graceless...

[diamondfan]

Hey, I can trip on smooth ground wearing flat shoes so trust me that may not help!!

 

[BigDiamonds]

I have finally found my long-lost siblings! I am such a klutz and I always thought I was the only one. Just about five minutes ago I was trying to walk out of the bathroom, missed the knob with my hand, ran into the bottom of the door with my foot, which bounced back off the door jam and hit me in the face. Seriously. You can''t make this stuff up.

 

[Kaleigh]

Here''s one I will always remember. Went running off to make a Halloween costume with my neighbor. I was wearing brand new loafers. My mom had told me not to wear them out untill I had taken scissors to the bottom of them. Anybody remember that??? Yeah I skipped that part and went running down our loooong driveway, slipped on leaves and my knee hit a rock. Didn''t feel any pain, but the blood was a flowing. I rolled up my pants and saw my knee Cap, totally exposed!!

I hobble up the driveway, door was locked. Wish I had a good knock knock joke at this point

Ya know like Doris, doris locked that''s why I''m knocking?? Anyway my brother opens the door......

Oh he takes one look at me, and says you can''t come in here with all that blood, and closes the door on me!!

Luckily my Elizabeth who was our housekeeper came to my rescue and took me to the hospital. 26 stiches later I was released. My friends collected a ton of candy for me so all was good. The only thing I still wish for is that a plastic surgeon was called upon to do the job. This scar isn''t pretty, but it''s me, so that''s ok.

 

[diamondfan]

Lisa, OWW. If bone is showing that is no good! Bet the candy helped though.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/23/2007 10:48:26 PM
Author: diamondfan
Hey, I can trip on smooth ground wearing flat shoes so trust me that may not help!!

Um. Yeah. Me too. Actually my two worst ankle sprains were 1) in tennis shoes 2) in flats.

Irina you are a love. Thank you honey. I actually don''t really let this affect my self esteem that much. I''ve always been a little too footlose and fancy free with accidents.

Non-shoe related accidents:

I was hot gluing a ribbon onto a lampshade once without the benifit of newspaper under me to protect the newly refinished hardwood floors, the glue gun got stuck then shot out a huge gloop headed right for the floor. So I caught it. With my bare hands. Emergency room, second degree burns...

I was eating a big old carrot from our garden and I have TMJ... well my jaw stopped working just as my teeth were 1/2 cm into the carrot on each side. So I take a fork plunge it into the carrot''s bottom and try to pull it out. It launched accross the room and broke a vase.

I was in the bathroom at an old job and my cellphone was clipped to the waistline of my pants. I go to flush the toilet and knock the cell loose. AFTER I flushed... cell went down. Bathroom was stopped up. Plumber was called, and I got a standing ovation.

My mother''s wedding when I was sixteen. I was flirting with this HOT guy who was the son of a friend of the family... and I sat in WEDDING CAKE. Didn''t know it either. Not until my best friend at the time pointed it out to me. About a half hour later.

I''ve accidentally stabbed FI three times while cooking in the kitchen. Is it a wonder that the man learned to cook? I say accidentally of course.

BigDiamonds-- LMAO and I thought I was an only child. WELCOME SIS!

Sumbride... OUCH OUCH OUCH my hand feels for yours.

THE SUN WILL COME OUT TOMMORROW!!

Oh Kaliegh that''s awful!! Knee cap exposed. Love your brother! Reminds me of my niece when she was 15-- she was babysitting her much younger sister who got sick and threw up in the bathroom. So instead of cleaning it up and putting the child to bed-- she locked her in there until her mother came home. Why? "Because it was already disgusting in there, why risk her throwing up somewhere else?"

 

[oshinbreez]

Hearing all of these stories makes me feel better about my klutziness. I''m no worse off then you all.

 

[FireGoddess]

I thought I was pretty bad, but I haven''t broken anything, unlike some of you!

I have tripped over a tree root and stumbled, torso parallel to the ground, in slow motion, for what seemed like EONS trying to catch myself but in the end, would up face planting anyway.

In front of lots of people.

 

[Skippy123]

I am pretty graceless. Just recently I had to attend CPE for Accountants and I was talking to another accountant and wasn''t watching where I was going and walked into the wall. Someone teased me but I am so use to it I was NOT horrified!! I fell down stairs lots of times and just recently at a friends house. I never wear spikey heels because my ankles give out and for sure I would break my neck.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 5/24/2007 12:51:21 AM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 5/23/2007 10:48:26 PM
Author: diamondfan
Hey, I can trip on smooth ground wearing flat shoes so trust me that may not help!!

Um. Yeah. Me too. Actually my two worst ankle sprains were 1) in tennis shoes 2) in flats.

Irina you are a love. Thank you honey. I actually don''t really let this affect my self esteem that much. I''ve always been a little too footlose and fancy free with accidents.

Non-shoe related accidents:

I was hot gluing a ribbon onto a lampshade once without the benifit of newspaper under me to protect the newly refinished hardwood floors, the glue gun got stuck then shot out a huge gloop headed right for the floor. So I caught it. With my bare hands. Emergency room, second degree burns...

I was eating a big old carrot from our garden and I have TMJ... well my jaw stopped working just as my teeth were 1/2 cm into the carrot on each side. So I take a fork plunge it into the carrot''s bottom and try to pull it out. It launched accross the room and broke a vase.

I was in the bathroom at an old job and my cellphone was clipped to the waistline of my pants. I go to flush the toilet and knock the cell loose. AFTER I flushed... cell went down. Bathroom was stopped up. Plumber was called, and I got a standing ovation.

My mother''s wedding when I was sixteen. I was flirting with this HOT guy who was the son of a friend of the family... and I sat in WEDDING CAKE. Didn''t know it either. Not until my best friend at the time pointed it out to me. About a half hour later.

I''ve accidentally stabbed FI three times while cooking in the kitchen. Is it a wonder that the man learned to cook? I say accidentally of course.

Oh gosh, Gypsy, I was laughing out loud when reading these! Especially the cell phone in the toilet!!!!

 

[JenniferB]

Date: 5/23/2007 1:09:14 AM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 5/23/2007 1:05:47 AM

Author: JenniferB

There is a porte cochere that I have to drive through to put the car in the garage. That I can do just fine.

It''s getting it back out that is problematic.


I hit it twice...in the first two weeks we moved in...on opposite sides of my car.

Six months later, I still scrape it every now and again, but at least less aggressively...

I haven''t had it fixed yet (on either side) because I am trying to see if I can get it right finally. And the icing of my gracelessness, it still has paper plates.

Gypsy - feel free to laugh at my expense too.

I can run, walk, hike, dance - do just about anything in heels. I trip like a drunken sailor in those flip flops with a bit of platform...like the 3 inch Reefs.

I''VE DONE THAT -- or garage thing here has this stupid trellis thingy I keep scraping the car on. I even did it to FI''s car. Both are a year old only... both are leased!! My car looks REALLY bad right now.

Jennifer.. I don''t think I''ve ever told you that I love your sig line BTW. I always smile when I read it.

Gypsy - great thread! I feel a little less bad now re the backing out!

Thx re my signature line, it makes me smile too! I get a great image from it for some reason.

Kaleigh - oh my goodness BONE showing! I saw a little boy fall on an escalator once (going up) and at the top his elbow got caught somehow in the sucker thingy and it chewed off enough that when he stood up I saw bone. Like the kind of cut (like I am sure yours was) where it didn''t bleed for a few seconds because it was SO deep - then gushed. I am getting squeamish now just thinking about it! I''ll remember that about loafers!!! I never knew that - I would just go drag/shuffle my feet on the street to "un-slick" them. When you say take scissors to them - does that mean to score them?

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 5/24/2007 8:19:01 PM
Author: JenniferB

Date: 5/23/2007 1:09:14 AM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 5/23/2007 1:05:47 AM

Author: JenniferB

There is a porte cochere that I have to drive through to put the car in the garage. That I can do just fine.

It''s getting it back out that is problematic.


I hit it twice...in the first two weeks we moved in...on opposite sides of my car.

Six months later, I still scrape it every now and again, but at least less aggressively...

I haven''t had it fixed yet (on either side) because I am trying to see if I can get it right finally. And the icing of my gracelessness, it still has paper plates.

Gypsy - feel free to laugh at my expense too.

I can run, walk, hike, dance - do just about anything in heels. I trip like a drunken sailor in those flip flops with a bit of platform...like the 3 inch Reefs.

I''VE DONE THAT -- or garage thing here has this stupid trellis thingy I keep scraping the car on. I even did it to FI''s car. Both are a year old only... both are leased!! My car looks REALLY bad right now.

Jennifer.. I don''t think I''ve ever told you that I love your sig line BTW. I always smile when I read it.

Gypsy - great thread! I feel a little less bad now re the backing out!

Thx re my signature line, it makes me smile too! I get a great image from it for some reason.

Kaleigh - oh my goodness BONE showing! I saw a little boy fall on an escalator once (going up) and at the top his elbow got caught somehow in the sucker thingy and it chewed off enough that when he stood up I saw bone. Like the kind of cut (like I am sure yours was) where it didn''t bleed for a few seconds because it was SO deep - then gushed. I am getting squeamish now just thinking about it! I''ll remember that about loafers!!! I never knew that - I would just go drag/shuffle my feet on the street to ''un-slick'' them. When you say take scissors to them - does that mean to score them?

Jennifer,
Oh that poor boy!! Yeah you take scissors and make criss crosses like a grid on the sole of the shoe. It makes them less slippery. I can''t be the only one that was taught this?? Haha but today most shoes come with a no slip sort of sole....

 

[KimberlyH]

Ummm, the Queen of? In fact, while we were on vacation last week we were wandering through tidepools and J kept watching me and I was like "Why do you keep staring at me?" to which he replied "Your middle name is not Grace, and if it was it would be a lie." Ugh...so here we go:

Walked straight into a bright orange pole face first my senior year in HS.

I trip at least once a day. (Yesterday I fell off the curb at school while walking out to the bus to pick up students...yes I fell off a curb)

I am covered in bruises from walking into the corners of end tables, dressers, and especially door jams (that''s an almost daily occurance in my house too!). Between that and working with kids who can be a bit violent I often look like I''ve been beaten. DH always jokes that someone is going to call the cops on him.

I spill my drink when pouring (doesn''t matter if it''s water or wine) at least three times a week at the dinner table

I have a habit of dropping utensils and spilling whenever we go out to a nice meal. My favorite was the first trip I took w/ J. We were at the Signature Room (top of the John Hancock in Chicago...quite a posh spot). I ordered a caesar salad and the croutons were about 6" long so I attempted to cut mine and managed to send 1/2 of it flying up over my head to the table behind me.

Those are my best ones for now. As my DH says, Grace is not my middle name.

 

[strmrdr]

one of my ummm favorites...
repelling down a 65 foot cliff, I'm speed repelling down the cliff and got my hand too close to the figure 8, glove gets caught, slam against the cliff cutting my knee and hand open.
stuck 30 feet up with the rope totally jammed.
dripping blood down on the people below.

so....
another guy sets up 2 more ropes and comes down and I transfer to the other rope.
While he is working on my original rope it gets tangled up in my new one.
stuck again 15 feet off the ground.
untangle it and start dropping fast, brake hard with my bare hand, rope burn by-by skin.

so I'm then at the bottom of a cliff with a 1.5 mile hike to the car knee, and both hands gushing blood.
so get bandaged up and start for the car, slip and slide down a hill on my back side riping my pants further and spraining my ankle and cut my head.

picture this walking into the ER clothes practically tore off covered head to toe with blood, needless to say it didn't take long too get in.
They kept asking me who I got mugged by....

 

[Gypsy]

Okay. So as we are all sharing (DS I'm so happy I was able to give you laugh)... I have a doozy. This one is a bit of a long story.

Driving a rental car in DC-- I've NEVER driven in snow before (CA native)I go to take a turn off the exit which had a shrp turn and go flying instead. Litterally. My car TOOK OFF and landed in the middle of what would have been a nice grassy knoll if it weren't covered in snow on the side of the exit. Looked like the hand of God had picked up the car and placed in it the center. NO tread marks. Nothing. Car was unharmed. Just stuck.

I get out. I'm NOT on the rental car's registered driver list. AND I PANIC. I start WALKING to pick FI up at school TWO MILES AWAY. It starts snowing. HEAVILY.

Two blocks later I am offered the chance to hitch a ride... and I do.

Fortunately the person was not a rapist, axe murderer or anything of the sort.

My cell was dead.

Get dropped off at FI's school. We call a cab to take us to the exit and use FI's cell phone to call AAA.

It's FREEZING so we sit in the car. WHICH I HAD LEFT ON. THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS I had LEFT the car on, IN DRIVE. That's how suck it was in knee deep snow.

Did I mention the car had those annoying automatic locking doors.

Anyway. Car is placed in park, we are inside with the heat on.

I'm the the driver seat as FI will have to go out and talk to the to Truck Driver. We have to go out to do something then we go back to the car... and IT'S LOCKED. Car is still on. Keys are inside. Apparently because we had put it in PARK it locked (didn't make any sense to us either).

So... tow truck arrives. Guy jimmies car open. Hooks towing cable to car.. .car moves 3 feet. CABLE snaps. Completely. Tow Truck Driver is scratching his head, and saying... "I've never had that happen before." Says he can't help us further... but he'll call another truck for us.

Back in the car. Waiting. Car is on as it's cold. A cop car who is just checking on us stopes. . FI gets out. Goes to walk toward the cop to talk to him

I remember something I forgot to tell him. I get out slam the door.

FI turns back and says.."Nooooooooooooooo" but it's too late. OOOPPPSSS!!
Car locks.

He puts his hands up in jest to strangle me.

COP GETS WORRIED. Gets out of the car and tells him to "STEP AWAY FROM THE LADY SIR." Over the LOUD SPEAKER.

I'm HORRIFIED. We tell him that we can explain. And he tells us to approach the car, "SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY."

We explain. He starts laughing, and says..."That's justifiable ..."

Tow truck arrives. Man bonding ensues. Car is pulled out.

You can't make this stuff up....

 

[Kaleigh]

OMG, that''s one for the record books gypsy, and yeah ya can''t make this stuff up. Can I just say, this really cracked me up. I have been there too!!! And hubby has too, so you are not alone, but your story takes the cake, or would you like PIE????

 

[Gypsy]

Pie please.

It''s really nice to give you all a good laugh. These incidents ARE good for something.

Oh... and Jennifer? The Garage WON today. I was so worried about pulling FI''s car out of it and scraping the right side mirror. I snapped off the left side mirror. Completely.

I have a VERY patient man.

 

[JenniferB]

That last story, especially apart about "STEP AWAY FROM THE LADY SIR" had me laughing so hard.

I think, per what I assume to be just a brief recounting of the stories you have to offer, that you deserve your own reality show.

Oh no the garage won.

I am sorry. I *hate* stuff like that! A mirror you have to fix, and can''t let it sit there like scrapes...FI must love you very much to let you amputate his mirror, esp given your car-driving history. I am sure you will, if he is like my DH, have to endure at least a week of good natured ribbing about this incident.

Put your best

face on!!! I''m here for poor-aiming moral support!!!

 

[Gypsy]

Hi Jennifer. No reality show. I do need to finish my two incomplete novels however. Some of my um... ''life experiences'' have made for some funny scenes.

Yup-- broke mirror off the car. Went to go pick FI up at the airport. Got there, pulled up helped him load luggage into car. Handed him the car keys. And the mirror.

He did a double take and just started to laugh.

It was either that ot have airport security tell him to "step away from the lady..."

 

[FireGoddess]

Holy cow Gypsy, that snow story takes the cake.

 

[JenniferB]

Great delivery and great reaction.
You''ve got a buyer for your first two novels if they are more of the same!

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/25/2007 5:15:51 PM
Author: JenniferB
Great delivery and great reaction.
You've got a buyer for your first two novels if they are more of the same!

Aww. That's sweet. I appreciate it Jennifer. I've really been hankering to start again. Which is really good. In two months I'm getting a new laptop too (work pays for it but it's mine to keep), which will make it easier to work on. Actually... maybe you all could help me with the stumbling block I hit last time with one of them. Will have to re-read and post re:that.

FG... It is a rather classic moment in our relationship. The funniest thing is that our female cat, Hally, has mommy's mad skill in this respect as well.

The other morning I woke up to find the vase of roses I had placed on the breakfast bar completely empty, right side up and on the kitchen floor right in the middle of the aisle. The flowers were in a NEAT PILE all facing the same direction on the drain board, as if someone had placed them gently right there. The water was on the counter... but draining into the sink.

Skills. Mad skills.

That one is going into my book, now that I think about it. The character has a cat she just rescued.