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Got a new in-law question.....

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soocool

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Does your DH or SO get along better with their MIL/FIL than you get along with theirs?


My mom loved my DH and my sister''s DH and thought they were too good for us. And our husbands ate up all the attention. My dad and they spend time watching sports and going to games. My FIL will sometimes go if MIL lets him

My MIL takes every opportunity to find fault with either me, how I do things, or how I raise my daughter. After many years of marriage I have learned to not let it bother me and find that the less I see her, the more I like her and vice versa. My FIL on the other hand just keeps to himself and doesn''t interact much. My sister''s in-laws are fabulous and I call them my Mom Alice and Dad Dave (It''s a family joke). I even go shopping with my sister''s MIL.
 

VegasAngel

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My mother (Estranged) does not like my husband at all. My dad loved my husband. My MIL really dislikes me & I definitely feel the same about her. My father in law & I get along great! My MIL fits the typical jokes/complaints about mother-in-laws.
 

fieryred33143

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With the exception of my MIL who has gone absolutely bananas now that we are giving her a grandchild and we are having some major boundary issues, we all get along really well.
 

meresal

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My parents love FI.

FFIL liked me alot more when C and I weren't engaged. Apparently he was very open about FI not being ready to get married and should be saving money instead. I will be 25 at the time of the wedding, FI will be a month shy of 27. We have plenty of money saved, and will not be going into debt over anything wedding related.
In all honesty, FMIL is not happy that I am an athlete and not a dancer, OR bolnde... but is very wrapped up in the wedding (I'm just glad she's excited about it and planning the shower). So she has only made minimal comments, or lack there of. She is a total realist to the point of hurtful, to me anyway but I can be kinda soft at times. For example... C and I put up our first Christmas tree and I did all the lights... when I showed her a picture, the first thing she said was, "Well, I hope you noticed that gap." (pointing to a non-lit space that I had already fixed). It's how she is, and I'm getting used to it.
My parents are very doting and complimentary when they know you've worked hard. FI's aren't. It's quite a difference.

ETA: I should add, that FMIL can be very nice. And unlike FFIL, has actually become much more accepting of me since we got engaged. Which I really do appreciate.
 

Elmorton

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My parents ABSOLUTELY dote on my DH - my dad will call sometimes just to talk to him about sports, media, whatever. With my mom, it was a little awkward at first, because while she liked DH, they didn''t really have much to talk about since they have very few shared interests. But, that''s slowly changed, and even that relationship seems pretty normal now. I''m an only child, so I''m very close with my parents, and for them to love DH/DH to love them back is something very important to me - even if it hadn''t been an immediate connection (which it basically was), I think that all three of them would have worked to have a solid relationship.

My MIL and I are pretty close - when DH and I were dating/engaged there were times I felt closer to her than I thought DH was. We lived relatively nearby then, and I saw her/talked to her somewhat frequently, since I was also closer to SIL, who was living at home then. Now that we''ve moved and I see MIL less often, I''d still say we''re close, but not in the same way we were a few years ago.

My relationship with FIL and SMIL is a little different. They took a little onger to warm up to me, and still sometimes I feel like I''m walking on eggshells. I think that''s kinda how it is with even their own kids, sometimes, though - they''re a lot more reserved than my parents or my MIL, and that just takes getting used to. I''ve noticed that SMIL has opened up a lot more to me in the last few months, which is good.

So - yes, DH and I different relationships with our ILs, though I''d say we''re very lucky to have good relationships all around.
 

Sabine

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We''re about the same I''d say. I get along with my mil and fil but of course have slight issues and times when I feel like they are just uninterested in me/my life or I just feel awkward and like I don''t fit in with his family.

DH gets along with both my mom and my dad. He finds my mom annoying at times (although not as much as I do!) and often has trouble finding things to talk to my dad about since my dad is pretty quiet.
 

luvthemstrawberries

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My parents absolutely love my FI. He's comfortable enough to call them, they have their own little jokes, etc. I'm really happy about that. We're all becoming very tight-knit. My family has completely different ways of doing things than his.

Fi's dad passed away when he was almost 20 (long before we met). I really wish I could have met him - I think he would have been my next favorite man in the world next to my dad and my FI. FI's mom and stepdad are nice, and I've met them multiple times. But there are old family rifts (from before I came along) there that are always underlying but never talked about. But since they're never brought up, I've only met his folks under good terms, and they're very nice and accommodating. He's not close enough to them for me to ever be, though. And since FI is older than me and the youngest of 3 siblings, his older sisters and I have only met once or twice. I don't think they like me very much - probably think I'm too young, and still treat their brother (in his 30s) like he's a little boy, reminding him of things and talking down to him. So he distances himself, therefore distancing me. It's ok, we both enjoy hanging out with my family and do that more anyway, so it works out. We see his every now and then, and I just deal with any awkwardness as it comes, haha. FI's solution to that anyway is usually to leave or never go in the first place, haha, which makes it even easier.
 

Sha

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I''ve been married for almost 2 years and have never even spoken to my MIL. She lives in another country, and wasn''t able to come to the wedding, but also didn''t even bother to call or send an email or card of ''Congratulations'' anything! This is after I left her a voicemail before the wedding saying ''hi'' and asking if she would be attending. DH and her have never been that close - but still..... On the other hand, he gets along well with my family - who live pretty close-by and are very family-oriented and supportive.
 

Margot

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Apr 6, 2009
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My (possible) FFIL doesn''t have a problem with me, although he makes comments that creep me out a little (about the way I look, etc). I guess he thinks he''s being funny but it comes off has skeezy...lol. FMIL seems to like me too, but is way, way too clingy and I forsee many obstacles in the future. She already criticises BF''s SIL''s about the way they raise their children and the weddings they planned, etc. Typical MIL behavior, I guess. She seems a little threatened, especially when she comes down to visit us. They live out in the country and so when she''s in our area she''s always asserting her "knowledge" of all things under the sun. I guess it helps her feel like she''s in control like she is when she''s at home (she does all the bill paying and basically handles everything in her home). I don''t ever disagree, I just giggle to myself when she''s way off on something. As for my parents, they love my BF and there haven''t been any problems at all.
 

bee*

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May 14, 2006
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My parents love D and his seem to love me so everything seems to be great in that respect. D was away for Easter and so were my parents so I went to his for lunch yesterday and they took me to Australia with them last year. They can annoy me from time to time but overall they''re great.
 

phoenixgirl

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My MIL once told me that your MIL is supposed to intervene in your marriage to make sure theren't any problems. In that single statement she expressed her totally crazy and unacceptable view of her role in my marriage and blamed her former MIL, the world's sweetest nana (who just sent me $20 for my birthday, thanks nana!), for not saving her and FIL's marriage when MIL had an EA (only not physical due to the affair partner being in prison for the duration of the affair).

MIL also likes to say that men have two women that they have to love and please: you guessed it, mom and wife. When SIL had a C section with MIL's first grandchild, MIL sat around with her feet up asking BIL to bring HER stuff in this creepy little girl voice she uses way too often. She didn't lift a finger to help. She also becomes hysterical and has tantrums on a regular basis. She often claims that she isn't being loved enough and will scream over you so you can't respond. Obviously something went very wrong in MIL's emotional development and she has developed these pathetic excuses for coping mechanisms.

My sister often complains about her in-laws because they are stuffy and accidentally called her by her husband's first wife's name several times (not excusable, but they are rather elderly), and I'm like, want to trade? I'll take your in-laws and enjoy cocktails with them at 5 p.m. every day, even if they make me sit according to a seating chart at dinner, and you can take the screaming and childish behavior of my unstable MIL!

I get along fine with FIL and his wife.

My parents, on the other hand, always welcome(d) our spouses just like their own children . . . the same terrible singing of "Happy Birthday" over the phone, the same number of Christmas presents, etc. We have spent every Christmas with my family since the one before we got engaged because DH feels so comfortable with my family and sadly not with his. When my dad died, DH felt like he had lost a father.
 

kittybean

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My parents love FI. They try to include him in all family activities and treat him as a son, and he gets along with them and with my brothers marvelously. I love that about both him and my family!

His parents like me, but they''re not particularly interested in me. I''m fine with this because, frankly, they aren''t too interested in their own son, either. They live about 1500 miles away, they''ve visited once in four years, and they talk with FI about twice a month (more lately because of the wedding). He visits them a lot more, and lately I''ve been trying to go with him so I can get to know them better. My relationship with them is very different from FI''s relationship with my parents, but at the same time, his relationship with his parents is vastly different from my relationship with my own. His extended family is small, and they all keep to themselves (not a single relative of his outside of his parents and brother are coming to our wedding). My family is very close-knit, and my extended family is a lot bigger.

I don''t mind the current dynamic, and as long as we live closer to my parents, I don''t think it will ever bother me.
 

musey

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Date: 4/14/2009 10:49:02 AM
Author:soocool
Does your DH or SO get along better with their MIL/FIL than you get along with theirs?
Yep
our mothers are easy to get along with. Dads not so easy, but we still get along just fine with them. My brother's new wife is not doing so hot with our parents, so that will be interesting to watch.

I suppose I should answer this question again in 20 years after kids, etc. and see if we still all get along.
 

Clio

Brilliant_Rock
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Jan 13, 2007
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809
My husband and my parents get along pretty well. He''s very quiet and reserved, so their chattiness can bet to be a bit much sometimes, but he deals with it well. They think the world of him. I used to joke that if we ever got divorced, they would take his side.

I also get along with my in-laws. My FIL is not necessarily the easiest person to get along with (even for his children), and our relationship was rocky at first, but then I got over myself. I wouldn''t say that we''re close, but we get along. It''s hard to dislike someone who dotes on my children as much as he does.

I''m closer to my MIL; she''s a really, really sweet woman. She has always been very welcoming to me. If there were a favorite child-in-law contest among the spouses/SOs of her 3 kids, I''d say that I would win, hands down.
 

anyname

Shiny_Rock
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Jul 18, 2008
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my husband and my mom get along pretty well. She pretty much treats him like she does her own children (sometimes better!
) But i''m kinda distant with my in-laws, i sometimes get the feeling that my MIL doesn''t care for me. When we go over, she''ll only talk to my husband or maybe we just have nothing in common. I don''t know and it doesn''t matter. But my father in law and I get along fine.
 

Italiahaircolor

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My parents adore my husband. I have a cool (and not in a "cool" way) relationship with my in-laws.
 
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