbing, boob-pawing type (at home though), not in public.

I think I''m more affectionate. I like to be touching at all times.....holding hands while walking, leaning on his shoulder while watching the movies etc.

 

[purselover]

DH is extremely affecionate, I''m defintely the more reserved one.

 

[Winks_Elf]

We never part (hubby or children) wihtout a hug and kiss goodbye. We are openly affectionate with each other around the kids (in a non-sexual way), and we spend most of the night with him wrapped around me (he''s 6''4", I''m 5''9"). When we''re watching tv with the kids, it''s usually a dogpile on the couch (dogs included)! Snuggling is big in our home. So is tickling. My husband likes to make a strange noise randomly, such as "MEH!" It echos throughout the 4k square foot, mostly hard floor house, and you''ll hear responses of little voices going "MEH!" back.

We''re a strange bunch!

 

[April20]

He kisses me when he leaves, kisses me when he gets home. I''m working in my home office and he happens to be home, he will come in and kiss me at random times during the day. If he''s working from home all day as well, he''ll probably come in three or four times during the course of the day. He''s extremely affectionate and it''s wonderful.

 

[zoebartlett]

My husband is way more affectionate than I am. He''s very romantic -- always kissing me or hugging me out of the blue. He''s the one who usually reaches out to hold hands if we''re in the car or walking somewhere. I need to be more affectionate. I didn''t grow up being like that, so it''s still hard for me at times to let my guard down.

 

[monarch64]

I''ve seen a trend in this thread--the females seem to say that they are the lesser affectionate of the couple.

I''m curious about that. In my own experience, I grew up not seeing my parents hug or kiss after I was about 5 or 6. I also remember wishing my parents would hug or kiss after that age. There seems to be a correlation between people growing up and being more affectionate in adulthood...I am soooo not a scientist...it just struck me.

I have a super tough exterior, but I''m the first to give into hugs/kisses/etc. when necessary. Should this become a whole new thread?

 

[4ever]

Date: 6/24/2010 12:48:24 AM
Author: monarch64
I''ve seen a trend in this thread--the females seem to say that they are the lesser affectionate of the couple.

I''m curious about that. In my own experience, I grew up not seeing my parents hug or kiss after I was about 5 or 6. I also remember wishing my parents would hug or kiss after that age. There seems to be a correlation between people growing up and being more affectionate in adulthood...I am soooo not a scientist...it just struck me.

I have a super tough exterior, but I''m the first to give into hugs/kisses/etc. when necessary. Should this become a whole new thread?

Perhaps women who are more affectionate than their SO''s are just not posting here?

I think how affectionate you are is absolutly affected by how your parents act when you are a child.
I do not like hugs or physical contact with people other then my BF, including hugs from friends, it just makes me very uncomfortable and I simply do not like it. My parents were never big huggers and didn''t say "I love you" to us or each other very much when we were little, I only remember the hug and "You know I love you" from my mum when I was extreamly upset or after I had gotten told off for somthing really big and we hugged, and stull hug each other happy birthday and that''s it.
BF, on the other hand is an only child and very close to his parents, both of whome have always told him they love him and given him hugs as well as showing affection towards each other when he was little and he is very touchy and affectionate.

 

[mrscushion]

We''re both very affectionate, lots of hugs and kisses (though no over-the-top PDA). We both enjoy it. I definitely got it from my parents, who are the same.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 6/24/2010 1:14:20 AM
Author: 4ever

Date: 6/24/2010 12:48:24 AM
Author: monarch64
I''ve seen a trend in this thread--the females seem to say that they are the lesser affectionate of the couple.

I''m curious about that. In my own experience, I grew up not seeing my parents hug or kiss after I was about 5 or 6. I also remember wishing my parents would hug or kiss after that age. There seems to be a correlation between people growing up and being more affectionate in adulthood...I am soooo not a scientist...it just struck me.

I have a super tough exterior, but I''m the first to give into hugs/kisses/etc. when necessary. Should this become a whole new thread?

Perhaps women who are more affectionate than their SO''s are just not posting here?

I think how affectionate you are is absolutly affected by how your parents act when you are a child.
I do not like hugs or physical contact with people other then my BF, including hugs from friends, it just makes me very uncomfortable and I simply do not like it. My parents were never big huggers and didn''t say ''I love you'' to us or each other very much when we were little, I only remember the hug and ''You know I love you'' from my mum when I was extreamly upset or after I had gotten told off for somthing really big and we hugged, and stull hug each other happy birthday and that''s it.
BF, on the other hand is an only child and very close to his parents, both of whome have always told him they love him and given him hugs as well as showing affection towards each other when he was little and he is very touchy and affectionate.

This is very possible. If you are self-conscious about the level of affection in your relationship, or disappointed, it would provide a disincentive to talk about it.

I am very touchy feely with my siblings. We hug, and will lay in each other''s laps, play with each other''s hair, etc... I don''t really like touching other people though, even friends. I have very few close friends that I touch other than hugs. I HATE when people hug me when I don''t know them well. It feels very intrusive. I also hate when I am out socially and people touch me casually, especially men. I am very guarded about personal space. All of this played into FI and I breaking up when we were in undergrad. He hadn''t dated anyone, so he was cautious and awkward, and I was still very guarded (yes, even after 6 mos of dating and 3.5 yrs of knowing him), so the relationship was kind of stilted in its growth. Thankfully, we were both able to re-evaluate, and when we got back together, both of us let our guards down and it''s been amazing ever since!

I do believe that what you see in your household plays HUGELY in how you interact... even if it just means that you crave the opposite of what you had growing up. I had a very hard time being comfortable saying ''I love you" in terms of romantic love, and now that his family says ''I love you" to me, I am working on getting better at responding in kind. It is totally unnatural for me, and I feel very awkward. It has been good for me, though.

My brother and sister are similiar to me in our orientation towards verbal and physical expressions of love, and we''ve all had to work on these things in romantic relationships.

 

[Little Monster]

I am more affectionate than my SO, though he has gotten more affectionate over the years. We always hug & kiss when we get home or are leaving for work, etc. The snuggling on the couch while watching TV & the spooning at night definitely don''t happen as much during the summer (waah!) since he''s always hot... the last thing he wants is me making him hotter. I always love fall, but now it also means the return of the nighttime spoon...

Do I wish he were more affectionate? Maybe, but that''s just how HE is... he lets me know he loves me in lots of other ways (changing my car''s oil, cooking my favorite dinners even if he doesn''t love them, pointing out every silly duck, turtle or bird that crosses his path since he knows I''ll love spotting them too)... So I guess I prefer the way things are -- he shows me he loves me & even if he says it less than I do, I don''t question that he loves me : )

 

[Haven]

Date: 6/24/2010 12:48:24 AM
Author: monarch64
I''ve seen a trend in this thread--the females seem to say that they are the lesser affectionate of the couple.

I''m curious about that. In my own experience, I grew up not seeing my parents hug or kiss after I was about 5 or 6. I also remember wishing my parents would hug or kiss after that age. There seems to be a correlation between people growing up and being more affectionate in adulthood...I am soooo not a scientist...it just struck me.

I have a super tough exterior, but I''m the first to give into hugs/kisses/etc. when necessary. Should this become a whole new thread?

I''m more affectionate than DH, but I already posted in this thread about it.

My family is DEFINITELY more affectionate than DH''s family. No question there. My parents were affectionate with each other, and with us. DH''s parents barely ever told him they love him, and they definitely weren''t the type to cuddle with or kiss their kids. So, we are definitely two kids who took on the affection habits of their parents.

 

[diva rose]

kenny ~ have you spoken to your husband about being more affectionate by touch?

i think it's something worth discussing with your partner
it's very important especially if you would like more physical affection

my husband rarely tells me he loves me - he isn't expressive with words
he grew up in a traditional asian family where there wasn't much verbal or physical displays of affection
my family are the opposite - parents always kissed and showed us a lot of physical and verbal expressions of love

so i say 'i love you' more often and i'm a lot more expressive and shower him with lots of positive comments
which he loves

however, my husband tends to be more physically affectionate
he will always kiss me before he goes to work
one day i left earlier and didn't kiss him - he got upset - haha

we usually touch each other when passing by, cuddle before going to bed & spoon
he likes to hog my side of the bed to get close to me also

in public, he always holds my hand and likes to have me close to him
puts his arms around me etc but he isn't into PDA

 

[Haven]

It could always be worse!

We have friends who are in their fifties, and they've been married for nearly 30 years. They have two adult children.

The wife is definitely the more affectionate spouse. She once told us that when she told her husband that she wished he would say "I love you" more often he said "Assume I love you until further notice."

He wasn't kidding, either.

ETA: Now, if I ever say anything to DH about being more affectionate, guess how he responds?

He's always joking, at least.

 

[katamari]

Date: 6/24/2010 12:48:24 AM
Author: monarch64
I''ve seen a trend in this thread--the females seem to say that they are the lesser affectionate of the couple.


I''m curious about that. In my own experience, I grew up not seeing my parents hug or kiss after I was about 5 or 6. I also remember wishing my parents would hug or kiss after that age. There seems to be a correlation between people growing up and being more affectionate in adulthood...I am soooo not a scientist...it just struck me.


I have a super tough exterior, but I''m the first to give into hugs/kisses/etc. when necessary. Should this become a whole new thread?

I think it could also have to do with male sexuality being associated with touch, while for women it is mainly mental/emotional. I also am not familiar with the research here, but I think I remember learning that.

My DH is also more affectionate than I am. He will blow me kisses in front of friend and tell me how much he loves me when we have company. This bothers me more than the hand-holding or quick pecks in public. I suppose I shouldn''t dislike it, since some women would be very appreciative of this behavior.

 

[AdiS]

Date: 6/25/2010 10:29:02 AM
Author: Haven
It could always be worse!

We have friends who are in their fifties, and they''ve been married for nearly 30 years. They have two adult children.

The wife is definitely the more affectionate spouse. She once told us that when she told her husband that she wished he would say ''I love you'' more often he said ''Assume I love you until further notice.''

He wasn''t kidding, either.

ETA: Now, if I ever say anything to DH about being more affectionate, guess how he responds?

He''s always joking, at least.

Hahaha, OMG. How incredibly sweet and romantic!

 

[CJ2008]

I am realizing my husband isn't affectionate at all.

I am always reaching out to him.

When we had first started dating or when we started living together (I don't remember exactly) I used to get mad that he wouldn't kiss me when he would leave for work. He couldn't understand that I would want him to basically wake me up just to give me a kiss. I have to say, that's pretty logical! I've gotten used to it over the years and don't even think about it any more.

It's funny I was just about to write how I don't mind that he isn't affectionate but I think I've just gotten used to it. I love the rare occasions when he initiates a hug, or caresses my hair.

I'm kind of amazed at how much I've gotten used to it.

ETA: I should add, I would NOT like if he was touchy feely all the time...I would probably find it overwhelming. I'm don't like "mushy" over-the-top romantic either...but a nice hug, an "I love you" that is said with meaning behind it (not just out of habit), when he puts his hand on the small of my back...love...

He is way more sentimental than I am though...and puts a lot of thought behind gifts, etc. I've become pretty bad with gifts and cards on days I'm "supposed to" (like our anniversary). I am much more likely to surprise him with a card for no reason.

 

[star sparkle]

We''re both affectionate, though I''d say I''m a bit more than he is. We''re almost always touching in some way, even in the car where he loves holding my hand.

I absolutely love affection, and I don''t know exactly where it comes from. I grew up with my parents in separate houses and neither of them displayed affection towards other people. I don''t remember them being overly-affectionate towards us as kids, but there were certainly hugs and such.

 

[ZestfullyBling]

In the beginning...he was definitely the more affectionate one. In my childhood very rarely heard "i love you" and dad was not affectionate. Thats how he was raised though. My grandmother isn''t affectionate either! Showing affection was definitely a learned behavior and so was verbally saying "i love you". Seems like deep inside I have always wanted to be affectionate...always had it in me. Just needed to let it out! Hubby was the medicine I needed. He just brought it out of me! Now we kiss everyday before we leave in morning and before we go to bed. We abundantly hug! Never enought hugs. I''d say we are both equally affectionate now.

And its GREAT!

 

[Imdanny]

Date: 6/23/2010 12:46:25 AM
Author:kenny
Does he kiss you at bedtime, when you leave home and arrive?

Are there lots of hugs and touching?


I wish mine was more affectionate, but he's latino with all that machismo baggage.

I try to make a point of being affectionate, but it's hard to keep up when it's one way.

Ironically he's 10 times as sensitive as I am.


How affectionate are you?

I'm very affectionate.

How affectionate is your SO? He's very affectionate, although only in the early morning.

Are there lots of hugs and touching. Yes, at nighttime, in the daytime not so much.

Does he kiss you at bedtime, when you leave home and arrive. Well, not when I leave home and arrive. At bedtime, no, not as a general rule.

Who's more sensitive? I don't know. He's very sensitive, but he hides it.

 

[gemgirl]

We''re both very affectionate. We''re a pretty touchy-feely twosome. There are hugs, kisses and
"love yous" all the time.

Sensitive is another story. I''m very sensitive and my husband is not sensitive at all. He''s rather unfeeling about people other than me and his birth family.