Got a problem

[Beth07]

I''m going to have to be vague here because my guy reads this site but

I have a commitment on the weekends right now through this spring. It''s something I promised some good friends I would lend a hand on. I''ve recently (as in 2 days ago) let them know 2 weekends I knew I would not be around to help. Now my boyfriend (who I''m hoping will propose by April) asked me to go away for a weekend with him and some of his friends. I''m a little suspicious that he has a plan for that weekend. The problem is it''s during the time I''m going to be helping my friends on this project and I feel TERRIBLE asking for another weekend away from it. They do know I''m hoping for a proposal soon but I obviously cannot rearrange all my plans around hoping for one.

Would you ask your friends for another weekend away from the project or tell your guy you cannot be expected to do that when you''ve made a commitment you''re already taking time from?

This project will last for about 9 weekends

 

[the other Jake]

Are you getting paid? If not, then I think getting a proposal is a more than acceptable excuse for missing a weekend!

 

[Beth07]

No this is a volunteer thing, I am not getting paid

 

[lehcarm]

That''s a tough one Beth. If it were me, I would think about a few things. First, are you the only other person that is going to be helping out? If others will be there, I wouldn''t feel as bad about skipping out. Is the project something that will only benefit your friend or is it something that will help the entire community. I mean, are you helping a friend move or redo their house, or are you volunteering at a homeless shelter or Habitat for Humanity. I guess in my eyes, there is a difference between the two. Would it be possible to see if you could help out one night after work a few times to make up for your missed weekends? You must be one generous friend, I would have a hard time giving all my weekend up until spring.

 

[Beth07]

It''s a volunteer project but nothing like habitat. There is another person who will function in my role as well who has no plans to leave at all until the project is done. The 2 weekends I''m taking are for family related things. I am a person who makes good on my committments even though this one is coming at a very stressful time for me. My only thought is I could ask my friend who would have to cover for me if she woulnd''t mind but then offer to devote some of my weekdays in exchange. I just don''t want her thinking I''m skipping out on her!

 

[MustangFan]

You are a kind friend.

I think dedicating 5 weekends to your friend would be more than enough. Even if he''s not going to propose you need some time to relax, especially with your man. Quality time is definitely needed. My boyfriend is always helping out his best friend on his house, but if he worked 9 weekends in a row on it, I think that I would be a little pissed. I too believe it helping friends out, but they should appreciate the 5 weekends that they get from you, that''s more than what most people would donate.

 

[Beth07]

Ok so I called mom for advice. She thinks I''d be crazy not to go since he''s offering me an all-expense paid trip to VT (she doenst know I''m waiting for a proposal...that is unless he''s already asked for my parents blessing) so I emailed my friend. Cross your fingers that she will understand! I told her I''d be more than willing to do whatever I can during the week to get things ahead of schedule on the weekend!

 

[MustangFan]

I think that you made the right choice! At least you are being accomodating to your friend. Which I don''t feel they could ever be mad at you for that, you are at least trying to keep your promise. My mom would be the same way. Go for the experience and take whatever he offers you! she''d say.

 

[Beth07]

Welp my friend thinks I''m crazy not to go! I''ve offered my help during the week too. I''m suspicious because it''s literally 1 day after our anniversary that we would be going away!

 

[MustangFan]

oooo ooo when is it???!!! really Soon?

 

[Beth07]

Haha our anniversary is in about 7 weeks. This trip will be literally on the day after. What do you think? Reason enough to be suspicious?

 

[MustangFan]

Oh definitely Beth! but how do you feel about kinda knowing that it''s going to happen?

 

[Beth07]

I''d kinda know no matter what I think. He''s a sweetie and wants to make it really special but since we''re saving for an apt. we don''t do a lot of extravagent things! If he took me to a nice dinner I''d be suspicious! And who knows, maybe it is just a fun group trip!

 

[MustangFan]

Same here!
We go bowling sometimes a couple nights a week, we''ve never been on a vacation together.
We just went to NYC yesterday with our neighbors (they got free tickets to see Emeril Live,which isn''t live btw] that was the first time in a while that we went on a day trip, and I was thinking that maybe he was going to propose a t.v. or something, but I knew that he wouldn''t do something like that. <-- day dreaming. We go to the same Italian restaurant every weekend and that''s about it.

 

[Beth07]

Haha, see I live in NYC so getting OUT is a bigger deal for us!

 

[MustangFan]

I live in the stix of Jersey
God bless you for living in the city! I could never do it
hahaha

 

[Beth07]

haha yea well I mentioned I''m apt hunting right....hopefully not in the city anymore!

 

[MustangFan]

Yeah that will definitely suck you dry, apt in the city must be close to 2k per month?

My friend''s friend is a doctor in NYC and gets a cheaper rate 1k per month, his FI recenly walked out on him because she couldn''t take the city. A shame too, he''s a 29 year old doctor!!!!!!!!!

 

[shawee]

Your friends will understand... specially when they know that you are hoping for a proposal but don't get too excited in case he doesn't propose.

 

[bee*]

ooohhh I hope it happens for you that weekend. Your friend has to understand!

 

[Beth07]

Well - My friend understood so I''m definitely going now. Hopfully I can even get off work that Friday to make it a long weekend. I am not positive it will happen then but it would sure make for a PERFECT opportunity for him!