Got Jokes?

[kenny]

I never wanted to believe that my dad stole from his job as a road worker, but when I got home all the signs were there.





A man tells his wife, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you."

 

[makemepretty]

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Moustache
Moustache who?
I moustache you a question...but I'll shave it for later.

 

[KimberlyH]

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Dam/n.

 

[supergirl10]

I read this on fb the other day and it had me in stiches...

Hillbillies are seated at lunch when a woman nearby begins to choke. Hillbilly asks her, "kin yar swallar?", the woman shakes her head, no. Hillbilly asks her, "kin yar breathe?", the woman shakes her head, no.

Hillbilly walks over, lifts up her dress, yanks down her britches, and licks her butt cheek.

The woman has a violent spasm and spits out her food.

The hillbillies' buddy says "yar know I heerd of that there hind lick maneuver, I just ain't seed nobody do it" ...

 

[Jennifer W]

Why do firemen have bigger balls than policemen?

Why, because they sell more tickets, of course...

 

[Karl_K]

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No.
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

 

[kenny]

Man calls 911 and says, "I think my wife is dead, what should I do?"
Dispatcher says, "First we have to make sure that she really is dead."
Man, "Okay, Hold on."
The dispatcher hears several gunshots.
Man, "Okay, she's dead fer sure. Now what?"

 

[centralsquare]

Why do firemen have bigger balls than policemen?

Why, because they sell more tickets, of course...

This took me a second...haha@