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Having a "different kind" of elegant reception

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CrownJewel

CrownJewel

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I had dinner with my high school girlfriends last night, and we were throwing around some ideas for an elegant low-budget wedding. My married friend said that she just went to a cocktail reception wedding and it was lots of fun...so I started to think, hmmmm...I need to talk to her friend :)

Having great food at my wedding is the most important thing to me. I'd be willing to skimp on everything else just so my guests have great food. Ideally, I'd just have a 5 hour cocktail-hour (just kidding...sort of). I always remember the cocktail hour food and hors d'oeuvres at people's weddings. Here are my questions to you ladies:

1. Have any of you planned a cocktail reception and would you recommend doing such a thing? I want the whole event to be elegant. Is there such a thing as casual elegance? That's what I want :)
2. Has anyone been to a cocktail reception and hated it? Why?
3. I'd like to have assigned seating for my cocktail reception but avoid a buffet dinner feel. How do I make this elegant?! ETA: I just read on the Knot.com that cocktail receptions = no assigned seating, no bouquet toss, etc. I guess I want the best of both worlds. There's gotta be a way to merge the two ideas...

Edited again because I realized I can't count. "1,2,2,3" Terrible!
 
Ok, so we didn't do exactly what you're talking about but.. we had a small small small DW and threw a cocktail reception for 50 when we returned. We had seats available, but not assigned seating, or even enough seats for everyone (mingle people, mingle!). We had heavy stationary appetizers (again with the mingling), our own personal bar and our own personal bar tender. And it was great great fun. I think it's very elegant without being stuffy. Everyone had to mix and meet new people, there was music and a fireplace, etc. etc. Especially if your wedding is early, I think it's a great way to go (then people can wander off and have dinner if they need to, otherwise you're holding all your loved ones hostage for the ceremony and reception without really feeding them. This works from 2-7. This works less well from 5-12). We reserved a seperate room in a bar/restaurant we like. For 50 people it was $1200. If we'd done open bar it would have been about $3k.

As for dancing, bouquet toss, I think you could work those in, especially if you had a DJ or friend to MC and do crowd control. The assigned seating to me would move it from cocktail to tapas, y'know? You all sit here with these people and eat these little appetizer things. At our party several people met by mobbing the new dish as it arrived, i.e. Ohhh, raw oysters? Awesome, grab one for me! Oh, you like these to? Yeah, I'm Bill, I know this girl from that thing. Hi Bill, I'm Linda, I know that guy from work!

Hope that helps! I thought it was fun and way less akward than watching the bride and groom wander table to table to visit everyone during a seated dinner. I would pick venues you like (be they halls or restaurants) and see what they can and will do for you.

Good luck!
 
Date: 11/16/2006 1:17:15 PM
Author:CrownJewel
I had dinner with my high school girlfriends last night, and we were throwing around some ideas for an elegant low-budget wedding. My married friend said that she just went to a cocktail reception wedding and it was lots of fun...so I started to think, hmmmm...I need to talk to her friend :)


Having great food at my wedding is the most important thing to me. I''d be willing to skimp on everything else just so my guests have great food. Ideally, I''d just have a 5 hour cocktail-hour (just kidding...sort of). I always remember the cocktail hour food and hors d''oeuvres at people''s weddings. Here are my questions to you ladies:


1. Have any of you planned a cocktail reception and would you recommend doing such a thing? I want the whole event to be elegant. Is there such a thing as casual elegance? That''s what I want :)

2. Has anyone been to a cocktail reception and hated it? Why?

2. What''s the difference in serving styles for a sit down dinner? There''s Russian style(I think I know what means...waiters bring giant platters to the table and everyone serves themselves from that, right?), French style, and something else.

3. I''d like to have assigned seating for my cocktail reception but avoid a buffet dinner feel. How do I make this elegant?! ETA: I just read on the Knot.com that cocktail receptions = no assigned seating, no bouquet toss, etc. I guess I want the best of both worlds. There''s gotta be a way to merge the two ideas...
Click to expand...

Uh, I''m a little confused about what you want. When you say cocktail reception, what does that mean? Are you talking about the type of food you are serving or the method of service? When I hear cocktail reception, my thought would be drinks and appetizers while milling about. Maybe will small tables for stuff, but certainly no assigned seats, no "seated" food service of any kind. Food might be passed by servers, or stationary style for folks to graze as they please. Maybe some seats, for people to take a break in, but no formal "Now we are having dinner. Please get some food and take a seat". Could be held before dinner time, with mostly savory food and cake, or after dinner as a dessert & cocktails hour.

As for a 5 hr reception, you will have to carefully time that if you are not planning to serve a meal. If you are planning on serving enough food for a meal, but just not having everyone seated formally, then your could have it whenever, as long as you have enough chairs so that people can rest their feet and sit down when they want.

But... I think you have something different in mind by "cocktail" if you want seat assignments?
 
wedding was from 7 - 7:30 and the appetizers/dessert reception from 7:30 to 9 in the church hall. long enough. I made sure to tell my friends and family to eat dinner first. we had a splendiforus spread of high end grazing foods and top notch cake and punch. by 9 everyone was ready to go becuase we "passed" on a lot of reception things that people do and there was no booze.

edited to add and we had to be out of the hall by ten.

this was a very low budget wedding. southern weddings can get away with cake and punch.
 
added

i would be resentful if a reception went on for five hours with no meal. you were kidding right? i would find a way to slip out.
 
Our wedding reception was a stand-up/cocktail/ hors d'oeuvres and dessert reception. Our wedding was at 7pm and our reception started at about 8pm or so. We had about 100 guests and 3 tables with a plethora of chairs and informal seating areas, including a couple couches and a kid's table. We had heavy hors d'oeuvres, a wine bar, and dancing. We were able to get away without a meal because our wedding was so late in the evening, and people could make a meal out of the hors d'oeuvres if they wanted. We also made sure everyone knew to eat something before the ceremony. "Hors d'oeuvres and dessert reception to follow at XYZ location" was plastered on everything - the invites, the website, I think on the response card too. Plus the time of the ceremony helped people understand there wouldn't be an actual meal. We were also able to spend our limited budget (5K) on really good appetizers instead of wait staff and an expensive sit-down dinner. We bought paper plates in our colors and rented flatware. And apparently we broke the Knot's rules because we had a first dance, the bouquet and garter tosses, the cutting of the cake, and toasts.

We attended a friend's wedding last weekend, and some other gals and I were talking, and one of them said that of all the weddings she'd ever been to, ours was the most fun. Last year when another friend was planning her wedding, she inquired about our vendors and planning tips because we had a "really classy affair" on a tight budget, so I feel like we also got the best of both worlds - small wedding, with all the classy and fun weddingy details we wanted at an affordable level. You can search for my wedding thread and see pictures of our wedding and reception.


ETA: merc reminded me of this point! We had dinner for our families and wedding party about an hour before the ceremony - subway sandwiches - so at least the captive crowd wasn't going without a meal because of us.

ETA2: DH and I left the reception at about midnight, and we still had a fair number of guests dancing. Mind you most of our friends are not party animals either!
 
ladykemma''s point is one that the contact at my desired venue brought up as well. I am in *love* with the idea of the all night, all you can eat, chocolate fondue fountain that the venue offers but the price is a bit much when paired with appetizers AND a sit down dinner. My idea was to have the fondue, vegetable trays, fruit trays, cheese trays, and about 1,000 individual appetizers (along with wedding cake) for our potential party of 130, while nixing the sit down dinner portion of the evening altogether. The wedding coordinator mentioned that they had done only one appetizer only reception and that people were upset that there was no dinner served so she recommended adding a "pasta station" to give people something a bit more substational to eat.

I honestly like the idea of a more relaxed evening filled with loads of yummy appetizers and I''m not the sort of person who cares whether I eat X amount of food during a sit down meal or X amount of food over the course of a night in more of a "grazing" fashion, but apparently some guests do mind.

Part of my intention of doing an appetizer only evening was to save some money on the food which would allow me to afford my ideal venue while perhaps also squeezing in a few more guests. After spending hours playing around with numbers in Excel, it actually appears that cutting the appetizers altogether and just serving a buffet dinner will cost just a bit more than an appetizer only evening without the worry of people being upset by a lack of meal.

I imagine if you do decide on a cocktail hour type evening you may want to forewarn people, perhaps even in a nice way in the invitation? (although that may be a huge faux paz hehe).

~Heidi
 
i guess in my mind a "cocktail party" is an hour, maybe two. tops.
 
ok, this is nuts but I''ll throw it out there anyway. won''t go over well with the northerners, but lets see.

some 50 something friends were getting married. remarriages for each. there was very little budget.

i''ll skip the details of the venue and only talk about the food.

the B&G asked several foodie friends to cook the food in lieu of a wedding present. from memory this was the spread that was presented. 150 guests. we had planning meetings ahead of time.

I made beef bourginione (sp?) with egg nooodles. Big 20 quart roaster oven full.
another made rosemary pork loin and roasted veg
i can''t remember the rest of the food

another friend made the cake, another the punch, another two friends bought chinet plates, punch cups, etc. and so it was divided out.....some people for clean up. we created a wedding.
honestly it was the best wedding i had ever been to.

reporters even showed up and helicopters overhead. renaissance faire people in full garb.... sca folks.

i do not think this would go over well in manhattan, however. they have different expectations.

i think the whole wedding costs about 1000 bucks.
 
Date: 11/16/2006 6:32:52 PM
Author: hopefulheidi
ladykemma''s point is one that the contact at my desired venue brought up as well. I am in *love* with the idea of the all night, all you can eat, chocolate fondue fountain that the venue offers but the price is a bit much when paired with appetizers AND a sit down dinner. My idea was to have the fondue, vegetable trays, fruit trays, cheese trays, and about 1,000 individual appetizers (along with wedding cake) for our potential party of 130, while nixing the sit down dinner portion of the evening altogether. The wedding coordinator mentioned that they had done only one appetizer only reception and that people were upset that there was no dinner served so she recommended adding a ''pasta station'' to give people something a bit more substational to eat.


I honestly like the idea of a more relaxed evening filled with loads of yummy appetizers and I''m not the sort of person who cares whether I eat X amount of food during a sit down meal or X amount of food over the course of a night in more of a ''grazing'' fashion, but apparently some guests do mind.


Part of my intention of doing an appetizer only evening was to save some money on the food which would allow me to afford my ideal venue while perhaps also squeezing in a few more guests. After spending hours playing around with numbers in Excel, it actually appears that cutting the appetizers altogether and just serving a buffet dinner will cost just a bit more than an appetizer only evening without the worry of people being upset by a lack of meal.


I imagine if you do decide on a cocktail hour type evening you may want to forewarn people, perhaps even in a nice way in the invitation? (although that may be a huge faux paz hehe).


~Heidi
Click to expand...
The big possible faux pas is throwing an event at a time at which people might reasonably expect a meal, say 4pm wedding with reception immediately following, and both not serving them a meal AND not warning them. Now, if you did throw an event starting at 4pm, even if you plaster the warning "Cocktail reception to follow" everywhere, you still must be reasonable and not expect your guests to stay all night and skip dinner. If you go for a before-dinner starting time, you should expect your guests to leave in time for dinner, especially the ones with kids, etc. And if you go after dinner, you want to get to the cake cutting by some reasonable hour so the old fuddy-duddies can retire for the evening. Grandma and grandpa might not want to stay up til 11. You want to clearly state what kind of reception you are throwing so people can plan appropriately. ie:
7 pm wedding, followed by cocktail and dessert reception
2 pm wedding, followed by cake and punch reception
3pm wedding, followed by cocktails and appetizer reception (and thus expect people to leave before dinner)

So think about your crowd and what they might reasonably be expected to do. Like if their are lots of parents of little kids, and you expect the little kids to come, maybe you are looking at an afternoon reception. But if the parents are local and the type to hire babysitters, maybe the evening reception is the way to go.
 
HI:

One of the nicest weddings/receptions I attended was a colleague of mine--early afternoon ceremony followed by and cocktails and well catered fancy h''ord''s in a lovely historic venue. Receiving line and many the formalities, but no sit down meal. I did not come away feeling "unsatiated".

cheers--Sharon
 
I''ve been to a reception that served hors d''oevres but also had semi-fancy sandwiches (on croissants etc.) so no one went hungry. It was in a club room setting, definately more people than chairs or table area. No garter or bouquet toss, but this couple would probably have passed on these customs no matter what. This particular wedding and reception were held in a church. The reception was catered by a friend, and kids from the church''s high school group was paid to help serve. It was low-key but lovely and memorable.
 
Yay thanks everyone! I am most comforted by the fact that you all been to cocktail reception weddings and enjoyed it. I have to apologize for not being clear about what I wanted out a "cocktail reception."

-Two hours would be great. (I personally could eat for 5 hours, but I wouldn''t hold my guests hostage for that long!!
17.gif
Haha).
-I wanted to have a less formal wedding, but still classy/elegant. So mingling and socializing would be fantastic.
-I played with the idea of assigned seating because I''M AN OBSESSIVE ORGANIZER.
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I like the idea of mingling, but I hate the idea of chaos. I don''t want people to feel uncomfortable if they don''t know people (lots of Chinese people that only speak Chinese mingling with lots of Russian people who only speak Russian...EEEK!!) I guess I''m not giving my guests enough social skills credit. I need to consider the seating a little more. I asked about the sit-down dinner styles because I thought that could be a way to serve the appetizers/hors d''oeuvres. Some of the older family members will be unfamiliar with the idea of "cocktail reception." They will expect to be served because they''ve only been to authentic Chinese weddings or authentic Russian weddings. The problem is that I want the older family members to sit and be served, but I don''t want to have dinner. Maybe I''ll stick with the cocktail idea, but have my sister and anyone else willing to help, bring plates to my grandparents and FI''s elderly guests.
-The Russians like to toast and they like to drink, so I think I should go for an evening reception. Can I do 3-5PM reception? It sounds like it would be essential to make it clear that there is no dinner served. What do you think is the best "wording"?
-So glad to hear that we can still have the first dance, and lots more dancing, and bouqet toss, etc. JCJD, I will need lots of your advice!!
-FI wants to have a pasta station and carving station. I want people to be able to totally fill up on hors d''oeuvres (it takes me an entire minute to type that word properly...jeez). I''m thinking sushi station (tons of sushi fans among my friends and family), raw bar with oysters and clams, cocktail shrimp, pasta station, caviar crepe station, soups served in cappuccino cups, carving station, and passed hors d''oeuvres. And maybe have everyone seated for a final toast and dessert? Is that weird? My FI is ok with this whole idea, but he thinks it will still seem like a buffet. Is that so bad?

Thank you thank you thank you EVERYONE for your advice. BTW, the budgets you ladies quoted are FANTASTIC!
 
Date: 11/16/2006 7:00:41 PM
Author: ladykemma
ok, this is nuts but I''ll throw it out there anyway. won''t go over well with the northerners, but lets see.


some 50 something friends were getting married. remarriages for each. there was very little budget.


i''ll skip the details of the venue and only talk about the food.


the B&G asked several foodie friends to cook the food in lieu of a wedding present. from memory this was the spread that was presented. 150 guests. we had planning meetings ahead of time.


I made beef bourginione (sp?) with egg nooodles. Big 20 quart roaster oven full.

another made rosemary pork loin and roasted veg

i can''t remember the rest of the food


another friend made the cake, another the punch, another two friends bought chinet plates, punch cups, etc. and so it was divided out.....some people for clean up. we created a wedding.

honestly it was the best wedding i had ever been to.


reporters even showed up and helicopters overhead. renaissance faire people in full garb.... sca folks.


i do not think this would go over well in manhattan, however. they have different expectations.


i think the whole wedding costs about 1000 bucks.
Click to expand...

That''s a neat idea, and I wish I had foodie friends. Unfortunately, I think I may be one of the only "cooks" in our entire group, and I''m pretty pathetic! I''d like to declare that my mom is the best cook in the world (I asked her to cook for the wedding!!), but she won''t cook for more than 10 or so for family holidays because she''s partially paralyzed from a stroke.

We are probably going to ask FI''s brother to be the photographer b/c he''s so talented, but I worry that he won''t be able to enjoy the wedding.
 
I guess I''ve mostly been to Southern Weddings but I have no problem with the cocktail reception. I''m planning one right now. We''re expecting about 400 guests and the idea of doing a sit-down dinner for that many is just, well, boring to me. So we''re going heavy on the hordeourves (sp, sorry!) with plenty of drinks, dancing, and cake too. I just got the suggestions from the caterer and my favorites were the lollipop lamb chops and the top-round carving station with biscuits. Yum. We''ll also have skewered chicken, lots of shrimp, mini crab cakes, etc.... It will be a lot of food and if people can''t manage to fill up on it, that''s their own fault. We won''t have seating for everyone but we will have a variety of table sizes, including some hi-top bar style rounds. The servers will clear constantly so people should always be able to find somewhere to sit. We''re also hoping people will explore the patio area as well.

While this is normal and even expected in the south, I''m getting a little flack from the northerners, including my FMIL that wants to know if there will be "somewhere for the old people to sit". So I''m guessing I''ll do some reserved assigned seating for family members, but I want everybody else to mingle. I don''t think she''s going to be much for mingling.

We''ll be doing the dances and the cake but I think I''ll skip the bouquet toss, but only for my own preferences. It''s completely expected in the south.

When my mom got married, they had 600 people there and they only served cake and punch. I just looked at the pictures over the weekend. The whole sit-down dinner thing is either a relatively new concept or just not common in the south.
 
I love the idea of really heavy hor's. I mean, most time, they are the best part of the meal and people load up on them, and then they tend not to sit down hungry. It also seems that so often people are not really at the table but are visiting and dancing...so having heavy apps and maybe a couple of stations could be fine...
 
MY favorite weddings have been the ones that have unique food "stations" scattered around the hall with cocktail tables at standing height and some sit down tables. Each station has a theme...for example 1 station of sushi, 1 of a chocolate fountain, a "create your own pasta" station...where you pick the ingrediants and a chef puts it all together and serves it in a mini-bowl, sometimes even a carving station with primerib, salad station with lots of fun salads, mexican station with mini tacos & burritos etc....so not exactly finger foods...more like a scattered out buffet on steriods. Lots more options, more upscale food and definitely enough to feel like you''ve had dinner. But no formal buffet line filled with chicken, potatoes etc. It allows people to mingle a lot more and has a ton more variety. My guess is that these kind of receptions are MORE expensive than a formal sit down dinner.
 
I think you could defnintely have a few tables dedicated to family, especially older family memebers, and either have them pre-set with a small array of the foods your offering, or have the venue put one person in charge of serving those few tables.

I have to say that I don't get a buffett vibe from what you're planning at all, especially if the food stations are scattered i.e. not all set up along one wall. It's the chafing trays and lines that say buffet to me.

If you want to do pasta/carving stations, go for it, but we opted for finger-food only. If there aren't places to sit it becomes hard to juggle your pasta plate, fork and drink. If there are places for everyone to sit, then it doesn't really feel cocktail-y (to me). It all depends on balancing the food and atmosphere to fit your vision.

As for the cross-cultural mingling, I think the cocktail environment might help. I went to a huge wedding this summer and met no one I didn't already know. We were segregated by table and the room was HUGE so there was no wandering without being conspicuoius. Keep it cozy and people should chat. And if they don't, appoint bridal party members who know your families to wander through and introduce people to on another and get the ball rolling.

Good luck! Find a great venue and they should be able to coax this idea into reality!
 
You''re all making me feel SOOOOOOO much better about this cocktail reception. I can''t thank everyone enough for your input. sumbride and mercoledi, you''re right. I''m going to take your suggestions to have a few reserved tables for the elderly guests and have one or two people in charge of serving those tables. And merc, I see what you''re saying about the cocktail-y atmosphere...if everyone goes back to their assigned seats, then no one will socialize. FI and I love the lounge-y, party atmosphere, so I think we''ll see if we can get the high bar-style tables for standing and chatting. Also, I like merc''s idea of getting bridal party members to introduce people.

sumbride, the northerners actually like this idea! My friends and I are NY/NJ/CA and they like the idea...I think it''s our parents and older family members that don''t understand it. My mom said, "well, your grandparents will have to like it!" So glad she said that!! What time are you going to have your reception? And what day of the week?

I think I might go with what JCJD did and have a 7 or 8pm reception, since I realized none of my adult guests have young children, and most will be from around this area. I got a guest list from my parents, now waiting for a guest list from FI''s parents, and then I can call up venues this weekend! Feels soooooooo good. Phew! Having a cocktail reception will be great because I feel like my ideal gown is better fit for a less formal reception.

Really 100 times, thank you mercoledi, cara, ladykemma, JCJD, hopefulheidi, canuk-gal, MINIMS, sumbride, diamondfan, and IslandDreams. I wish I could invite you all to my wedding. Is there anything you wished were different about these cocktail receptions? Anyone?
 
Yay!

we''re having our ceremony at 5 pm, right outside the doors to the reception area of the country club. Expect the reception to kick off around 6 or so, and go until maybe 11, but I imagine it will really thin out around 8 or 9 and just be our friends toward the end, which is great. Then we''re planning an after-party for the bridal party. The wedding itself will be quite formal and elegant all the way, even without placecards and table service. To break that up, we''re having our rehearsal dinner at a catfish place on a bayou... the complete opposite of the wedding! I''m so excited about that!
 
The only thing I haven''t like about cocktail receptions is without any assigned seating it can be hard to meet people if you know almost no one at the party. For example my husband and I have gone to receptions where we knew only the bride or groom. None of their family and none of their friends. We wind up standing around a table by ourselves all night because the reality is most people stick in a group with the people they know. It''s hard to break into one of those groups. My husband is super outgoing so we would try to engage the people in the groups but we always felt like we were crashing their clique. If all your friends/family know each other than you''ll be fine. If you have a few stragglers without a group you might want to designate a few people from your friends or family to search out couples standing alone and have those people introduce the couple to other people. Kind of like an ambassador position.....
 
The only thing I would do differently is eat. I had a blast and there were so many people I wanted to talk to that everytime I went to grab some food, I got waylayed with chit-chat or hugs or drinks or something and went home having eaten only a few oysters and a glass and a half of champagne. Over 5 hours. So try to make a point of eating, or sitting for a moment with your grandparents and eating with them. I''m not one to miss meals and I was so excited to try all the food, and somehow it never really happened. And have someone take pictures too (if you aren''t already)! I had brought my camera to get candids with all the lovely people I know all in the same place, and it never made it out of my bag. It''s amazing how overwhelmed and distracted you can become!

Most of all have fun, it sounds like you and your Mr. have a great plan underway!
 
My cousin had a coctail reception and while it was cute, people did ask about the dinner, especially when the cake was brought out. My family and I went out to eat after the reception because we were starving and has a long drive back home.

Food was most important to us as well, so we had our reception at McCormick and Schmidt''s in Tyson''s Corner, VA. Our guests had yummy hors d''oeuvres, got to sit in comfortable chairs, and since we had chosen the menu with about 4 different dinner options, they had the choice of what they wanted for dinner and salad and it was prepared fresh. Almost 4 years later friends still tell us that our reception was lovely and how yummy the food was! It was less expensive than having it catered (about $3200 for 70 people plus a ton of wine!) however there wasn''t dancing (which I didn''t care about and M&S has music playing all the time anyway) and the whole reception was over in 3 hours!
 
I''m thinking of a cocktail/buffet dinner. Personally I hate sit down wedding dinners. I don''t like to eat red meat much and I''m allergic to chicken. It has to be a very expensive wedding for the food to be even marginal. I can''t tell you how many times I''ve sat next to a starving vegetarian at a wedding as well. Also it would be much more fun to be able to walk around some and have different types of seating.

I recently went to an afternoon buffet reception in the south and I think it was lovely. Personally, I''m not doing the first dance, boq. toss, garter toss, etc. We haven''t decided about dancing yet, I''m in DC so the M&S option is really helpful. I basically want really good food & drinks and a nice atmosphere. Btw. the best food that I had was at a cocktail reception and a buffet (Indian).
 
(sorry to hihgjack the thread Crown Jewel!)

Winternight- My DH is Indian (I''m American) so we had our rehearsal dinner at Banjara''s in Ashburn. It''s a beautiful restaurant and the dinner was amazing! They even made a special desert for us with strawberries and chocolate. All total for 29 people was about $500.00. It was so nice to have a relaxing dinner after our rehearsal and our wedding party, parents and family went home with very full stomachs! My mom said she slept so well after the dinner when she thought she''d be up all night with a case of the nerves!

M&S was the best decision we could have made. I didn''t have to worry about a thing and their event manager was great. We had a children''s table set up with crayons, coloring books, a balloon for each child and I made each child a snack bag in case they hated the appetizers. They even did an elegant kid''s menu for us! Planning the reception was the easiest part of the wedding planning :)
 
february, don''t apologize! I don''t think of this as my thread so hijack away! The more cocktail receptions there are going on the better (the more ideas flying around will help me!!)

IslandDreams, excellent idea with the ambassadors. Maybe I should have 8,000 bridesmaids after all!! Seriously, I think that''s something my BMs would have fun doing.

mercoledi, I think I''m like you. I keep saying, "I''m going to eat at my wedding, no matter what happens!" I''m going to plan the formal portraits during the day and before the wedding, so that I get to see my guests and EAT LOTS and LOTS at my reception. But I guess you were hoping to eat too, and didn''t! Maybe I''ll ask my BMs to give us time-outs so that we can eat.

winternight, I agree that it gets too expensive to have great hors d''oeuvres and a great dinner. I couldn''t care less about the dinner, so I''d rather have a large variety (including vegetarian) of excellent hors d''oeuvres. That''s the fun food anyway!
 
Can I just make a plea for providing enough seats at "regular" tables for all of your guests (even if you don't assign seats). I went to a cocktail wedding reception this summer in Manhattan where all of the older guests were given assigned seats at regular tables but all of the bride and grooms friends were expected to stand at high cocktail tables (or whatever they are called) all night. Now, being Manhattan, I had already walked from the hotel to the subway to the church to the subway to the reception, so my feet were *already* tired and hurting by the time I got to the reception. Then, I get to the reception and they expect me to stand for 4 hours straight to eat and dance after that!? Um, NO THANKS. I just thought that was rude.

They did have some random chairs scattered around the perimeter of the room (a la high school dance style) so we ended up pulling those up next to the high tables when we got really tired. This meant raising your glass up two feet above your head to put it on the table while you were sitting which just felt ridiculous. The whole experiene just made me feel like my friends were too cheap to spring for 3 or 4 extra tables or something... not the kind of thing you want people thinking as they leave your wedding

Sorry, I just had to get that rant out- clearly the memory still sticks with me 6 months later. I know having people stand at cocktail tables at your reception sounds really cool, laid back, etc, and you can certainly have some of those types of tables at your reception that people can use when they are not sitting at a regular table. But all I'm saying is to consider all of those poor women in uncomfortable shoes. For the love of God, give them chairs!!
 
Oh, good point Havernell! Your poor feet!!!

I''m definitely going for a mix of tables... we''ll have some big rounds, some small rounds, and some squares so people don''t have to join a big group if they don''t want to. That''s the goal anyway. I definitely agree it''s rude to only have assigned seating for some of the people and no seating for the rest. We''ll have some assigned, most unassigned, and some random chairs. My venue has several lounge style areas but alas, they told me they''d probably have to take them out to maximize space.
 
Definitely must have enough chairs for everyone!! I''ve always been a firm believer in having a chance to rest your feet! Sumbride, that''s too bad that you might have to get rid of the lounge areas. I''d like to look into that, if it''s not too expensive.
 
Date: 11/18/2006 12:05:42 AM
Author: havernell
I know having people stand at cocktail tables at your reception sounds really cool, laid back, etc, and you can certainly have some of those types of tables at your reception that people can use when they are not sitting at a regular table. But all I'm saying is to consider all of those poor women in uncomfortable shoes. For the love of God, give them chairs!!
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I completely agree! I always read about people who want to have these, and I always think "who the heck wants to stand for five hours??"
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One more thing about having a bunch of different stations. Make sure you have enough staff to keep the lines moving pretty quickly. I was in a wedding a couple of years ago, and they had a pasta station with chef that someone described above, a carving station and a couple more. The reception fell during dinner time (7 p.m.), so guests were obviously trying to get enough to make a meal. The problem was, you had to stand in lines a while at each station, which meant it took forever to fill your plate. I just went through the carving line and was done - I didn't want to wait in any more lines. Also, while stations that prepare your pasta to order can be great, I've always waited at least 15 minutes in line to get my food. The process really isn't designed for speed.
 
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