happy wedding week to me?

[House Cat]

it''s been a tough week so far...wedding is on Friday.

my poor mother is melting down...she''s hurting so badly. I can''t help her. I try to help her. I''m afraid for her.

drama in the family...

mourning my step father...crying each day (still.)

my step son...missing him dearly (he''s no longer living in our home.) he will be at the wedding though.

guest count is down to 37, that''s almost half of the people we invited..it will definitely be an "intimate wedding." the reason for the count being down...because so many people took time off for supporting mom, for my step father''s death...they can''t get anymore time off.

i have a lot to do and can''t get motivated to do any of it.

i don''t have any confidence in my hair dresser. i don''t like the style we''ve chosen and the trial looked a mess. this was the second person/trial. she made me feel as though I was the problem...i dunno..maybe i am.

i really wish the wedding venue would have allowed me to postpone when my step father comitted suicide...they wouldn''t. i''m pretty angry about it. i guess i have an over inflated sense of entitlement

i''m afraid this won''t be a joyous event for people. I will be happy, but I''m afraid that others will be somber.

a lot of my "little details" have fallen by the wayside due to family issues.

I have an obessive nature...so little details are very important to me. it''s hard to let go.

pep talk?
(tears)

 

[Should Be Studying]

I don''t post much, but I wanted to respond to this because my heart really goes out to you.

First, it is completely normal to have this mix of emotions,but one part of your post that stuck out to me was that you said you will still be happy. Remember that as horrible as what your family has been going through, your wedding is a time of love and happiness. I am sure that seeing that will bring so much joy to you and your family. Yes, people will still be sad about your stepfather, but that doesn''t mean they won''t be so happy to see your new beginning.

As for your hairdresser, do you have any friends who might be able to help you fix your hair at the last minute if you don''t like it? Also, if you feel like she is going to bring you down (or do what you want), you probably don''t need to have her there. Then again, it''s normal to be worried about it not being perfect, but at the end of the day I don''t think it will really matter too much.

I am sorry that the venue didn''t allow you to postpone, but think of the bright side: you will be married in less than a week! After something so tragic, who knows when you would have ever felt "ready," but I am sure once it is all said and done, you will be happy that you had this push to go forward. Sometimes we need that.

I am sure your wedding will be wonderful. Don''t worry about the little details, do what you can and enjoy yourself! Those little things are nice, but I hear most people don''t remember many of them them anyway. Intimate weddings are beautiful, and I am sure those who cannot make it will be so looking forward to see how beautiful everything turns out in the pictures.

I wish you the best, and the motivation to get through this week.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Oh, House Cat. I''m so sorry you''re feeling this way the week before your wedding. This should be a week filled with excitement and anticipation. I believe your guests will come together to celebrate you on your wedding day. There will be some sadness due to your step father not being there, but I''m so hopeful that your guests won''t lose sight of the fact that this day is about you and your husband.

The wedding may not be everything you thought it was going to be originally, but it will still be a very special day and I hope you can enjoy yourself.

I can''t say know exactly what you''re going through but FI''s grandfather committed suicide about a month ago (we''re getting married in July) so I can empathize with the pain your family has recently gone through.

I wish I had more of a pep talk for you! You said you have a lot to do yet before the wedding. Throw yourself into it. You''re got one week left. Then you''re married!!!

I''m sending hugs and good vibes your way. I''ll be thinking about you.

 

[mayachel]

Oh HC. I''m so sorry that you''ve had to go through so much this past year. It really isn''t "fair". When the day arrives, it may be just as well that you''ve ended up with an intimate wedding that really allows you and your husband-to-be to (finally) put the focus and love on the two of you and your ceremony that is all things life affirming.

Are there any little details that have been pushed aside that you feel you might be able to rally your friends or yourself to make happen this week? If so, maybe it will be a helpful distraction.

I agree that it totally and completely sucks, not to mention seemingly lousy management for customer relations for the venue to have not allowed you to postpone. After the wedding, I''d probably vent a little hot and heavy on them-but my bark is worse than my bite.

 

[monkeyprincess]

I''m very sorry you are having a hard time. You''ve experienced a real tragedy, and I can only imagine what you are going through. My hope for you is that you don''t let the tragedy overshadow your wedding day and that you are able to focus on the positive this week and have the joyous day you deserve.

 

[EyeElle]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and troubled times right now. It so unfortunate that on top of all this that is on your mind, yoour wedding is just around the corner as well.

I just hope that you will have a great wedding and be able to look ahead to what''s coming your way. Think of your husband and the life you will share, and how you will always have someone to help you in these time forever. I think you and your family who will be there with you will feel so saddness but its normal and that shouldn''t ruin the day for anyone.

Have a moment at your wedding to reflect on all that has happened and honour those who have passed or could not be there and that way you can have a beautiful wedding without losing sight of your loved ones as well.

Wish you all the best, hope you have a beautiful wedding and hope its as wondering as you deserve!

 

[violet3]

Oh my goodness housecat, I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time. I hope you are able to enjoy the ceremony and reception and the moments of your wedding. (((hugs)))

 

[oddoneout]

I just want to say I''m so sorry you''re going through all those things.

 

[beltane]

Oh sweetie... (((hugs))) you are going to have a wonderful wedding. When you get down to it, what is most important is that you and your sweetheart love each other and want to make a very special moment out of committing your lives to each other. And you can DO that! It will be romantic and special. I just know it!

As for your hair (putting on my "licensed hairstylist" hat now) sometimes brides-to-be aren''t thrilled with their trials do... but I try to remind them that the ''do'' sometimes doesn''t seem special because it''s just a regular day and they are wearing jeans and they''re tired and they don''t have THE dress on, or the make up on, and the jewellery on, and the flowers... and all the other wonderful things that go with the magic of a wedding day. I am quite sure that on your special day, when you are excited to see your hubby waiting for you at the end of the aisle, and have your dress on, and your make-up done, with your flowers in hand... you will feel SO beautiful!

 

[lulu66]

oh, housecat, i don''t know what to say! first, i''m so sorry to hear of your loss. my heart goes out to you & your family.

it is a pity that the venue would not allow you to postpone, but maybe a little joy is just what your family needs right now. here''s hoping you have a wonderful day filled with beautiful, smiling faces and so much love that everyone''s heart is filling over! maybe your wedding can start to heal the wounded hearts over the loss of your step-father. best wishes to you during this week leading up to your wedding day!

 

[iota15]

I''m really sorry you''re going through this HC. I''m sure everyone will enjoy the wedding.

One of my girlfriend''s mother committed suicide about a month and a half prior to her wedding. It was obviously a terrible tragedy for her, as it is for you. Most of her family could not make the wedding either. However, I will say it was still a beautiful wedding and everyone in attendance had a great time. We all looked to the bride and groom to set the mood and obviously they were committed to making it a special and happy day, and everyone celebrated the joyous occasion that it was. I hope that helps.

 

[junebug17]

Oh sweetie, I''m sorry you''re having a rough time right now! I really think your family and friends will rally around you and be genuinely happy and excited for you on your wedding day. Just focus on how wonderful it will be to be married to the man of your dreams! That''s the really important thing about a wedding, not all of the little details. And don''t stress about your hair, you will look lovely on your special day! Big ((((hugs))))) to you, everything will be ok!

 

[ilovesparkles]

I am so SO sorry you have to go through all of this HC. There are no words that I can think of that would be worthy of comforting you at this time. I hope and pray that your week is surprisingly productive and cheerful as can be. I hope and pray your friends and family are able to be supportive and bring you joy at this most special time in your life. ((((HUGS))))

 

[PumpkinPie]

I''m sorry House Cat - this sounds like a terribly stressful and sad period for you - I hope that your wedding is an wonderful as possible and you can experience the joy of becoming husband and wife!

 

[Blackpaw]

HouseCat im so sorry this isnt the joyous time it should be for you and your family...

Many {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

 

[FutureMrsMRS]

I have no reassuring words

Just ((HUGS)). I hope things start looking brighter soon.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I just wanted to say that i will be thinking of you this week, sending you loads of positive vibes, happy dust and i''ll be wishing for you to have a lovely wedding as well.

These last few months must have been so difficult to get through.. but you are nearly there. Enlist the help of your friends and FI''s family to help with the last minute details and things to do. Delegate delegate delegate!!! Tell someone you trust exactly how you want your hair done and have them deal with the hairdresser and tell them its not what you want if it doesn''t work out. Pick a small activity (maybe one of the ''details'' you wanted) for yourself to do to keep your mind and body occupied.

This might sound a little weird but i''m going to say it anyway (this is coming from personal experience, please forgive me if i sound nuts).. cry as much as you can. Deal with your grief head on and cry and sob and scream and do anything that you feel like to help get it out of your system for a bit. Don''t bottle it up, let it flow and i promise you will feel a little better afterwards. (i am sure that you have probably cried till you couldn''t cry no more before..)

Go and get a massage or some other healing activity. You need to look after yourself. Also make sure that you are eating and drinking properly, you are going to need all the strength and energy you can get.

This WILL be a joyful event for you and your FI. Yes, it will be small and intimate, but it will be beautiful and people will be happy for you. Please try and enjoy it. I am assuming that there will be people there (FI''s family?) that will not have been personally affected by your family tragedy, these people will want to celebrate and have a good time, if that is what you want to do. Set the tone, and your guests will follow suit.

No doubt there will be some sad moments too. Embrace them, remember your step dad and then move forward as best as you can. Remember that it is a happy occasion and you have every right to feel happy on your wedding day.

 

[Nov2109]

I''m so sorry. I can''t imagine what you and your family must be going through right now...

Your guests who are coming are going to be there to support you and celebrate your day! Intimate weddings are beautiful! Try not to stress about the little details and enjoy your day. I''ve got a hint of ocd and I''m a perfectionist to a fault sometimes, but I try to not let any of the little things get to me, I want to enjoy this time! You can do it too! My hair trial was so-so, she couldnt get the #1 style down so we went with #2, and even that wasn''t perfect, I just keep telling myself on the wedding day it will look fantastic and if it doesnt, its just hair!

It takes time for your mom, with any loss it takes time. She''ll get better...you sound like a very caring and supportive person and I''m sure your mom appreciates that!

You will have a beautiful wedding, and something happy might help everyone''s spirits...

All the best to you and your family...I hope you have a less stressful week!

 

[treefrog]

I wish I had words that would make everything better for you. I can''t seem to find them right now. I do have thoughts and prayers though so please know they will be with you during this week.

You don''t need 75+ people for a beautiful wedding. I''m sure it will be lovely, I''m sure you will be lovely. Wishing you my very best for Friday and for every day to follow.

Treefrog

 

[katamari]

HouseCat, I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling, but I wanted to offer you support and send positive thoughts your way. I expect that your wedding celebration will bring some much needed joy to your family. Even if it is fleeting. I have full faith that people will be able to keep their grief for when it is appropriate and allow themselves to share in your joy. Also, from the other side, the little details are only important to fiances. Wives and husbands replace any concerns with happy memories from the wedding day surprisingly quickly.

I wish you a wonderful wedding day.

 

[House Cat]

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to give me your words of encouragement. I''ve been reading what you''ve had to say over and over and it has really helped. You ladies are truly wonderful. You have no idea how much strength you give.

Travel Goddess, I''m very sorry for your loss. I do hope that you and FI are getting through your grief. It is such a confusing, guilt filled time. I hope that the two of you will find joy on your wedding day.

I am allowing myself to cry when I need to. It usually happens when I''m alone and my mind wanders. Luckily, I won''t be alone on the wedding day! Thank you for the wisdom of knowing that FI and I will set the tone of the wedding day. This is true!

I fear no one will dance...since there will be hardly anyone there. I do want to dance though, I just don''t want to be out there by myself.

Oh well, there is always the flower girl and ring bearer for dance partners, right?

Thank you again. I will be reading this thread again and again as I tie up the last minute details.

 

[treefrog]

A little bump so we can continue to wish the best for you.

It''s your wedding - dance like nobody is watching!

Treefrog

 

[doodle]

HC, I admire your strength, and I wish you and your whole family all the best. Your family needs a little joy to go around right now, and your wedding will be providing that in spades, definitely. Dance your booty off, have an amazing time, and focus on the joy and wonder of how lucky you are to have been going through all this with someone wonderful who loves you by your side--what could be more worth celebrating than that, right? Best wishes to you and your FI, and I''m so sorry for your family''s loss and for everything else you''re going through right now, but you WILL get through it, and with your usual grace and humor, I''m sure!

 

[KittyGolightly]

HouseCat, I sincerely hope that your wedding day brings joy to you, your husband, and your family members. I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Nov2109]

HouseCat...only two more days! I hope you are starting to get excited! You will be able to Dance! Dance away! and little ones are so much fun to dance with. You''ll get some really great pictures from it. You and your FI will have a gorgeous day, I can''t wait to hear about everything. I''m sure it will all be beautiful

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 4/28/2010 2:28:11 PM
Author: treefrog
A little bump so we can continue to wish the best for you.

It''s your wedding - dance like nobody is watching!

Treefrog

Ditto.

Grab random family members if you need to. Smile and enjoy the celebration.

Your family needs some cheer right now. It will be hard, but it needs to happen.

 

[TooPatient]

You''re almost there!

Hope your week got better and you have an amazing (and happy) wedding.

 

[Gypsy]

Wow honey. First, HUGE ENORMOUS HUG. Second, you don''t have an over inflated sense of entitlement. I actually built in postponment clauses into my wedding contracts and wouldn''t book a vendor without one. And even without that in the contract you''d think they would let you just push out by 6 months, even if they charge you a small fee.

Hairdresser. It is not you. Go to the store and get yourself some hair stuff just in case it all goes pair shaped, call up the hairdresser and tell her "Look, I''m am going through a tough time, this has nothing to do with being a bridezilla, but the last thing I need is a vendor who is not making me feel positive so get with the program or quit." Nothing wrong with that either. It is your wedding day! At the very least the people you are PAYING to be there can put on a grin for a couple of hours and pretend to be sunshine and freaking roses.

Do you want us to find you a new hairdresser? We can. Promise. Just post your town and time you want them available (not actual venue) and budget and maybe we can help with that little detail. Heck, I''ll pull yelp up myself and start dogging people''s schedules for you. My mom decided 2 days before my wedding she wanted her hair and makeup professionally done (after 12 months of protesting otherwise) so this isn''t my first rodeo.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Housecat, it is Saturday in my part of the world which i think it means its friday in yours. I hope that you are having a woderful wedding day. {Hugs}

 

[Natylad]

Dear Housecat, i have been reading about all the unfortunate things that have happened to you and your family and i didn''t even say anything because i was so extremely sorry for everything that you had to go through...I really hope that you had a wonderful wedding and that you enjoyed the precious moment...I''m sending you all my love and > and hope to hear back from you soon...