Having a bad day...(a bit long, sorry)

[Harleigh]

Hi Everyone...

It seems like a lot of things are going wrong around here lately, and I just really felt the need to vent about a few things...

FI has now mentioned three times since we got engaged that I "ruined" his proposal plan after refusing to go get my own engagement ring when it was ready.

After he asked me if I was going to go get it, I had simply asked him what he would THEN like me to do with it...he got irritated and said, "I dunno, put it in your mom''s safe?" I then told him it wasn''t my job to go get my own engagement ring and that if he wanted it kept at my parent''s house, he could ask them himself. That was on the 5th of July...I left the claim slip at his house and never said another word about it and figured he could generate his own plan of action. As you all know he picked it up on the 11th and proposed that night, which was my birthday, which was completely unexpected on my part. Between that discussion about me picking up the ring and the proposal, I didn''t say another word and left any and all plans solely up to him.

He brought up my supposed "ruination" of his intended proposal AGAIN on Sunday night (after we had a lovely weekend together in Lake Tahoe for his birthday) and I swear I almost threw the damn thing back at him! I almost laughed my head off at the guy on here that said his gal wants a re-do proposal-I think I have the exact opposite problem! I offered my guy a chance to do it over if it meant that much to him, but he didn''t take me up on it, so I said that I really don''t know how I ruined his plans as I didn''t request any sort of proposal or have ANY expectation whatsoever, except for the fact that I refused to go get my own damn ring!!!

For those of you who remember my previous threads, I really wasn''t sure whether or not he actually KNEW he needed to propose, and mentioned this to him on Sunday, again, and that for all I knew, if I went and got my own ring, we would just then be automatically engaged! This has left a bit of a rift between us, to say the least...

Then, to make matters worse, his grandma died yesterday, so of course that supercedes any issues we may have about his disgust over his own proposal, which might I again add, I have said NOTHING about and just keep telling him I am the luckiest girl in the world to have been able to choose my own diamond and ring, and to get it from the man I love! I could care less that it wasn''t romantic, there were no sweet words of love or devotion as we all secretly hope for...it was that HEwas the one who ACTUALLY asked that mattered to me! Arghh! So now we have a funeral to go to on Saturday with his family. We were supposed to get together with mine that day, but we will reschedule that, of course. So no more talk of how he wanted to do things differently... He won''t say how he wanted to do things differently, mind you, just that I "somehow" ruined his plans with no other explanation, and it''s really starting to bother me.

And then this morning, one of my dearest friends, a gal I went to college with, through my credential program and got my teaching job at the same school with, who I stood up for in her wedding and then went and got my Master''s Degree with, who I had considered NOT asking to be a bridesmaid due to the distance to Hawaii, etc..., but she was so upset at the thought of NOT being in it, I gave in and asked her to be a BM, to which she said, "Yes! Of course!!!" while jumping up and down, hugging me and crying and so on and so forth.

She came into my classroom right before school started today and said that they just couldn''t swing the trip to Hawaii, which I had told her to think long and hard about before she accepted, etc... and that I would in no way be offended. Apparently, after some reflection (and influence from her husband, I''m sure) she has decided that she doesn''t want to take her kids as it would cost too much, they''d be in the way, blah, blah, blah, which I completely understand, but we have suggested several options and have even offered to pay for their first 3 nights in Hawaii and help out with airfare as much as we are able to, etc...

So, now I am down to one definite bridesmaid, two maybes and a definite no. So glad I spent all that time traipsing to all of the ROSS stores in Northern CA looking for damn dresses to fit all their weird body shapes!! I swear I am about ready to give up...we have no plans in place, no date set, and my wedding party has pretty much gone to pieces!

To top it all off, one of my new students flipped out again today and had to be physically restrained by two male adults. He tore up the psychologist''s office, overturned tables, destroyed files, etc... He also did this in the Office Conference Room last Friday where he destroyed everything in his path, tore pictures off the walls, etc... None of my administrators felt the need to mention this to me when they brought him back to my class Friday morning, and I got to see him in action myself this morning. Turns out the parents forgot to mention their child is not only on medication for ADHD, but for "Anger Management," as well. He sees both a psychologist and a psychiatrist and apparently he has separation anxiety from his dad and this causes his angry outbursts. Did I mention this child is only 7??? He''s suspended until next Tuesday... Second grade is a LOT harder than I thought it would be...

Well, thanks for letting me vent...I''ve been a wreck since Sunday night, crying off and on, and am not quite sure when I see the light coming through at the end of the tunnel... It''s been a rough week, and sadly, it''s only Tuesday.

At least I have you guys on PS...thanks!

 

[door knob solitaire]

Wow...that was some vent. Even I feel better now!

Sweetie I am sorry. I wish there was some magic wand to wave and take care of all of your issues. First, we gotta get out the broom, dust pan, and ball bat. We can clean up some of this mess...and the ball bat use to hit FI upside the head. Enough already about the quality of the proposal! We can give him a gentle loving wallop that will get his MIND RIGHT and redirected on complaining about the size of the lump. The nut case kid...is suspended so you have a few days of peace. And the BM''s situation may change ...so just take on one major issue at a time.

Go to sleep tonight...get some rest...and attempt to look at it again in tomorrows light. Some of it will be less important. Really it will.

DKS

 

[Harleigh]

Thanks, DKS...you always know just what to say, and you''re a true sport for getting through that long rant of mine.

Did I mention that I''ve been so stressed out lately that I''ve lost 5 pounds in the past two weeks??? (And the damn ebay dress STILL doesn''t fit right!)

 

[luckystar112]

Aw. I''m sorry Harleigh! If it makes you feel any better, I think I ruined my proposal too. I''ve been on here long enough to know that the ring is overnighted the day you pay, so I knew exactly when FI got in in the mail--which just so happened to be the day before we left for VA. He had it sent to his work like a little sneak, but I couldn''t contain myself when he got home. I kept smirking at him, and he''d look at me and ask me what I was looking at him like that for. After a few hours I finally gave in and asked him to at LEAST tell me if it was pretty or not. He played dumb. I''m pretty sure that he was going to propose in VA, but then I had to go and say, "I hope nothing sets off the metal detector at the airport!" with a huge grin on my face. Of course, it wouldn''t set off the metal detector, but he didn''t know that! So, I''m pretty sure that''s why he proposed at 4:30 in the morning right before we left....(as much of a proposal as one can get at 4:30am). He tells me that he never really had a plan, but when I had asked him in the past before he proposed he said that he was still thinking about how to do it.

But I guess I got what I deserved!

I would be very interested in knowing what your FI had in mind that you supposedly ruined!

 

[Kaleigh]

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 8/29/2007 12:44:22 AM
Author: luckystar112
Aw. I''m sorry Harleigh! If it makes you feel any better, I think I ruined my proposal too. I''ve been on here long enough to know that the ring is overnighted the day you pay, so I knew exactly when FI got in in the mail--which just so happened to be the day before we left for VA. He had it sent to his work like a little sneak, but I couldn''t contain myself when he got home. I kept smirking at him, and he''d look at me and ask me what I was looking at him like that for. After a few hours I finally gave in and asked him to at LEAST tell me if it was pretty or not. He played dumb. I''m pretty sure that he was going to propose in VA, but then I had to go and say, ''I hope nothing sets off the metal detector at the airport!'' with a huge grin on my face. Of course, it wouldn''t set off the metal detector, but he didn''t know that! So, I''m pretty sure that''s why he proposed at 4:30 in the morning right before we left....(as much of a proposal as one can get at 4:30am). He tells me that he never really had a plan, but when I had asked him in the past before he proposed he said that he was still thinking about how to do it.

But I guess I got what I deserved!

I would be very interested in knowing what your FI had in mind that you supposedly ruined!

LOL lucky...I would be very interested to know what he had in mind, too. Not really sure what on earth he means, but since I never said a word about any of it, I have no way of knowing what he thought my expectations were. Maybe after we get through this weekend I can try to talk to him about it again...I hate that he''s disappointed in himself or with something he perceives that I did, whether I meant to or not, or knew I did or not, etc...

Your story is too funny...I like how you got him with the "metal detector" theory! You go girl!

 

[Jewels305]

I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this stuff at once. Everyone has days where it seems that nothing goes right, but there always is a light at the end of the tunnel. First off, I am very sorry to hear about his grandmother''s passing. It is very difficult to deal with that loss, and you are all in my thoughts and prayers. You will need to do your best to support your FI at this time and help him as he mourns his loss. Unfortunately, not much will be done on the planning front until you have all had time to grieve.
As for your fiancee saying that you ruined his proposal plan, it''s hard to know if you really did since he won''t tell you what the plan was in the first place. Maybe he really did have something in mind, but I don''t think any guy''s proposal idea goes 100% according to plan. I think most of us find it endearing if the guy does mess up because it''s cute to see him get all nervous. I have some friends who went on a cruise and took a train up the side of a mountain, where he planned to propose. When he went to take the ring out, it fell through a grate on the floor and it took an hour to get out... they had to get someone there to take the grate off and it was a whole ordeal. He was mortified, but she thought it was so funny (once she got her ring back safely!) and it''s a great story for them to tell. Most of the stories I hear on PS in some way say, "It was just so perfectly us." And I think that you are perfectly happy with how your proposal went, because it''s yours. Although I am sure you have told him it was great the way it was, remind him of that and remind him that he completely surprised you, which is what so many guys try to do! It''s important that both of you enjoy this engagement time and neither of you think of the proposal negatively.
As for not setting a date yet, you will. I am sure everything will come together for you. I mean heck, you got your dress for 99 cents, I am sure you will figure out these minor details.

And about the bridesmaids, it''s understandable that it is a big decision and I am sure it''s difficult to swing financially. But as DKS said, your situation may change and you might find out next week that you have 3 definites instead of just one. Try to relax and give things time to sort out before you hit the panic button. And if all else fails, I''d love to go to Hawaii

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 8/29/2007 12:50:07 AM
Author: Kaleigh

Hi Kaleigh,

I meant that all four of the girls who had already agreed to be my bridesmaids are all comletely different heights, shapes and sizes, as well as completely different colorings, and all of them have told me what they can wear, will wear, can't wear, won't wear, etc..., and I have tried really hard to accommodate all of them and have been searching for dresses since soon after I got engaged.

One hates her waist, one hates her chest, one hates her butt and the other hates her legs. Two are large chested, two are flat. Since I am buying the dresses and shoes for my BM's myself, I have tried to go the most inexpensive route and purchase them at ROSS, hence the traipsing all over the place.

I have actually bought several dresses in an attempt to fit all of their body types and comfort levels, which I have found is much easier said than done when shopping at a discount store! It's also difficult as I have tried to get their input and take any and all of their body hangups into account, but as they are located all over the US, I have had to mostly rely on measurements, pictures, and my dear best friend who has so willingly offered herself up as the dress "guinea pig!" The poor girl! (I sure do owe her a lot...she's a trooper!)

The BM that just cancelled on me today was able to try on two of the fuschia dresses in her size and actually loved them, which was most important as she was the most difficult to fit. She still has the dress she liked the most and planned on wearing at her house, so it was just a bit frustrating and completely unexpected this morning, which is where some of my frustration is coming from, I'm sure.

To be honest, I actually have over 30 dresses in my car that still need to be returned to ROSS as I have bought every size of each possible dress I came across in an attempt to fit all four and find a dress they all like and wouldn't absolutely hate to wear on the big day. The colors of the dresses I find will determine my wedding colors as I am not picky about that, but I AM frugal

, and after being in 11 weddings myself, I just really want them to be comfortable and enjoy the day, but I guess I can't make them all happy, right?

And, of course the focus is on FI's family...he knows they are a huge priority in my life as they treat me better than my own family and I love them all dearly. It is a very sad time, but when that settles down, we will definitely need to discuss his irritation as I just don't know how to handle his thought that I ruined his proposal but he won't tell me how, so he either needs to explain more or just drop it, I guess. I love him, I adore my ring, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him, so I need him to get past this!

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 8/29/2007 1:02:15 AM
Author: Jewels305

I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this stuff at once. Everyone has days where it seems that nothing goes right, but there always is a light at the end of the tunnel. First off, I am very sorry to hear about his grandmother''s passing. It is very difficult to deal with that loss, and you are all in my thoughts and prayers. You will need to do your best to support your FI at this time and help him as he mourns his loss. Unfortunately, not much will be done on the planning front until you have all had time to grieve.
As for your fiancee saying that you ruined his proposal plan, it''s hard to know if you really did since he won''t tell you what the plan was in the first place. Maybe he really did have something in mind, but I don''t think any guy''s proposal idea goes 100% according to plan. I think most of us find it endearing if the guy does mess up because it''s cute to see him get all nervous. I have some friends who went on a cruise and took a train up the side of a mountain, where he planned to propose. When he went to take the ring out, it fell through a grate on the floor and it took an hour to get out... they had to get someone there to take the grate off and it was a whole ordeal. He was mortified, but she thought it was so funny (once she got her ring back safely!) and it''s a great story for them to tell. Most of the stories I hear on PS in some way say, ''It was just so perfectly us.'' And I think that you are perfectly happy with how your proposal went, because it''s yours. Although I am sure you have told him it was great the way it was, remind him of that and remind him that he completely surprised you, which is what so many guys try to do! It''s important that both of you enjoy this engagement time and neither of you think of the proposal negatively.
As for not setting a date yet, you will. I am sure everything will come together for you. I mean heck, you got your dress for 99 cents, I am sure you will figure out these minor details.

And about the bridesmaids, it''s understandable that it is a big decision and I am sure it''s difficult to swing financially. But as DKS said, your situation may change and you might find out next week that you have 3 definites instead of just one. Try to relax and give things time to sort out before you hit the panic button. And if all else fails, I''d love to go to Hawaii

Thanks, Jewels, for the positive boost!

The proposal was a complete surprise, as he has said he would never do something like that on a holiday, birthday, etc..., so he knew I had no expectations...(did I mention I REALLY was thrilled with the electric toothbrush I asked for AND got???) The ring and funny proposal were icing on an already wonderful cake, because I was just so happy to be with him!

Now, about those BM''s...what are you doing next July???

Have a great night, Jewels, and thanks for your input!

 

[HollyS]

Harleigh -- men are men.

They say the stupidest things, sometime completely out of the blue. And then don''t have a clue that they have hurt us. ??What, you''re upset?? ??What did I say??

Mine, God love him, actually told me last week that there was a time in our relationship a few years back that he had to ask himself "should I stay, or should I go?". EXCUSE ME?? This is the man who tells me over and over how lucky he is, how much in love he is, and how complete his life is with me. "I''m a gift from God; the best thing that ever happened to him", blah, blah, blah. And -- I know beyond any doubt that he means these things he says. So WHY, for the love of God, WHY, would he hurt me by saying this? And I might add, I HAD asked myself the same thing, because he didn''t seem able to move past a dating relationship into a commitment -- after many, many years.

It was self-preservation. I was teasing him, again, about my knowing that we would someday be at this point, even while he was reconfirming his perpetual bachelorhood. It was too much needling from me -- I admit it. But acknowledging my guilt doesn''t take away the sting of what he said. I''ve been sensitive enough of him to not tell him how close I was, more than once, to ending the relationship. He knows that, but he doesn''t need to be told -- especially since we have long since moved past those days. But he''s a guy, so he didn''t check his own mouth at the door -- he just dumped on my day, my mood, my happiness. And had no idea that it was inappropiate.

They just don''t have a clue. They think they do, but they don''t. And, NONE of them is immune to this -- nobody''s husband or FI has not been an "ass unaware" at some point in their relationship.

 

[decodelighted]

Ei yi yi ... hope things are seeming better this am! On the bridesmaids front ... car full of dresses?? WHA?? Maybe you should trim the pack down to ONE M.O.H. & keep it simple smarty! It *is* in Hawaii afterall ... After being a bridesmaid five times myself, I skipped it entirely for my wedding & had a Dude Of Honor. NO MORE DRAMA! As Mary J. Blige would croon. Seriously, weddings turn into these random tests of friendships and emotions are already high (especially if the BMs are single or busy moms). WHY do it?? Tradition?? Guilt?? Foo, I say! JMHO.

On the "ruined proposal" front -- I''m more concerned that he''s "blaming" ... and holding it over your head and punishing YOU for something you didn''t do INTENTIONALLY (or even at all perhaps). NOT picking up the ring was *reasonable* ... and its pretty miserable of him to try to turn HIS FAILURE and HIS DISSPOINTMENT around onto YOU. I actually think a serious talk is needed: about INTENTION, and punishing passive aggressive actions, & blaming & holding things over your head etc. It''s just not appropriate or helpful. If he has bad feelings about it he should be talking it out CONSTRUCTIVELY .. not just peppering you with "you bad girl" during nice weekends away ... when things get calm, mixing it up again. I think it''s anxiety rearing its ugly head. And he needs a better way to deal with anxiety than picking on YOU. Oh and this "won''t tell you his plan" -- power struggle to the nth degree ... like bratty kid tantrum style. Aiigh I''m getting steamed at him.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I hope you''re feeling better as well, I think there is just so much going on at once. Tension about the proposal, the BM dropping out and now a death in the family, which is VERY tough--it''s just completely overwhelming.

First of all, I''m so sorry about his grandma. I''m not sure how close he was to her, but it''s never easy to lose a family member like that. With the funeral on Saturday it sounds like the other issues are going to have to be put on the back burner.

Second, the BM drop-out. So frustrating, but what can you do? I think this would be a good time to simplify everything. You''ve got 30 dresses in your car, you''re trying to accommodate everybody and as of now, you only have one definite bridesmaid. To be honest, to make this easier on you, I would just have one bridesmaid. If the other two can make it, that''s fantastic, but they don''t necessariy have to be IN the wedding, especially if it''s going ot stress you out. I''m only having a MOH, no other attendants and I''m really happy with the decision. You don''t have to worry about anybody "matching", it''s easier to buy the bridesmaid gift, you only have to worry about one additional bouquet, hair and makeup is easy, etc. Just think about how relieved you''d feel if you had it set in stone and could return 29 of those dresses! Heck, returning those dresses should pay for your flights to Hawaii

And lastly, the proposal. No proposal is EVER perfect. My FI wishes he''d done it differently, too. He feels that the Eiffel Tower is too cliche and at least once a week he''ll say "I wish I''d proposed at xx place". And I feel guilt, too. See, I got tired of waiting for him to propose, so I ended up moving out of our house and moving 1,500 miles away. And I was adament about no contact, I really did want to move on with my life--I''d waited for him long enough. Long story short, he did some soul searching and a couple of months later he booked the proposal trip (he bought the ring right after I left, but wanted to give himself time). Though the trip was a suprise, the fact that he was proposing was not at all. Sometimes I feel that my impatience and frustration ruined what probably would have happened in the end, but to be honest, none of that matters. What matters is that his proposal was heartfelt and it was lovely and I loved it. And we''re together.

Try to cheer up and not worry about it, there''s no point in playing the blame game. The bottom line is that it doesn''t matter--he proposed, you loved it, there''s nothing more to worry about.

 

[crystalheart1]

Oh - I feel so bad for you... It is awful when things happen one on top of each other. So... I would like to volunteer to be one of your new friends... It sounds like you can use new ones... Too bad I am on the wrong coast.

My son had a little bit of seperation anxiety when he was young.. but never did any damage.. just baby fits. One talk with the male counselor at school for some TLC and he was fine.. fast forward to High School... we got into some Anger issues..
well he just start college two hours away. .. plays football to let out his ***issues*** he is a good kid now

Any way... I have been waiting two and a half months ( has had the ring since June 10th) I am so afraid to say anything so I don''t dare ruin his plans... I pushed a bit for the ring so It is time I just sit back now...

Hugs to you. You always sound so cheerful and upbeat... You are a beautiful women inside and out. Keep focused on the positives... keep it simple.. One bridesmaid sounds like a blessing

Best to you

 

[Jewels305]

Date: 8/29/2007 1:23:42 AM
Author: Harleigh

Date: 8/29/2007 1:02:15 AM
Author: Jewels305


I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this stuff at once. Everyone has days where it seems that nothing goes right, but there always is a light at the end of the tunnel. First off, I am very sorry to hear about his grandmother''s passing. It is very difficult to deal with that loss, and you are all in my thoughts and prayers. You will need to do your best to support your FI at this time and help him as he mourns his loss. Unfortunately, not much will be done on the planning front until you have all had time to grieve.
As for your fiancee saying that you ruined his proposal plan, it''s hard to know if you really did since he won''t tell you what the plan was in the first place. Maybe he really did have something in mind, but I don''t think any guy''s proposal idea goes 100% according to plan. I think most of us find it endearing if the guy does mess up because it''s cute to see him get all nervous. I have some friends who went on a cruise and took a train up the side of a mountain, where he planned to propose. When he went to take the ring out, it fell through a grate on the floor and it took an hour to get out... they had to get someone there to take the grate off and it was a whole ordeal. He was mortified, but she thought it was so funny (once she got her ring back safely!) and it''s a great story for them to tell. Most of the stories I hear on PS in some way say, ''It was just so perfectly us.'' And I think that you are perfectly happy with how your proposal went, because it''s yours. Although I am sure you have told him it was great the way it was, remind him of that and remind him that he completely surprised you, which is what so many guys try to do! It''s important that both of you enjoy this engagement time and neither of you think of the proposal negatively.
As for not setting a date yet, you will. I am sure everything will come together for you. I mean heck, you got your dress for 99 cents, I am sure you will figure out these minor details.

And about the bridesmaids, it''s understandable that it is a big decision and I am sure it''s difficult to swing financially. But as DKS said, your situation may change and you might find out next week that you have 3 definites instead of just one. Try to relax and give things time to sort out before you hit the panic button. And if all else fails, I''d love to go to Hawaii

Thanks, Jewels, for the positive boost!

The proposal was a complete surprise, as he has said he would never do something like that on a holiday, birthday, etc..., so he knew I had no expectations...(did I mention I REALLY was thrilled with the electric toothbrush I asked for AND got???) The ring and funny proposal were icing on an already wonderful cake, because I was just so happy to be with him!

Now, about those BM''s...what are you doing next July???

Have a great night, Jewels, and thanks for your input!

I''ve got 2 weddings in June, but July is completely free!! I''ll pencil in *Harleigh''s Hawaiian Wedding* ...ok, all set. Haha

But seriously, I hope you''re feeling better today. I''m sure not much has gotten worked out yet, but sometimes just having some time to cool off helps. You seem to have such a bright and cheery personality; I enjoy reading your posts and responses. I hate to hear you feeling low, so cheer up!!

 

[Harleigh]

Thank you ladies...I knew I came to the right place for support.

I so appreciate all of your advice...it really does help! Today was definitely better than yesterday, thanks to some of you. When I got up this mornig I just decided I had to let most of it go to put myself in a better place about it all or I would lose my mind, and it simply isn''t worth it.

Holly...They just don''t have a clue. They think they do, but they don''t. And, NONE of them is immune to this -- nobody''s husband or FI has not been an "ass unaware" at some point in their relationship.


Isn''t that just the truth? Sadly, mine HAS gotten much better over the past 15 years, but I guess a leopard can''t change his spots all at once now, can he?

We''ll get through it... Thanks for your input!

deco...I would LOVE to have only 1 girl...sadly, I have been in 11 weddings, most of the gals whom I am still friends with, so by keeping it down to the 4 closest, I thought I was doing really well, actually! Alas, now I am at least down to 3...the one in Missouri is more than likely NOT going to make it, so if the Matron of Honor gets pregnant and can''t fly at the time, she''ll be out, too.

I keep telling myself that if I just have my dearest friend as my Maid of Honor, that will be just fine, though I really felt like the other 3 kind of just assumed they would be standing up in my wedding, and I figured if they wanted to find their way to Hawaii, then it really wasn''t worth splitting hairs and choosing one over another, etc... and possibly hurting feelings.

As for the proposal thing, FI and I are definitely going to have to get past that, especially if he isn''t going to share how I had a part in it, what his plan was, etc... I will wait for things to settle down after the funeral on Saturday, tho...he has enough on his plate right now. Thank you again for chiming in!

NELady...Thanks so much for your kind words. I just lost my grandma (actually, my last grandparent) last year, too, and I think I''m taking the loss of his grandmother a lot harder than he is. His family is so important to me...

And sadly, all the BM dresses in my car are all of the ones we have discarded as options! I still have the two top contenders hanging on my bedroom door right now! Sadly, none of the girls seem to know their own measurements, so I have several in each dress in as many sizes as possible! (I like them both so much I''m thinking of keeping one of each for myself in case I ever go to a formal ball or on a cruise!

)

I really appreciate your words of wisdom, so thank you!

crystalheart...Hi there! You are so sweet! My best friend/Maid of Honor has truly been a godsend through this, but I honestly think weddings bring out the worst in some people. I of course stood up at all three of the other gals'' weddings and never complained about where I had to travel to, the ugly dresses I had to wear and did anything and everything that was asked of me, as well as made matching jewelry sets for all of their wedding party, which most of them had at least 4-6 girls, which ain''t cheap, let me tell ya!

So, yeah, I think I am in need of some new friends, which is why I''m so very glad I have all of you here on PS...I think you all help keep me sane!

I''m so glad your son is doing so well, too! Hooray for you for working through it when he was a child and learning to deal with it rather than ignore it, like so many parents do. I think my student who is having issues will be fine...he is such a lovebug in my class that it breaks my heart to see him lose control...I''ve actually never seen anything quite like it.

So, thank you for the hugs and kind words...I appreciate your support!

Jewels...you are too funny! What size dress do you need...I got lots!?!

As I said above, today is a better day, but to be perfectly honest, I actually haven''t spoken to anyone causing me any grief! I literally told my friend at work (the former BM as of yesterday

) that I had a lot going on and that I would have to talk to her later. We had a minimum day and meetings all afternoon, so there was no time for her to catch me. I''m not mad at all, just frustrated after I felt like she would''ve been so hurt if I didn''t ask her to be a part of the wedding (her cousin is best friends w/my FI and she will be going to HI with us) and it felt so great when I DID ask and she was so very touched and excited, but that''s over and done with now.

And unfortunately, I am usually the friend everyone turns to for cheering up and/or a good laugh, but I don''t really have any friends but my BF who I can turn to at times like these. She would be here for me in a heartbeat, but she is dealing with a few important things herself right now in her own life, and I don''t want to lay all of this on her at this time. It''ll all work itself out...maybe not right this second, but it''ll turn out alright in the end, I''m sure!

So again, thank you, thank you, thank you for your workds of wisdom and support! You all are the best!

 

[Skippy123]

Awwwe, Harleigh my heart goes out to you!!! Men can be such dorks; I hope you guys have a good heart to heart and get it worked out. As for your friends; you are a super friend shopping for them!!! If I was your friend I would love to fly to Hawaii and I would be honored. It is tough because Hawaii can be pricey and if some of them have kids that is hard. I ended up only asking my sister to be my MOH because I can't handle drama very well (the thought of lots of girlfriends and maybe issues). Here is a big (((((hug))))))). I am sending over good positive vibes your way! Vent anytime sweetie!

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 8/30/2007 4:46:47 PM
Author: Skippy123
Awwwe, Harleigh my heart goes out to you!!! Men can be such dorks; I hope you guys have a good heart to heart and get it worked out. As for your friends; you are a super friend shopping for them!!! If I was your friend I would love to fly to Hawaii and I would be honored. It is tough because Hawaii can be pricey and if some of them have kids that is hard. I ended up only asking my sister to be my MOH because I can''t handle drama very well (the thought of lots of girlfriends and maybe issues). Here is a big (((((hug))))))). I am sending over good positive vibes your way! Vent anytime sweetie!

Hi Skippy!

Thanks for your nice words...I will have to wait for that heart to heart talk until after the funeral Saturday, then FI works Sunday and Monday, so I more than likely won''t be able to sit down with him for an extended period of time until the following Friday, at least.

We completely understand that asking people to go to Hawaii is really pricey, and that''s why I was hesitant to ask the two gals who kind of guilted me into it to even be IN my wedding, and now they''re the ones balking at going there! For one of the girls, it wouldn''t be much more than coming to CA from MS, and she always talks about going back there for a vacation. We did also offer to help both of them pay for the trip, including airfare, hotel, etc... for their spouses and kids, explaining that if they wanted to go, we would find a way for them to be there, with or without our help, etc...

As I said, if my best friend can at least be there, I''ll be happy, and she''s already told her BF they''re taking a little vacation next July!

I have dealt with so much drama in the past 11 weddings I''ve been in that I would be happy to have absolutely NONE at mine! Easier said than done, I know, but a girl can dream!

I am just trying to stay positive and not let it all get to me so much...denial is a GREAT place to be right now! And I did manage to return ALL of the dresses in my trunk this evening, and that took a huge load off of my shoulders! Luckily the gal helping me at ROSS was a total doll, there was hardly anyone there, so I just kept handing over bag after bag with the corresponding receipt and got loads of money back on my CC, as well as about $100 back in merchandise credits as I''d used some gift cards to purchase my first batch of dresses.

I still have the fuschia ones I posted in another thread as well as the gold ones I love. I''ll probably return the gold ones, also, but I have a little bit of time before those receipts expire before I have to make a final decision. It was a big relief to get that out of my car, off my CC bill, and on the road to a more sane day, let me tell you!

I actually am dreading this weekend, but family duties must be done. I don''t want to add to FI''s misery anymore right now by bringing up his proposal comments, so I am just going to try to relax and NOT bring it up...if he does, great, he knows how upset I was about it, but I''m not going to instigate it unless he shows a desire to get it out on the table for discussion.

Thanks again for your support, Skippy...you are always so sweet, and I appreciate the time you take to check in on each of us. Many hugs right back at ya!