Has anyone here Unhaloed?

[Iluvprettyrocks]

Wow..I woke up this morning, not expecting all of these responses. I can't begin to Thank you ALL for taking the time to respond to this post, especially those of you that came out of lurkdom. You guys have given me alot to think about and I So appreciate those of you that have experienced similiar feelings and gave me advice. I tell you I have no one IRL to talk to about jewelery. The women I work with young and older have very modest wedding sets 1ct or less, in my social circle I am the only one engaged. So there is no one IRL I'm trying to compete with or be like, I've just always liked the look of a 1.5-2.ct RB solitaire on my finger, I use to try them on when I was single and I use to hang out at the mall with my girlfriends. When him and I went ring shopping we looked at all kinds of settings and I always came back to the 1.5-2ct solitaire. But I will take many of you PSers advice to just be happy with what I have knowing he purchased it out of alot of love, and from what he told me he got me what he "thought was beautiful" (which made me wonder why he had me participate in the ring shopping process to begin with .) Maybe one day far far far down the road I'll approach the subject again with him.

Thank you everyone again for the positve words, compliments, advice and suggestions!!!

 

[junebug17]

Wow..I woke up this morning, not expecting all of these responses. I can't begin to Thank you ALL for taking the time to respond to this post, especially those of you that came out of lurkdom. You guys have given me alot to think about and I So appreciate those of you that have experienced similiar feelings and gave me advice. I tell you I have no one IRL to talk to about jewelery. The women I work with young and older have very modest wedding sets 1ct or less, in my social circle I am the only one engaged. So there is no one IRL I'm trying to compete with or be like, I've just always liked the look of a 1.5-2.ct RB solitaire on my finger, I use to try them on when I was single and I use to hang out at the mall with my girlfriends. When him and I went ring shopping we looked at all kinds of settings and I always came back to the 1.5-2ct solitaire. But I will take many of you PSers advice to just be happy with what I have knowing he purchased it out of alot of love, and from what he told me he got me what he "thought was beautiful" (which made me wonder why he had me participate in the ring shopping process to begin with .) Maybe one day far far far down the road I'll approach the subject again with him.

Thank you everyone again for the positve words, compliments, advice and suggestions!!!

Iluvprettyrocks, I hear ya on the bolded part, I really do. You know, I think that sometimes men just see a diamond ring as a diamond ring, the size of the stone doesn't really occur to them, they don't really understand the difference between a 1 carat, 1.5 and a 2. To them, it's all sort of the same thing! I'll explain my situation a little to elaborate...My husband bought me a beautiful estate wedding set for our 25th a few years ago, and I really do love it. And initially the 1 carat stone felt HUGE on my hand, since I have only worn small stones during our entire marriage. Well, DSS has come calling in only a few short years, and yes partly because of seeing all of the larger beautiful stones here on PS. I bought an 8 mm cz to see how it would look on my hand...and it looks good! But I know my husband, bless his heart, really doesn't "get" it. I already have a diamond ring, why do I want another one? I know he thinks it makes more "sense" to get a tennis bracelet because I don't have one (he also just really likes them). The thing is, I think tennis bracelets are beautiful, but I just see them as rather dressy and just don't think I'd end up wearing one that much.

I have a few things working in my favor, though...we're an older couple and I've gone through many years with no bling, so my husband is on board with me just getting what I would like (an approximately 2 carat OEC antique ring). I also have the added benefit of my husband not being sentimental about my jewelry. You and your FI are just starting out, so I think your FI is just really sensitive right now about the whole ring thing. You really do have many years ahead of you for upgrading, rhr's, etc. Down the road I think he'll be more open to you getting some additional bling, or maybe even upgrading. And in the meantime you have an absolutely beautiful ring to wear! I say that with all sincerity...it looks gorgeous and very substantial on your finger!!

 

[Amys Bling]

Wow..I woke up this morning, not expecting all of these responses. I can't begin to Thank you ALL for taking the time to respond to this post, especially those of you that came out of lurkdom. You guys have given me alot to think about and I So appreciate those of you that have experienced similiar feelings and gave me advice. I tell you I have no one IRL to talk to about jewelery. The women I work with young and older have very modest wedding sets 1ct or less, in my social circle I am the only one engaged. So there is no one IRL I'm trying to compete with or be like, I've just always liked the look of a 1.5-2.ct RB solitaire on my finger, I use to try them on when I was single and I use to hang out at the mall with my girlfriends. When him and I went ring shopping we looked at all kinds of settings and I always came back to the 1.5-2ct solitaire. But I will take many of you PSers advice to just be happy with what I have knowing he purchased it out of alot of love, and from what he told me he got me what he "thought was beautiful" (which made me wonder why he had me participate in the ring shopping process to begin with .) Maybe one day far far far down the road I'll approach the subject again with him.

Thank you everyone again for the positve words, compliments, advice and suggestions!!!

I guess there was something special that just spoke to him about the stone. My DH said he loved my stone and could have gone a bit bigger but the other options were not as beautiful.... guys- they have their own ideas

 

[yssie]

Wow..I woke up this morning, not expecting all of these responses. I can't begin to Thank you ALL for taking the time to respond to this post, especially those of you that came out of lurkdom. You guys have given me alot to think about and I So appreciate those of you that have experienced similiar feelings and gave me advice. I tell you I have no one IRL to talk to about jewelery. The women I work with young and older have very modest wedding sets 1ct or less, in my social circle I am the only one engaged. So there is no one IRL I'm trying to compete with or be like, I've just always liked the look of a 1.5-2.ct RB solitaire on my finger, I use to try them on when I was single and I use to hang out at the mall with my girlfriends. When him and I went ring shopping we looked at all kinds of settings and I always came back to the 1.5-2ct solitaire. But I will take many of you PSers advice to just be happy with what I have knowing he purchased it out of alot of love, and from what he told me he got me what he "thought was beautiful" (which made me wonder why he had me participate in the ring shopping process to begin with .) Maybe one day far far far down the road I'll approach the subject again with him.

Thank you everyone again for the positve words, compliments, advice and suggestions!!!

I'm just going to quote Gypsy's entire post:

I'd like to clarify.

No one said to "confront him"... AT ALL.

We said talk to him because he's the one that made the decision and if you want to know why, he's the only one who can tell you. We encouraged her to have an adult discussion about the ring. That's not a confrontation, not an argument, not an opportunity to rail at him for 'only' getting her a carat. NONE OF THAT.

That's an opportunity to put her bitterness which comes from her assumptions aside and to ask him honestly about his decision making process so she understands where he was coming from so she can stop assuming, and can stop wondering why and get closure on an issue that's been bugging her and disrupting her enjoyment of her engagement.

She wants to know WHY he didn't get her a larger solitaire. The solution to that isn't: be happy with what you got, you ungrateful brat. She's not a child. The solution isn't: ignore it and hope it will go away. Obviously that isn't working. The solution is: there was a decision that was made to go for a smaller diamond-- ask him what that decision was and if the reasoning is fair -- you now know why and can make peace with your diamond as it is. If the reasoning isn't fair, then you talk and explain (not fight, not confront, not argue) why you don't feel it's fair and then maybe then once you both see the other's side you can make a decision to proceed together as a unit. Whether that's to decide on an upgrade together, or to keep the current ring.

We have no idea what their finances are. There are plenty of people who CAN afford larger diamond, nicer cars, bigger houses, etc. And don't for whatever reason. That's not wrong. But it's also not wrong when you might be marrying a person who is making this choice to say... "hey, I'm curious, why did you make this decision."

And finally, talking it out gives her an understand of his perception of their finances. If her perception is that he could have comfortably afforded a 1.5 or 2 carat ring and that is incorrect, she needs to KNOW that and understand it. And talking to him is the best way to achieve that too.

You all are making assumptions that he can't afford to buy more than a carat-- and you don't know anything about him. She, who knows him well enough to marry him, was assuming that he could afford more. Since she's not a child and KNOWS HIM I assume her perception is based on something. Whether that basis is correct or incorrect is something she should work out with him.

By talking to him.

Clamming up and letting this resentment (and yes, you are very clearly resentful) build is not going to fix this. Talk to him. Both of you need to make the effort to understand where the other is coming from, and both of you deserve to know why the other feels a certain way...

 

[Bliss]

Hello!!! Well, I adore your ring. It is gorgeous and WOW!!!!



But like one wise poster wrote, "The heart wants what it wants." As a PSer who de-haloed, I would say you shouldn't do it. I went back to the solitaire for different reasons - my halo was OTT and I longed for something cleaner and simpler. Also, I felt the diamond sparkled way more out of the bezel jail. And my DH proposed with a temp solitaire so I missed the look and the memories.

When you de-halo, it will be a shock! Hahahaha. I loved the change, though. To me, it made my diamond look pop and look bigger. DH, however, told me that it looked "shockingly small" without the halo! LOL That's what taking a halo off will do! Personally, if you aren't satisfied with the size of your diamond - I think the *last* thing you should do is get rid of the halo! That will cause major DSS if you're already thinking your stone isn't big enough! People who went back to the solitaire did so because they missed the clean classic look and wanted something simpler. I knew I wanted a solitaire because my friend's one carat sang to me in a Tiffany setting. It looked oh-so-perfect that I knew I would be happy with any size stone as long as it was in a simple solitaire setting. I thoroughly enjoyed my halo and enjoyed it for a few years before I switched. It was a great experience!!!

Actually, people who feel shrinkage are encouraged to get a halo so you're in the perfect spot right now! And your halo is dreamy!

 

[MrsDrP]

Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm not trying to be rude, but....
I think you are being silly! Your ring is seriously gorgeous!!!

Let's face it-we're always going to want "more," and there will always be something better. It's important for you to remember what the ring symbolizes: you have a man who loves and adores you and wants to share his life with you! The fact that he picked out your diamond by himself is special, he wanted you to have that one for a reason.

I would LOVE a 1.5-2ct cushion, but I know my SO can't afford it right now, and so I picked a lovely 1ct instead and I couldn't be happier with it! One day, when we have extra money, I will probably upgrade my diamond.

My advice is to not de-halo your ring because I think it is perfect! Be happy with what you have

I hope I didn't come across as mean, and I apologize if I offended you in anyway.

 

[CharmyPoo]

I would LOVE a 1.5-2ct cushion, but I know my SO can't afford it right now, and so I picked a lovely 1ct instead and I couldn't be happier with it! One day, when we have extra money, I will probably upgrade my diamond.

Did I miss it? Are you engaged now? Congrats!

 

[MrsDrP]

I would LOVE a 1.5-2ct cushion, but I know my SO can't afford it right now, and so I picked a lovely 1ct instead and I couldn't be happier with it! One day, when we have extra money, I will probably upgrade my diamond.

Did I miss it? Are you engaged now? Congrats!

Not yet! My ring came in a few weeks ago, not sure if he's picked it up yet.
Still trying to be patient
I'll post on smtb when I get it!

 

[hearts-arrows_girl]

Your haloed ring is stunning! I hope you find the solution you need to feel right about your ring. But again, it is a gorgeous ring, as is!

 

[backwardsandinheels]

When you get married the assumption is your fortunes will rise together. Please be happy with what you have if after talking with your guy you find out he thought what your picked out together was special, and it was the best he could afford.

Possibly sell your halo setting and put the stone in a simple solitaire you keep for at least 10 years while you build the foundation of your marriage, if its totally okeydoke with him. Promise him you won't revisit it. 10 years later is okay to revisit it

Can you trade it up with the vendor if you both agree to it?

High maintenance behavior is tough long term. Love is most important. I'm sure he just wants you to be happy.

 

[LaraOnline]

Hello again!
I'm glad if you have found our comments useful. I have a couple more comments too, which I hope you don't mind...

I wanted to say that I do think your ring is totally gorgeous... really beautiful, and much nicer than pretty much any of the jewellery I have ever seen in my own social circle...perhaps it really would be good to give PS a break...the whole engagement and wedding is the culmination of a lifetime of dreaming, and I feel it is perfectly normal to get anxious about making everything 'perfect'...
but life isn't like that, it's an ongoing experience...there will always be other experiences, and more mountains to climb!

Also I see the '1.5-2c' idea being thrown around and to me this means that perhaps you have plenty of scope in terms of clarification...pricewise there is a huge financial difference between a 1.5 and a 2 c stone.... working out your sweet spot in terms of the size, clarity, colour will be a deliciously pleasurable and involving shopping experience...when that time eventually comes. So why rush?? If you're interested, I chose F, eyeclean SI2.

Finally, the time comes, when I recommend choosing only vendors that have an upgrade policy. You can work your way up to your perfect stone, if need be. I had first a deposit on a .89., than a 1.1 and then finally a 1.6...which is where I stopped, and had my ring made. I have no need to wear anything larger!! Yet I get so much pleasure from my ring...to be honest, much more than I imagined I would...it is a daily pleasure.

Diamond appreciation can be a lot more subtle than simply 'size trumps all' (as you probably know). Your jewellery has to fit in with your life, after all. You might find that when the time comes, you don't want to switch up! There's plenty of women on this board that are still wearing their original, much-loved set. And all strength to them. <3 L.

All the best for your life ahead!

Ps my philistine, penny-pinching husband has turned over a new leaf! I am turning 40 in a week, and I am suspicious that he has a HOF 'something' waiting in the wings!!?? Also, he gave me a surprise .48 ctw HOF five-stone diamond eternity for this Chrissy! It balances with my solitaire PERFECTLY. He has seen how much I LOVE my 'proper' diamond ring and he wanted to join in the fun!

So there is always hope, for even the most died-in-the-wool 'practical' hubby (luckily for you, it seems your man was more generous from the start heheh!)

 

[Iluvprettyrocks]

Wow..I woke up this morning, not expecting all of these responses. I can't begin to Thank you ALL for taking the time to respond to this post, especially those of you that came out of lurkdom. You guys have given me alot to think about and I So appreciate those of you that have experienced similiar feelings and gave me advice. I tell you I have no one IRL to talk to about jewelery. The women I work with young and older have very modest wedding sets 1ct or less, in my social circle I am the only one engaged. So there is no one IRL I'm trying to compete with or be like, I've just always liked the look of a 1.5-2.ct RB solitaire on my finger, I use to try them on when I was single and I use to hang out at the mall with my girlfriends. When him and I went ring shopping we looked at all kinds of settings and I always came back to the 1.5-2ct solitaire. But I will take many of you PSers advice to just be happy with what I have knowing he purchased it out of alot of love, and from what he told me he got me what he "thought was beautiful" (which made me wonder why he had me participate in the ring shopping process to begin with .) Maybe one day far far far down the road I'll approach the subject again with him.

Thank you everyone again for the positve words, compliments, advice and suggestions!!!

I'm just going to quote Gypsy's entire post:

I'd like to clarify.

No one said to "confront him"... AT ALL.

We said talk to him because he's the one that made the decision and if you want to know why, he's the only one who can tell you. We encouraged her to have an adult discussion about the ring. That's not a confrontation, not an argument, not an opportunity to rail at him for 'only' getting her a carat. NONE OF THAT.

That's an opportunity to put her bitterness which comes from her assumptions aside and to ask him honestly about his decision making process so she understands where he was coming from so she can stop assuming, and can stop wondering why and get closure on an issue that's been bugging her and disrupting her enjoyment of her engagement.

She wants to know WHY he didn't get her a larger solitaire. The solution to that isn't: be happy with what you got, you ungrateful brat. She's not a child. The solution isn't: ignore it and hope it will go away. Obviously that isn't working. The solution is: there was a decision that was made to go for a smaller diamond-- ask him what that decision was and if the reasoning is fair -- you now know why and can make peace with your diamond as it is. If the reasoning isn't fair, then you talk and explain (not fight, not confront, not argue) why you don't feel it's fair and then maybe then once you both see the other's side you can make a decision to proceed together as a unit. Whether that's to decide on an upgrade together, or to keep the current ring.

We have no idea what their finances are. There are plenty of people who CAN afford larger diamond, nicer cars, bigger houses, etc. And don't for whatever reason. That's not wrong. But it's also not wrong when you might be marrying a person who is making this choice to say... "hey, I'm curious, why did you make this decision."

And finally, talking it out gives her an understand of his perception of their finances. If her perception is that he could have comfortably afforded a 1.5 or 2 carat ring and that is incorrect, she needs to KNOW that and understand it. And talking to him is the best way to achieve that too.

You all are making assumptions that he can't afford to buy more than a carat-- and you don't know anything about him. She, who knows him well enough to marry him, was assuming that he could afford more. Since she's not a child and KNOWS HIM I assume her perception is based on something. Whether that basis is correct or incorrect is something she should work out with him.

By talking to him.

Clamming up and letting this resentment (and yes, you are very clearly resentful) build is not going to fix this. Talk to him. Both of you need to make the effort to understand where the other is coming from, and both of you deserve to know why the other feels a certain way...

I don't really feel resentful towards him, when he told me he bought it because he thought it was "beautiful" he also mentioned that the diamond looked SO much better than the other diamonds the jeweler showed him, he said the one he picked for me sparkled so much more than the others, he was also excited to tell me that the color was higher than what I told him I would be okay with ( I can remember the expression on his face at the time ). I will talk to him about upgrading to a larger stone but it will be several years from now, I have to admit the advice I've gotten here has helped me put approaching him about the subject into prespective.

I do have kind a really crazy story to share...I went wedding dress shopping yesterday and I couldn't beleive it but another bride there had the exact same ring as mine...I've haven't seen anyone IRL with a halo let alone one that looked exactly like mine and her fingers were small like mine!!! I just kept staring at it thinking "okay, that is how my ring looks on my finger from another person perspective." It was big and definitely blingy. But I have to admit I wish I hadn't seen it because it didn't change the way I feel about my halo it actually confirmed my feeling...I like the look of a larger solitaire SO much better. BUT I also realized that my ring is very nice and that I should appreciate what I have and not focus too much on it not being what I "want", I have plenty other things to focus on I can definitely live with it for another several years..one day I'll talk to my SO about upgrading it

 

[Enerchi]

I'm sorry that you are going thru this emotional roller coaster with your ring (halo/unhalo?), Iluvprettyrocks. It is hard to want something that at this moment, is just not attainable for whatever reasons. I think the advice you've received above is very sound - your FI bought the stone he fell in love with, just for you, because it sparkled. Think of that as being you - you are HIS diamond!

I'm sure he wants you to be as in love with his ring as you are with him, but maybe, this is something that could go on the back burner for a while - as it seems you've come to that conclusion above.

There is a lot of temptation on these boards!!! We all love the bling and the talk and being encompassed in everyone's diamond dilemmas. I'm just as much a 'victim' as the rest of us!!

Your ring is beautiful - it suits you and looks amazing. Maybe just give it time - not saying you will forget about the halo or the upgrade, but let the remake idea settle down for a bit. Maybe you can do it on your first anniversary!!! Just a thought....

I hope you do what is best for the both of you - all the best!!!

 

[marygrace]

I admire iluvprettyrocks for having the courage to post this. I find it difficult to resist wanting a different e-ring after seeing all the beauties here.

My e-ring isn't exactly what I had hoped for ... but it's close enough. I wanted a cushion cut. He got me a princess. To him, square is square. I was okay with that, until I discovered pricescope while looking for wedding bands. I thought, "Why didn't he get me a cushion? Why didn't he go bigger? Did he even do his research?"

I later asked him how he picked out my ring. He said he was looking at diamonds for while. When he saw the one he bought, he knew it was the one. When it arrived, he thought it was the most beautiful diamond in the world. He couldn't barely wait until the moment he proposed. He wanted me to have it so badly. He was in love with the ring that he put his heart into.

He was also frightened that I wouldn't like it. No, I loved it. I loved it without doubt until I came to PS. Then I had to check myself. Before I wrecked myself.

My fiance and I individually are well off. I personally have the means to buy myself tons of jewelry. I had never done so before, so why start now? I was tempted (hell, I still am) to buy myself the perfect cushion for a RHR. To what ends? To upstage my e-ring? To hurt his feelings?

No doubt your FI's feelings are hurt. He probably put a lot of thought into the e-ring purchase, because it was likely a big purchase for him and it was for the one he loves most, you. And you told him you didn't like it.

My e-ring diamond is a princess cut, .86 ct, GIA EX/EX, G, VVS1. It's not "big". No one compliments it. But I stare at it all day because it came from him. It's my forever ring because he will be my forever husband.

But I am picking my wedding band and the ring I'll wear when I am not wearing my set. It's probably going to be a small cushion, haha.

On a side note, my late father gave me a dented pearl and .0000001 ct diamond, both set on flimsy yellow gold ring. It was frigging ugly. No, it was beyond ugly. It was that misfit sweater grandma made me for Xmas and it had a snag. Gaaaaahhh, I felt so bad for my dad. Anyway, I told him it broke. I took the dented pearl and nano diamond and had them custom made into a beautiful pendant. I kept the dented pearl and carbon chip because they came from my dad's heart. Now that he's gone, they mean even more. But damn, that ring was ugly. Like hell I'd wear it.

Then there was that time my mom got me earrings, when my ears are not even pierced. The next gift was an arm bracelet, as if I go to Comic Con.

I do understand what it's like getting jewelry that is outright hideous and getting an e-ring that is different from what I expected. I thought your original ring was beautiful. What you have now is beautiful. I hope you give your mind a rest.

I am reposting your original and your newly set halo for people's reference. They are beautiful. I think this thread is important for those like myself who have FIs who are unable to give us our museum exhibit dream rings and must appreciate what we have, which really, is totally gorgeous.

Thank you for posting this topic because I have felt the same way.

 

[winternight]

Why not just save up for your own right hand ring?
I wouldn't bring it up with your fiancé again. Try to be happy.
And if you'd like something else there is always your righ hand. I have
To agree that such large stones are the exception, not the rule.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Hi,

I wasn't familiar with your halo story or anything until seeing this thread so I looked at your other thread, after you received your halo...you had posted "I promised him that I won't change my setting again." Try and do this. Even if you're not 100% happy, marriage is about sometimes putting our own desires aside to make sure our spouse is happy. It's a give and take. Sounds like your FH has supported your decisions to change your ring two times now and I think it's great he's done so, but it's asking too much of him IMO to again switch your ring around.