And if so, how did you feel about it?
How do you feel in general when someone breaks away from you but then wants in again? This could be an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend, a spouse, or a longterm platonic friend.
When I was young, I was all for rekindling relationships or friendships if they had been good. But now, more than twenty years on, the fact that someone wanted nothing to do with me while I was already a fully-fledged adult, not a kid, is just too much of a turn-off to go back. Perhaps it's because when break-ups happen at an older age, I feel that someone should be better about spotting who they do and don't want to spend time with (so enough with the flip-flopping!) Or perhaps it's because I take them seriously when they want out, and I move on. It's weird because I can still feel the same way about the person themselves, but not about a relationship with them. Those two things have become separate entities for me as I've become older. That you can still think this person is as fab as you ever did, but the idea going back to how you were just doesn't excite you anymore.
An ex (who did the dumping) was really flirty last week, and it made me think. I still like him the same as I ever did, but I no longer feel the same way about a romantic relationship between us. Which is odd, because I still think he's fab and I still think he's very attractive. Maybe my standards got higher as I got older and I don't want to be with someone who was ever so unsure about me. Perhaps I just feel that life is now too short to accept flip-flopping, and I want more security. Maybe that accounts for feeling so turned off by the idea of going back to a former relationship or friendship.
I also have a former platonic friend. We were friends from toddlerhood until around forty. It's seven years ago this month since I've seen her. That one took a lot of getting over (she ignored me after my dad died, which is what led to the demise of the friendship,among other odd behaviour on her part.)
For a very long time after, I felt the lack of being someone with whom I had that much history, and all our memories. (Coming at a time when I was also mourning my lost family unit and all THOSE memories too!) It was kind of like a platonic divorce, with her.
I always reflect on our friendship at this time of year, because it's her birthday around now, as well as the time I last saw her. This year, for the first time, mostly I feel grateful for what we had. Grateful for all those decades of friendship. We really got a lot out of our friendship together. More evenings than I can count, sipping wine and swapping stories and discussing life, all through our teens and twenties and thirties. (Well, no wine in our teens!) And before our teens, in our childhood many times playing outside at each other's houses and going for walks or rids on our bikes after school or in the vacations.
I don't want to be friends again - not that she's asked - because I've moved on in seven years; I'm a different person now, and besides, I could never trust her again. But she will remain a big part of my memories, and I'm glad I had such a longtime friend to have been with me during the first part of my life, despite how painful it was when we "broke up." It was a ton of fun, and I see our friendship as having been the defining relationship of the first half of my life, apart from my parents.
So yeah, two people whom I previously loooooved I recently realised that I would not want to go back to. Maybe, being older, I'm just less emotionally agile than I used to be, as in - can't get back to that headspace again.
How have you reacted when someone who was important to you but walked out of your life, wanted in again? I'm most interested in how you felt, second time around. Same? Different? As invested? Trust issues? Or did you decide you'd moved on too efficiently to go back?
How do you feel in general when someone breaks away from you but then wants in again? This could be an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend, a spouse, or a longterm platonic friend.
When I was young, I was all for rekindling relationships or friendships if they had been good. But now, more than twenty years on, the fact that someone wanted nothing to do with me while I was already a fully-fledged adult, not a kid, is just too much of a turn-off to go back. Perhaps it's because when break-ups happen at an older age, I feel that someone should be better about spotting who they do and don't want to spend time with (so enough with the flip-flopping!) Or perhaps it's because I take them seriously when they want out, and I move on. It's weird because I can still feel the same way about the person themselves, but not about a relationship with them. Those two things have become separate entities for me as I've become older. That you can still think this person is as fab as you ever did, but the idea going back to how you were just doesn't excite you anymore.
An ex (who did the dumping) was really flirty last week, and it made me think. I still like him the same as I ever did, but I no longer feel the same way about a romantic relationship between us. Which is odd, because I still think he's fab and I still think he's very attractive. Maybe my standards got higher as I got older and I don't want to be with someone who was ever so unsure about me. Perhaps I just feel that life is now too short to accept flip-flopping, and I want more security. Maybe that accounts for feeling so turned off by the idea of going back to a former relationship or friendship.
I also have a former platonic friend. We were friends from toddlerhood until around forty. It's seven years ago this month since I've seen her. That one took a lot of getting over (she ignored me after my dad died, which is what led to the demise of the friendship,among other odd behaviour on her part.)
For a very long time after, I felt the lack of being someone with whom I had that much history, and all our memories. (Coming at a time when I was also mourning my lost family unit and all THOSE memories too!) It was kind of like a platonic divorce, with her.
I always reflect on our friendship at this time of year, because it's her birthday around now, as well as the time I last saw her. This year, for the first time, mostly I feel grateful for what we had. Grateful for all those decades of friendship. We really got a lot out of our friendship together. More evenings than I can count, sipping wine and swapping stories and discussing life, all through our teens and twenties and thirties. (Well, no wine in our teens!) And before our teens, in our childhood many times playing outside at each other's houses and going for walks or rids on our bikes after school or in the vacations.
I don't want to be friends again - not that she's asked - because I've moved on in seven years; I'm a different person now, and besides, I could never trust her again. But she will remain a big part of my memories, and I'm glad I had such a longtime friend to have been with me during the first part of my life, despite how painful it was when we "broke up." It was a ton of fun, and I see our friendship as having been the defining relationship of the first half of my life, apart from my parents.
So yeah, two people whom I previously loooooved I recently realised that I would not want to go back to. Maybe, being older, I'm just less emotionally agile than I used to be, as in - can't get back to that headspace again.
How have you reacted when someone who was important to you but walked out of your life, wanted in again? I'm most interested in how you felt, second time around. Same? Different? As invested? Trust issues? Or did you decide you'd moved on too efficiently to go back?
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