He has the ring but hasn''t propsed yet and I am getting a big complex about it!

[carolina_girl]

First of all I am brand new although I have been lurking for a while and gained some awesome knowledge and advice from these forums! I am hoping someone has been through a similar situation and can help me get a better attitude on the situation. I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years now and we are both in our thirties. One by one, during the time we have been dating, several of our friends have started dating, gotten engaged and then married. I have wanted to marry him since the day we met but it has taken him a little while to warm up to the idea because he had a terrible divorce from his first marriage. I knew this going in so I have been patient with him (not my best quality!) I know that he has taken a stone that he inherited from his mother and had it set into a setting we picked out together but it has been 6 weeks now and still no proposal. He knows how much I want this so is he just not ready? Is he having second thoughts? I am starting to second guess myself and act like a brat which is the wrong thing to do. What do you ladies think? Am I being paranoid or could he be having second thoughts?

 

[musey]

Who knows... there is absolutely no way to know why (or even whether! perhaps he''s had a specific plan all along) he''s waiting. But just to let you know, 6 weeks is not all THAT long. Of course it depends on whether the setting was stock or it had to be made to fit your piece, but our wait time between sending in the stone to have it set and getting it back was about 9 weeks.

If it gets to be a few months, maybe you can (calmly) ask him if he''s worried about getting engaged or something

 

[sammyj]

Welcome carolina_girl!

First, I don''t know why men hold the rings hostage for signficant periods of time. It completely eludes me! With that said, 6 weeks isn''t a crazy long time (just ask trillionaire

). Like musey said, custom settings often take a minimum of 4-6 weeks (probably more as I kind of made up that number!

). If you''re secure in your relationship and you two have talked extensively about your future and an upcoming marriage, then your BF making you wait for 6 weeks translating to him not wanting to marry you anymore is a bit of an overreaction IMO. I hope that doesn''t sound offensive, I just worry that you''re jumping to conclusions and seeing the glass half empty. Your BF has a plan, he has the ring or will have it very soon...just give him some time to plan a wonderful proposal and be sure to come back to share your story

! If he takes a little longer than you can stand, sit him down and voice your concerns...

 

[nail_polish]

The first thing I thought was, maybe he is trying to surprise you?

I mean, if he knows you know about the stone and the two of you chose the setting then he knows you''re expecting a proposal. And, maybe to him - that''s no fun! Some guys are dead set on it being a surprise for their lady.

I see it this way - if he has the ring, you''re moving in the right direction

And, as mentioned, 6 weeks isn''t long! Just try to cherish these moments with a naked finger

 

[NakedFinger]

Date: 2/10/2009 2:02:27 PM
Author: nail_polish

Just try to cherish these moments with a naked finger

Hahaha!

 

[goodfun7580]

He probably has a plan and wants to surprise you, especially since it seems like you have been somewhat involved in the ring shopping process. I wouldn't worry at all. My FF has been holding my ring hostage for 8 months. So far I've been able to deal with it with only a few breakdowns, haha! When you feel like freaking out, come on here and chat with us instead of bothering him, and possibly ruining a surprise! Welcome to the boards!

 

[PrincessLily2009]

Aww I''m sorry your man is holding on to your ring like this! Hang in there! If he wasn''t fully committed to proposing, he wouldn''t have bought the ring.

Proposing to someone is a very difficult thing to do. He probably just needs time to plan things out and mentally prepare himself. He only gets once chance to "do" the most important moment of your life together thus far. Let him surprise you!

 

[KatM]

While 6 weeks isn''t really that long to hold onto it, sometimes it does seem odd that some guys hold onto it for such a while before proposing. Perhaps he is hoping to keep it long enough that you forget it ever existed, and then he will propose and you will be completely surprise?

 

[NakedFinger]

Date: 2/10/2009 3:25:42 PM
Author: KatM
While 6 weeks isn''t really that long to hold onto it, sometimes it does seem odd that some guys hold onto it for such a while before proposing. Perhaps he is hoping to keep it long enough that you forget it ever existed, and then he will propose and you will be completely surprise?

LOL I am SOOO scared my bf is going to do that. The diamond is purchased, and the ring is now in production. It should be ready by the end of March. And I keep telling him "you know.....when the ring comes, that means you propose shortly after you know??"

I have in my head that I''ll be engaged by the end of next month, maybe beginning of April. If he hangs onto it to throw me off I''ll kill him. (And thats so something he would do! lol)

 

[tlh]

ok. YOU HAVE THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS. HE HAS THE RING. IT IS IN THE SETTING YOU PICKED OUT. Now it is up to him. RELAX. The hard part is over.

 

[carolina_girl]

Thanks everyone for your encouraging words! It is so nice to get other people''s perspective. I think I am just way overreacting and need to calm down. It doesn''t help that everytime my friends or my mom call they ask if I''ve gotten my ring yet. It is my fault for telling them in the first place! We''ve made it this far, right? I''ll give him a few more weeks before I let the worry wart in me sneak out again!

 

[tlh]

Date: 2/10/2009 4:53:22 PM
Author: carolina_girl
Thanks everyone for your encouraging words! It is so nice to get other people''s perspective. I think I am just way overreacting and need to calm down. It doesn''t help that everytime my friends or my mom call they ask if I''ve gotten my ring yet. It is my fault for telling them in the first place! We''ve made it this far, right? I''ll give him a few more weeks before I let the worry wart in me sneak out again!

Yeah, no one likes a case of the warts...

 

[trillionaire]

not to threadjack, but TLH, you are wanted in Who''s Who...

 

[sammyj]

Date: 2/10/2009 4:53:22 PM
Author: carolina_girl
Thanks everyone for your encouraging words! It is so nice to get other people''s perspective. I think I am just way overreacting and need to calm down. It doesn''t help that everytime my friends or my mom call they ask if I''ve gotten my ring yet. It is my fault for telling them in the first place! We''ve made it this far, right? I''ll give him a few more weeks before I let the worry wart in me sneak out again!

ya....it doesn''t help that everyone else is badgering you and making your LIWitis go through the roof! Just remember that he does love you and he does want to marry you!