Wedding honesty regarding bridesmaid dresses

[noelwr]

hello, can I ask an honest questions about bridesmaid dresses? the reason I ask is that I''m not having any bridesmaids but I am very interested to hear... do brides really pick out awful bridesmaid dresses on purpose? I''ve only been to one wedding with bridesmaids and they were wearing ugly colored bag looking things with a sash around them. and then I saw the movie 27 DRESSES where she paraded around these really awful costumes.

anyway, I''m not looking to offend and hoping you prove me wrong in this assumption, and because I''d like to live vicariously through all of you, I''d really like it if you share photos of your bridesmaid dresses with me. thanks so much.

or if you have been a bridesmaid, maybe a photo of what you wore (and your comments if you liked the dress or not... provided that the bride doesn''t check out this forum).

 

[mimzy]

i think someone would have to be pretty awful to purposely pick out ugly dresses, and i don''t think anyone on here would ever dream of doing that!

the bridesmaid dress i wore for a friends wedding a few years ago was okay. it wasn''t something i would have picked, but they were on clearance and she wanted them and no one really threw a fuss about it.

i picked out two designers and a fabric and let the girls pick their own dresses within those guidelines. here''s the pictures of what they picked (they will all be in the dark red color, except the lower one with the - it will be in black (and to the floor all the way around).

 

[monarch64]

I really don''t think brides choose horrible dresses on purpose. I think sometimes you see extreme cases where dresses maybe are too elaborate but happen to be in style at the time of the wedding...a few years later you see those pictures and wonder what the bride was thinking.

I let my MOH and bm''s choose their dresses, I felt like they were paying for them and should have something that they felt comfortable wearing. They ended up with a very simple style with minimal beading in a champagne color that actually matched the embroidery on my gown. I let them get their own shoes, partly because the dresses were floor length, and also because I didn''t want them spending crazy money on matchy matchy dyeable shoes or something they would never wear again. They all looked beautiful, and actually two of them have worn their dresses to other occasions since my wedding.

 

[sunnyd]

I hope no one would do that on purpose! I think it''s just hard to find something that the bride likes, that matches the colors and theme, and that looks good on 4 different sized people. It may look good on some, it may look terrible on others. A bride who intentionally wants her near and dearest to look bad so she can look good has some issues!

 

[buttercup80]

Mine are here, but they will be dark purple with a red sash - and there will be no bow on the ribbon. I went to the bridal shop with my (one) bridesmaid and let her pick - I wanted something tea length (because it is a Sunday afternoon and not formal) and purple to fit with our colors. . . my feeling is *I* don''t have to wear it and since FI''s sister is the only bridesmaid, I''d rather she be comfortable.

 

[Rhea]

No, it''s not on purpose. I think it''s either a case of dresses dating themselves quickly or the same dress not looking good on all body types.

A dress that looks good on me, 5 ft 3 with an athletic figure, is not necessarily going to look good on a 5 ft 3 curvy woman much less a woman who is 5 ft 9 and busty or 5 ft with a petite build. I look horrid in empire waist dresses, like someone threw a bag on me. Sometimes brides really want a matchy matchy wedding party and not everyone is going to look good in the same dress, some colour unless everyone has a very similar body type. Often the best looking wedding party, IMO, are ones where the bride picked the colour and length of dress and let the party have free reign over the actual dress style. I''m smart enough to know that I look taller and curvier in an slight mermaid style with a bit of a v-neck.

Brides aren''t just sadistic...I hope!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

For a full answer to you question, I can only send you here: http://www.uglydress.com/index.html
From what I have seen, some brides just have very bad taste.

 

[Independent Gal]

Hi Noel, I let my two MOH's pick their own dresses. But as it happened, one of them was having trouble finding something she liked and could afford, so then I happened upon a STUNNING designer dress at 80% off that I thought would suit my senior MOH. I bought it (once assured of easy return policy), took pics, determined she loved it via pics, brought it for her to try on when we met up, she looked like a goddess, fell all over herself about it, and kept it. Then my sis bought one of her own accord that was in a similar colour scheme (though otherwise totally different)... a Vera Wang number. Very sassy and awesome.

I couldn't see myself while I was at my wedding. But I could see the gals I love most. So of course I wanted them to look WONDERFUL! Eye candy for me! And I love them, so I wanted them to feel at LEAST as beautiful as I did.

The only time I've been given any instruction at all from a bride was "wear something longish and kind of gray-silvery". We all came in quite different dresses and we all looked great! Then the bride gave us each a matching silk wrap which she had sewed and embroidered herself.

 

[neatfreak]

I think a lot of brides pick a dress that might look nice on a model, at a professional photo shoot, and then orders it sight unseen. I'm in a wedding right now where the dress looked ok (not great, but ok) on the model and then we all ordered them and they are pretty bad in person. I also don't think that this bride has particularly nice taste though either, so that is something too.

I *also* think there are brides who purposely pick not the most flattering dresses to assure that they will look "better" than their bridesmaids.

I can't speak from personal experience though because I only had a MOH and I let her pick her own dress.

 

[Elmorton]

I second the sentiment that brides pick out dresses that they don't realize will look bad on different body types. I hate to pick on anyone, but I think this happens when brides have very "typical" body types - they aren't aware what will look good on plus-size, pear shape, tall, curvy, etc. women, and how not all cuts and fabrics will be flattering.

Actually - I'm a bridesmaid dodger. The one time I was supposed to be a bridesmaid (the bride changed her date half a dozen times, the final change was when I'd be studying abroad in Europe), I remember getting a phonecall that the bride wanted to know my size. She'd found a bunch of red prom dresses on clearance. I told her that I'm a size 16-18 in dresses and that Juniors sizes won't fit. Because the dress was BACKLESS, she bought a dress assuming that a 13 and an 18 are synonymous. Now, this friend is a nice person and I love her to death, but that's the kind of thing that I think some brides somehow don't understand, resulting in the dress from hell (I will not tell you what that backless size 13 dress looked like on me, but I will tell you that it was non-returnable and I felt bad).

When I picked out the dresses, I took two of my BMs - one has Tyra Banks' body, and the other is curvy and shorter. When we found a dress that looked stunning on both, we went with it. Funny, on my wedding day, the first thing my photographer and her assistant said to me was "Oh wow, your friends must love you - those dresses look amazing!" Yay!

 

[qtiekiki]

I was a BM once when I was in college for my 2nd cousin. The dress was hideous. It was like a 80''s dress with the puffy sleeves and full skirt. I guess that''s what happen when you let the Jr. BM pick the dress.

I don''t think my BM dresses were that bad. I just let my BMs pick whatever they like. One BM told me she wore her dress to her pharm school formal.

 

[ladyciel]

I agree that bad BM dresses are often just the result of naive brides making poor choices. I have 4 BMs, and they are all of drastically different body types. I just ordered the dresses this week, and the sizes were 0, 4, 6 and 18. The size 0 is 5''7" and a cross country runner - a complete bean pole. Size 4 is 5''2", itty bitty, and will need a foot chopped off the bottom of her dress. Size 6 is super fit and ridiculously hourglass shaped, and size 18 is built like a line backer (her description, not mine). Sooo, I came up with the least stressful, kindest solution I could come up with. I picked the designer, length, fabric and color, and the girls had quite a few dresses to choose from. We''re having an afternoon outdoor wedding, so I decided on tea length in a midnight blue chiffon. The chiffon is much more figure-forgiving than satin, and I think it also makes the dresses more re-wearable. The girls ended up picking 4 different styles, and I think they''ll all look smashing in them. They chose:
MOH size 4: WToo 204
Size 6: Wtoo 336
Size 0: Wtoo 532
Size 18: WToo 130

 

[doodle]

i''m in total agreement with those who mentioned brides who have no concept of body types other than their own. my cousin, for example, has very good taste, but she''s pretty flat-chested. her bridesmaids include myself, a girl whose dress size is in the thirties, another who just had a baby, and another who is about the same size as me (1. the bridesmaid dresses are halter dresses with the kind of neckline that''d be tasteful and elegant on someone built like my cousin, but i think when she sees all of us in the dresses at her wedding, she''s going to be upset because all of us are busty, and that kind of neckline is just wrong on us. as for my bridesmaids, i gave them cornflower swatches from david''s bridal and told them to get whatever made them feel pretty. i myself am going to get one of the dresses, too, in the same color, to wear as my getaway dress. i''m thinking about this one because the shape generally looks good on me and we''re having an afterparty, so i want something i can dance in!

 

[miraclesrule]

After our Bridesmaid Dress Saga, thank gawd I don''t know how to link the thread, I have had a lot of interesting conversations about BM dresses. I love the creativity of some people. I never did get the whole 10-15 BM deal, but one girl I talked with last week said she had 10 BM''s. She told me that she handed each girl 7 yards of fabric and told them that they could make anything they wanted. I told her that it sounded like a Project Runway ( but her wedding was 10 years ago...bummer, she missed her calling), and she said that is exactly what it turned out to be. A few of her BM''s even turned the fabric inside out!!

The thought sort of makes me cringe.

But ultimately it comes down to the style and custom and personality of the bride or the persuasiveness of her BM''s. Personally, I think it''s a ridiculous waste of money and resources to purchase dresses that will never be worn again. I am very "Earthy" and generally abhor the disposable generation, including the disposing of spouses. (I am still trying to find a way to get my daughter, the Bride, and her FI to sign a legally enforceable contract that states they will pay me back if they divorce

)

But I am as guilty as the average American of consumerism.

So, I have decided to foot the bill for the BM dresses so that everyone is happy. The Bride loves them, the girls love them and they can wear them again. I am just bummed that they don''t look good on me and that none of the BM''s hate them, so that I could have enjoyed wearing one of them after the wedding

Several of the items left in my daughters closet when she moved out were one-time worn BM''s dresses that she had to buy. It just makes me wish they were curtains or something so I could pull a "Sound of Music" and make something useful with them. Instead, I am giving them to a charitable organization that uses them for girls who can''t afford prom dresses.

Friends just shouldn''t let friends wear Taffeta.
Unless it''s Italian Silk Taffeta.

 

[miraclesrule]

ETA: So I guess my point it...when it makes everyone cry...out of joy and not sadness..then you know you have the right BM dresses. It''s just like finding the groom and the wedding dress.

 

[miraclesrule]

Irish hussy: For a full answer to you question, I can only send you here: http://www.uglydress.com/index.html
From what I have seen, some brides just have very bad taste.

You could have warned me that the commentary on that site would have me laughing out loud and almost choking, if drinking ...sort of like a Gypsy post.

 

[Gypsy]

"a Gypsy post"... I'm getting a reputation around here, apparently.

Can't say I'm unhappy about it.

I agree that some brides have no idea what will look best on various figures, pick dresses they like on a size 0 model and take it from there. Then of course there are the ones that get a "vision" (see "Whorehouse Wedding" pic in Brazens' link if you need a visual).

I only have one attendant because I didn't want to have to deal with three different body types and one dress (because I'm too anal and seeing them in different dresses of the same shade would bug me, admittedly). As for picking it, I didn't. And she didn't. The bridal shop attendant did. We wanted a very flattering dress, that wasn't more than $150, tea length, with straps, available in a broad range of colors, and not taffeta. She brought the dress it and it fit my MOH like a dream. Honestly it's such a flattering dress, the attendant told us it looked great on so many figures. I tried it on (very different figure than my MOH) and then we saw another lady trying it on when we were leaving and we all looked great in it

I don't think it's hard for a bride to be concientious, so I think it's a shame when they aren't. Of course, honestly, getting ANY group of women to agree on ONE dress is like herding cats, so sometimes brides do, justifiably, get fed up and make an executive decision.

 

[mimzy]

man! why does taffeta have such a bad rap?! my girls dresses are taffeta and i think they are gorgeous

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/19/2008 1:38:00 AM
Author: mimzy
man! why does taffeta have such a bad rap?! my girls dresses are taffeta and i think they are gorgeous

The tafetta ban was one my MOH imposed. I bought a stunning dress in tafetta for the wedding we attended NYE it was just flat out fabulous. I got a billion compliments on it. So I have to say, I''m feel pretty charitable toward tafetta. I think cheap satin doesn''t get a bad enough rap, personally. It looks like heck, pulls at the seams, falls all wrong and exentuates all the wrong curves in photos. And don''t even get me started in silk charmeuse. Lovely stuff to sleep in. Unforgiving as heck on ANY body that isn''t perfect.

 

[mimzy]

Date: 4/19/2008 1:41:24 AM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 4/19/2008 1:38:00 AM

Author: mimzy

man! why does taffeta have such a bad rap?! my girls dresses are taffeta and i think they are gorgeous

The tafetta ban was one my MOH imposed. I bought a stunning dress in tafetta for the wedding we attended NYE it was just flat out fabulous. I got a billion compliments on it. So I have to say, I''m feel pretty charitable toward tafetta. I think cheap satin doesn''t get a bad enough rap, personally. It looks like heck, pulls at the seams, falls all wrong and exentuates all the wrong curves in photos. And don''t even get me started in silk charmeuse. Lovely stuff to sleep in. Unforgiving as heck on ANY body that isn''t perfect.

THANK YOU! that was my only requirement when looking at both wedding gowns and bridesmaid dresses - no icky satin!

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/19/2008 1:46:35 AM
Author: mimzy

Date: 4/19/2008 1:41:24 AM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 4/19/2008 1:38:00 AM

Author: mimzy

man! why does taffeta have such a bad rap?! my girls dresses are taffeta and i think they are gorgeous

The tafetta ban was one my MOH imposed. I bought a stunning dress in tafetta for the wedding we attended NYE it was just flat out fabulous. I got a billion compliments on it. So I have to say, I''m feel pretty charitable toward tafetta. I think cheap satin doesn''t get a bad enough rap, personally. It looks like heck, pulls at the seams, falls all wrong and exentuates all the wrong curves in photos. And don''t even get me started in silk charmeuse. Lovely stuff to sleep in. Unforgiving as heck on ANY body that isn''t perfect.

THANK YOU! that was my only requirement when looking at both wedding gowns and bridesmaid dresses - no icky satin!

It was a BIG one for me too. I secretly wanted a georgette or a chiffon for her dress, and we just got really lucky with the dress we picked (georgette). It is JUST right. Now if I can only get her fitted so we can order the freaking thing.

 

[Rhea]

Date: 4/19/2008 1:41:24 AM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 4/19/2008 1:38:00 AM

Author: mimzy

man! why does taffeta have such a bad rap?! my girls dresses are taffeta and i think they are gorgeous

The tafetta ban was one my MOH imposed. I bought a stunning dress in tafetta for the wedding we attended NYE it was just flat out fabulous. I got a billion compliments on it. So I have to say, I''m feel pretty charitable toward tafetta. I think cheap satin doesn''t get a bad enough rap, personally. It looks like heck, pulls at the seams, falls all wrong and exentuates all the wrong curves in photos. And don''t even get me started in silk charmeuse. Lovely stuff to sleep in. Unforgiving as heck on ANY body that isn''t perfect.

My dress was silk charmeuse. I wanted a Monique L''huillier style that was backless and with a cowl neck. It was hard finding a dress in silk that didn''t show my bit o'' tummy, but I''d never be crazy enough to think it was a fabric for everyone!

Shortly after my wedding I ran across a bride on the knot who had her BMs in a shimmery grass green silk charmeuse. Oh dear. Green is a hard enough for some people without making them look ill (myself included, even though I used it as a wedding colour) but then silk on top of that. That bride really wasn''t thinking (or hates her friends)!

 

[noelwr]

wow, thanks for all the feedback! I have to say that all the dresses you and your BMs picked out are indeed lovely. I like the idea of picking a color or fabric and letting them do it themselves. but think it's funny that some BMs even turned their material inside out at one lady's wedding (as mentioned by miraclesrule).

uglydress.com is hilarious!!!

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 4/19/2008 1:32:55 AM
Author: Gypsy
''a Gypsy post''... I''m getting a reputation around here, apparently.

Can''t say I''m unhappy about it.

I agree that some brides have no idea what will look best on various figures, pick dresses they like on a size 0 model and take it from there. Then of course there are the ones that get a ''vision'' (see ''Whorehouse Wedding'' pic in Brazens'' link if you need a visual).

I only have one attendant because I didn''t want to have to deal with three different body types and one dress (because I''m too anal and seeing them in different dresses of the same shade would bug me, admittedly). As for picking it, I didn''t. And she didn''t. The bridal shop attendant did. We wanted a very flattering dress, that wasn''t more than $150, tea length, with straps, available in a broad range of colors, and not taffeta. She brought the dress it and it fit my MOH like a dream. Honestly it''s such a flattering dress, the attendant told us it looked great on so many figures. I tried it on (very different figure than my MOH) and then we saw another lady trying it on when we were leaving and we all looked great in it

I don''t think it''s hard for a bride to be concientious, so I think it''s a shame when they aren''t. Of course, honestly, getting ANY group of women to agree on ONE dress is like herding cats, so sometimes brides do, justifiably, get fed up and make an executive decision.

I don''t realy have anything to add, I just wanted to test out my new found ability to "quote" a post, and of course, had to pick a Gypsy one!!

 

[bee*]

that website is so funny. I can''t imagine anyone picking bad bridesmaids dresses on purpose!

 

[Fancy605]

I pretty much let my bridesmaids pick. They said they''d like black dresses and that they''d trust my MOH to pick whatever she liked. So, she went with me gown shopping, and she found one she liked, and that''s what we went with. Of course all of my bridesmaids are tall (5''7'''' being the shortest) and tiny and perfect, so they would have looked fabulous in just about anything. Even so, I thought they looked pretty and classy in what they came up with.

 

[ephemery1]

I did what Fancy did... kept it simple, and let my MOH pick the style. I suggested black, knee-length and off-the-rack (nothing from a bridal store/line), so it wasn't too hard to find a dress that looked good on all 5 girls, even with varying body types. The dress was from White House/Black Market, so reasonably priced and didn't require alterations (well, except for DH's random cousin, who insists she needs to alter all her dresses because her size 6 body is so unusual... it's not

).

I think most brides only think about what will look prettiest in pictures, or complement their own dress, or match the color scheme... rather than focus on choosing something flattering and rewearable. No matter how pretty a dress looks on, there are certain fabrics, cuts and colors that scream "bridesmaid!" and just aren't practical to be reworn (ie., if I were attending a formal event, I'd never go out and buy myself a satin or taffeta dress to wear). And most bridesmaid dress lines are such cheap quality that I'd prefer not to rewear it anyway. In my (and allllll my friends') experience, unless it's something off-the-rack, it's going to be a "wear once and stick in the back of the closet" dress.

Which is fine... I don't mind buying a dress for one-time use to support a friend on her wedding day. It just drives me CRAZY when brides say "Isn't it gorgeous?? And you can definitely rewear it!" Uh, no.

 

[violet3]

While i have never had bridesmaids, since i am not married, I have been a bridesmaid many times - 5 times i think. And i have to say, i must have some pretty great friends, because i have worn some great dresses....and some i have actually worn again (but needless to say, not all of them.....)

1. One was a pretty Jim Hjelm in plum - it was floor length and i never wore it again, but it was a beautiful dress.

2. i wore a typical David''s Bridal separate top and skirt in Periwinkle - obviously i never wore this again, but it was my sister''s wedding we needed variety so everyone could pick - my top was strapless periwinkle plaid with silver and pink running throughout.

3. Sue Wong designer gown that i got to choose for myself in black and white - i was the only attendant for the bride. It fit great, and aside from being pricy was wonderful - i wore that dress twice after to black tie events.

4. A beautiful J. Crew knee length (thank god for that trend) for summer that i wore again after the wedding (i''ll attach a similar picture, but different color) - the best part about that was right when we were going to buy them they went on sale for $99, rather than the original $295!

 

[violet3]

The david''s bridal looked a little like this one...but the top was more purple and plaid....

 

[anchor31]

I picked the designer and two colours, I also specified I wanted as simple as possible; I let my two ladies pick which of the two colours they wanted, if they wanted long, and which style they wanted. The pick different dresses, but they look fabulous together.

MOH dress, in indigo (size 10): AA6608 with an A-line skirt
BM dress, in indigo (size 6): AA6622

I don''t think they''re ugly and neither does my ladies or my mom and grandma... I hope we still feel that way in 10 years!