Grrrrrr.....

[katrina_33]

We went to a small party last night where every single other woman there was the WIFE of one of my boyfriends colleagues. It sucked hearing everyone introduced one after another as "this is my wife, I''d like you to meet my wife, have you met my wife" - and me "this is my girlfriend"!!! For all the new people know who don''t actually know my boyfriend well, I could be some bimbo he met last week! That''s what I really hate about these social situations - I know the truth about our relationship, but I want it to be incorporated into our official label - "girlfriend" just doesn''t accurately represent what I am to him anymore and I am sick of hearing it in reference to me!!!

Grrrrrr.....

 

[fortheloveofdiamonds]

Im sorry to hear that you feel bad about that Katrina. But, in this case, let''s be blunt. Does it really matter what these people think? For all you know, the "wife" could be a bimbo the guy met last week in Vegas! The labels that you feel others are assigning to you are really labels that you assign to yourself. Give yourself a break! Who cares if you are not a wife. Your relationship with your bf might even be better than most marriages. Count yourself lucky to have such a wonderful and present man in your life and don''t let it bother you.

 

[JCJD]

You know, once you two do get engaged, all those wives will be fawning all over you! "Oooh! Can I see your ring? So pretty!! Here''s mine!! What are you going to do for a wedding band? I know this great caterer you could talk to! What about your dress??? Have you set a date yet?" Etc etc etc!!! Trust me, a majority of those ladies will jump at the chance to live vicariously through your premarital excitement and wedding planning!! Just look at this frustrating party as an opportunity to get to know these ladies a little better so when the time comes, they''ll feel comfortable giving you vendor names and talking sparklies with you!! Keep your chin up and don''t get too down about this!

 

[snow_happy]

katrina--

I know how you feel! Even though we try to tell ourselves that we don''t care what other people think, deep down we kind of do

Or at least I do. I mean part of getting engaged is the elation of showing your commitment to spend the rest of your life with someone. Fortheloveofdiamonds does have a great point (and a great icon!) in that your relationship is probably better than some of the married couples relationships! Plus, from your other posts I get the feeling that you aren''t too far away from being a fiancee and then a wife! So no worries.

I have the same feeling when my bf introduces me to other people as his "girlfriend" it seems kind of juvenile. Still, I try not to let it get me down because I know he is just as excited as I am about getting engaged!

Think happy thoughts!

 

[katrina_33]

Thanks guys. I know it''s silly, and it usually doesn''t bother me like this. This was a small party with about 6 or 7 couples, and then a handful of single guys. Many of the women were newly married (they were all around my age), so it was a lot of "how was your honeymoon" talk, and it was literally a circle of introductions that went "this is my wife, this is my wife, this is my wife, this is my girlfriend." I guess what bothers me even though maybe it shouldn''t is that we''ve been together for longer (although not too much longer, but still) than these 2 couples in particular who have recently gotten married.

i just need to stop comparing myself to others in general, but it''s hard when it''s all lined up for you like that! I didn''t go out of my way to compare myself to them, it was just kind of inevitable based on the situation!

At a normal party with a more represenentative mix of people this wouldn''t have gotten to me, but in this case it did.

And then I went to brunch with someone I hadn''t seen in about 6 months this am, and it was the inevitable "and how are things with him" in that darn tone that so clearly means "i don''t see a ring on your finger yet, what''s the story"

just a few pet peeves... nothing had been getting to me for the past couple of weeks and I had been feeling really easy going about the whole thing. he wrote an email to a long lost friend that said "things with the gf are better than ever. now I just need to man up and pop the question," that I saw later, which made me happy. but, just hearing this doesn''t mean it''s coming girl soon at all, we''ve never talked concrete time frame. so I''m glad it''s on his mind and he''s talking to other people about it, but that still doesn''t mean it will happen even within the next six months necessarily. or it could happen next week for all I know!!!!

but you know what, I don''t really care, as long as it''s on his mind and it''s somewhat in the works, I am content with that. It really is just outside pressure (or perceived outside pressure) that gets to me, rather than our actual situation. And that''s my own issue, I know, I know...

Anyhow, thanks again for the words of encouragement

 

[JCJD]

I knew it was taking WAY too long for now-FI to propose when my little sister''s ex-boyfriend from high school (4 years ago people!!!) wouldn''t stop staring at my ringless left hand when we saw him at Barnes and Noble last summer. AND on that same B&N trip, we saw a girl who''d graduated our HS the year AFTER me and her husband; they''d been married almost a year.

So I know how frustrated you must feel!

A fellow grad student calls her "boyfriend" her "S.O.", Significant Other, because partner sounds homosexual (nothing against that, she''s just not!) boyfriend sounds too juvenile and manfriend sounds like caveman talk!

 

[allycat0303]

Katrina,

Hugs. I know that it can be a bit annoying, especially if you''ve been together for longer then the other couples. And I would feel left out of the loop if everyone was talking about honeymoon/ weddings. I''m a bit lucky that I don''t have any engaged or married friends yet. Your time is most definitely coming, hang in there.

 

[snow_happy]

There are definitely positives and negatives to the situation. I''m like ally in that I don''t have any friends (except for one but she''s across the country!) that are engaged or even close to getting engaged. I still get the "when are you two getting married already" question from some family friends and co-workers but not from my friends that are my age. It kind of sucks because I can''t really chat with anyone or gush over rings and weddings (except for on PS of course!). Anyway, sounds like thing are going well.. if he is nervous about popping the question maybe you can do something to ease his mind? I dunno.

 

[fatafelice]

I can totally sympathise! Every female I work with is married...or at least has been married at some point in the past...the last single female got engaged over Christmas!!! (and I''m a teacher, I work with a lot of women!)

My sister got engaged in February and is getting married in October. My BF''s brother (and last unmarried sibling) got engaged in December and is getting married next May. I''m in both wedding parties, but at his brother''s wedding, I know that his Mom will insist that I stay out of the "family" pictures...

I also completely agree about the "boyfriend" title issue. Last time we got in a discussion about marriage, I pointed out to my BF that if something awful happened and he was in the ICU, that I, as a "girlfriend," would not be allowed to visit him. I know that the relationship between us is most important, but society does have a way of making long-term girlfriends feel insignificant!

Sidenote: I later felt really bad about laying on the above guilt-trip, esp. since I''m not even sure if it is true.

I have since vowed not to use guilt as a weapon...except maybe when it comes to getting him to do some of his own d&mn laundry...

 

[heart prongs]

I am somebody''s wife, and yes, I do love being referred to as such...but, like another poster said, you have so much to look forward to! Wives have already had the proposal, the white dress, the wedding day, the honeymoon. It''s all in the past...and being a girlfriend and a fiance...well, it''s a truly magical time that is often so filled with stress that it''s just not enjoyed as much as it should be! Marriage is awesome too...but let''s face it, lots of people are married...it''s only a short time that you get to feel that anticipation...so, I guess what I''m trying to say is have fun...it''s all over before you know it! And I''m not saying that being married isn''t fun...it''s amazing...but waiting to become a fiance and then finally becoming one, that''s like being on vacation! You''re always getting your nails done (so your nails look perfect for the proposal), you get to do things and shop for stuff you never have before, you plan the greatest day of your life and get to spend it with the people who love you the most, and you get to create what, until this point, will be the most spectacular moment of your lives together!