Hello & a question

[neurophil]

Hi Ladies,
I''ve mostly been a lurker until today, but after the ''nightmare'' the BF told me this morning I started wondering if this was 1) a bad sign or 2) a common occurrence with SO''s of other LIWs...

A bit of background: I''m in my late 20s, the BF is in his early/mid 30s, we''ve been together a little over 3 1/2 yrs & have lived together the past 18 mos. Things are generally great & we''re going to be attending the wedding of the couple that set us up in a few weeks which I think has the BF a little on edge about the "M" word/proposal stress/etc.

This morning he woke up from a dream in which my mother had visited us & somehow convinced me to toss the ultimatum of "you''re not proposing so I''m moving out" which got the BF & I in a huge fight and he realized he would be sad if I left but that he should stand his ground & let me leave. He was still a little pissed at me when he woke up... funny.

So, ladies, is this something that your SOs experienced when you were having all the "talks"? Or is this totally out of the ordinary that reflects something else going on w/ the BF?

TIA!!

 

[~*Alexis*~]

yeah I think its normal...I also think its his subconscious talking and telling him he needs to get his butt in gear. You both know you will probably be asked about it at the wedding...''when you are going to get married?'' "whats the hold up''

But its also a little sweet revenge, seeing as they have no idea about the status of a LIW.....

 

[Sha]

I guess you could surmise that he''s not a big fan of ultimatums, probably, and that it''s not something that would probably work with him. Were you ever considering an ultimatum with him? Do y''all have a timeline for getting engaged/married?

 

[neurophil]

Thanks for the insights ladies.

We''ve talked about timelines that are important to me, but I''ve never given him an ultimatum (he knows there''s no way I would actually follow through anyway). I think he knows I''m getting a little impatient & the pressure from friends/family/colleagues is definitely growing - so perhaps it''s just that & the endless jewelry ads on TV

 

[katica]

My SO and I have been having talks as well but his nightmare was different - in his nightmare my dad was telling me that I can do better and was pissed at me for being with my SO. But in real life my dad really likes him! So.. I don''t know.. your SO is probably not looking forward to all the questions at the wedding. Plus maybe his family has been pressuring him without you knowing about it..

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I think that the dream my represent the pressure he is feeling from everyone around him in general to propose. Guys need to feel like it was their decision and that they were not pushed in to it. Is he in agreement with the time tables that are important to you?

BTW, can you explain your user name??? Just wondering if you do something involving neurosciences. If not nevermind.

 

[musey]

Date: 12/17/2008 2:12:46 PM
Author:neurophil
This morning he woke up from a dream in which my mother had visited us & somehow convinced me to toss the ultimatum of ''you''re not proposing so I''m moving out'' which got the BF & I in a huge fight and he realized he would be sad if I left but that he should stand his ground & let me leave. He was still a little pissed at me when he woke up... funny.

So, ladies, is this something that your SOs experienced when you were having all the ''talks''? Or is this totally out of the ordinary that reflects something else going on w/ the BF?

TIA!!

I''m speaking as the one who has vivid dreams like that, my husband doesn''t remember his dreams at all and isn''t affected by them (to his knowledge).

I have intense dreams like this ALL THE TIME. I hate them, because they really strongly affect my daily life, because they are quite realistic and often bring up issues that I''m worried/thinking about. Just last night I had a dream that he was asking me for a divorce, wouldn''t tell me why, just kept insisting that "it" wasn''t "there" anymore. I woke up distraught, really feeling as though I''d just been coldly broken up with by my normally loving husband.

I think it''s something that is completely normal, especially if you''re a person who tends to have vivid dreams to begin with. He''s feeling (rightfully) stressed, as I''m sure you are as well, since most people do during what can be an awkward transition time. You should talk about it, which you probably have already done or are planning to do. How it made him feel, what basis in reality he feels it has, what it stemmed from. It helps SO much to talk about the ties that these types of dreams have to real-life stresses.

 

[princess_natalie]

Welcome!

Speaking from personal experience, we have never had an issue like that before. But it sounds like to me, as LtlFirecracker mentioned, that it may just be the pressures in your environments.

Only you know if this is ''normal'' for him (which is probably not what you want to hear). Personally, this would not be normal for my BF but I am almost certain it would be for some others''. So, ultimately, I guess my post is useless..

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 12/17/2008 2:12:46 PM
Author:neurophil
Hi Ladies,

I''ve mostly been a lurker until today, but after the ''nightmare'' the BF told me this morning I started wondering if this was 1) a bad sign or 2) a common occurrence with SO''s of other LIWs...


This morning he woke up from a dream in which my mother had visited us & somehow convinced me to toss the ultimatum of ''you''re not proposing so I''m moving out'' which got the BF & I in a huge fight and he realized he would be sad if I left but that he should stand his ground & let me leave. He was still a little pissed at me when he woke up... funny.


So, ladies, is this something that your SOs experienced when you were having all the ''talks''? Or is this totally out of the ordinary that reflects something else going on w/ the BF?


TIA!!

Personally, I''m wondering why he felt he had to tell you that little tidbit of information? Why is it more important that you leave, than he address your needs? Is it possible that he is ''just letting you know'' what his opinions are on marriage to you?

Everybody has their own perspective on things, and if you both are not believers in marriage, well then peace and happiness to all, but personally I always wanted to get married, and found the modern anti-marriage attitudes of boyfriends a bit (okay REALLY) hard to take. Interestingly though, the guys that said they didn''t want marriage weren''t actually bluffing! In retrospect I wish I hadn''t spent any time with them at all. But that''s just me.