Have you ever seen a therapist?

[Shoopy]

Laila-thats not necessarily true. They'll just listen if that's just what you need. My therapist gave me a lot of suggestions on how to solve the issues I was having.

Nash-As I said earlier I found my sessions really helpful. One of the things I took away from it was learning how to deal with life changes as well as how to let go of control.

 

[junebug17]

No. I don't feel they are all that helpful, because from what I understand, they don't give opinions or suggestions. They just listen.

I'm surprised you would make such a blanket statement Laila. I too am wondering if you've ever seen a therapist, but your wording suggests to me you haven't.

Different therapists have different methodologies, and use a variety of techniques and strategies. It depends on the individual therapist and what the person's issues are. There are therapists who's main emphasis is talk therapy, but there are also those who offer suggestions, recommend additional resources, coping strategies, relaxation techniques, ways to reduce anxiety, reading material, offer advice, opinions, ways to improve communication etc. I had such a therapist when my family received counseling for issues my daughter was having during her teenage years. Out of everyone in my family, I think I benefited the most from her services. She helped me through a very difficult period.

 

[waxing lyrical]

I've recently started seeing one. I have depression (I *think* she said bipolar II) and SAD.

 

[HollyS]

I am my own best therapist. And if I am not able to pull my own head out of my 'you know what', I have a very good friend wise enough to do the job for me.

Most of us know exactly who we are, where we need to change, and why we don't. For myself, personally, I don't feel the need to pay someone to listen to me try to justify any recalcitrant effort to improve myself. I just need to 'find my inner child, kick it's little butt, and get over it" -- to quote Don Henley. I'm very no nonsense, and so NOT a drama queen, so I usually pull myself together without much fuss.

For others, maybe a little counseling helps. DH has gone, and has been helped.

 

[Laila619]

No. I don't feel they are all that helpful, because from what I understand, they don't give opinions or suggestions. They just listen.

I'm surprised you would make such a blanket statement Laila. I too am wondering if you've ever seen a therapist, but your wording suggests to me you haven't.

Different therapists have different methodologies, and use a variety of techniques and strategies. It depends on the individual therapist and what the person's issues are. There are therapists who's main emphasis is talk therapy, but there are also those who offer suggestions, recommend additional resources, coping strategies, relaxation techniques, ways to reduce anxiety, reading material, offer advice, opinions, ways to improve communication etc. I had such a therapist when my family received counseling for issues my daughter was having during her teenage years. Out of everyone in my family, I think I benefited the most from her services. She helped me through a very difficult period.

I've never seen one, no. I've just heard (from a few people who have seen therapists) that a good therapist isn't supposed to give opinions...they are supposed to just listen and ask you thought-provoking questions. So if you're trying to decide whether to stay in a bad relationship, for example, and you ask them directly, I was under the impression that they won't tell you a concrete answer, i.e. "Yes, leave the bum." They'll instead say something like, "Well, what do you think would be best for you?" My friend was in a horrible relationship with an abusive jerk, and all of us girls told her to leave him, but the therapist she was seeing offered her all sorts of insights and excuses for his behavior but wouldn't tell her it was an unhealthy, toxic relationship.

Since this isn't first-hand experience though, I could be very wrong.

 

[arjunajane]

Laila: Seems a little unfair to tar all therapists with the same " not helpful" label based on your friend's one experience, no?
I am not a psych of any type so I can''t say for sure - but it could be that is the professional way to react in such a situation, or it could have been your mate just wasn't seeing a very effective / good for her therapist.

Its great to be able to talk to friends and other loved ones, but I bet nearly everyone on this board has things they would rather talk to an impartial third party about at times.



To answer the original question - yes I saw a counselor when I was a young teen; I wouldn't say it was life changing but did help somewhat at the time. Looking back, I can likely diagnose that the counselor didn't really have all the skills needed to be more effective in my particular situation.
I have been gathering referrals lately to start seeing someone as an adult. No one particular big issue or problem, I just feel it would be beneficial for me to gain some insight / guidance about various parts of my life, and to have someone outside of my close relationships to speak to.

 

[zhuzhu]

One of the biggest misconceptions about counseling/therapy is that seeking them is a sign of weakness/having no self-control. In fact it often quite the opposite. Recognizing the need for help and seeking professional/unbiased feedback is a sign of both strength and determination to live a productive life. A well-trained professional won't be telling you the answers to the questions, instead they will help you formula effective strategies to solve the issues you face.

Usually when people feel the "harmless" symptoms such as stress, anxiety, irritability, they are experiencing accumulated side effects of their "unhealthy" behavior/thoughts patterns that have never been properly addressed/dealt with for some time. When one choses to go on the same old path without receiving appropriate help to recognize the patterns that cause these symptoms, each issue or situation that isn't dealt with continues to accumulate until that person finally breaking down in various forms.

Of course everyone is different, some people do not trust or like others and there is nothing any professionals can say to be heard. But in general, I believe a well-trained therapist that is right for you will enhance your quality of life by helping you understand you thoughts and feelings more clearly in order to solve specific problems or to have a more positive outlook in life.

Reference: http://www.crpsib.com/userfiles/file/factsheet_therapy_myths.pdf

 

[Cehrabehra]

I have seen a few over the years... most were average but one was REALLY bad and one was really good. The really bad one scarred me for a long time and I was afraid to ever see one again - the last one was REALLY good and I'd still be with him if I was in the usa. I don't really NEED one right now, but I over analyze everything and having a sounding board is very useful in my life - I tend to not want to burden people with my stuff and after a while it builds up. I mostly have one to disentangle my intellectual mind more than my emotional state... I think way too much and of course no one wants to listen to that lol

 

[MissMina]

No and I don't think anyone in my family has.
I imagine it could be helpful but only if it was the right therapist for the client.

 

[bee*]

No I've never seen one. In fact I don't know anyone that has. It doesn't seem to be as popular over here although I can imagine that it would definitely be very helpful.

 

[phoenixgirl]

I saw one for a year after my dad's suicide. She was wonderful. She mainly just listened (but she would take notes and bring up things I had mentioned in previous sessions and point out patterns or connections), though she did give her opinion occasionally, especially if asked. I have three friends who have gone to this same therapist, and for them, she has been even more vocal. My most recent friend (who went upon my recommendation after her husband attempted suicide) was actually sent away by the therapist who told her that she wasn't ready for therapy. But apparently prior to this she spend an entire session lecturing my friend about things she was in denial about. My experience with her was so different; she obviously tailors her approach to each client. In my case she mainly listened and allowed me to grieve, and she encouraged me to come less and less frequently until I stopped altogether.

Prior to asking for personal recommendations from my friends and finding that woman, I saw a woman whom I found off the internet twice. She was like a Saturday Night Live therapy skit. She forgot pertinent details and tried to force me to "name what makes [me] vulnerable" on our second session when my dad had died maybe two weeks earlier. She kept wanting me to "voice" what made me sad. Um, my dad's death, that's what's making me sad, you idiot. Obviously not a good fit. "Talk to me about grief." Right . . . wasn't I? What? Obviously you need to find the right fit. My brother saw somebody during the same period who appeared to actually be sleeping while my brother spoke!

There was some orange juice commercial on in the states maybe a year ago where the spokesman said something like, "I believe a walk in the park is better than an hour on the therapist's couch." I found that highly offensive, and I noticed that the commercial was edited to remove that sound-bite shortly thereafter. It's easy to judge people who see therapists as lacking coping skills. I wasn't lacking coping skills; I just wanted a touch-stone during an unusually difficult period of my life. Frankly, if my therapist had been content to keep me coming regularly, I probably would have. It was nice having a captive audience of a wise, sympathetic woman who gave good advice on a regular basis.

 

[ksinger]

No. I've never not been able to get myself out of whatever ailed me. That, and in our family there wasn't any of that. You were expected to deal, and keep moving. Falling apart was not allowed.

Now, knowing more about some of the formerly hidden skeletons in the family closet, and having had a (in retrospect) too-long period of emotional immobilization in my own life, I could see where a therapist could perhaps help you work through stuff more quickly. Still, family members and I, made it through our "crises" with our own efforts and the help of friends, so I'm still primarly a believer in time and introspection and good friends to work through all but the worst problems. My own experience of problems has been that they can become a mental habit - self-pity being a biggie - and have an appeal that won't let go until I'm sick of them and take at least some responsibility for the situation, and all the talking, insight, and good advice in the world makes no difference until I decide to take it, to change my mind.

But I've never had to deal with a genuine mental illness like clinical depression either - I realize that sort of thing is different.

 

[Shoopy]

No. I don't feel they are all that helpful, because from what I understand, they don't give opinions or suggestions. They just listen.

I'm surprised you would make such a blanket statement Laila. I too am wondering if you've ever seen a therapist, but your wording suggests to me you haven't.

Different therapists have different methodologies, and use a variety of techniques and strategies. It depends on the individual therapist and what the person's issues are. There are therapists who's main emphasis is talk therapy, but there are also those who offer suggestions, recommend additional resources, coping strategies, relaxation techniques, ways to reduce anxiety, reading material, offer advice, opinions, ways to improve communication etc. I had such a therapist when my family received counseling for issues my daughter was having during her teenage years. Out of everyone in my family, I think I benefited the most from her services. She helped me through a very difficult period.

I've never seen one, no. I've just heard (from a few people who have seen therapists) that a good therapist isn't supposed to give opinions...they are supposed to just listen and ask you thought-provoking questions. So if you're trying to decide whether to stay in a bad relationship, for example, and you ask them directly, I was under the impression that they won't tell you a concrete answer, i.e. "Yes, leave the bum." They'll instead say something like, "Well, what do you think would be best for you?" My friend was in a horrible relationship with an abusive jerk, and all of us girls told her to leave him, but the therapist she was seeing offered her all sorts of insights and excuses for his behavior but wouldn't tell her it was an unhealthy, toxic relationship.

Since this isn't first-hand experience though, I could be very wrong.

You're thinking therapists for relationships. Yes, they don't give you suggestions. They can't because its not effective. If you need to leave someone it has to be a decision you make.

But therapists and why people go see a therapists includes a lot more than just relationship help.

I went to one because I had a fear that my daughter was going to die. By the time I went to see a therapist, all logic had escaped and was replaced with intense fear and anxiety. To give an ex., I even believed that if her socks were too snug it would cause her heart to stop. That's how my brain worked at that time in my life.

I was far passed just talking to a girlfriend over coffee and my therapist did a lot more than just listen.

 

[kenny]

No. I've never not been able to get myself out of whatever ailed me. That, and in our family there wasn't any of that. You were expected to deal, and keep moving. Falling apart was not allowed.

This reminds me.
Years after my therapy I noticed that I no longer felt limited by family expectations.
At the age of 18 we are free to leave home but many of us never break free from our families, psychologically.

I heard someone say once, "I just wasn't raised that way".
I propose that we are never finished being raised.

Families can be powerful, and sometimes harmful, things.
You could see each of us as a fancy computer and parents as the software engineers and installers.

I believe in each of us is a seed.
It is our self.
If you are lucky you pick good parents that nurture and encourage you to become yourself, wherever that takes you.
In many of us the seed of self grows to be distorted like those square watermelons because parents want what THEY want.
Many parents want to create their version of a perfect person when they raise kids.

To me therapy is a journey to the self.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

quote="ksinger"]That, and in our family there wasn't any of that. You were expected to deal, and keep moving. Falling apart was not allowed.
[/quote]

This is what landed me in therapy - after 10 years of denying it would be helpful to me, because I never "fell apart".

Most of us know exactly who we are, where we need to change, and why we don't. For myself, personally, I don't feel the need to pay someone to listen to me try to justify any recalcitrant effort to improve myself. I just need to 'find my inner child, kick it's little butt, and get over it" -- to quote Don Henley. I'm very no nonsense, and so NOT a drama queen, so I usually pull myself together without much fuss.

I am glad that you don't need one, but I respectfully disagree with this statement. In my opinion, most people do not know who they are, what they need to change and even less why we don't. If we were, people wouldn't go on some many doomed diets, for example.

I feel rather attacked by your tone in this post.

 

[Nashville]

I am my own best therapist. And if I am not able to pull my own head out of my 'you know what', I have a very good friend wise enough to do the job for me.

Most of us know exactly who we are, where we need to change, and why we don't. For myself, personally, I don't feel the need to pay someone to listen to me try to justify any recalcitrant effort to improve myself. I just need to 'find my inner child, kick it's little butt, and get over it" -- to quote Don Henley. I'm very no nonsense, and so NOT a drama queen, so I usually pull myself together without much fuss.

For others, maybe a little counseling helps. DH has gone, and has been helped.

Thanks, but I'm not a drama queen. In fact, much of the reason I'm going to therapy in the first place is because I refuse to burden other people with my problems. I'm about as no nonsense as they come, which is why I've taken account of what's going on in my head and said "I need to be healthy, for my child and my marriage."

Forgive me if trying to "pull myself together" and seeing a therapist in my own private time is causing a fuss. I really don't feel it is.

 

[movie zombie]

nicely stated, kenny.

MoZo

 

[CJ2008]

nicely stated, kenny.

MoZo

Yes!

 

[ksinger]

No. I've never not been able to get myself out of whatever ailed me. That, and in our family there wasn't any of that. You were expected to deal, and keep moving. Falling apart was not allowed.

This reminds me.
Years after my therapy I noticed that I no longer felt limited by family expectations.
At the age of 18 we are free to leave home but many of us never break free from our families, psychologically.

I heard someone say once, "I just wasn't raised that way".
I propose that we are never finished being raised.

Families can be powerful, and sometimes harmful, things.
You could see each of us as a fancy computer and parents as the software engineers and installers.

I believe in each of us is a seed.
It is our self.
If you are lucky you pick good parents that nurture and encourage you to become yourself, wherever that takes you.
In many of us the seed of self grows to be distorted like those square watermelons because parents want what THEY want.
Many parents want to create their version of a perfect person when they raise kids.

To me therapy is a journey to the self.

I'm not sure exactly what the point of your little manifesto is, but I hope it wasn't because you think I'm implying that a person shouldn't have therapy if they needed it. I merely meant that in my mother's family, falling apart - as in say...a mother leaving her children, or having a nervous breakdown and letting the baby immolate himself on the stove, was frowned upon. To me, that's not a terribly high expectation, all things considered. By all means, get all the help you need, but if you have freely chosen responsibilities such as children, you'd best keep moving and functioning, that's all. I come from physically strong, emotionally stoic roots. I was raised to be more balanced in my approach to life and its curveballs than the strict stoicism that my mother was raised with, so I'm actually not averse to asking for help, but I take a certain amount of comfort in the idea that I am capable of dealing with life and what it throws at me. When I feel I need help, I ask for it. But I've usually found that time, good friends, and my own efforts work pretty well. In the end, whether you seek to talk to someone about your issues, or not, YOU are the one doing the changing, no one else.

 

[kenny]

No. I've never not been able to get myself out of whatever ailed me. That, and in our family there wasn't any of that. You were expected to deal, and keep moving. Falling apart was not allowed.

This reminds me.
Years after my therapy I noticed that I no longer felt limited by family expectations.
At the age of 18 we are free to leave home but many of us never break free from our families, psychologically.

I heard someone say once, "I just wasn't raised that way".
I propose that we are never finished being raised.

Families can be powerful, and sometimes harmful, things.
You could see each of us as a fancy computer and parents as the software engineers and installers.

I believe in each of us is a seed.
It is our self.
If you are lucky you pick good parents that nurture and encourage you to become yourself, wherever that takes you.
In many of us the seed of self grows to be distorted like those square watermelons because parents want what THEY want.
Many parents want to create their version of a perfect person when they raise kids.

To me therapy is a journey to the self.

I'm not sure exactly what the point of your little manifesto is, but I hope it wasn't because you think I'm implying that a person shouldn't have therapy if they needed it. I merely meant that in my mother's family, falling apart - as in say...a mother leaving her children, or having a nervous breakdown and letting the baby immolate himself on the stove, was frowned upon. To me, that's not a terribly high expectation, all things considered. By all means, get all the help you need, but if you have freely chosen responsibilities such as children, you'd best keep moving and functioning, that's all. I come from physically strong, emotionally stoic roots. I was raised to be more balanced in my approach to life and its curveballs than the strict stoicism that my mother was raised with, so I'm actually not averse to asking for help, but I take a certain amount of comfort in the idea that I am capable of dealing with life and what it throws at me. When I feel I need help, I ask for it. But I've usually found that time, good friends, and my own efforts work pretty well. In the end, whether you seek to talk to someone about your issues, or not, YOU are the one doing the changing, no one else.

Little manifesto?

 

[Kaleigh]

I saw one after my brother died, and all he did when I spoke was say, no way really?? Or no sh*t, that sucks... Yeah not what I was looking for, LOL!!!


But after Nanny died, I sought out a grief counselor. She was tremendously helpful and got me through a very rough time in my life.

Finding a really good one is hard, but so worth it when you do.

 

[ksinger]

No. I've never not been able to get myself out of whatever ailed me. That, and in our family there wasn't any of that. You were expected to deal, and keep moving. Falling apart was not allowed.

This reminds me.
Years after my therapy I noticed that I no longer felt limited by family expectations.
At the age of 18 we are free to leave home but many of us never break free from our families, psychologically.

I heard someone say once, "I just wasn't raised that way".
I propose that we are never finished being raised.

Families can be powerful, and sometimes harmful, things.
You could see each of us as a fancy computer and parents as the software engineers and installers.

I believe in each of us is a seed.
It is our self.
If you are lucky you pick good parents that nurture and encourage you to become yourself, wherever that takes you.
In many of us the seed of self grows to be distorted like those square watermelons because parents want what THEY want.
Many parents want to create their version of a perfect person when they raise kids.

To me therapy is a journey to the self.

I'm not sure exactly what the point of your little manifesto is, but I hope it wasn't because you think I'm implying that a person shouldn't have therapy if they needed it. I merely meant that in my mother's family, falling apart - as in say...a mother leaving her children, or having a nervous breakdown and letting the baby immolate himself on the stove, was frowned upon. To me, that's not a terribly high expectation, all things considered. By all means, get all the help you need, but if you have freely chosen responsibilities such as children, you'd best keep moving and functioning, that's all. I come from physically strong, emotionally stoic roots. I was raised to be more balanced in my approach to life and its curveballs than the strict stoicism that my mother was raised with, so I'm actually not averse to asking for help, but I take a certain amount of comfort in the idea that I am capable of dealing with life and what it throws at me. When I feel I need help, I ask for it. But I've usually found that time, good friends, and my own efforts work pretty well. In the end, whether you seek to talk to someone about your issues, or not, YOU are the one doing the changing, no one else.

Little manifesto?

Kenny, if I had been trying to make you feel small, it would not have been with a mere 2 words of 222, and you wouldn't have felt the need to edit your post to be sure: you'd KNOW. So I'll leave you to ponder the 220 remaining and decide if this post was some sort of attack.

 

[kenny]

I edit for spelling, grammar or clarity.
Not to win.

"Attacks" are a function of perspective.
If I were to ever attack someone there would be no ambiguity.

Clarity and brevity is not an attack.
Just saving ink.

 

[ksinger]

I edit for spelling, grammar or clarity.
Not to win.

"Attacks" are a function of perspective.
If I were to ever attack someone there would be no ambiguity.

Clarity and brevity is not an attack.
Just saving ink.

Whatever.

 

[kenny]

I edit for spelling, grammar or clarity.
Not to win.

"Attacks" are a function of perspective.
If I were to ever attack someone there would be no ambiguity.

Clarity and brevity is not an attack.
Just saving ink.

Whatever.

I concur.

 

[Shoopy]

Yet another PS thread in which we one up each other.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

I saw one after my brother died, and all he did when I spoke was say, no way really?? Or no sh*t, that sucks... Yeah not what I was looking for, LOL!!!


But after Nanny died, I sought out a grief counselor. She was tremendously helpful and got me through a very rough time in my life.

Finding a really good one is hard, but so worth it when you do.

Ooooh, I hate that! The first therapist I saw didn't even articulate phrases - she just grunted! Even after I explained that I needed her to help me start talking, as I have a lot of difficulting getting start. She grunted in reply!

My current professional understood what I meant and will usually ask me one or two questions to get started. Maybe, for some people, that would not be the right approach, but it works for me.

I think this thread is interesting - please let's not get derailed.

 

[Kaleigh]

I saw one after my brother died, and all he did when I spoke was say, no way really?? Or no sh*t, that sucks... Yeah not what I was looking for, LOL!!!


But after Nanny died, I sought out a grief counselor. She was tremendously helpful and got me through a very rough time in my life.

Finding a really good one is hard, but so worth it when you do.

Ooooh, I hate that! The first therapist I saw didn't even articulate phrases - she just grunted! Even after I explained that I needed her to help me start talking, as I have a lot of difficulting getting start. She grunted in reply!

My current professional understood what I meant and will usually ask me one or two questions to get started. Maybe, for some people, that would not be the right approach, but it works for me.

I think this thread is interesting - please let's not get derailed.

Glad you found someone that understands what works for you, that's key...

And yes, this thread is interesting, and helpful to many. Although they may not be posting..

 

[E B]

I wish I could say I'm surprised by how insensitive a couple of these comments have come across, but...

For those of you who aren't 'drama queens': Be glad you've never had to deal with anxiety or depression beyond your control. It can be crippling- far beyond being able to buck up and deal. You aren't stronger than everyone else, you're just lucky.

As for me: I went to see a therapist when my father married his second wife. We fought like cats and dogs, and my father thought counseling would help bring us closer together. Unfortunately, I don't remember if it did (I was pretty young).

I haven't been formally diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I suffer from a mild form of GAD, and there are times when I'd love to have an unbiased ear, unbiased advice. I've lived with it for years, but thankfully it's mild enough so that it comes in waves rather than all the time.

 

[Nashville]

I wish I could say I'm surprised by how insensitive a couple of these comments have come across, but...

For those of you who aren't 'drama queens': Be glad you've never had to deal with anxiety or depression beyond your control. It can be crippling- far beyond being able to buck up and deal. You aren't stronger than everyone else, you're just lucky.

As for me: I went to see a therapist when my father married his second wife. We fought like cats and dogs, and my father thought counseling would help bring us closer together. Unfortunately, I don't remember if it did (I was pretty young).

I haven't been formally diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I suffer from a mild form of GAD, and there are times when I'd love to have an unbiased ear, unbiased advice. I've lived with it for years, but thankfully it's mild enough so that it comes in waves rather than all at once.

Thank you for saying this... it is so true.