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Good Dream!(and update on me)-LONG

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SparkleIllinois

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 29, 2006
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33
I actually had a wonderful dream last night that he proposed to me in a garden somewhere! Its was really awesome... and then I woke up.


I think the last I said on the board is that I knew for SURE the ring would not be purchased before March. Now I''m not sure the ring will be purchased anytime soon and it is frustrating the HELL out of me. He has made a couple comments here and there that have absolutely broken me down. He had asked for a little "help" in jan/feb. I emailed him links to specific pics of rings I liked, as well as websites to go to. I put down WF and gave it about 10000 stars. He''s really shy so I told him to not be afraid to call and talk to these people, its a big purchase and he should be sure he''s getting what he wants for the right price. I was feeling really hopeful after that.... until I found out a week later that he hadn''t even LOOKED at the email! Then I told myself that I was just making myself crazy so I should take my mind off it for awhile and I did! I threw myself into thinking about wedding details that I would want (since i know AROUND what time I would like to the 1.5 year deadline has passed) and into losing a little weight (hey, I''d like to look good for those eventual engagement pictures!) So March came and he got his tax return and his bonus (together about $4k!) that I was really excited because I thought he had hinted it was going toward my ring BUT... he still isn''t looking at rings. He''s not very sneaky so I''m pretty sure I could tell if he was. To make matters worse, my best friend just got engaged! We''re going on a couple of trips coming up and he has been talking about how we''re using all his extra cash for the trips (i''m not sure what he''s talking about since i paid my half with my own money!) so I''ve just decided not to bring it up with him unless something drastic happens. About 3 weeks ago he said something about getting engaged in 6 months and I just about cried on the SPOT. (If you remember, he told me "soon" in Feb). So then I just flat out asked, "Why did you tell me soon if its going to be 6 months!" and he didn''t say anything for awhile and then said that it would be BEFORE 6 months, he just wanted to throw me off the scent. Great! but he STILL hasn''t started looking for the ring! Then my friend who got engaged lost her cool and said that she didn''t think I was getting engaged anytime soon (mind you we have been together 4 years in May) and I went home and cried about it and he told me that I don''t have to worry and it''ll be "soon". AGAIN WITH THE SOON?! I have a feeling that it''ll be 5 months and 29 days from when he said "BEFORE 6 months"


So basically, that''s where I''m at. A confusing BF that I''m trying not to pressure, a temporarily bitchy newly engaged friend, and some fun non-engagement vacations coming up. Sorry that was so long, but I haven''t posted in awhile! I missed you all and I hope your wait is going more smoothly than mine.
 

MustangFan

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2006
Messages
935
I thought you said awhile back that he said by this summer? Maybe not, but that''s only 3-4 months away. Summer will be here before you know it.

Ignore the friend, what does she know anyhow!!? If he says soon it''ll be soon, don''t worry about her!
Women are so cruel and bitchy, no wonder I''ve always had guy friends
 

luckystar112

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2007
Messages
3,962
I second that, MustangFan--I''ve never had more than two really good girl friends. Good girl friends are few and far between, at least for me...because of reasons like this!

Sparkle, your story sounds so similiar to mine it''s not even funny. My boyfriend too said by this summer and had me send him stuff through email, and he too hasn''t even started planning it yet. lol...and same thing with the tax return and bonus totalling 4k! It''s frustrating for sure. Some of the emails he deleted, but some are still on there...unread. Then of course my cousin has to get engaged, and her wedding is summer 2008, so if I even DO get engaged I have to wait till ''09 now because we have to have it in the summer as well. (For attendance reasons...we want to schedule it during a time when my bf''s family is usually all together for a reunion anywway. He has family from Cali to Italy.)
I have another thread on here where he said some things I really didn''t want to hear...and long story short is on July 10th we are going to re-discuss where we stand and go our separate ways if we aren''t on the same page.


But your boyfriend sounds like he''s just trying to throw you off. If he doesn''t ask you to marry him within his "six months" than you know something is up. I would start it from February, when he originally told you "soon". So, that gives him till August. I don''t think you have to worry about it though...it sounds like he''s been planning more than you think. :)
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2005
Messages
2,216
Deep Breath!

Don't worry! He loves you and he wants to marry you. You're just going to have to relax, I know it's hard.

I went through the same thing as you, even down to the tax return and the unviewed emails. I still remember that as being one of the least pleasant times of my life. I only started to feel better about the whole thing when my DH recently admitted that he had procrastinated on getting the ring!
I wish I hadn't gotten myself so worked up about it.

On this board we've seen time and again that loving bf's who really do want to marry their gfs still have trouble making that last proposal step. They get really worked up about the whole thing. The men who have been on the board spend months agonizing over the best way to propose. I've heard it said that the proposal is as big a deal to the guy as the wedding is to the woman. Of course, it doesn't always come off with romantic flair since they panic and we all know most men have planning issues, but that doesn't mean they haven't been thinking about the proposal for months!
Also most men have trouble with grasping the idea of spending lots of money on an engagement ring. There's just some disconnect. So we see a tax return and think ring, they see tax return and think credit card bills, vacations, or a new piece of tech.

Think of it this way... When you're married you have to share control and decisions about your life and future. You have to understand and work around the other person's quirks. You also have to trust the other person, especially when they say the love you.

For me, having little control over the engagement process was a harsh lesson but has made it easier to share control and decision making with my DH. It and the wedding taught us how to make big decisions together. We both learned more about the other person and what kinds of things we clash on. It also taught me to trust that he loves me.


I know this is hard, but just hang in there.




ETA: ooh, almost forgot! Another thing I've learned from these boards and from personal experience... Men get really sneaky, evasive, and will even lie outright when it comes to letting us know what's going on. It's that whole surprise thing that some men get hung up on.
 

NYCsparkle

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 23, 2006
Messages
1,371
you have a timeline and he said he''d do it....he loves you... don''t ruin the proposal with crying or nagging fits. when it happens you''ll forget the "hard time" you did waiting. hang in there its almost over!
 

neatfreak

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2007
Messages
14,167
Sparkle,

If it makes you feel any better my boyfriend did the same thing. Asked for pictures, then left the messages unopened in his email for months. IT DROVE ME NUTS!

What I DIDN''T know was that while he didn''t read the emails specifically, he DID get on PS, whiteflash, ERD, etc. and taught himself a lot about diamonds. He already knew what I liked from other conversations, and it was easier for him to just save all the emails until he was really ready to purchase. But it didn''t mean that he was ignoring it, in fact he was just reading up as much as possible on diamonds in general (and cushions in particular) because THAT was the biggest part for him, not the ring design itself.

My journey started in December with the engagement talk, and now here it is only a few months later, and the ring is being set as we speak! We picked out a stone and setting together ultimately, and I was amazed at all the knowledge he had picked up because I thought he was ignorning all my ring talk. So I promise just because he isn''t reading the emails you sent him doesn''t mean he isn''t getting mentally prepared for the ring buying experience.

If you''re anything like me, he knows very very well what you want even without looking at your emails because you have probably pointed out in others rings exactly what you like.


Keep your chin up...it sounds like he might be planning a surprise!
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
I know how frustrating it can be, but you have to give him time to plan it. You have your timeline now, so if you can, try and leave him to it for a while, and hopefully he will do it soon!!

As for your best friend, ignore her comment. How would she know when your bf is going to do it and I think its horrible what she said
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
Date: 3/31/2007 10:10:38 AM
Author: MustangFan
I thought you said awhile back that he said by this summer? Maybe not, but that''s only 3-4 months away. Summer will be here before you know it.


Ignore the friend, what does she know anyhow!!? If he says soon it''ll be soon, don''t worry about her!

Women are so cruel and bitchy, no wonder I''ve always had guy friends
Comments like this make me sad and angry. In my experience, a lot of women who dislike/hate most women tend to have low self-esteem or insecurities that they project onto other women. Furthermore, they often crave male approval so they need and enjoy the attention they get from male friends.

Plus comments like this are kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy, you know? Why would a woman want to be friends with a woman who thinks/says this about other women? Just something to think about...I''m really not trying to get anyone riled up.

With that said, SparkleIllinois, there is hope! Let me give you a short version of my engagement timeline:

March 2003: started dating bf

Approximately March 2005: started serious marriage talk and began obsessing over diamond rings

May 2006: bf let slip he was planning on proposing in October 2006 on trip to Europe (me obsessing and bugging my bf about diamond rings began full force after this.)

Actual Engagement...March 2007!

It was a ridiculously painful wait, but I know it would have been much easier if I wasn''t so obsessive about it. And the thing that helped me cool out the most was Pricescope, believe it or not! I could lurk around and read other LIW''s posts about how they were feeling and realize I wasn''t the only one! (I wish I had found this place well before January!)

My bf takes a lot longer than I do to make decisions and like IndieJones said, it was really hard for him to wrap his head around the idea that he had to drop so much money! As pointless as it probably is to tell you (I know I couldn''t do this at the time), try to be patient and save most of your venting for this board!

However, I do think it''s good to let your bf know how you''re feeling occasionally so he speeds things along! Good luck and I hope you get proposed to sooner than you think!
 

Shay37

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 1, 2004
Messages
3,343
Don''t forget. You can mark an email as unread.
Doesn''t mean you didn''t read it.

shay
 

sarahthewarrior

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 2, 2007
Messages
223
About this not reading the e-mail thing... I''m not saying you did this, but I''ve noticed where other girls have commented on the same problem of the guy not even having looked at the e-mail. Why do so many girls seem to break into their boyfriends'' e-mail? Isn''t this a major invasion of privacy? I would never even consider reading my boyfriend''s e-mail.

On a different note, what''s up with all these guys who don''t check their own e-mail? Maybe they do need their girlfriends to check it for them!
 

neatfreak

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2007
Messages
14,167
Date: 3/31/2007 11:32:51 PM
Author: sarahthewarrior
About this not reading the e-mail thing... I'm not saying you did this, but I've noticed where other girls have commented on the same problem of the guy not even having looked at the e-mail. Why do so many girls seem to break into their boyfriends' e-mail? Isn't this a major invasion of privacy? I would never even consider reading my boyfriend's e-mail.


On a different note, what's up with all these guys who don't check their own e-mail? Maybe they do need their girlfriends to check it for them!

Just to clarify, there was no breaking in. We both have laptops and tend to be on the computer together on the couch. Since he doesn't hide his email from me I can often see over his shoulder and/or he is showing me something else in his email and I can see that the emails from me weren't read. While I can't speak for others, there was no breaking in necessary on my part.

I may be nosey...but not THAT nosey!
 
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