Heard through the grapevine that my bf was going to propose

[therighttime]

LAST YEAR!!???

Tonight my mom ran into a random acquaintance that we haven''t seen in a while. She told my mom she had been married now a little over a year. In the course of the conversation, she asked about me and (of course) if I were married. My mom told her no, that BF and I were still together though, but no marriage yet. The girl acted very surprised and told my mom that she had seen my BF BEFORE SHE GOT MARRIED and he told her he was getting ready to propose! So that would mean that he told her this over a year ago?? Is this a case of boysoon vs. girlsoon?? He did talk to my dad in AUGUST, so maybe he has been out telling other people for even longer than that? It really concerns me because I wonder what makes him talk about it, but then not be ready to actually propose?? He wonders why I get confused and hurt when it doesn''t happen, yet he is out telling the world plans that never go into effect? I want to ask him about it, but after the last conversation we had, I really think it''s best I don''t bring it up. After the holiday let down, he pretty much told me he wanted it to be his thing to do and plan, and that my constant asking/worrying was only making him uncomfortable and making him think I was unhappy, which pushed things further back in his mind. He assured me he loved me and wanted nothing more than to marry me, but for lots of reasons, he needs this to be his proposal and his leading. I''ve vowed to leave the conversation off-limits for at least a couple months.....but OH but I so want to ask what in the world he told this person???!!!

So I''m venting to you ladies here! Thanks for reading!

 

[musey]

Goodness, that''s a long lag time!

He must be very nervous... trying to make it perfect, etc. etc.

Let''s hope he doesn''t take too much longer!!!!

 

[Nerves]

I told a friend I was intending to propose "soon". I told the friend in October last year, and things keep happening which mean that it is not the perfect time in our lives (work related, house related, even weather related) so I am pushing it back to May at the earliest. Keep the conversation off limits.

 

[bee*]

I think thats taking boy soon to a whole new level!

. A year ago! wow!

I hope he does it soon. Try as best as you can not to bring it up, I understand how hard that is and Im having the same problem myself trying to bite my tongue everytime I see him.

 

[janinegirly]

wow!
i think your bf''s personality is on the passive side--so he probably started the process awhile ago, but then kinda lost momentum (nothing to do with you). i think you''ve been incredibly patient, i''d be goign CRAZY and be driving him crazy in the process!

 

[iheartcushions]

I would definitely not say anything to him, because he cannot possibly say anything that will make you feel better about it. I have just come to the conclusion that all men are crazy, including my own! And they have absolutely no sense of time!

My bf said it would be "soon" in August. That was almost 6 months ago! Luckily, I think we''re getting to the point where we''ve passed boysoon and we''re headed into girlsoon. So maybe you are too at this point!

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi Therighttime!
I feel for you, I really do! I probably would try to let it go for now and not say anything. I''m sure your boyfriend has something special planned and is waiting for the perfect time. It''s hard not to know when it''ll happen, and I''m sure it''s somewhat uncomfortable now that you''ve heard what you did through the grapevine.
If you can, and I know it''s hard, just hang on and trust your boyfriend and his time frame. Keep us posted.

 

[Becky P]

Just think about it this way - he''s known for a LONG time that YOU ARE THE ONE for him! And, he''s not too afraid to tell other people. He''s sure about your future, he knows he wants to marry you, and now he just needs time to put the proposal together in a way that will be perfect and special for you!!!

 

[allycat0303]

therighttime,

Maybe it was a case of plans falling through, or not working out as he had planned. It''s a big step, so sometimes things come up.... you are definitely waiting for the right moment! It must make the wait a little more agonizing though.

 

[MustangFan]

My guy wanted to propose in July, ring just didn''t get ready in time, so the perfect moment fell through, now he has to think of something else that''s grand and it can be hard. I am still waiting by the way.....

 

[therighttime]

Thanks everyone for your replies! I''m NOT going to say anything to him about... I know that it''d just seem like an excuse to bring up the topic. He has recently changed jobs and is under a lot of stress because of it. I am just trying to be the best supportive girlfriend I can and enjoy our time at this stage, even though the not knowing is stressful!!!!!

 

[akw94]

RT, that is annoying!! I like Becky''s approach though! He is making it clear to you and others that he wants to get married, he''s just got one of those very annoying male timelines that we will never understand!
I do agree about not saying anything, if possible. I tried my best to not talk about it. It was very hard but worthwhile. Sometimes I would do a little talking around it though and mention other related things but not that exactly. It will happen, just remember that!!
It will happen!!! Give him a little time to plan and get things going.

 

[FutureMrsC]

I understand where you are coming from, my guy has been teasing and bating me for over 2 years now and with each time it doesn''t happen, it dissapoints me that much more, but it''s not an easy emotion to convey to him, so we end up arguing and neither of us understanding one another. We started looking for a ring well over 2 years ago and this summer, when we finally sat down with a jeweler that knew what he was talking about, he tells the guy we''re at least a year away from purchasing. I was crushed and felt so foolish. I''ve offered to help pay for the ring, to choose an alternate stone besides diamond, to do everything to make it as easy as possible for him, but it all ends in arguing and I had all but given up and have not discussed it with him since that day... other than me being a brat and telling him angrily at Christmas we weren''t ready to be engaged when he once again bated me with the "well what if we are engaged by then" comments.

Just recently I realized his friends had stopped asking him when he was finally going to propose and he''s been really coy and bating me about when and where he''d like to take our spring vacation. So once again I have my hopes up because I think his hints are real, but part of me doesn''t even care anymore because I''m tired of getting my hopes crushed. I''m sure I''ll feel different when it happens, but it''s definetly put me in a bitter place about engagement. Something I''m sure he doesn''t realize. The whole process is frustraiting and it sure doesn''t fit the fairytale image of how this time in our lives should happen.

It sounds like your guy has something up his sleeve though and as hard as it is to just relax and trust him, there isn''t much else to be done since you''ve both established your intent to get married. Timelines mean nothing to boys. Unless of course you reverse it and propose to him... I thought about doing that once, but I think I''d end up bumming myself out with "what if I had just waited" thoughts.

 

[therighttime]

Hang in there FutureMrs.C, you are certainly not alone here. It seems like a lot of us get frustrated with the waiting, but trying to convey that to our significant others without seeming pushy or nagging, is not always easy.

Good luck to you!

 

[Junkenpo]

Boys are funny creatures, no?


BF and I had been tiiptoe-ing around talking about "the future" since we started dating... LOL... it took a rather recent make it/break it argument before he admitted to thinking of me as a "forever" girl.

... and then asked if it would be tacky to give a girl a ring that had been originally meant for someone else.

(he''d been engaged to his high school sweetie & it didn''t work out...nothing to do with me!)

So there we were post-argument, in a completely unromantic place...the tears still drying on my cheeks.... and I told him Oh Yes. Very Tacky. Then I told him most reputable jewelry stores had trade-in policies, so if he still had reciepts/papers, he should dig them up.

Anyway... I haven''t told ANY of my friends b/c it wasn''t a real proposal...and they''d want details & I''d rather not remember the fight & scenery...

...but he told me last night that he''d talked to one of our couple friends & "they knew." "Knew what?"
"About us..."
"What about us?"
"You know..."
"What do they know?"
"About the ring."
"About x''s ring?"
"Yeah..."
"How do they know about that? I haven''t said anything to anyone b/c I''d have to tell them how it happened."
(Long pause) Him realizing he was the one letting it slip.

HAH! So now I have no ring, no real proposal... and will have to deal with even more people asking "So when are you guys getting married?" Grrr!

To quote my favorite pair of PJs: Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them.