HELP! My mom HATES my ff!!

[radiantlvr329]

Ok...I''ve been a fan of pricescope for a few months now but I just signed up today! Truth is I''ve read some really great advice on here and I''m needing some of my own. Ok here it goes!

My ff and I have been together for almost four years. He is AMAZING He is kind, compassionate, loving, handsome, hilarious, and the list goes on and on. The only problem is my mom HATES him. And I don''t mean she dislikes him...she really hates him. I''m an only "child" (I''m 25) and my mom has been divorced since I was little. She has never remarried and hasn''t dated in I don''t know how long. Her social life is non existent and she never hangs out with friends. With that said for the longest time it was just me and my mom. Well when ff came around things changed. He is not allowed at her house, we have never spent holidays with her and anytime his name is mentioned I get an earful. He and I have been living together for two years now and he recently bought a ring

I''m soooo excited and I have no idea when he will propose (I''m about to burst with excitement!). But....what is supposed to be an exciting time in my life is being rained on by my mom. I haven''t told her about the ring yet but I know as soon as I do she will explode. She has no reason to dislike him and anytime I ask her what her problem is with him she never gives me a direct answer. She has said on numerous occasions that if I marry him that I will be dead to her (she literally said she would put a headstone in her yard with my name on it). She has also said that if we have children that she will not have anything to do with them.

I know I''m an adult and it''s my life...I just wish I wouldn''t have to deal with this. I don''t know what to do and it''s really driving me crazy. I don''t want to ruin the relationship with my mom but I WILL NOT give up the wonderful life I have with my ff....Please help me ladies!

 

[dinamit]

Hi there,

What a horrible situation to have to deal with, I feel for you {{{{hugs}}}}.

I totally agree that you should pursue your own happiness, but I know it hurts that your mum can''t be happy for you (yet). I hate to say this, but to me it sounds like it''s a case of pure jealousy. Jealousy that this man has taken her daughter away, jealousy that you two have an emotional closeness that is missing from her life, or she may never have had. Of course, I don''t think any parent chooses to be jealous of their child, she just can''t control it because she is unhappy.

I''ve been in a similar situation in that I''ve been on the receiving end of my boyfriend''s mother''s totally unjustified wrath. She was pathologically jelaous, and used all her energy to plot how to break us up for years. She would also cause terrible scenes at family gatherings, it was awful. On top of that, she made some mad accusations. Sigh...it was so difficult to live with. All I ever wanted was to be happily coupled and live in family harmony, and it broke my heart that I will never be friends with my mother in law. At one point I really couldn''t deal with it anymore and was tempted to leave.

To cut the long story short, my boyfriend pretty much cut her out for a while. I think you need to be firm with your mum. Explain how happy you are and that it would mean the world if she was happy for you too, but if she can''t, you will fullfill your duty to live a happy life and marry the man you love. If her daughter''s happiness would equate to all the ties being severed, then it''s her very sad loss. I don''t think this will happen though. It might for a while, and she might sulk and make dramatic gestures to show her resentment at not being listened to, but sooner or later she will stop. Things really changed for us when I became pregnant. As I say, I will never be friends with my future mother in law, but at least things are civil and she is channeling her energies on quarelling with others, lol! Perhaps this will be your case too.

My advice is, pursue your happiness without any guilt, and if you lose your "relationship" with your mother in the process, it will hurt, but at least you will know that this is not through your own choosing.

Best of luck, and just focus on how great and lucky you are to have found such a lovely man to share your life with