HELP!!!!!!!!!! pLEASE. i AM IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

[EngagedandNoRing]

HI ALL! I am new here but in desperate need of advise from all of You.

Early December 2005, my boyfriend proposed to me. I accepted, but the problem is that he did not give me a ring. So I firgured with the holidays around the conner i would get it for xmas or aleast for New Year. So Xmas came a round and i saw that he placed under my Christmas tree a bag from JB Robinson, I said to myself OMG that gots to be my engagement ring. On Xmas day we exchanged gift and he gave me the bag, when i look inside the jewerly box was long and not the normal ring boxes. To my surprise when i open the jewerly box it was a diamond bracelete with blue topaz stones. NOT what I wanted! Yes beautiful and i love it and i dont want to sound ungrateful. I just was expecting my ring. So i said to myself maybe for New Years since we are having a party at my house and everyone from my family will be there. Wrong again. NO RING. What should I do? Should I ask him if he is going to get me one? Help, i need some advise on what to do

.

Sincerely EngagedandNoRing

 

[JDgirl]

I might casually bring up the subject and ask him if he wanted to go look at rings or something. That would be driving me crazy too! I''m sure he''d understand that you are eager!

 

[SoonIHope]

I agree with JDGirl - try talking to him (as casually as you can) to at least get a feel for whether he is planning to get you one. Perhaps you could say one of your friends asked to see your ring and you had to tell her you didn''t have it yet, or something like that. As much as engagement rings mean to (most of) US, most of our fiances don''t really get why we attach so much significance to them, so there is a chance that he thinks that since you haven''t brought it up yet, he''s off the hook!

So just make it clear that you do want to have one at some point and see if he wants you to go shopping with him, or if he''s working on getting it for you on his own.

In any case, congratulations on your engagement!!!

And at least take some solace in knowing you''re a LOT more patient than most of us here would be! I was about to flip out a mere 40 seconds after my fiance proposed because he hadn''t brought out the ring box yet.

 

[Kaleigh]

When he proposed did he say anything about a ring?? Many people propose and then say we''ll go look for a ring together....

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 1/6/2006 2:37:35 PM
Author:EngagedandNoRing
hould I ask him if he is going to get me one? Help, i need some advise on what to do

.

YES! Ask! Or explain that one would mean a lot to you. That you''ve always expected to receive one & wanted to let him know.

One of my best friends husbands actually somehow did not realize she''d want a ring. I couldn''t believe it but he''s a great guy & not cheap at all .. just not "in the know" in those matters. She had to say ... I want a ring! He was like - Oh! Sure! Pick whatever you want.

And she did!

 

[EngagedandNoRing]

I am afraid. I dont want to sound pushy. I have been looking around for things for our wedding which we have decided that it will be in 2007 around June. I have asked him politely "baby am I rushing things" he will say "no baby I just love the fact that you are so eager, it lets me know that you want this as much as I do". Plus I have thrown hints like " oh this guy at work was trying to hit on me and I told him that i am engaged and the guy told me that how can I be engaged if do not have a ring around my finger. So I am still avail." He does not say anything. I just dont know what to do.

 

[blodthecat]

Hey...this is the guy you are planning to spend the rest of your life with. Be honest, tell him how much you love him etc....but that you would absolutely love to go shopping for an ering.

Start things as you mean to go on with ''good communication''

I know how you feel, I would be absolutely crushed too. Don''t worry though, he is a man after all, and they aren''t always on the same frequency as us gals.

Go on lass...tell him!

Blod

 

[lilyinct]

Be blunt. Guys just don''t get it sometimes....

 

[mrssalvo]

i have to admit, that''s really odd to me. It''s such a huge part of American culture to propose with a ring or with some sort of explaination of why one isn''t presented. My hubby actually proposed without a ring because he wanted to decide on something together and explained that right after popping the question. I''d definitely ask him about it. I would probably say something like, ok baby, I am so happy to be engaged but was just wondering WHERE''S MY RING

. Making it fun but totally serious. Also, guys can be clueless when it comes to "hints." you''re going have to come right out and say it.

 

[Momoftwo]

It''s not pushy. This is the guy you''re going to marry and you''re afraid to ask? You shouldn''t be afraid to bring up anything to him. You have to be able to tell him how you feel about anything and everything.

 

[marvel]

Date: 1/6/2006 3:12:31 PM
Author: lilyinct
Be blunt. Guys just don''t get it sometimes....

What she said!

 

[E B]

There could be many reasons, but could one of these two fit?

A) He's having a ring made for you, and doesn't want to spoil the surprise.

or...

B) He's afraid he can't afford what he thinks you'll want.

In the case of a, you should see if he'll spill. It'll make you feel better about the situation as a whole, yet he doesn't have to give much away. What the ring looks like will still be a surprise.

In the case of b, maybe if you showed him some modest ring choices, he'll be much more open to the idea. Let him know you don't need a huge diamond to feel special and loved. I offered b) as an option because I know many men (my fiance included) are a bit squeamish when it comes to spending so much for something so little.

You've obviously mentioned the ring to him before, so he's probably not completely clueless. I hope everything works out!

 

[bling*diva*]

~~I agree with the majority here. Don''t be afraid to ask him about the ring. I don''t think you will be pushy by asking, after all, it''s part of the proposal, and you never know... he might have something up his sleeve!!

 

[SeaOats]

Definitely sit him down and ask him. And I agree with the others, be blunt! I used to try to hint about things with my fiance, and he would never get it. I would just end up upset.

 

[EngagedandNoRing]

The reason why I am afraid to ask is because I know that he has a lot of bills, and I am afraid to ask and receive the answer that I dont want to hear. Which is that he can not afford one right now, but it would be nice that when i tell people that i am engaged I have something to show off this beautiful union between he and I. I am probably being selfish and I dont want him to think that I am materialistic, but it is nice that when you speak to people about your engagement you have something to show and tell even if its .3K.

 

[Momoftwo]

So, why are you afraid to hear he can''t afford it? If that''s the fact, then tell him you want something small for now and can upgrade later, or get a temporary cz and replace it later. You want the world to know you''re engaged and no ring makes that difficult. Tell him how you feel, even if it''s scary. Like I said before if you''re going to marry him, you have to be able to talk to him.

 

[Angel7]

Congrats on being engaged. I''m going to agree with the majority here and simply ask, "Am I getting a ring" Maybe go about it in a round about way like.."Hey Mr. X, I was at the jewlery store and I started looking at erings. Do you want to shop together or should I just pick something out"

Yes, you may hear an answer you might not like, but at least you''ll know what path he''s on.

I also like Ebree''s thoughts, he totally could be throwing you "off course" and having one made or simply wants to save up for the perfect ring.

I know I would have to ask! It would drive me crazy!!

Good Luck!

 

[monarch64]

I''m thinking maybe you should ask him what kind of wedding bands he''s interested in, then show him some pictures of engagement/wedding ring sets for yourself and tell him you were thinking that a set with a nice diamond center stone would work for yours.

Ok, that''s not a very mature way to handle it, but I thought it was funny! All kidding aside, maybe he''s just clueless about the whole engagement process and what the usual procedures are, i.e. proposal with engagement ring, then wedding band, etc. My mother never had an engagement ring...my father proposed with a cigar band and they took off to Florida to get married two weeks later! (No, it wasn''t a shotgun wedding, and yes, they are still married 35 years later.)

Some people just don''t place as much importance on diamonds as others, whether it''s right or wrong... Can you maybe sit down with your fiance and calmly tell him that while you''re thrilled to be engaged to him, you were kind of expecting an engagement ring and you''re curious as to what his thoughts are on the subject?

 

[E B]

Date: 1/6/2006 4:21:37 PM
Author: EngagedandNoRing
The reason why I am afraid to ask is because I know that he has a lot of bills, and I am afraid to ask and receive the answer that I dont want to hear. Which is that he can not afford one right now, but it would be nice that when i tell people that i am engaged I have something to show off this beautiful union between he and I. I am probably being selfish and I dont want him to think that I am materialistic, but it is nice that when you speak to people about your engagement you have something to show and tell even if its .3K.

Ahh...I figured this might be the case. You''re not materialistic at all for wanting a ring! Find some cheaper options for now, and show him these options. Let him know that yes, you''re a girl and want a ring, but no, it doesn''t have to be big or fancy. See what he can/is willing to afford. Maybe if you present him with options that wouldn''t break the bank, he''ll be much more open to purchasing a ring!

For example...

.33 I, SI1
Four-prong Tiffany Style Setting
Total= $580.00

Do you like gemstones? A beautiful sapphire center stone would be beautiful and would cost much less than a diamond. Just some things to consider!

 

[EngagedandNoRing]

I am going crazy! But you guys are a good help. I really appreciate the advise from all. I just dont want to sound so blunt about it.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 1/6/2006 3:21:14 PM
Author: Momoftwo
It''s not pushy. This is the guy you''re going to marry and you''re afraid to ask? You shouldn''t be afraid to bring up anything to him. You have to be able to tell him how you feel about anything and everything.

I totally agree. If this man is going to be your husband you should feel confortable to talk about anything with him. IMHO communication is key and if it bothers you (it would be) he NEEDS to know how you feel. You have already tried subtle attempts that have not worked so be blunt girl! Tell him how you feel!

 

[GGLW]

Well, congratulations on being engaged! Hopefully your fiance is just clueless and doesn''t understand how important the ring is. I would agree with everyone who says to just ask him directly because sometimes guys just need to be hit over the head. Tell him you would love to go ring shopping since you are so excited to be engaged that you want to show off your new status by wearing a ring. If finances are a concern, maybe you can figure out a compromise. Perhaps a CZ in the meantime, or an eternity band for now and a traditional e-ring in time as finances become available. Good luck and let us know what happens!

 

[devientdrow]

Ok I have an idea for you.......first off he did the asking. If would be one thing if YOU asked HIM to marry you than sat around worrying about how to ask for a ring but where i''m from you don''t ask a girl to spend forever with you and not have SOMETHING to give her. I say that totally in a non materialistic way....my engagement ring was VERY modest at $500.00. So put him in the hot seat. Go to the mall with him and take him into a jewelry store.....go over to rings and in a very cute/playful way ask "So which one are we going to get?" and see how he re acts. Personally it seems wierd to me he hasn''t said ANYTHING to your hints making me think it''s very possible that he might of been working on something for you that didn''t come through in time. If this is the case eithier he will break down and tell you or do everything in his power to dissuade you from the rings....then i''d say give it some time. He will have to say something at this point. I''m sure he can''t just stand there and stare at you and say nothing about the rings your asking him to look at. If it comes down to him, i''m sure feeling embarassed should he have to admit this, not being able to afford one you can eithier

A. Assure him that you love him and want to be his wife more than you care about a ring BUT you would also like something to show because your so happy and excited about being engaged and then gently point him in the direction of rings on here in your budget.

OR should you not want to get any diamond until it''s one that you love and just want to get SOMETHING until you can afford something more what you want

B. Assure him that you love him and want to be his wife more than you care about a ring BUT you would also like something to show because your so happy and excited about being engaged and get a CZ ring (some are really very nice in gold and all) or maybe something with your birthstone...or a white sapphire! and wear that until then.

Really i''m sure he''s aware you should be wearing a ring and saying something might really help. You never know he might be worrying about this too!

 

[didiamond]

Date: 1/6/2006 3:14:16 PM
Author: mrssalvo
I would probably say something like, ok baby, I am so happy to be engaged but was just wondering WHERE''S MY RING

. Making it fun but totally serious.

LOL!!!!! I''m going to have to agree with mrssalvo! Make sure you put that big ole smiley face on too!

Seriously, you should feel comfortable asking him about it. This is someone that your going to spend the rest of your life with. You should be able to talk about ANYTHING! Even a ring! You can do it.

Good luck and congratulations!

 

[EngagedandNoRing]

OMG! Is he dumb or what. LOL tell me why i did not got directly to him and told him but i said that i am in this forum and this girl wrote that he boyfriend proposed to her but did not give her a ring and she does not know how to ask for the ring. He said oh poor girl. I said yeah sounds familiar. He then said well baby I will call you back got to run to the mall. I was like omg DUH . But i love him lol

 

[Patty]

He''s at the mall now? Picking out a ring for you?!

 

[bling*diva*]

~~I think he may be pulling your leg... you should just come right out and ask him... in person. That way he will not be able to run away from your question, and you will get a direct answer. This time, try not to put the problem off on another person, but talk about your situation. Trust me, he will understand!!

 

[Dancing Fire]

slap him on the face and ask him "where is my e-ring" ?

it doesn''t get more direct than that.

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 1/6/2006 8:10:56 PM
Author: EngagedandNoRing
OMG! Is he dumb or what. LOL tell me why i did not got directly to him and told him but i said that i am in this forum and this girl wrote that he boyfriend proposed to her but did not give her a ring and she does not know how to ask for the ring. He said oh poor girl. I said yeah sounds familiar. He then said well baby I will call you back got to run to the mall. I was like omg DUH . But i love him lol

Something just doesn''t add up to me and I truly hope he''s got something up his sleeve...he can''t be that clueless

girl, you are still "hinting." your going to have to be direct and ask him specifically about YOUR RING

. you can do it

 

[devientdrow]

Come out and say something to him...does he have a cell phone?? I know if your anything like me you don''t WANT to have to take control of the situation...you want it to be perfect and thought out by him ect ect. But life isn''t perfect and sometimes we need to do our own things. I hope he has something up his sleeve. I really hope he isn''t going out to the mall to hurry up and buy you something. But it''s all up to you....if you don''t care that much about the diamond specs as long as you have a ring and it looks pretty to you then i''m sure he''ll do just fine. I''m sure your guy will go out and find the best that he can! However if you really want quality you should stop him and suggest you pick it out together. If money is an issue I have seen GORGEOUS stones on here....even like .30.... .35ct''s that are SOOOO not expensive. I''ve seen higher prices for GEMSTONE rings at the mall!!! And then just pick it out together! A smaller stone can always be upgraded and a simple gold/white gold setting is classic and not pricey. Well if you end up getting a ring tonight post it!! I''m sure you''ll be happy because no matter what it''s YOUR ring!