Head table vs. couple''s table vs. normal round table

[selflove]

I''m having some drama surrounding the seating chart, with regard to my BMs bringing their boyfriends (at least one of them is). So the one BM is brining her boyfriend, and I don''t mind if he sits at the long head table with us. (She''s asked if it''s okay if they sit together and FI and I agree that it''s fine). My original plan was for a long head table where we all sit side by side and face the guests. This boyfriend doesn''t mind being "on display" with us so that''s fine. But the other BM, welll I can''t stand her boyfriend b/c he is a jerk to her and in fact, they are not even a couple right now. He''s awful to her, tells her that she''s toxic and that all the problems in his life are caused by her. (Why she doesn''t push him off a bridge is a whole ''nother Oprah.) There is just no way I want this man sitting at my head table. No way. I don''t even want him at the wedding, if I''m honest, but I''m not going to go so far as to tell her who she can bring. Plus, I have a friend who''s coming all the way from Dubai for the wedding and I would like for her to sit with me at dinner.

My MOH says "Only the wedding party sits at the head table."

With all that background, I think I''ve scratched the head table idea off my brain. I mostly liked this idea b/c of the design of the room and the long head table just worked really well with where I want the dance floor placed, so it''s not like I''m utterly disappointed.

Now I''m faced with the decision: a couple table for just FI and I, or a regular round table that blends in with all the other tables.

What have the rest of you done, or are you going to do? I think I''m leaning toward the regular round table--has anyone else done this?

 

[SoonIHope]

I think we''re just going to have a regular table, but that''s just because I really DON''T like being on display! At my friend''s wedding a couple months ago though, they had a couple''s table and while I initially thought it was kind of weird because wouldn''t they want to talk to everyone, I saw that nonstop during the entire reception different groups of people were going up and talking to them so they just got to sit and relax for the majority of the time while everyone came to THEM. Which did seem nice...

Also: sorry about your BM''s boyfriend!! That is such a pain, and we have a similar friend''s boyfriend who we just don''t want there but are probably going to feel obligated to invite...ick. But I''m sure you''ll end up with something perfect for you!!

 

[AmberWaves]

Hey Self, I was thinking of doing a sweetheart table, just the two of us. more privacy, less bumping of elbows, and that way my family won''t feel excluded when they see who would be at the main table. Make sense? They''re very touchy about that. "How come Amy gets to sit at the wedding party table, but Ellen doesn''t?"

 

[Scooba]

I love a head table I think you have to be on display at you wedding, everyone wants to see you! Regardless, I think only the wedding party should sit whereever you decide, they are your wedding party beause they are they for you, they are people close to you. Your bridesmaids aren''t there for an evening out with their boyfriends, they are there for YOU, and their boyfriends don''t belong with the wedding party because you didn''t ask them to be in the wedding party. If you do have a head table I think it would be weird you have your bridesmaid boyfriend sitting there, he can''t make new friends for an hour during dinner??? Just my opionion, no offense to anyone who did anything different.

 

[Caribou]

I never really liked the idea of a head table, at least not in the way it's traditionally done (long rectangle table with everyone in the wedding party facing everyone else) so we are doing a not so traditional round table. Now initially I thought it would be nice to have me, FI, parents and grandparents sit at the same time and then have an attendant table. But I'm starting to consider me, FI, MOH, and BM at one round table with a parents table next to us. I have divorced parents and I'm concerned about where to sit my dad and his family (he'll be the only one on his side there aside from my bro and I)......UGH!

So not looking forward to the seating chart.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I really, really don''t like the idea of a couple''s table. It isolates the couple and just seems like a strange idea to me.

 

[AmberWaves]

Okay, I think I should also mention we''re having one Best man and no BM or groomsmen. I don''t even know if I am going to have a maid of honor, since I''m not close to that many women, and my male friends would SO not be a man of honor. So because my fiance''s best man is his brother, he will also have his two kids there, and his wife. So they all can''t sit with us. And then that would leave out his sister, her husband and her two kids. It wouldn''t make sense for us to have a wedding party table, because if we included those 8, then my FMIL would be at a table alone and then we''d have to have my parents, sheesh. The table would need room for 13 people. Not including my brother and his wife, if they come from Australia to do it. A sweetheart table makes more sense, because in my family people would get their feelings hurt if the bride and groom sit with other members of the family and not them. Also, it''s not like the table would be super far from the other tables, either.

 

[saturn]

I think you should just do whatever is easiest for you.

I personally would feel wierd about having the BP sit at a separate table from their spouses/gf/bf, but I've been in weddings where I didn't get to sit with FI because one of us was in the BP and I just dealt with it. Also, I personally wouldn't want to have a couple's table, but again, that's just me.

If having round tables takes some of the pressure off, then go for it. I really don't think anyone would mind.

If you hate that BM's boyfriend so much, and they're not even together, maybe you could invite her without a guest? I'm not inviting people with dates unless they've been together more than 6 months...

 

[royalasschergirl]

We''re doing a sweetheart table for a few reasons:

1). I wanted to have a bit of private time with adam
2). I didn''t want to have to watch every word I said around my parents and his parents
3). We aren''t having a bridal party (but if we were, I wouldn''t ask my friend not to sit with her date/guest, that seems a bit unfair to me, even if they aren''t an ideal match
4). Every wedding i''ve been to, the couple is up and out and about greeting people the whole time, so this gives you the freedom to do that, or to have them come to you, without feeling like you''re stranding anyone.

That''s just what works for us, i think at the end of the day you have to do what works best -- just make sure you do what''s best fo you guys!

 

[nytemist]

We''re having a table just for us. The hall has a cute wrought iron cafe set for 2 that we will use. I''ve been in weddings where Ian had to sit with the other SO''s and he wasn''t comfortable, since he didn''t know anyone, so I don''t want to do that to my BM''s with their BF and husband. I agree with it being a chance for the two of you to eat a little and chat alone.

 

[FireGoddess]

I did the straight head table where only the wedding party sits (no dates). If I could do it over, I wouldn''t do that again. I much prefer the weddings (especially as a part of the wedding party) where either the bride and groom have their own sweetheart table, or the bride and groom sit at a round table with us. Much, much better IMO.

 

[bopitaddict]

i''ve been in weddings which have had all the above - sweetheart, head table, and regular tables... they all have their own pros and cons.

we''re going with the sweetheart table because it''ll
1) give us time to just soak things in and relax, the day itself will be stressful enough.
2) our wedding party will be able to sit with their SO so that they won''t be getting up from the head table every 10 minutes to check on their SO (plus, they''ll be right next to us)
3) it gives us the freedom like people have mentioned before to go and chat with guests together.

whatever you decide will be fine... it''s your wedding.

 

[curlygirl]

I had a sweetheart table and I think it worked out great! We barely sat down the whole night anyway so it's not like it left a hole at the table and it made it easier for people to get to us or leave gifts for us. And it eliminated all the drama!! My parents "hosted" their own table with their friends and some of my relatives and my inlaws did the same so there were no issues there either. The hardest part was figuring out where to put everyone else!

 

[gingerBcookie]

One of the weddings I BMed for last year had a head table and we had SO''s with us at the head table and it worked out great! I enjoyed it much much more and it was nice for the SOs who really didn''t know anyone other than our dates.

THe other wedding I BMed for had a sweetheart table, then two regular tables for the wedding party and their dates. THat was fun too, and the couple enjoyed having the sweetheart table. I think its a matter of personal prefernce here.

We''re having 3 regular tables. One with us and some of our wedding party and their SOs, and the two other table will have the wedding party and their SOs and some of our guests. Our room wasn''t set up to be conducive for a head table, or mostlikely i would have gone with option 1 above

.

Its your day, do what feels most comfortable to you.

 

[selflove]

Thanks for all your thoughts, much obliged!

I have decided on the round table and will put some of the "stragglers" at it with us...like my single bro and his single bro, his best man (who''s coming from Slovenia), my girlfriend coming solo from Dubai and my guyfriend coming solo from Chicago...I figure it''s kind of a reward for people who came alone, a long distance to see *us*. I''m happy with it! Each BM will be at her own table with her date and other friends, my MOH will be at her table with her baby and her parents. Kind of spreads out my pretty gregarious BMs around the room.

 

[lawmax]

The bridal party table is a pet peeve of mine. I know the bridal party is there for the bride and groom and not for a night out with their boyfriends/husbands, however, it really stinks to be the wife/girlfriend of a person in the wedding party, spending hours with strangers sometimes. It wouldn''t be so bad if one knows people at the table and they aren''t all couples, but it''s awful if the table is not comfortable.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

FI has been in two weddings. One, they had a head table so I sat with the SO of the wedding party and I didn''t feel uncomfortable at all.

 

[Maria D]

Selflove, great solution! I think it''s wonderful that you are giving a place of honor to people who are honoring you by coming from afar to your wedding.

Also, the sentiment htat the bridal party is there "for you" is not one that I''ve ever had either when I''ve been a member of a bridal party or when I was the bride and asked dear friends to be in mine. I always felt that the wedding couple is asking their friends/family to "stand up" for them, (often at considerable expense and inconvenience), and should do everything possible to make sure that these people who are honoring them are comfortable.

I think if a wedding attendant thinks it''s very important to sit with his s.o. that accommodation should be made. If the wedding couple feels that they don''t like the s.o. and didn''t choose the s.o. to be in their wedding party, they should realize that the the person they DID choose feels like he comes "as a couple" (at least as far as wedding seating). So don''t choose that person to be in your wedding if you''re set on a bridal table and don''t want the couple!

 

[Odilia]

We had a round "head table" which was in the center of the room, surrounded by the other tables. We had only the bridal party at the round "head table", and any spouses/guests of bridal party just sat at the family tables. It worked out just fine, I think. I liked it.

A friend had a wedding with just the bride & groom at a table alone, and that seemed fine too. Do it whatever way you think you'd like best.

ETA: (why do I always read more of the thread after I reply?

) Just saw your latest idea and that sounds like a good one!

 

[Faerievert]

I''m doing a sweetheart table as long as I can work it into the floor plan. That way I have a semi-private ''home base'' to go back to. I tend to have a lot of anxiety around crowds- especially when it''s a lot of people I know. I''m far less nervous around strangers cuz I don''t care what they think of me!

 

[flutterby]

I am doing a sweetheart table as well. My FI hates being on display, but we think since everyone is traveling to Vegas they should be with their date. Also, I think people are less likely to come up to a sweetheart table, since its just us....so maybe we will get more time alone.

 

[flopkins]

we did the sweetheart table, and liked it. gave us a teeny bit of time to ourselves.

but we considered the regular table, and sitting w/our parents and grandparents. DH nixed that one. he wanted just us.

ETA: I was a BM at a wedding w/a head table, the long kind. FI was at another table. I hated it, I felt weird sitting at the front on a stage with everyone staring. Plus you can only talk to the two ppl on either side of you, it's very hard to have a conversation w/anyone else.

 

[jesterjigger]

I went to a wedding in January where my bf was at the head table because he was in the wedding and I was made to sit at a random table next to a very scary mobster. His mom was nice enough to go too, otherwise I wouldn''t have known anyone. I still have trouble separating my feelings towards the bride from my feelings towards that horrible wedding. I wouldn''t have gone if she hadn''t promised back in July that we would be able to sit together. She changed that arrangement TWO days before the wedding, when I was already in PA, so there was no turning back. She had also failed to mention that during the long gap between the wedding and the reception (long as in FOUR hours) the bridal party was expected to ride around in a limo and drink, so I just went back to his parents house and changed out of my dress for a while. It turned out ok, but I will NEVER make someone in my bridal party sit apart from their SO if they have been dating for more than six months. At least be up front from the beginning about what it will entail for the out of town SO that is effected, so that they can plan ahead.

 

[lawmax]

Date: 4/24/2006 10:45:10 AM
Author: jesterjigger
I went to a wedding in January where my bf was at the head table because he was in the wedding and I was made to sit at a random table next to a very scary mobster. His mom was nice enough to go too, otherwise I wouldn't have known anyone. I still have trouble separating my feelings towards the bride from my feelings towards that horrible wedding. I wouldn't have gone if she hadn't promised back in July that we would be able to sit together. She changed that arrangement TWO days before the wedding, when I was already in PA, so there was no turning back. She had also failed to mention that during the long gap between the wedding and the reception (long as in FOUR hours) the bridal party was expected to ride around in a limo and drink, so I just went back to his parents house and changed out of my dress for a while. It turned out ok, but I will NEVER make someone in my bridal party sit apart from their SO if they have been dating for more than six months. At least be up front from the beginning about what it will entail for the out of town SO that is effected, so that they can plan ahead.

I think one has to have an experience this bad to appreciate this topic!

My experience with this was something like 17 years ago and I'm still leery. It was my then-husband (Is that English?) who was best man in the wedding. My boyfriend is an attendant in a wedding in September and would like me to attend with him. Now, this is a "grown-up" wedding I'm told, which may mean no "drinking in the limo, last minute bachelor party stuff, etc."---the bride and groom are both 40+ I think. If I miss work, spend money and fly 3000 miles because my boyfriend wants me to be with him, only to spend most of the time by myself with strangers, I will lose it!!!!

I'd better get details.....

P.S. In the "only thing worse" category---when the bridal party has to dance with each other. It was ok, but annoying when my then fairly new husband had to dance with one of the bridesmaids while I sat with married people.

 

[tanyak]

We're also having a sweetheart or couples table. I've always hated head tables...too "animals on display at the zoo" -like for me. Plus, I dont' think people should be separated from their dates. AND, I've also heard from many people that you actually don't get a lot alone time with your new spouse on your wedding day, particularly if you don't plan to see each other before the wedding. We aren't, and the ceremony is at 7 p.m. I'm looking forward to spending a few minutes alone together.

 

[jesterjigger]

Lawmax...just have to say I agree about the dancing too! They had to do that as well, and I was picking that girl''s glitter off my bf all night! (For some reason everyone was wearing a lot of glitter, sigh).

 

[Skylah]

We''re doing a table with just BM, Bride, Groom, MOH.

Everyone else is either married or has a SO and we''d rather have them sit with one another. Since both BM and MOH are single and they will be giving speeches, we thought this would be the best solution. It honors them, makes the speeched easier, let''s our bridal party enjoy the night with their SO, and there is still a central focal point for the bride and groom.

People are hardly seated for long at Armenian weddings anyway. This way, everyone is comfortable.

 

[LollyBear]

Sweethearts table!!! I loved having that time to just the two of us, no drama from anyone else. I put a regular round table on either side of us for the respective parties and their guests.