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Have you discuss what you want for a proposal?

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MustangFan

Brilliant_Rock
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Feb 27, 2006
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935
Or is this out of line..??
I do not mean detail, but restrictions??

Have you even discussed this??
We haven''t, and I want to say what I don''t want, but I''ve already been so involved in the ring process that I feel like I''m out of line to give restrictions on the proposal or ruin it for him. He tells me that he has no clue what he''s doing, (some how I don''t believe him anymore with his "fraud" slip lol) I guess it''s probably too late to even bother discussing it..? The longer I wait the more I think about it, so I think he should just do it!!!
 

cRaSh

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2006
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101
No, we have never discussed it. I want it to be a 100% suprise, and of his own design. No matter how UNromantic it may seem to others. I think it would be just as special and romantic to me, knowing he did it on his own, and it''s from his heart. I expect it will not be very fancy or a big production. He''s pretty reserved. I think it will be private, and he will either write a song (he''s a musician) or tell me how he feels, and propose. And I''m sure it will be on a special day, like the anniversary of the day we first said "I love you", or the first kiss etc. He remembers EVERYTHING like that.
 

havernell

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I haven't point blank told my boyfriend what I don't want for a proposal, but I have dropped hints at appropriate times.

For instance, we were at a baseball game where someone proposed, and I said something like "Ugh, I always feel bad for the girl when she gets a big public proposal like that! She can't say no even if she wanted to. Just the two of you is much better, don't you think?" Same goes for when we see a restaurant proposal- I mention something I don't like about it.

You could also drop hints by telling him stories (true or not, you can make them up!) about other people's engagements. Something like "Susie at work just got engaged and her boyfriend Dave proposed by a lake at sunset. I'm impressed Dave thought up such a great proposal idea!"

So, this may be a good way for you to communicate what you don't want to your bf without totally butting in. Comment to your bf about other engagements you see/hear about and let him infer what you do or don't like based on what you say.
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
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May 14, 2006
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12,170
Ive dropped a few comments here or there to show what I like and what I dont want. I dont think that he''d do it out in the public anyway as its just not him. I agree with the previous poster in that say someone you know got engaged and say that you like the way they got engaged etc
 

MustangFan

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2006
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935
He was going to propose on the 4th of July with hundred of dollars of fireworks. This is his favorite holiday and he normally goes over board anway. We have a party and invite a lot of family and friends... He was going to propose with everyone over, I would like something over the top, but at the same time it is private and I wouldn''t want my future MIL staring at me to say yes. He was pretty bummed that he didn''t have the ring in time and he told me all about the proposal, I started to cry, was a pretty depressing day a few days before.. We didn''t do anything for the 4th because of this. Whatever he comes up with this time I''m sure it will be fine. It''s so close now, I don''t think I''m going to mention it.
 

MustangFan

Brilliant_Rock
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Feb 27, 2006
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Crash,

I''m normally the one that members all that stuff, but he did remember what I was wearing the day we met. We were trying to figure out the day we met was either August 16 or 17 2005. Wasn''t really on our minds to remember the date, after all we were supposed to be only "friends." We met online Match.com! and talked for a month before that. He told me that he found somone one day and hoped that he could still be friends, so I met someone and both relationships fell through, actually I bought my boyfriend at the time to one of his parties. Really weird to think about it now, I bought my boyfriend to my future hubby''s memorial day party!! We still joke about it.

I was second best
He was the back-up plan lol
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Sep 30, 2006
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11,242
We have discussed it, sort of, but more in the context of other peoples' proposals. I mentioned an acquaintance of mine getting proposed to with the old "ring-in-the-fortune-cookie" thing and said that her boyfriend only went that route because they hadn't known each other that long, and he therefore had to go with something kitschy. I also said it was a little sad that they didn't have anything personal and unique to them that he could take advantage of for his proposal. BF then said, "I would never propose to you that way."
(They CAN take hints!!)

I've also mentioned my distaste for Valentine's Day (I'm in the corporate sonspiracy crowd, haha) so that he knows (indirectly) not to propose to me on that day.

But it's never come down to "honey, I wish you would propose on such-and-such a date at this restaurant and make sure you have a speech." I think that would be a bit much!
 

therighttime

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 20, 2006
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224
Sorry if this is too off-topic, but why is everyone oppossed to Valentine''s Day proposals?? I admit that I have never really "celebrated" the day with any great enthusiasm, and I agree it''s just a made-up holiday. But who cares? If you love the man and are ready to get married why does it matter what day? I have seen lots of posts of "it better not be on Valentine''s Day." I just don''t get it. All I care about is knowing he wants to spend the rest of his life with me... ask on Valentine''s Day, Arbor Day, or Aunt Bertha''s Birthday.... I don''t care. It''s the promise of what is to come in the future that is important, not the day he asks.
 

Beth07

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 16, 2007
Messages
53
Oh it''s been discussed. But it wasn''t so much me telling him what I do and don''t want than us discussing how others tend to do it. From those discussions I can tell you that:
It will not happen at a sporting event of any sort.
It will not happen over dinner at a fancy restaurant.
It will not happen in my apt.

And from what he''s told me, he will make it romantic and special and personal and I will be "very happy"



We shall see. He has the ring, now I wait.
 

KristyDarling

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Jul 27, 2005
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3,856
I never discussed what I wanted with my DH, nor did I drop hints. But looking back, I SHOULD HAVE!!!
My man is the type who is utterly incapable of coming up with romantic ideas and surprises on his own. A surprise romantic gesture is not even within the realm of possibility. I have him "trained" well in most other departments, but with romance, he''s hopeless. If you are the type of woman who is hoping for a thoughtful, memorable proposal, and if your man is anything like my husband, I really encourage you to drop some not-so-subtle hints or have an all-out discussion of what you like and don''t like. This way, there are no unpleasant surprises. My husband proposed while we were standing on a street corner waiting for the valet to pull the car around after dinner at a restaurant. He just asked, "will you marry me?" No speech, no sweet nothings, no bended knee.
TOTALLY anticlimactic. To this day, I haven''t let him live that down!
He says all the time now that he wishes he had put more thought and preparation into his proposal. He definitely regrets it and so do I! But we''re happily married of course so it''s water under the bridge. (sorta, hehe)
 

MustangFan

Brilliant_Rock
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Feb 27, 2006
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935
Kristy that is exactly what I don''t want, I was engaged before and it was anticlimatic, not to bring up exs, he already knows the sorry and being disappointed.

As for Valentine''s Day, i''M NOT apposed to it, and I can''t understand why so many people are, it''s only a day. It''s not a cop out to me because we didn''t really make a big deal last year, it''s just another day. I think Christmas is more of a cop out if they use the excuse well I couldn''t get you anything else because I spent all the money on the ring, so Christmas present/engagement in one.
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
I just told him I wanted something private and personal, no fuss... and he did. Private proposal in a gorgeous city pack in jeans and a t-shirt. We''re nature lovers, so it was perfect.
 

bellah

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 5, 2006
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24
I haven''t really introduced myself around here as I haven''t really been with my boyfriend long enough to be a LIW but I lurk, and wanted to share my thoughts on this thread.

In March 2005 my (now ex) boyfriend proposed to me in a very expensive, public and over-the-top way. At the time I thought it was so romantic, but unfortunately after we broke up I came to see it as a very flashy and showy proposal. One that was more about him and showing off to others, than it was about me and us.

My current boyfriend knows I was engaged previously so if and when the time comes to talk about the possibility of us getting married, I will be telling him that I would much prefer him to propose privately over pizza and Friday night football than make a grand public display.

So, I guess my only ''restriction'' would be that the proposal be private. Other than that, he can do it whenever and wherever he likes
Oh, but I would also prefer a say in the ring. My ex wouldn''t let me have any imput and as a result I hated the ring he chose for me but had to pretend I loved it.
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
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11,242
Date: 2/1/2007 4:22:05 PM
Author: therighttime
Sorry if this is too off-topic, but why is everyone oppossed to Valentine's Day proposals?? I admit that I have never really 'celebrated' the day with any great enthusiasm, and I agree it's just a made-up holiday. But who cares? If you love the man and are ready to get married why does it matter what day? I have seen lots of posts of 'it better not be on Valentine's Day.' I just don't get it. All I care about is knowing he wants to spend the rest of his life with me... ask on Valentine's Day, Arbor Day, or Aunt Bertha's Birthday.... I don't care. It's the promise of what is to come in the future that is important, not the day he asks.
Some people do not like specific days, for whatever reason. If you're insinuating that not wanting to be asked on any specific day(s) makes those of us that feel that way less in love, less ready to spend our lives with that person or less focused on the true meaning behind his proposing, I think that that's assuming too much.

For some of us, certain days on the calendar may remind us of certain past events in our lives that we would rather not be thinking of close to a proposal. I personally greatly dislike Valentine's Day because of poor memories associated with it. I don't want to be thinking of awful things that happened on that day in years past and then be proposed to ten minutes later. Better to have a day that's just yours, and start fresh!

There are also others who would rather not be proposed to on that day because it's just too obvious! If the guy's gonna propose on a day that has "meaning," why not make it a day that has meaning specifically to the two of you, not just to the rest of the country... and if Valentine's Day does fit the bill in some cases, great! In most cases, though, it's like proposing with a fortune cookie
(which, again, might have actual meaning for some people--but for most, it's just overdone and cheesy) or proposing because it's Valentine's Day... not "just because."

Just my reasoning behind it!
 

snlee

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 6, 2004
Messages
5,891
Date: 2/1/2007 4:32:02 PM
Author: KristyDarling
I never discussed what I wanted with my DH, nor did I drop hints. But looking back, I SHOULD HAVE!!!
My man is the type who is utterly incapable of coming up with romantic ideas and surprises on his own. A surprise romantic gesture is not even within the realm of possibility. I have him ''trained'' well in most other departments, but with romance, he''s hopeless. If you are the type of woman who is hoping for a thoughtful, memorable proposal, and if your man is anything like my husband, I really encourage you to drop some not-so-subtle hints or have an all-out discussion of what you like and don''t like. This way, there are no unpleasant surprises. My husband proposed while we were standing on a street corner waiting for the valet to pull the car around after dinner at a restaurant. He just asked, ''will you marry me?'' No speech, no sweet nothings, no bended knee.
TOTALLY anticlimactic. To this day, I haven''t let him live that down!
He says all the time now that he wishes he had put more thought and preparation into his proposal. He definitely regrets it and so do I! But we''re happily married of course so it''s water under the bridge. (sorta, hehe)
Haha. KD, your husband sounds like my husband! He''s hopeless in the romance department and never surprises me with flowers or gifts. He didn''t say anything else other than "will you marry me?" too. However, at least he did think of a nice place to do it at. We were on vacation in Hawaii, and he popped the question right after watching the sunrise at the 10,023 foot summit of Haleakala Crater.

MustangFan, I would say something. I don''t think restrictions are out of line.
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Date: 2/1/2007 4:32:02 PM
Author: KristyDarling
I never discussed what I wanted with my DH, nor did I drop hints. But looking back, I SHOULD HAVE!!!
My man is the type who is utterly incapable of coming up with romantic ideas and surprises on his own. A surprise romantic gesture is not even within the realm of possibility. I have him ''trained'' well in most other departments, but with romance, he''s hopeless. If you are the type of woman who is hoping for a thoughtful, memorable proposal, and if your man is anything like my husband, I really encourage you to drop some not-so-subtle hints or have an all-out discussion of what you like and don''t like. This way, there are no unpleasant surprises. My husband proposed while we were standing on a street corner waiting for the valet to pull the car around after dinner at a restaurant. He just asked, ''will you marry me?'' No speech, no sweet nothings, no bended knee.
TOTALLY anticlimactic. To this day, I haven''t let him live that down!
He says all the time now that he wishes he had put more thought and preparation into his proposal. He definitely regrets it and so do I! But we''re happily married of course so it''s water under the bridge. (sorta, hehe)
Haha, unromantic, but REAL.

My hubby proposed to me in my office (in our apartment). It is the same room he first told me he loved me. His idea of creative was to put the ring box on the end of a cricket bat as he got down on one knee.


But you know what? It was HIM. So many times it''s all about the proposal *we* dream about. I think it''s kind of interesting to leave it up to the guy and see what he comes up with...because then it''s more "what you see is what you get" if that makes any sense. I would have hated for him to do this grandiose proposal when he was uncomfortable with it (or it was not his idea), and then look back to our engagement when life becomes mundane and ask him, "how come you''re not romantic anymore?" only to have him tell me..."Uh, I never really was!"

Not to say that some things can''t be tactfully put offlimits...some women REALLY are uncomfortable with public proposals. And I don''t think it''s bad for a guy to go out of his comfort zone either and do something crazy and romantic if it makes his woman happy..that is a nice reason to try. But I don''t think we should dictate how the proposal should go. And believe me...some women DICTATE.

btw, I was 33 when I got engaged and my friends are all married. Interestingly not very many people asked me how he asked me. They were like, "congrats! let''s celebrate!" and that''s pretty much it. I think a lot of women want that story to tell, but in my case, people were just happy I was going to get married. LOL....
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
I told FI that if he ever decided to ask me I had a couple of rules:

a) no ring - as I wanted to design it and my timescale is not short!

b) not in public

I really wanted a proposal that was us and that he put time and thought into - I was quite worried he''d do the whole one knee in a restaurant bit and that isn''t me at all.

In the end he came up with my perfect proposal - with scrabble letters - at home in our flat on Christmas Eve. He sent an email round to hundreds of people afterwards - all of them were really surprised as most men in the UK seem to put zero effort into proposals. Also FI is seen by most people as rather icy cold and super logical and analytical. Only I know that we can''t watch soppy films as they make HIM cry too much, and about the secret teddy-bear collection (he just needed them)!

I''d have liked it if he''d asked my father - but he said he didn''t as my dad is incapable of keeping secrets - least of all from me (we talk nearly everyday on the phone).

I also used to read out really good PS proposals and ones I didn''t care for so much and make appropriate comments.
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2006
Messages
12,450
I haven''t talked with my boyfriend about what type of proposal I want because I want him to think it through himself and do what comes naturally when the time is right. He knows that because in some senses we are fairly private in nature, proposing in private is the way to go. Now, my thoughts on the ring, however, have not been kept private.
 
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