- Mar 11, 2005
Not to be too personal, but has anyone filed for separation? What is the process? And did it work to improve the marriage?
Date: 2/25/2009 10:31:45 AM
November, I asked that since there are couples who take time apart to sort themselves out and then try to reconcile. We have been seeing a therapist since last summer and it has done little to finally get my husband to open up and talk about our future plans or anything else lately. I haven''t been in his condo since the end of December, but we do still see each other about once a week to try dating again. We have not been able to get past his fear of making any changes in his life. A lot has come out in therapy, that he really resisted changing his condo, painting, getting furniture, anything. When I left he was suddenly ready to talk, but I''m starting to feel like I need to not be around him and decide once and for all if this should really continue. We are in MA.
I''m so sorry to hear this. I remember reading your wedding and relationship threads. Sorry things aren''t getting better in your relationship. Sounds like you are taking steps in the right direction with counseling. I can''t offer any advice about separations, but I can send big ((hugs)) to you!!
Ditto.Date: 2/26/2009 8:30:14 PM
I remember all your previous posts and I''m sorry to see that it''s come to this, but I can''t say I didn''t think it might. You deserve more. You''re ready to live in NY, follow your dreams, and take risks. You married a man who thinks changing brands of toothpaste is risky
You need do what is best for you and your continuing growth as a person. Good luck and hugs
Good. For. You.Date: 2/26/2009 4:23:01 PM
Mercoledi, thanks for the info. I had a talk with him last night and informed him that this time apart should continue until there is some kind of progress from him; like he actually takes an interest in this marriage again. As expected, he was surprised by how I feel, even though this has come up in in our therapy appointments since the beginning. Another example of him not hearing me when I speak. I figured I would ask here since I don''t know anyone in real life that have taken time apart when married. I know this has been an ongoing issue with us. Thank you all for the hugs and virtual support, I guess others here were right that it seemed I have married the wrong person. There was so much we wanted to do before marriage and now two years into it he has no motivation to talk about our furture plans together. I will see him tomorrow and try to figure out from there if this is even worth trying to save; I can''t make him feel his marriage is important, he has to want to. His sister has asked me to not give up on him since he''s always needed to be pushed to do anything. I''ve told her he''s grown man who knows what marriage is ans he should be wanting this to work on his own.
Thinking of youDate: 2/27/2009 1:42:24 PM
I appreciate the hugs and the positive vibes. Either he will get it through his head or this will be a very rough weekend. It''s good to talk to others about this. All the other married couples I know are like storybook happy, most of my single friends have nothing good to say about relationships, so it''s hard to get a balanced opinion.