Have people made assumptions about your wealth due to your jewelry?

[jaysonsmom]

Actually another story about assumptions made about our “wealth” which I find funny and sexist. Most people assume I’m married to a wealthy Asian doctor or something. When we go car shopping or jewelry, people grovel over my husband, thinking that HE would be the decision maker or the person signing the check. I always find it amusing when my husband nods at me, and says: “whatever you want honey, it’s your money”. My husband came from humble beginnings and although he makes a decent living, I’m the higher earner and buy cars and jewelry for myself. I just bring him along to get the “service” I deserve.

Moral of both stories: Never Assume! It
make an ASS out or U and ME.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Recently to “kill” some time waiting to pick up my glasses I wandered into a “sort of upmarket” jewellers. I was wearing yoga pants and a T shirt. I had no RHR on. I was curious as to how much a chunky gold chain would cost, especially now as gold has gone up so much. As the saleswoman appeared I pointed, with my right hand, to the thicker 18ct gold chains in the cabinet. Saleswoman tells me “those chains are very expensive, these ones here, pointing to gold plated silver ones, are more in your price range”.
OMG I had just been judged by a snotty sales person!
Whoa and ouch.
Switching my handbag to my right hand, I put my left hand on the glass counter with a thud and said “Thanks, but no thanks”.
On left hand was my 5 carats of engagement ring, 2 carats of eternity ring, 4 carats of diamond tennis bracelet and my gold Rolex with diamond bezel
As a final “flourish” I put my hair behind my ears showing off my 4 carats of diamond ear studs and flicked my necklace set with a 2 carat RB diamond out from under my t shirt.
And I turned and left!

Bron
I like your style!!

 

[bludiva]

from people's comments they have made assumptions on how much my husband or i have spent on some of my rings but don't know if that translates to what they assume about overall affluence. there are a few rings i avoid wearing if I would go somewhere like car shopping. They are not all expensive but big enough to get noticed.

Actually another story about assumptions made about our “wealth” which I find funny and sexist. Most people assume I’m married to a wealthy Asian doctor or something. When we go car shopping or jewelry, people grovel over my husband, thinking that HE would be the decision maker or the person signing the check. I always find it amusing when my husband nods at me, and says: “whatever you want honey, it’s your money”. My husband came from humble beginnings and although he makes a decent living, I’m the higher earner and buy cars and jewelry for myself. I just bring him along to get the “service” I deserve.

really sad you have to bring him to ensure good service :/

 

[ForteKitty]

Has anyone ever commented that you must be rich bc you are wearing X,Y orZ? Or do most people you come across have no idea how much you have spent on your jewelry?

Nope, people I don't know well and strangers tend to think my stuff is fake. Some have asked, "is that silver and rhinestones? it looks so real". I just say, "yeah, ebay!" I wear flip flops, tank top, and shorts most of the time. Can't remember the last time I brushed my hair or wore makeup. Might have been at the Carlsbad gtg, lol.

 

[yssie]

If you really (really?) think that no one judges you for your multi-carat diamond ring, then you either: 1) are completely clueless; or 2) live in an ultra-rarified bubble where all your friends and social contacts have seven-figure+ incomes and you never set foot in a bank, grocery store, gas station, shopping mall, etc. I'm not even sure that the second case is possible in the US, where even the rich avoid servants.

Just because you don't feel it or hear it, it doesn't mean that no one is noticing. For some of us, that's the whole point. For others, I hate to break this to you

I guess this is my week to follow you around PS and giggle

Agree. People are always judging - but they may or may not act on their judgments! I do agree - in the US big diamond == #PersonOfMeans.

I’m a member of - though not active on - another forum that’s dedicated to purses. There are a few brand-specific jewellery subfora. I have to say, I think that’s where the real wealth is, not here on PS!! If we presume that the “average” person in a given geography spends A% of his or her income on jewellery, B% on clothes, C% on house, D% on vehicles, E% on vacations, Z% on... I think PS has a fair number of people for whom jewellery is an especial hobby, and the spend ratio of A to B-Z is much higher than whatever applicable geopgraphic average. On this other forum many posters have astonishing collections of luxuries and their proportion of spend is generally in keeping with location average...

Honestly, the snootiest store I've been in was an Apple store at the local mall. One of those newfangled monstrosities that violates generations of shopping experiences - where nothing has a pricetag and you just wander aimlessly until a staff member identifies you and offers assistance. I went to pick up a phone that I'd ordered online. I scheduled an hour for the adventure - double what I'd been advised. Forty five minutes into my hour I was informed that they were too busy to find my phone in the back, and could I please return at the end of the day. "You're joking. Absolutely not. I've got a day job." The sales associate I'd gotten stuck with pointed out that my expectation was unreasonable, as "an hour is nothing - most people wait over two hours for their stuff!"... I couldn't help the "And you think that's okay!?"

Never gone back to an Apple store. Never will. I'm definitely not hip enough for it.

 

[missy]

Never gone back to an Apple store. Never will. I'm definitely not hip enough for it.

Oh but @yssie their lighting is the bees knees !!! When a PSer and I visited the Apple store in NYC ( a few years ago) we were blown away at how amazing the lighting was for our old cut diamonds. That alone, IMO, justifies visiting the store.

 

[1ofakind]

Note that the bold and underline was you, not me.

"Judging" or "making assumptions" is not limited to leering at you or conspicuously commenting on your jewelry.

If you really (really?) think that no one judges you for your multi-carat diamond ring, then you either: 1) are completely clueless; or 2) live in an ultra-rarified bubble where all your friends and social contacts have seven-figure+ incomes and you never set foot in a bank, grocery store, gas station, shopping mall, etc. I'm not even sure that the second case is possible in the US, where even the rich avoid servants.

Just because you don't feel it or hear it, it doesn't mean that no one is noticing. For some of us, that's the whole point. For others, I hate to break this to you

It’s like you are responding to a post I didn’t write, at all. I won’t respond to all the stuff i didn’t say...maybe you were thinking of someone else.

You can try to defend your assertion that the whole point of wearing diamonds is to get noticed, judged or assumptions made about our wealth...but that does not seem to be a representative sentiment on this forum. A lot of people say they overall try to downplay the appearance of wealth, are not wealthy at all or simply don't care what people may think. I don’t think anyone yet has said that is the whole point of why they wear diamonds. Maybe an anonymous poll would reveal a hidden truth??

 

[Big Fat Facets]

Recently to “kill” some time waiting to pick up my glasses I wandered into a “sort of upmarket” jewellers. I was wearing yoga pants and a T shirt. I had no RHR on. I was curious as to how much a chunky gold chain would cost, especially now as gold has gone up so much. As the saleswoman appeared I pointed, with my right hand, to the thicker 18ct gold chains in the cabinet. Saleswoman tells me “those chains are very expensive, these ones here, pointing to gold plated silver ones, are more in your price range”.
OMG I had just been judged by a snotty sales person!
Whoa and ouch.
Switching my handbag to my right hand, I put my left hand on the glass counter with a thud and said “Thanks, but no thanks”.
On left hand was my 5 carats of engagement ring, 2 carats of eternity ring, 4 carats of diamond tennis bracelet and my gold Rolex with diamond bezel
As a final “flourish” I put my hair behind my ears showing off my 4 carats of diamond ear studs and flicked my necklace set with a 2 carat RB diamond out from under my t shirt.
And I turned and left!

sheeesh, im so sorry for such, a wholly, unpleasant and unnecessary experience! That salesperson obviously is "suffering" from something, within, to treat you in such a poor and wretched manner. Truly says more about her, and where she is at, than you. and that you even had to resort to that type of "reveal " was outright and downright ridiculous.

I would have asked to speak with the nincompoop's supervisor and provided some much needed feedback, to hopefully make it more bearable for the next person she encountered, at her post as a salesperson ....

 

[missy]

I don’t think anyone yet has said that is the whole point of why they wear diamonds. Maybe an anonymous poll would reveal a hidden truth??

I’ll start a thread. I know that’s not the reason I, or my friends, wear diamonds.

 

[Big Fat Facets]

It’s like you are responding to a post I didn’t write, at all. I won’t respond to all the stuff i didn’t say...maybe you were thinking of someone else.

You can try to defend your assertion that the whole point of wearing diamonds is to get noticed, judged or assumptions made about our wealth...but that does not seem to be a representative sentiment on this forum. A lot of people say they overall try to downplay the appearance of wealth, are not wealthy at all or simply don't care what people may think. I don’t think anyone yet has said that is the whole point of why they wear diamonds. Maybe an anonymous poll would reveal a hidden truth??

I LOVE what you had to say! I do recall having skimmed through @LilAlex 's opinion.
BUT thought nothing of it, as it did not apply to me. And barely did it warrant a reply from me. But I am SO very glad you felt compelled to respond!

as @LilAlex said "could wear kashmiri sapphire or a mogok ruby and no one would know ... or a fancy vivid diamond..."

I wear diamonds for me. I find it fun and uplifting. it truly just cheers me up. and who couldn't use a bit of that??!!

White/colorless diamonds capture light very differently than a kashmiri or wherever else sapphire or mogok ruby. I happen to ADORE the light return and performance of diamonds. As for fancy colors, i must say that, by in large we are a product of our surroundings and as a civilization and society the widespread, common and typical appreciation is for white diamonds. Fancies are more niche and as beautiful and by all accounts, more rare, but it is niche.

I will say that my assumption is that @LilAlex did not mean to impose your opinion and viewpoint upon us as it would be callous and crude to do so. You are entitled to your opinion. But as when socializing in a group environment, its always wise to mind one's manners and mention, at some point within a post that it is "of your opinion"...

thanks i feel so much better...

 

[jaaron]

I honestly have no idea. If they have, they haven't articulated it to me.

For daily life, I'm pretty casual. I do some volunteer work with people who have very little and only wear a wedding ring when I go there. Otherwise, I wear my OEC (or did before I managed to lose it, but hopefully will again soon), a wedding band, a Fitbit and very small earrings. For extra elegance, I generally have a hair scrunchie stacked with the Fitbit . So other than the ring, there's not much to notice.

When I'm dressed up and wear more bling, we're usually with people who are relatively similar in terms of income and/or wealth. When I was working in NY and wore my original e-ring, I think people did make assumptions as a lot of them seemed to recognise it as Tiffany, which surprised me as even now, I would basically never be able to recognise a branded piece. That did make me a little self-conscious and I never wear it anymore. Since I stopped wearing that, I've honestly had more people comment on shoes (are those real Louboutins?) than bling.

When answering this, I tried to think about what assumptions I might make about people and I'm honestly not sure. I guess if someone's wearing an obviously expensive piece, I assume they have disposable income, so assume a level of comfort. In general, I'd say the absolute wealthiest people I know have amazing pieces for formal occasions but wear almost nothing on a daily basis. We have some friends who were basically math PhDs who made fortunes in the heady days of derivative trading who own numerous houses but probably haven't bought new jeans since grad school- you'd never know they were wealthy to look at them.

On a related and somewhat humorous note, my parents are very casual-- came of age in the 60s. They're also not rich, but very comfortable. They have a big house outside New York and an apartment in Manhattan. One day my father, in his customary jeans, plaid shirt and LL Bean parka, was waiting to get into an art exhibit at a church and was yelled at by someone who thought he was trying to cut in line at the soup kitchen. I do think my mother took that as an excuse to force him to buy a new LL Bean parka...

 

[LilAlex]

It’s like you are responding to a post I didn’t write, at all. I won’t respond to all the stuff i didn’t say...maybe you were thinking of someone else.

You're right -- I apologize. Only my first sentence applied to your post. I should have separated the comments.

 

[nala]

Wow! I have to confess that when I started this thread, I didn’t anticipate so many varying responses! The beauty of PS! But my question was quite simple: Has anyone ever commented...as in asking for an experience. I mention this bc I have read a couple of spats on this thread and I want to clarify that I didn’t mean to stir the pot by starting this thread. I didn’t mean for anyone to psychoanalyze anyone else, etc. but I guess my intention doesn’t matter. Who am I to interfere with people’s opinions? Lol

 

[LemonMoonLex]

Off the top of my head I can remember a comment by an old colleague of mine that I worked with before COVID hit.

I was wearing a really small but pretty old cut that was in it's antique setting.
I had gotten her for a steal at a pawn shop and she was probably someone's engagement ring a couple decades ago.

But it's a .33ct old mine cut, about 4.3-4.5mm in diameter and it was the first time that I'd worn her to work as I'm always washing my hands (think every 4 minutes) so I tend to never wear my jewelry at work.

She's an older woman, probably 69 & she grabbed my hand and said "Wow, is this real?" & I took it off for her to examine & said "Yes, it's an old cut diamond." & Went on to explain what that meant before she said "Wow, it must be worth a small fortune!"

It made me kinda sad at first but then I realized that she just didn't know much about diamonds.
Although where I live if your hub spends 1k-2k on your engagement ring you're pretty damn lucky!
So nobody is really used to seeing larger natural diamonds but usually nobody assumes anything or judges.


I also noticed for the first time when I was in a dreaded walmart and was wearing my 1ct diamond that when I was pushing the cart a woman around my age who was passing by looked at my face and then at my ring as we walked by eachother. It could have been the setting as it's unusual but I think it could have been the size as well. One could deduce that she assumed I was well off in that moment.

 

[Gussie]

I can count on one hand the times anyone has said anything about my jewelry. Of those times, the majority of comments were about colored stone pendants that are quite noticeable. I think people in my neck of the woods don't really care too much. They are much more into status handbags.

 

[doberman]

I know that some people make assumptions. I had coworkers ask me why I was working (um, because what else would I be doing with my skills?) But I have to say that I have never been treated as "less than" in a jewelry store, no matter what kind of outfit i had on. The funniest assumption was when i went to get a pair of skates made. My husband stood around looking at things and incalled to him at one point. The fitter said he thought my husband was my bodyguard. "You look like someone who would have a bodyguard". I walked around the rest of the day feeling mysterious and dangerous and kept addressing my husband as Jeeves.

 

[inne]

I don't think anyone has assumed anything about me because of my jewellery, but who knows? I don't have anything particularly flashy or even very expensive (in terms of jewellery pricing at least), so your standards for 'rich' would have to be pretty low.

I do have something else that makes some think I'm rich, though: horses. Horses really bring out the weirdest assumptions and those assumptions tend to reveal people's experiences with money. That is the trouble with loving something that is also considered a status symbol - often, people see only the status symbol part and not your deep love and appreciation (that have nothing at all to do with how you look to other people). I'm sure some of you have experienced that as well with your jewellery.

 

[MarionC]

I’ll start a thread. I know that’s not the reason I, or my friends, wear diamonds.

So true!

I don't think anyone has assumed anything about me because of my jewellery, but who knows? I don't have anything particularly flashy or even very expensive (in terms of jewellery pricing at least), so your standards for 'rich' would have to be pretty low.

I do have something else that makes some think I'm rich, though: horses. Horses really bring out the weirdest assumptions and those assumptions tend to reveal people's experiences with money. That is the trouble with loving something that is also considered a status symbol - often, people see only the status symbol part and not your deep love and appreciation (that have nothing at all to do with how you look to other people). I'm sure some of you have experienced that as well with your jewellery.

No, people with horses are broke. LOL (says a person with horses who had a horse who broke a foot and spend a month at the vet school).

....

I have to add that I had a problem when I started wearing more and bigger diamonds. (Thank you, PS). I had a very casual acquaintance make fun of me at a party ...that I like big diamonds so the little gift exchange at the party must be a disappointment, and I realize the only person who could’ve told her was my best friend, who was the only I person had been sharing my new enthusiasm with. It became obvious over time that my best friend wasn’t my friend at all, and it was jealousy on her part. I was so enthusiastic and in love with diamonds I just wanted to share my excitement, but all she saw was that I was spending that kind of money she couldn’t. My happiness brought out the worst in her, sadly.

 

[LilAlex]

I have to add that I had a problem when I started wearing more and bigger diamonds. (Thank you, PS). I had a very casual acquaintance make fun of me at a party ...that I like big diamonds so the little gift exchange at the party must be a disappointment, and I realize the only person who could’ve told her was my best friend, who was the only I person had been sharing my new enthusiasm with. It became obvious over time that my best friend wasn’t my friend at all, and it was jealousy on her part. I was so enthusiastic and in love with diamonds I just wanted to share my excitement, but all she saw was that I was spending that kind of money she couldn’t. My happiness brought out the worst in her, sadly.

OTOH, and in her (partial) defense, it sounds like all she did was not share your enthusiasm for one special purchase. Mentioning your amazing ring to a third party is pretty low on the friend-betrayal scale, imo. And she may have shared that information innocently and the other party was the one who felt animosity.

I have plenty of friends who have made what I think are wacky purchases -- watches, cars, vacation homes -- and I guess spouse and I talk about them "behind their backs." But it's not jealousy (we could pretty much buy the same things) and we feel no ill will. As others have pointed out here, they may feel the same way about our "wacky" expenses like vacations or our kids' college choices or the occasional PS gem (but not my ten-year-old car!).

 

[Calliecake]

Oh @Jimmianne , I’m sorry this happened to you.

 

[missy]

So true!


No, people with horses are broke. LOL (says a person with horses who had a horse who broke a foot and spend a month at the vet school).

....

I have to add that I had a problem when I started wearing more and bigger diamonds. (Thank you, PS). I had a very casual acquaintance make fun of me at a party ...that I like big diamonds so the little gift exchange at the party must be a disappointment, and I realize the only person who could’ve told her was my best friend, who was the only I person had been sharing my new enthusiasm with. It became obvious over time that my best friend wasn’t my friend at all, and it was jealousy on her part. I was so enthusiastic and in love with diamonds I just wanted to share my excitement, but all she saw was that I was spending that kind of money she couldn’t. My happiness brought out the worst in her, sadly.

I'm sorry @Jimmianne but you probably realize this experience was a blessing in disguise. Better to know who your *true* friends are sooner vs later and it is never to late to gain knowledge like that IMO. You are a gem of a person and anybody would be so fortunate to have you as their friend. I know I am. (((Hugs))). And girl, you rock in more ways than one.

 

[missy]

I don't think anyone has assumed anything about me because of my jewellery, but who knows? I don't have anything particularly flashy or even very expensive (in terms of jewellery pricing at least), so your standards for 'rich' would have to be pretty low.

I do have something else that makes some think I'm rich, though: horses. Horses really bring out the weirdest assumptions and those assumptions tend to reveal people's experiences with money. That is the trouble with loving something that is also considered a status symbol - often, people see only the status symbol part and not your deep love and appreciation (that have nothing at all to do with how you look to other people). I'm sure some of you have experienced that as well with your jewellery.

What I think when I see someone with a horse is what an amazing person they are and how awesome horses are. I would LOVE to have a horse but that is a dream I will never realize. Enjoy your horses. They are special.

 

[inne]

So true!


No, people with horses are broke. LOL (says a person with horses who had a horse who broke a foot and spend a month at the vet school).

....

I have to add that I had a problem when I started wearing more and bigger diamonds. (Thank you, PS). I had a very casual acquaintance make fun of me at a party ...that I like big diamonds so the little gift exchange at the party must be a disappointment, and I realize the only person who could’ve told her was my best friend, who was the only I person had been sharing my new enthusiasm with. It became obvious over time that my best friend wasn’t my friend at all, and it was jealousy on her part. I was so enthusiastic and in love with diamonds I just wanted to share my excitement, but all she saw was that I was spending that kind of money she couldn’t. My happiness brought out the worst in her, sadly.

Oh no! Was it a coffin bone injury? Did your horse recover?
And, yes, it is so true about being broke.

I'm so sorry your friend was so terrible to you!

 

[inne]

What I think when I see someone with a horse is what an amazing person they are and how awesome horses are. I would LOVE to have a horse but that is a dream I will never realize. Enjoy your horses. They are special. ❤

Thank you! I love them so much. One is enjoying his life of leisure in retirement and the other is learning how to be a superstar and they're both just the best.

 

[Ceilimom]

My daughter in law Laura, her Mum refers to me as the queen of bling. She isn't aware of this website and the many treasures contributors have accumulated. Well to each their own passion.

 

[Rhea]

Kinda.
I had a pair of large for my area diamond stud earrings and a woman commented that they were the largest diamond earrings she'd ever seen. Not in a good or bad way, actually that's not true, it was kind of an impressed voice, but I don't know her feelings behind her statement. I said thank you and we parted ways.

People in my area wear a variety of different jewellery though nothing is normally large - 0.25 to 1 carat engagement ring and maybe small pendant or earrings. Fashion jewellery, which can be incredibly expensive, is more of what I see. I live in an area where the ability to change looks and styles differently with clothes, hair, jewellery and make-up is the norm. I doubt most people care about "fine" jewellery, it's boring and plain and fairly small in comparison to what most people wear. Jewellery is not where people put their money and I feel no judgement on where I put my money from people, it seems very live and let live here. It's easier for most people to buy small things, £20 here, £40 there, rather than save for a year and buy a piece of fine jewellery, including me.

I'm not the average PSer though I mostly own small diamonds. I'll buy another pair of diamond earrings someday!

 

[Girlfriday17]

Oh but @yssie their lighting is the bees knees !!! When a PSer and I visited the Apple store in NYC ( a few years ago) we were blown away at how amazing the lighting was for our old cut diamonds. That alone, IMO, justifies visiting the store.

Now if only their (genius) bar would also serve cocktails, we’d be set.

 

[MarionC]

Thank you everyone, for your kind replies to my story. My friend was truly evil. At the same time she was gossiping about my jewelry, she was telling people that I had voted for a certain presidential candidate who was very unpopular in our circle.
And my big diamonds were not THAT big...’
‘cause at that point I was just getting started!


Inne, yes, the coffin bone, broken and infected. From just cavorting around the field. He fully recovered, thankfully. The vet school used stem cell therapy which speeded up the recovery. He was an unwilling patient who needed two bandage changes a day with fresh padding, wrap and a boot for what seemed like ages.
Just your usual “oh hell now what“ equine adventure. Lol

 

[LilAlex]

I will say that my assumption is that @LilAlex did not mean to impose your opinion and viewpoint upon us as it would be callous and crude to do so. You are entitled to your opinion. But as when socializing in a group environment, its always wise to mind one's manners and mention, at some point within a post that it is "of your opinion"...

thanks i feel so much better...

Hard for me to tell whom you're insulting here.

The question posed (and the actual thread title) was: "Have people made assumptions about your wealth due to your jewelry?"

Nearly all the answers were (and I'm paraphrasing): "Nobody says nuthin."

I wanted to point out that what people say to you is a poor proxy for whether or not they are making assumptions about your wealth. I don't think that's an opinion. Every married woman and man in the US has confronted the "ring question" on some level and knows at least a little about what buying a diamond means or costs. Even plenty of the "a ring means nothing" folks have done their homework, too.

I've seen a ton of fancy cars and made assumptions about wealth or insecurity. I've never yelled at any of the drivers, though.

 

[Big Fat Facets]

Isn't that the whole point of wearing big diamonds?

OTOH, you could wear a six-figure Kashmir sapphire or unheated Mogok ruby (minus the side diamonds) -- or even a tiny fancy vivid diamond -- and no one would suspect a thing.

I was responding to this.

NO, that is not the whole point of wearing big diamonds. Perhaps, that is the reason you might choose to wear a big diamond. But lots of us wear big diamonds because of self enjoyment and not to display our wealth. Rather presumptuous to assume that someone wearing a big diamond is to display one's wealth

Not all of us are interested in Kashmiri sapphire or Burmese Mogok rubies or fancy color diamonds over white diamonds

Sure we may choose a color gemstone or color diamond as a secondary or tertiary or right hand ring but our primary e-ring will, usually, be a white diamond.

you are entitled to your opinion. and i am entitled to mine