Wedding help with my sister?

[Smurfysmiles]

so we all recently found out that my sister and her husband of 20 years are separated again for the second time in two years and we found out that he has divorce papers while she in the meantime is getting everything together (finances, bills, etc.). she hasn''t treated him well and vice versa that last couple of years and he refuses to go to counseling and sleeps at his office. i know she is really upset about it but i am at a loss of what to do. she''s about 17 years older than i am and i''ve never really known her well. i''ve told her if she needs someone to talk to i''m here for her and have refrained from talking about anything wedding related around her. i''m assuming the best thing to do would be to give her distance. I''m also concerned about my 2 nieces and nephew who are all in their teens. I''m pretty close to the younger daughter who is 15 years old. They live in iowa so i mostly talk to them online and through phone calls. Do I let the niece know I''m here for her or give her her space? I know the younger daughter is planning to move away with her dad when he gets a townhome in another town because she told me this (although my sister does not know this). It''s a whole mess of crap and I don''t know what to do. At the same time I''m feeling like crap as well because the husband has been like a big brother to me for the last 21 years and I can''t imagine what my parents are feeling while they''re dealing with both a wedding and a divorce at the same time (our family is extremely close). basically what I''m asking for is advice on whether I should try to talk to anyone or just give everyone their space because I don''t want to do something that could upset anyone, especially around the holidays...ok, well I''m sure that was all pretty jumbled up but thanks for listening ladies.

 

[mimzy]

i think that you''re right to let your sister know that you''re there for her and then not mention it again unless she brings it up, with the exception of maybe asking her how she is doing a little more pointedly that you might regularly. as for your niece, i think that you should definitely let talk to her and let her know you are there. i think it''s always more awkward not acknowledging something in the name of ''giving them space'' than it is to just mention it and put the ball in their court, so to speak.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

that makes sense, thanks mimzy

 

[VRBeauty]

Your sister is dealing with the breakup of her marriage, which is twenty years, two separations, and three teenagers removed from her wedding. In other words, I suspect she''s beyond the point where it would be painful to her to hear or talk about your impending wedding. I doubt that you''d need to refrain from mentioning your wedding out of consideration for her feelings -- in fact, she might welcome the diversion. If you''re hesitating because she just has a lot on her plate right now, of course that''s another matter.

Other than that, ditto Mimzy.

 

[swingirl]

What ever you do continue to keep in touch with nieces and nephew. Whether they want to talk or not it''d be nice for them to keep close to the other family members. They''ll appreciate your attention.